vittoria
Jul 10, 2008, 11:19 AM
THere is a family we are born with, then there is the family of choice. I always wanted a big brother. Shawn was an only child, but we chose each other as brother and sister... and we took that feeling literally. There have been many times that he would introduce me as his sister, and I would introduce him as my brother... hell, we even came up with ways to make it as real as possible so many that knew us sometimes actually believed it . From 1993 to the present, we have been like peas in a pod. He was the one who told me in 1994 our senior year in high school that if I didnt get into the talent show and play my guitar, that he would kick my ass. And I did. Got 2nd place, too. But he missed it--he got suspended for kicking someone's ass.
Thats my brother Shawn :)
I'll never forget when we graduated and was at Civic Theatre in Downtown Akron, and we looked for each other-- gave each other a hug, promised to keep in touch ("that's what big brothers are for, to look out for their baby sisters" he quipped). A couple months later, I was walking home from work, on a Friday afternoon, and I saw this red Caprice Classic come cruising down the street, did a "U-ey" in the middle of the bridge and pulled up next to me... passenger side door flying open with a loud "GET IN THE CAR!!!" I didnt know what to do, scared the hell out of me... It was Shawn.. and I jumped in the car and we took off. He took me to go see Pulp Fiction when it showed at the Chapel Hill Mall Cinema ( thats when the movie theatre was actually IN the mall). It was a blast! He even lit up a cigarette in the theatre.. I said "Dude, you are crazy" he said "I dont give a fuck" and smiled that smile of his.
I knew the Shawn that loved Elvis, watched Star Trek. I remember when he and his mom and her then boyfriend Louie lived on Sweitzer, and he showed me his entire collection of NIN Cds... he had every one. I remember his love of Nirvana. We talked almost every day, if not every other day.
My brother introduced me to the karaoke scene because he knew from all of our conversations that I always wanted to sing, so there was this place called Ron's Crossroads. They had karaoke there every Wednesday night. He took me there, and it was awesome to hear my brother finally sing at least on stage. He had friends that he introduced me to that were from then local bands Spawn, and Peacetree, which his friend Holtzapple was a guitarist for. That's how I met Lori and the karaoke gang from the BG Brees ( when Lori was dating a guy named Tracy).
Shawn let me know my favorite singer, David Bowie, was coming to Blossom Music Center, and I didnt believe him. He told me, "I wouldnt bullshit you, dude" and I went and got tickets. Since he liked NIN, and they were touring with Bowie, he said that he was going to be there and he would be looking for me. So, me and my sister, and my friend Traci F. went to Blossom. First, we stopped at Wendys to put on the zig zag makeup that Bowie wore back in the day, and we ended up at BMC. Shawn saw me through all the face paint (LOL!!) and hunted me down through the crowd. We hung out for the evening.
My brother was in a bad car accident that nearly took his life around after that time. He always told me and others that he had died. The pictures of him in a coma, with his wounds, face all bruised, stitches and so forth cut me to the core. When he got back on his feet ( it took several months), who did he stop by to see.. his baby sister. He showed up in front of my parents home on Berwin on a purple and white Ninja. I was so happy to see him. We hung out the rest of the day.
During the course of time, he has always been there for me, and I for him. I remember when his oldest daughter was born, I was there at the hospital that very day... he was so happy to be a Dad! I was so very happy for him.
We used to hang out quite often. We never lost sight of each other, through my rocky marriage ( he knew oh so much about that... he was there for the entire sequence of events), through his girlfriends ( whom he always introduced me as his sister).
When he told me he was going to move to Nashville, I was devastated. Lori, from karaoke, and I went to take Shawn to the Greyhound bus station so he could catch the bus out of Akron. I was so sad.. I cried on the way down there. We hugged and kissed each other on the cheek and he told me he would call me as soon as he got there. I was miserable, but I wished him well. We talked to each other every night. He found a karaoke bar down there (" There are some fuckin rockin singers down here dude!") and I remember when he would call me when he was there, and would leave his cell phone on the table where he was sitting so I could hear him singing through the phone.
That was the coolest! He was even working down there at a BP gas station for a while, and he would call and talk to me every night ( he worked the 3 rd shift) LOL--way to break the rules for your sister (damn personal phone calls)
I remember he came back up to Akron ... I was happy to see him. At the same time, I got into a band with some people in Suffield and he came out a couple times to see us play. It was awesome.
He was there for me during my divorce, he joined the Hibernian club on North Main Street because I was a member there for a while.
No matter where I worked, be it the head shop, Bakers Square, Parassons, Bob Evans, Country Kitchen .... he ALWAYS made sure to stop in and pick me up so we could hang out.
