I dont know HOW to be bisexual...

[Pearlindarkwater]

A little background about me, since I'm new here... I first realized that I was attracted to other women in high school, but at the time I was in a relationship with a guy who I didnt think would be accepting, so I didnt act on it. Now a few years later I am with a man who is open to the idea of me exploring my bisexuality and I have been trying to do just that.

The problem I am having is twofold, first of all I just dont know how to meet other bisexual women. I have tried the internet without any sucess and have pretty much given up on meeting people that way, but aside from that I dont know where to go to find a safe environment to meet bisexual people.

The second problem is that when I do meet someone who Im interested in, I dont know how to act. Ive never had problems interacting with men, or with women on a non-romantic level. I dont have problems with my self confidence, although I am a naturally reserved person. Its just that when Im trying to meet women, especially when I dont know what their sexual orientation is, I dont know how Im supposed to act. Its like the scripts Ive relied on to understand how to act in social situations no longer apply and Im flying blind. I just dont know how to get things started with a woman on a romantic level and its incredibly frustrating. My boyfriend tries to help give me advice on how to handle things, but he doesnt seem to understand that its not the same when you are dealing with same sex relationships. You have to be more careful how you approach things, and you are risking a lot more than just being rejected on a personal level.

Does anyone have any advice on how to handle this? I would really appreciate it, especially since I dont really know any other bisexual people...

[shameless agitator]

First of all, welcome to the club. I think a lot of us are or have been in exactly the same situation. You may not want to give up on the internet quite so quickly, as there are dating sites specifically for bisexuals. The only one I can think of off the top of my head is bisexualcupid.com Some of the gay sites could also be useful. Not sure what part of Colorado you're in, but you could try gay/lesbian bars if you have any of those near you. As far as figuring out if someone of the same sex is or could be interested, just working you orientation casually into the conversation (it's a lot easier than you might think)& observing their reaction goes a long ways. Other than that, there doesn't really need to be much difference in the approach you use with the different genders in my experience.

[someotherguy]

Meeting bi women online is hard? I am stunned. That's all I see ads for, is bi women seeking bi women. Maybe you could try being brazen.

For what to do once you do meet one, that's easy. Do what works for men to turn women on. Take a confident step towards them, reach up with both hands to hold one of her breasts in each, and gently squeeze while making the Honk Honk sound. She will melt.

[darkeyes]

For what to do once you do meet one, that's easy. Do what works for men to turn women on. Take a confident step towards them, reach up with both hands to hold one of her breasts in each, and gently squeeze while making the Honk Honk sound. She will melt.Thats ya big revelation how men turn gals on huh??? Jeez... no wonda men r so bad at it...

[Bi_Druid]

Thats ya big revelation how men turn gals on huh??? Jeez... no wonda men r so bad at it...

LOL

Meeting fellow bi women...to be honest, I've only ever met a fellow bi woman in person by pure accident, and that was only because She freely told me she was with out any prompting. She just casually came out with it during a general Introductory conversation when I first moved into halls. So perhaps that could be a tactic you could take, try and be just a little less reserved. Not saying you should be totally something you're not, just perhaps relax a little bit, casually drop it into a conversation as if it's of no real consequence anyway.

I also agree with the scene clubs/pubs/areas idea. Marked, it can be a bit overwhelming braving it for the first time, so take some friends, take your boyfriend, braving it together the first few times is always so much easier (and often so much more fun, many Gay and Lesbian people at some of the clubs I've been to with my female flat mate seem to get awfully upset at us even acting half straight in front of them on the dance floor, but they know they can't do anything, tis a free country). And I've found if you go to a scene place with a 'close' friend of the opposite sex, it's surprising how many other bi men and women seem to suddenly leap out of the wood work. We all seem to home in on each other somewhat.

Don't give up on the websites. I mean, you've tried this one and look at the feedback you're already receiving. There are bi themed dating sites, like bicupid.com , or gay/lesbian orientated sites that also welcome bis like gaydar or gaydar girls (I use the .co.uk version, I imagine the US version is probably .co.us or something like). I'm sure that even the 'straight' dating sites have opened their proverbial doors to same sex ads too, so the web options are essentially endless.

And at the end of it, when you do come across someone of the same sex you like, it's that classic old mantra, just be yourself:bigrin:

[Pearlindarkwater]

The problem with meeting Bisexual women online isnt so much finding them, it's actually getting to the point of meeting them in person :( Perhaps the sites Im trying arent of the best quality.

I could give the GLBT club on my campus a whirl, the only reason I havent is that based on my experience online 90% of the lesbians I've spoken to only contacted me to tell me that all bisexual women are disease spreading sluts who should never be allowed into their clubs, websites ect. and Ive been a little terrified of going to clubs and social organizations that arent specifically geared toward bisexuals for that reason (and taking my bf with me knowing that it would make people angry would really be out of the question for me).

Maybe its just time to come out of the closet a bit more, I havent exactly kept my experimentation a secret, but I havent made a big deal out of it either, so I think most of my friends and family dont know. When you have a boyfriend most people assume you're heterosexual and never give it a second thought you know?

