hello

[blackcat16]

hi im new here and im kinda confused about if im really bisexual or not but I hope that Ill find out soon and I hope I make some friends here and stay for awhile my names jay.

[jakladd]

Hi Jay,
Basically being bi means you have erotic attraction to the your same sex as well as the opposite sex. There in lies a lot of confusion for the individual as people worry that they may be gay and may not be attracted to the opposite sex anymore. That is not the case for most people here at this site - we cherish both.

Take it easy & slow (& safe) and find out where this exploration leads you.
:2cents:
J

[Mrs.F]

Welcome Jay :)
I'm sure you will make many friends and really like it here. There are alot of people here for different reasons. You are here to find yourself and be less confused. I came here also to be less confused and to learn about my husband, who is bisexual and understand where I, as his wife fit into that. I have made many friends and learned alot since joining here. So with that....I wish you much luck and again...Welcome!
Mrs. F :bigrin:

[JohnnyV]

Black Cat,

Welcome aboard. When in doubt, be bi. Life is better that way.

J

[arana]

Welcome to the club Jay! Hope you find what your looking for and meet a lot of new friends along the way. People here are more than happy to help if you have any questions and are very friendly.

Good luck!

[blackcat16]

wow thx yall I really feel better. I really do think im bi but the thing is Im afraid to tell my family cause they might turn on me or something I only told my best friend that I was sure now that Im bi but now I dont know what to do

[OralBradley]

Welcome Jay :)
I'm sure you will make many friends and really like it here. There are alot of people here for different reasons. You are here to find yourself and be less confused. I came here also to be less confused and to learn about my husband, who is bisexual and understand where I, as his wife fit into that. I have made many friends and learned alot since joining here. So with that....I wish you much luck and again...Welcome!
Mrs. F :bigrin:

:flag3: :male: As a bisexual man who has been trying to understand his own sexuality for over 60 years (I am almost 77), I wish you both luck. When we were first married, we looked for another bisexual man or a couple who were both bi for a long-term relationship with the hope that we would share a house and bed.
The search ended with the advent of AIDS and we have been monogamous since. For years this was satisfactory because we were younger and quite active sexually with each other. As we have both aged and my own stamina waned along with my ability to get and maintain erections, I find myself more and more wishing for male-to-male contact. I very much envy women their ability to have intimacy (not as a euphemism for sex) with other women. In our culture, this is not generally available to men. The sex would be fine, but a close friend to share hopes and frustrations would be even better.

[wanderingrichard]

hiya, Jay!
don't sweat it.. be yourself.. sometimes coming out to those who arent your family first helps when or if you finally do.. they may have a better idea on how to broach the subject to the family than you do.

take your time, relax, don't rush into your first experience.. learn where the local hangouts are for gblt lifers, and sink into the culture.. you'll enjoy it more when it happens..

[Biboz49]

Hi Jay. I think that accepting that you are bi is a big step. It took me a long time to do that and now that I have I feel so much better for it. I wish I had done so years ago. You should be proud of yourself for that. So for telling your family, whats the rush? Just get comfortable with yourself and when the time is right you will know it and tell them. Best wishes!

[3naib]

Hi Jay!!!

I am so glad you joined us. I wish I had found a community to talk to to share my fears with when I was coming to terms with my sexuality.

I'd like to add a few thoughts to ALL the wonderful advice above... ok, well maybe MORE than a few... :rolleyes:

Being 'bi' is a SELF identification... that means, its how YOU view and define YOURSELF... not how others view or define you.
For example, I have a friend who is a self-ID'd lesbian. She occasionally very much enjoys sex with men- but that does not change how she sees herself- as a lesian. If you were strait all your life and had an isolated exploratory same-sex encounter, it would not automatically classify you as a 'bi' person. If you as an individidual are aware of your sexual attraction to both genders and you choose to ackowledge yourself as someone who is able to enjoy sexual encounters with both/either sex(es), then you might be comfortable with the label "bi".

Now, just because you acknowledge that attraction to both genders, does not mean you HAVE to act on them to "consumate" that self-identification. (You don't need to participate in sexual acts with both genders to validate your bisexuality.) A virgin heterosexual does not need to have sex to identify as a heterosexual.

I am not saying that you should or shouldn't have sex with any and all you wish- I am just say that participating in the ACT of sex alone does not automatically make you defined one way or another. Only YOU have the power to do that!!!

Lastly, I'd like to say that you do not need to wear flags and come out to everyone you care about just becuase you now know who you are. There is NO rule that you have to come out to ANYONE. Fear of family's rejection is VERY serious and not something to be rushed into. There is enough fear and misconception about sexuality in general that many families are not emotionally equipped to deal with a coming out- and it might not have ANYTHING to do with you, and EVERYTHING to do with their own fears, ignorance and insecurities. So, while you may think its necessary for you to come out to those you love for them to be able to truly "know" or "understand" you, please realize that the act of coming out to people can catalyze their own worst behavior... and they can forget about you and your needs in the process.

Its not fair, but it is a reality.

When I came out to my mother, she immediately went into her own drama about how it must be her "fault" there's something wrong with me... for her, it had nothing to do with the fact that I am who *I* am. Friends can also go through their own fear process- that you always "wanted" them, or their boyfriend/girlfriend- whatever.

Bisexuals are feared and misunderstood becuase they are both heterosexual and homosexual and NEITHER. We can move freely between each camp, and everyone wants to draw clear lines for their own sense of safety and comfort. We are often then, seen as spies for the 'other' camp- how can we like with they like, but not also dislike what they do. Our partners will always fear that we will not be able to be satified by them. Its a very difficult path for many.

Some of us have simultaneous relationships or casual with both genders, some partner with one or another gender in monogamous relationships, and some have polygamous relationships.

There are NO hard and fast rules here! Maybe that IS the rule- there are none.
"To thine own self be true."

Certainly not everyone will respond to you with their own dramas and issues-to you when you come out to them, but be aware that this could be a result, and try to not take it personally. Remind yourself that you are who you are, and that you can resist the invitation to feel responsible for anyone's reaction to the honesty and integrity that you shared with them. And not EVERYONE is deserving or worthy of that sharing, just because they are you near you. You are allowerd to be as selective as you want, or as flag-wearing pride hollering visibly OUT as you want.

For myself, I choose to be open and honest with all those who I consider myself close to and worthy of being considered my friend... most ESPECIALLY my partner. It is a great challenge to be open, clear and honest, but I feel the quality of all my relationships are so much more meaningful and rewarding. And that helps me to be more loving to myself.

Hope you find this is helpful...
:flag3: All my love! :flag3:

[tatooedpunk]

I'm straight (yeah right) how do other bi-men cope (please let me know )