To come out or not too?

[feb1087]

I have recently discovered, or well accepted my bi-sexuality. My first time with a guy was less then a month ago. I never thought I could like a guy more then sex, but he proved me wrong. I have also been with women as well though.

Over the past couple weeks I have really embraced and excepted my bi-sexuality. But I've talked to some people and they don't think its a good idea for me to come out yet, because of societies (gay and straight) view bisexuality. They think being bi means your confused, don't want to fully admit your gay or are just a slut.

I would like to put myself out there and check around and see guys and girls. I mean its obviously easy for me to see girls but to see guys is another story, cause like I said people wouldn't understand. I guess I'm afraid of being labeled. I don't want to be labeled as gay because mostly I don't want to be stuck in the gay label. I know people from experience who are bi and they have trouble dating girls because the girls think hes just confused or something.

What do I do?

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[chat780]

Just be patient.

You are in the discovery mode - things will work out

[feb1087]

You might as well come out now before you get older and become a married (married to a woman) closet case like a lot of the bi men here are.


ohk i dont understand that comment? what would it matter if i ended up married? its not like i would cheat on her with another guy. just cause your bi the same rules apply to marriage and relationships.

and if i ever was with a girl i would tell her i'm bi. but i mean that again doesn't change anything. i'd still be faithful to her.

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[free2peek]

Be open to those that count. Not everyone will except you for you. And yes us "out" married men do exist and we all don't cheat on our wives. The idea that because you are bi you can't be married and be happy is a load of bs. Thats like saying a hetero never thinks a person besides their partner is attractive. Being able to substain a healthy relationship on any level has nothing to do with ones sexual orientation. There are women out there that do not have any issues with bi men.

[free2peek]

Sorry for the bad spelling. Im on my PDA and typing on the fly but you catch my drift.

[feb1087]

Be open to those that count. Not everyone will except you for you. And yes us "out" married men do exist and we all don't cheat on our wives. The idea that because you are bi you can't be married and be happy is a load of bs. Thats like saying a hetero never thinks a person besides their partner is attractive. Being able to substain a healthy relationship on any level has nothing to do with ones sexual orientation. There are women out there that do not have any issues with bi men.

thats good to hear. and i couldn't agree more. i obviously don't have any experience to back that up, but thats exactly what i believe. It annoys me that people don't see bi-sexual relationships with women as "real" or what not. a relationship is a relationship. like you said it doesn't matter on your sexual orientation. theres nothing wrong with being attracted to the opposite sex or the same sex in a relationship. its going to happen and theres no denyhing it. but thats the point of a relationship. to ignore those attractions and to stay and care about the person you are willing to spend the rest of your life with. straight people are attracted to other people other then their partner. its no different for a bi sexual person to attracted to other people either (even if its the same sex!)

same rules apply.

(fyi ree2peek this wasn't toward you at all lol. i'm just agreeing with you and elaborating on it. this was to everyone else who feels differently.)

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[jeancarleo]

I had sex with a guy before i had sex with a girl. I have had boyfriends and girlfriends but never both at the same time. I was married and now I'm separated from her. I accepted myself as bisexual at the age of 21 but was always attracted to both sexes just that I didn't want to be gay for some time in my teenage years mainly. I did wanted to be str8 but I couldn't stop feeling attraction towards guys. I came out to my sisters at the age of 21 and then to my mom at the age of 23 and a few months later my brothers and stepdad found out and they're all ok even though not all accept. It's hard for gays and lesbians because of society to accept but for bisexuals it's even harder. Still I want to find someone to love most likely a guy who'll accept me as bi since most gay guys don't like bisexuals. I wanna have a kid or two maybe but still not sure and no rush for that.

You do what makes you feel good about yourself and whatever makes you happy. The bad thing about living life is regreting the things you would have loved to have done. So enjoy life and be happy, it's your life and no one elses ;)

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

You'll know when its time Honey...And besides, its no ones business except your Sweetie, and those it matters to. :}
Cat

[Rambigent]

I can't really offer too much advice to you other than to say to do what feels right for you. Accepting and embracing your own bisexuality is a big step in and of itself. Since you've just recently discovered this side of yourself, you might want to take a little time to get comfortable with it. Talking about it with friends is good and useful, but don't rush into telling people until you feel ready. You WILL be judged by some people and you need to feel ready to accept that if it happens.

Speaking personally, I'm still not totally there. I'm out to my wife and most of my close friends, but my parents and siblings don't know. In social and work situations I'll usually speak out against homophobic rhetoric but I don't exactly make my own sexuality known. So I'm working on a lot of the same questions you are, and I first started realizing that I'm bisexual over twenty years ago. It's a lifelong process. But I am happy to report that you can be openly bi and happily married (unfortunately only to a different sex than you in most states).

Best of luck to you, and welcome to the family! :)