Thanks for the support

[darkeyes]

Mostly at colleges an unis they r Gay an BISEXUAL Socs. Not all lessies r nasty shitheads believe me..me a lesbian..me partner is bi.. me accepts every 1 is different an we r gay het an everythin in between.. ya will find arseholes in the gay community, jus like ther r arseholes who r bisexual or TG an certainly heterosexual. Ther r close minded bigots in every community an its them we shud b fitin an tryin 2 bring round.

Interestin titbit bout most gay women, jus like mos gay guys. When it cums 2 gettin in the sack wivya they not 2 bothad bout wetha yas gay het or bi or owt else. Ya jus havta b the sex they interested in an attractive enuff for them 2 wantya ya. Ne that gives ya crap ya give em it rite bak... Me suggests ya go to ya LGB soc...find out how the land lies...wy else afta all is the B in the name? Ther r almos certainly a few bi gals about for ya 2 meet..an from ther ya can move forward...

[*foxy_roxy*]

Personally, I didn't join the LGBT socitey at uni, I was far too scared at the time. Don't get me wrong, I was out to all my friends, I just wasn't ready to make that step yet.

However, this year, well in the last few weeks actually, I went out with my housemates, and one of the girls from uni who is openly bi (though currently off men), and we met her gay friends and went gay clubbing. I had never had this experience before, and loved every minute of it! Needless to say 1) I didn't go home alone, and 2) I went back the following week!
Although one of my gay friends keeps one at me about being bi, she is only joking because she can't have me, but there are always going to be gay and straight people who can't accept bi's, unfortunately its part of who we are.

When it comes to meeting women, does it really matter if they are bi or gay, read the signs like you would with a guy, and if there is a connection, just go with it :)

Good luck!
x x x

[darkeyes]

Know ya don mean it as its been put..but no Rox hun... not unfortunately its part a who ya r...its jus part a who ya r.... ;)

[DiamondDog]

Just be yourself and get out and meet people, or write some personal ads.

Being sexual or queer doesn't CHANGE anything, or make me do anything differently. I just AM, and it just IS, and that's just that. :)

[wolfcamp]

Meeting bi women online is hard? I am stunned. That's all I see ads for, is bi women seeking bi women. Maybe you could try being brazen.

For what to do once you do meet one, that's easy. Do what works for men to turn women on. Take a confident step towards them, reach up with both hands to hold one of her breasts in each, and gently squeeze while making the Honk Honk sound. She will melt.

I laughed so hard I almost choked!

[Herbwoman39]

My favorite line is "Hi! I think you're really cute/funny/interesting and i'd really like to get to know you better. Wanna go out for coffee some time?" and smile the same way you would if you were a guy asking a girl out.

If they have some sort of knee jerk reaction, remember that's THEIR issue and not yours. THEY are the ones with the problem. Not you :-)

I'd definitely try your LGBT group on campus.

[shameless agitator]

Meeting bi women online is hard? I am stunned. That's all I see ads for, is bi women seeking bi women. Maybe you could try being brazen.

For what to do once you do meet one, that's easy. Do what works for men to turn women on. Take a confident step towards them, reach up with both hands to hold one of her breasts in each, and gently squeeze while making the Honk Honk sound. She will melt.If that doesn't work, here's a few more ideas. "See my friend over there? He wants to know if you think I'm cute."

*sniff sniff* "Smells like you're in season."

"Wanna make a porno? We don't have to tape it."

"Am I cute enough yet? Or do you need more to drink?"

"Can I even get a fake number?"

"You'll do."

"Your parents must be terrorists, because they made you, and you're the bomb."

"Do you wash your pants with windex? Because I can see myself in them."

"That outfit looks great on you. It would look even better on my floor."

"Your name must be Mickey because your so fine."

"Hey. You're forgetting to take something with you." "Me."

You go into a restaurant and see a hot looking waitress and ask her what there is to eat,
She says any thing on the menu,
so you throw it on the ground and ask her to stand on it.....

As the person of interest walks by say, "You dropped something." (as you surreptitiously drop a piece of paper on the floor with your phone number on it).

"What?"

"My number" (pointing out the piece of paper conveniently on the floor near their feet)

I'll admit I stole these from a list some friends were compiling

[darkeyes]

In the days of me late teens..wen Fran wos still interested in the lesser mortal..she wos eyein up a gud lookin, in fact quite dishy guy who came ova an said in all seriousness.. " Cya keep lookin at me babe... Im game for a tumble if u r.":eek:

Then the guy who, afta the Jambos stuffed the Huns an won the cup wot seems an age ago now, stuck his hand up me skirt and said "mmm nice an warm. Would you like heated up more?" Didn need 2 wack im...wos wiv me dad an me uncle an sevral big beefy cuzzins at the time....:bigrin:

An finally 2 cheer upya day.. one me overheard jus otha week in a club... "its big its hard an its ready". 2 wich the girl replied "mine too" as she kneed im in the bits....:bigrin::tong: Well it cheered me up ne way:bigrin:

[*foxy_roxy*]

Oh no, seriously guys they are awful!

