Time Enough to Spare

[onewhocares]

I am not sure how many people from this site or others, an example being Craig's List, place and ad and then make a connection. As the relationship is in its early stages, ground rules or let us call them expectations are discussed. We have said that a commitment of time and energy is a prerequisite and expected.....right. Then after a fashion it seems that the other person has little time to share.

I often wonder what are these people thinking...placing and ad, wanting to find a person to share their life and then coming to the realization that they can not spare the time. I know that we all are busy, have family lives, work and well....life. But is it too much to expect those who want to develop a relationship to commit to time for us? Is this something that you have also faced? How have you overcome this obstacle?

[jeancarleo]

I'm sorry, I bet we all go through these kind of situations. Sometimes it could be the lack of time but one can always make time to at least call and say "Hi!" yet some people don't even care. It's sad but it could also be that they're not interested any longer or found someone else that they liked better or was just playing games. There's a lot of reasons but just have faith and I'm sure that person would come even if it's not that same person from the past but a new one.

[void()]

Tossing another reason out for thought. It's a situation we experienced and care not to repeat. We are a married couple and while we are open to lovers on the side, when lovers desire to become wedges, lovers become enemies. Repeat, we are a married couple. But sometimes lovers don't understand that, or think we're going to get divorced and leave with them. That is not a 'cozy and happy' situation.

I would love to find a steady boyfriend. Someone to spend time with as my wife sometimes enjoys her alone time, or perhaps she may want to go out with a guy. But time would need to be mutually agreed on by all involved, and this requires building intimate and mature relationships. There are no 'second fiddles' merely there needs to be compassion and understanding, compromise.

A utopia for me would be a husband stopping by to have lunch with at work, perhaps him taking me home and then going to work himself. At home a wife would perhaps enjoy a movie, nice dinner cooked by me. She might also work away from home. Eventually at 'day's' end all three of us cuddle up in bed, the same bed.

"Mr. Void, your husband said to tell you he is going out with your wife. Oh, you've a husband and wife?"
<Pause for effect>
"Doesn't everyone?"

We can dream. :)

[HighEnergy]

Eventually at 'day's' end all three of us cuddle up in bed, the same bed.

"Mr. Void, your husband said to tell you he is going out with your wife. Oh, you've a husband and wife?"
<Pause for effect>
"Doesn't everyone?"

We can dream. :)

That is my dream precisely. Damn hard to find though.

[Rambigent]

I understand where you're coming from, owc. My wife and I swing together exclusively, which makes planning "play dates" difficult, especially since we also have kids. Couples who swing separately should be able to get a little more time to meet others, but ultimately there is only so much time in the day.

We sometimes get responses to our ads from a couple or individual who we find really attractive and we'd like to get to know, but we have no time in the immediate future to meet. It happens. We have our family, work, school, our "vanilla" friends, our "other" friends, hobbies, and miscellaneous other activities taking up our time. Plus we occasionally like to go out just the two of us (silly, huh?). If the other party really looks nice to us, we'll try our hardest to make a date at some point soon, or else we send a reply like, "You look really nice and we love what you had to say in your ad, but unfortunately we don't have time to meet right now. If you'd like to keep in touch online for now, we'd love to get to know you better and hopefully meet sometime in the future". For people who are truly looking for friendship and not a quick bang, that usually works. Sometimes we stay in touch and finally get to make that meeting, other times not. It sucks when it doesn't happen, but such is life.

Now, there are also people who are not really serious about what they're looking for, and just looking for a little thrill online. Or they may be involved in a relationship where their partner has no idea about their online activities. They'll string you along for a while and then suddenly not have time for you. Unfortunately I haven't figured out a foolproof way to weed these folks out form the genuine folks. At this point, I'm having plenty of fun with the people we already know, so I only pursue real-world meets with people whose words and attitudes (and pics) turn us both on. If they turn out to be fakes, oh well, we still have plenty of friends, and each other, to enjoy.

Anyway, I hope it works out for you and you find someone who turns you on AND has the time for you. Until then, I hope you can take comfort in the company of family & friends. Good luck!

[BreeIsMe]

Belle,
I know it is terribly disapponting when someone doesn't live up to their "billing" I know this all too well. However, time is only relative. If someone REALLY wants something they can somehow find the time. it is only a matter of priorities. When someone says they don't have time, I take it to mean they don't have you listed on a high enough priority position. Maybe I'm wrong but I am willing to bet that I am right....

If it is any consolation, I have you in a very high priority position!!

Bree

[onewhocares]

Thank you Bree...you are a great friend. I think you are the best example of making time for friends and lovers in your life. Granted we live on different coasts, have exceptionally busy lives, but that being a given, we make time to be part of each others lives..perhaps not always in person, but on the phone or on line too. Everyone on this site should be so blessed as I am with a friend like you.

Belle

[BreeIsMe]

Belle,
you are the BEST example of a friend making time for others. You give of yourself so unselfishly, it is embarassing to the rest of us who can only aspire to such heights. But it seems so cruel that someone like yourself can seemingly get surrounded by many people who are in many ways the opposite---they never make time, never think of the other person and almost never really care. Why that is....I can't even guess (well not really anyway). good luck in your Craig's list search. I am SURE there is someone out there but unfortuantely you have to go through so many bad apples to get to that good one...

Keep up the faith.

Love as always,:kiss:
Bree

[onewhocares]

Just an asside.....I only used Craig's List as an example as it and Bidentification are the only sites that I have had personal expericance with. I know that there must be many many of them, but I am not aware of them to honest. I do however have a feeling that the sentiments expressed in this thread would also apply to those people on other sites also. My comments also encompass those comment on this subject by others.

Belle