Whenever him and his mom fought ( we as children sometimes do that with our parents---its part of life), he would come over. His mom would call saying " Is your brother over there?" Hell, no matter what car he had, the Caprice, the Fiero, the red Probe, hell if it was just his bike, he would hang out with me. (yes, he rode his bike 8 miles many many times... I thought he was nuts) He would even walk from there to my house... take the bus... anything to visit. He would lose track of time when he borrowed his mom's car (LOL!!) "Where's your brother with my car?" I'm going to miss that.
There are so many, many multitudes of things we did together. Many people knew how close we were. Hell, this recently since I moved out of Akron, he was the ONLY person to have my phone number out of all the people we mutually knew. The only one who knew exactly where I was. And I'm very thankful that he got a chance to meet my fiancee. They actually got along pretty damn well.
( I SOOO hate the past tense)
Reading the last 2 lines of this blog makes me weep. I'll never be able to call him again, never be able to call his mom and ask "wheres my brother?", never he able to hug him, smoke with him, talk to him, cry on his shoulder, call him a goober, have him bum cigarettes, listen to him play guitar, hear him sing Disturb'd, or Chili Peppers, or even when he sang Tupac and Snoop Doggy Dogg for goodness sake. I'll never hear his Beavis and Butthead impressions. I'll never hear his voice. I know the Shawn that wasnt for show, no facades, no bullshit. I was his sister. And we took that seriously.
Everyone mourns differently. Shawn meant different things to different people. EVERYONE that has known him, loved him, dated him, was friends with him on a close or even distant basis will love and miss him for various reasons. Everyone has a cherished thought, a precious memory. And each one of those is just as important and as relevant as my own.
We all have special memories.
A lot of people have started down the road of healing. Some are well on their way. Personally, its tough, and thats no lie. Its tough for a lot of people. Those that knew how close we were tried for 5 days to find me. They put a lot of effort into it--getting together, putting together phone numbers, asking around, looking online with little avail. Thank Heavens that Lori's younger brother remembered a few things, and perhaps it was Shawns spirit that led him to the place where my phone number could be. After all, Shawn knew that too. Its all still way too fresh for me. Yet, I'm glad that I found out this way, rather than calling and asking mom " Hey let me holler at my brother". Besides, Shawn was the only one that knew my number.
For everyone that has loved him I share in a common loss. We have lost someone that cannot be replaced in a way that cannot be understood except-- he died doing something he loved. May we all be so lucky.
Miss you my brother... always and forever. There will never be another you. I am truly grateful... because it is all gone when I least expected it---and since everything has gone to shit--I will miss you to call and help if ever I needed it. More than ever.
Thats my brother Shawn :)
I'll never forget when we graduated and was at Civic Theatre in Downtown Akron, and we looked for each other-- gave each other a hug, promised to keep in touch ("that's what big brothers are for, to look out for their baby sisters" he quipped). A couple months later, I was walking home from work, on a Friday afternoon, and I saw this red Caprice Classic come cruising down the street, did a "U-ey" in the middle of the bridge and pulled up next to me... passenger side door flying open with a loud "GET IN THE CAR!!!" I didnt know what to do, scared the hell out of me... It was Shawn.. and I jumped in the car and we took off. He took me to go see Pulp Fiction when it showed at the Chapel Hill Mall Cinema ( thats when the movie theatre was actually IN the mall). It was a blast! He even lit up a cigarette in the theatre.. I said "Dude, you are crazy" he said "I dont give a fuck" and smiled that smile of his.
I knew the Shawn that loved Elvis, watched Star Trek. I remember when he and his mom and her then boyfriend Louie lived on Sweitzer, and he showed me his entire collection of NIN Cds... he had every one. I remember his love of Nirvana. We talked almost every day, if not every other day.
My brother introduced me to the karaoke scene because he knew from all of our conversations that I always wanted to sing, so there was this place called Ron's Crossroads. They had karaoke there every Wednesday night. He took me there, and it was awesome to hear my brother finally sing at least on stage. He had friends that he introduced me to that were from then local bands Spawn, and Peacetree, which his friend Holtzapple was a guitarist for. That's how I met Lori and the karaoke gang from the BG Brees ( when Lori was dating a guy named Tracy).
Shawn let me know my favorite singer, David Bowie, was coming to Blossom Music Center, and I didnt believe him. He told me, "I wouldnt bullshit you, dude" and I went and got tickets. Since he liked NIN, and they were touring with Bowie, he said that he was going to be there and he would be looking for me. So, me and my sister, and my friend Traci F. went to Blossom. First, we stopped at Wendys to put on the zig zag makeup that Bowie wore back in the day, and we ended up at BMC. Shawn saw me through all the face paint (LOL!!) and hunted me down through the crowd. We hung out for the evening.