Poor Fran, a guys HAND UP YOUR SKIRT! Thats terrible! I can't believe someone would do that!

Back on topic, although it seems to be easier to be bisexual these days, with people (and for me, young people) accepting it a lot easier, it still isn't too easy to meet people. Though for me I never found it easy to meet guys anyway!

I think you just need to have confidence, and even if you don't succeed at first, just keep trying :)

x x x

[darkeyes]

A hazard we all havta face Rox..asya no doubt know all 2 well.. sum guys hav no shame!!! Spesh wen they 3 sheets 2 wind afta ther team got gubbed :tong:

[void()]

"Bisexuals are disease ridden sluts."


ROFLMAO!!! & PMSL!!!!

I may be able to admit not being a saint. However, that does not admit I'm some degraded piece of trash. I think people ought to talk talk before thinking.

Apologies extended in behalf of the ignorant person who said that to you. Ignorance at least may cured. You educate or make the ignorant aware of all the facts and aspects.

Stupidity can not be cured. And it appears folks in general can be stupid. To offer help in your situation:

Try using the Internet in another way.

Look for GLBT organizations in your area. Look for clubs, bars etc.

Reservations

I love to keep mind something said about writing. It can apply to so much in life. A Japanese screen writer and director said (paraphrasing) "Forget about all the lessons, step out of the nest like the infant bird. They learn to fly on the way to hitting the ground."

The point being you just need to step out and let nature run its course. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

Of course, I myself am still pretty reserved. You go first and tell me how it goes. :) Seriously, I've recently been learning to spread my wings. It is not something which allows a magician to wave his magic wand, so we on this site understand.

Good luck and hope you have the best.

[FerociousFeline]

What seems to really be called for here is actually NOT...."how to be a bisexual", because to endeavor to adopt an external way of being primarily for the purpose of fitting into a group of people who value your individuality above all else (hence rainbow) seems to pretty much defeat the point.

Honey, my advice is not to see anyone for a while. (other than your bf if that is working for you)

Stop worrying about how you should be, and instead worry about ...........nothing.

Just be.

Let who you are come out and let her show herself to you....WITHOUT any pressure of trying to fit in. Don't try to fit in with the hets, the homs, the bis the tri's or the religious or the celibate.

Just allow yourself to do what comes naturally for you to do ON YOUR OWN NATURAL TIMETABLE. If you get wound up before your are emotionally ready for that....well I can offer you many good places to get toys and lube and whatever (oh my). What I am trying to get across here is that a LOT of our sexuality and our way of "be-ing" has EVERYTHING to do with how we feel ABOUT ourselves. Your confidence with other women will improve when you feel more confident about yourself in general. Let yourself "off the hook" and allow yourself to RELEASE those internal program tapes that we have all been programmed with. If you find a woman you wish to be close to, take the sexual aspect of it OUT of it. Ask the woman (when you feel a certain degree of understanding with her) if it would be OKAY for you to want to be "close" to her. When you get to this point, make sure you will be emotionally secure if she tells you "no".

You are no doubt a beautiful Spirit and I encourage you to fully understand that. When you do, it will be much easier for you to connect to other Spirits who have finally removed the blockages which prevent us all from seeing ourselves AS such.

In time. When this issue becomes less charged for you, you will once again hear/feel the inner you come forth. Allow her to come forth and do what she wants to do, not allowing those who would stop her from her self expression by shame guilt conformity or compliance. Once she realizes that it's safe, you'll have a much better idea of who you really are and what you really want.

In the meantime, the nature of bisexual gathering places such as this encourage you to NOT be like all of us. We want you to be what you ARE.
The freedom in not choosing to be gay or het is the freedom to allow yourself to be a sensual being, who has quirks....who may be more like gay today and more like het tomorrow.

In the end (cackle......oops...sorry couldn't help it)

In the end, hopefully you will grace our rainbow with YOUR unique color.

Hope this helps.

FF

[Pearlindarkwater]

Thanks for your help, I'm trying to stay positive and work on finding my niche in the bisexual dating world. Im sure that with time and practice I will find my groove. After all, I have 8 years of experience dating guys and none at all dating women, it's no wonder i feel a little uncomfortabe at first.

Peace Out,

Pearl

[amadou]

Hello There
How are you doing?I Hope you are Fine My Name is Amadou and I am 20yrs and I amm From The Gambia and I am Looking for Friendship and More and I like to be came a good Friend with you.... I will like to tell you more about me and my family..I have 2brother and 3sister we all live in Brikama....Do u have msn for Chat or yahoo you can add me there... jallow_am@yahoo.com jallow_am@hotmail.com I Would like to stop here Hear from u soon Bye Bye

hope to hear from you soon

i am online if u add me i send u pics we chat more,,and maybe we can meet oneday who knows?
xxxxxxx