going/willing myself straight????

[kgsb2]

I'm in a very happy relationship with a woman but am now considering leaving it to either be by myself and get to know myself better or have the opportunity to fall in love with a man. I've tried dating men and after many dates with fairly attractive and 'nice' men, wasn't all that wowed despite the fact that I do like the idea of men (and marriage) and sometimes feel physically attracted (however not as often as with women). I love my partner and can't imagine life without her, but the logistics of the relationship scare me... I want to have children and a male influence around them and perhaps in my life too. Now I need to make a decision as I can't keep hurting my partner through my indecision... but I just don't know what to do??? Give her up or give up an idea that I have cherised for a long time (picket fence mentality). I have just related to the idea of bisexuality after reading a more scholarly explanation of it... prior to this fads and promiscuity-stigmas put me off... now I'm starting to realise that if more people are bi, then there's more chance of living a very alternate life that is not gay or lesbian but 'different' from convention and potentially very fulfilling... any sharing of experience, ideas, reflections or words of advice are very welcome.

[DeafF2M]

[QUOTE= I love my partner and can't imagine life without her, but the logistics of the relationship scare me... I want to have children and a male influence around them and perhaps in my life too. [/QUOTE]

FIRST of all, I think you need to examine what you REALLY want. I can't tell you how to do that, but you need to sit down and do a bit of soul searching.

One... you love her and want to be with her. (at least that's the impression I'm getting)

two, you want children.

Okay... so, why can't you have both?

Plenty of male influence around, I'm sure.. brothers? Friends?

Heck, I'd count my blessings if I were you and stop worrying about the "what ifs...." But, I'm not you.. you need to sit down and think this through. Have a LONG discussion with your girlfriend about this. She deserves to know what you're wrangling with and maybe she can help with some insight.

another thought. What if you do NOT fall in love with a man? Where does that leave you.... and her?

[kgsb2]

thanks for your reply. you're right. I'm working on it. my girlfriend knows everything. she's really supportive. i appreciate your help.

[Curious2knowmore]

Here's an idea for you. Why not find an open minded and understanding guy to date, while you are still involved with your gf. Besides in this day and age you may be better off to keep what you have while you are looking for the right guy.

I've been on many singles sites looking for the perfect mate and it isn't so easy to do. Many ppl have their standards set way too high and tend to over look the simplest and most meaningful things in life.

Anyway, I am sure there are plenty of men out there that would be happy to share you with another woman. I know that it wouldn't bother me if my gf had another gf or if I lived with her and another woman. Even if it was a "hands off" companionship, I would respect her enough not to go behind her back. Anyway, if you do decide to take my advice then you, your gf and your male partner will have to sit down together and set the limits and boundries to the relationship. You may have to get a bigger house (which you will need for kids anyway) but it may be worth it to secure your total happieness. :2cents:

[DangerMan]

I found your post very compelling. I'm in a somewhat similar situation, having dreamed of white picket fences all my life, and while I seem to be mostly gay, I do find myself attracted to women as well.

I had been dating men for about the last eight years, but two years ago I went to my college reunion and ran into an ex-girlfriend. We were both in a very vulnerable place, and we connected almost immediately. We fell in love all over again, and after dating long distance for about six months, I moved across a couple of states to be with her full time.

We were both pretty worried about how things would work out. I was honest with her about who I was, and I told her that it very well might not be something that I could do. We decided to try it anyway, because we had, and still have, and amazing emotional connection.

After about two months, it became clear that it wasn't going to be possible. I loved her, but something was missing. If any woman could have made me happy it was her. So if nothing else I learned that I need a man in my life.

Sometimes I wonder if it wasn't partly the picket fence dream that made me give it a try. I want a family. If I could have made this work, if I could have loved her and been satisfied, it would have made things so easy.

But I couldn't and I broke her heart. She's doing ok now, she's found a nice guy, and they're doing well. He'll be taking her to Greece next week.

So in summary: I'm not sure my experience says anything to the general case. But maybe if you've found that guys just don't do it for you, then there is a reason. If you're in a happy relationship, then I think you'ld be a fool to throw it away.