My brother was in a bad car accident that nearly took his life around after that time. He always told me and others that he had died. The pictures of him in a coma, with his wounds, face all bruised, stitches and so forth cut me to the core. When he got back on his feet ( it took several months), who did he stop by to see.. his baby sister. He showed up in front of my parents home on Berwin on a purple and white Ninja. I was so happy to see him. We hung out the rest of the day.
During the course of time, he has always been there for me, and I for him. I remember when his oldest daughter was born, I was there at the hospital that very day... he was so happy to be a Dad! I was so very happy for him.
We used to hang out quite often. We never lost sight of each other, through my rocky marriage ( he knew oh so much about that... he was there for the entire sequence of events), through his girlfriends ( whom he always introduced me as his sister).
When he told me he was going to move to Nashville, I was devastated. Lori, from karaoke, and I went to take Shawn to the Greyhound bus station so he could catch the bus out of Akron. I was so sad.. I cried on the way down there. We hugged and kissed each other on the cheek and he told me he would call me as soon as he got there. I was miserable, but I wished him well. We talked to each other every night. He found a karaoke bar down there (" There are some fuckin rockin singers down here dude!") and I remember when he would call me when he was there, and would leave his cell phone on the table where he was sitting so I could hear him singing through the phone.
That was the coolest! He was even working down there at a BP gas station for a while, and he would call and talk to me every night ( he worked the 3 rd shift) LOL--way to break the rules for your sister (damn personal phone calls)
I remember he came back up to Akron ... I was happy to see him. At the same time, I got into a band with some people in Suffield and he came out a couple times to see us play. It was awesome.
He was there for me during my divorce, he joined the Hibernian club on North Main Street because I was a member there for a while.
No matter where I worked, be it the head shop, Bakers Square, Parassons, Bob Evans, Country Kitchen .... he ALWAYS made sure to stop in and pick me up so we could hang out.
Whenever him and his mom fought ( we as children sometimes do that with our parents---its part of life), he would come over. His mom would call saying " Is your brother over there?" Hell, no matter what car he had, the Caprice, the Fiero, the red Probe, hell if it was just his bike, he would hang out with me. (yes, he rode his bike 8 miles many many times... I thought he was nuts) He would even walk from there to my house... take the bus... anything to visit. He would lose track of time when he borrowed his mom's car (LOL!!) "Where's your brother with my car?" I'm going to miss that.
There are so many, many multitudes of things we did together. Many people knew how close we were. Hell, this recently since I moved out of Akron, he was the ONLY person to have my phone number out of all the people we mutually knew. The only one who knew exactly where I was. And I'm very thankful that he got a chance to meet my fiancee. They actually got along pretty damn well.
( I SOOO hate the past tense)
Reading the last 2 lines of this blog makes me weep. I'll never be able to call him again, never be able to call his mom and ask "wheres my brother?", never he able to hug him, smoke with him, talk to him, cry on his shoulder, call him a goober, have him bum cigarettes, listen to him play guitar, hear him sing Disturb'd, or Chili Peppers, or even when he sang Tupac and Snoop Doggy Dogg for goodness sake. I'll never hear his Beavis and Butthead impressions. I'll never hear his voice. I know the Shawn that wasnt for show, no facades, no bullshit. I was his sister. And we took that seriously.
Everyone mourns differently. Shawn meant different things to different people. EVERYONE that has known him, loved him, dated him, was friends with him on a close or even distant basis will love and miss him for various reasons. Everyone has a cherished thought, a precious memory. And each one of those is just as important and as relevant as my own.
We all have special memories.
A lot of people have started down the road of healing. Some are well on their way. Personally, its tough, and thats no lie. Its tough for a lot of people. Those that knew how close we were tried for 5 days to find me. They put a lot of effort into it--getting together, putting together phone numbers, asking around, looking online with little avail. Thank Heavens that Lori's younger brother remembered a few things, and perhaps it was Shawns spirit that led him to the place where my phone number could be. After all, Shawn knew that too. Its all still way too fresh for me. Yet, I'm glad that I found out this way, rather than calling and asking mom " Hey let me holler at my brother". Besides, Shawn was the only one that knew my number.
For everyone that has loved him I share in a common loss. We have lost someone that cannot be replaced in a way that cannot be understood except-- he died doing something he loved. May we all be so lucky.
Miss you my brother... always and forever. There will never be another you. I am truly grateful... because it is all gone when I least expected it---and since everything has gone to shit--I will miss you to call and help if ever I needed it. More than ever.