To the married bisexual husbands

[guycurious]

To those who expressed their bi desires to their wives and whose wives were open enough to explore with you, how long did it take to find someone ? Also, after your first bi encounter, was your wife still willing to explore with you ?

To those whose wives were not willing to explore further, what happened ? How are you dealing with the unfulfilled desires ? Did it lead to cheating ?

My wife and I have been with one male and one couple and then nothing. I have tried to arrange more encounters but with having kids, a babysitter that is only available every so often and my wife being totally against having anyone over to the house without first meeting them in a public setting and then arranging a second 'date' has effectively stifled any chance of meeting someone let alone getting together a second time for 'exploration'.

My wife has left the task of finding someone totally in my lap. She takes no initiative in seeking someone. I think this may be her way of stifling any further exploration without openly saying so.

This lack of fulfillment is really causing some problems for me. I'm starting to withdraw, conversation is challenging at times. I want more but I can't cheat so I feel trapped. I've pretty much given up on initiating sex. If she starts I will go along but my desire is very diminished.

I'm tired of bringing up the subject, I'm tired of this lack of fulfillment, I'm tired of feeling trapped, I'm tired of trying to satisfy myself with online porn, I'm tired......

[welickit]

First of all your wife is a smart woman if she insists on a public meeting to begin with. She is using her head, you are in a rush and thinking only of yourself. Second of all you need an open line of communication with her, for better or for worse.
As for us, we are both bisexual and only play around together, whether we are with another male, female or couple we always enjoy it together. It took about a year and a half to find a guy that we wanted to meet. We were looking for more than sex but sex was certainly included. There are lots of fakes, wannabees, cheats and liars out there. Sorting them out takes time.

[matterinhand]

Our arrangements are similar to yourself, kids at home so nobody over here, but unless you live in the middle of nowhere it might be time to look for more babysitters.
Ask local parents who they use, and what they think of them. (If the say 'Granny' you could still ask if she's available Friday!)
In our case, our fun has been curtailed by my wife feeling that she is too large for fun... despite the obvious reaction of most men on seeing her photo.
She too has left it to me to find other men / couples but always finds excuses to avoid talking to them.
Good luck, hopefully you'll sort things out soon.

[FalconAngel]

We have a similar arrangement to you, Curiousguy.

We play as a couple and we meet someone first, somewhere in public, so that we can all chat and see if the guy clicks with us as well as giving him a chance to see if he likes us as well. It also gives us a chance to see if he is up to our somewhat tight standards, physically. Fortunately, we have similar tastes in men. It does make it easier on us for finding guys to play with.

But there is a downside to this, from one aspect. We are limited to only finding Bi guys. The problem associated with that is the fact that there are guys out there that will pose as being Bi, when they are really Gay or Straight, just so that they can get to one or the other of us.

For us, because of how we are doing it, it has made our pickings kind of slim. We have also run into quite a few guys who were part of that previously mentioned group of Gay or Straight fakes. Of course then there are the guys who make a date with us and never show.
In one instance, we had to trek from our home in Ft. Lauderdale down to South Beach to a club that we would normally not go to, had to pay to get in and the guy never showed, never called to give us a reason why or anything, then had the nerve to call us 4 days later, with no explanation or apology, and asks us if we want to try again.

From other Bi groups, we have run into the straight guys that see a couple and assume that we are straight. When they find out that we are m/o and the wife is straight, they give us the very insulting response of "I don't do fags". What idiots like that are doing on the Bi groups, we have no idea.

The point is that when a couple plays together there are advantages and disadvantages. We have seen both and when the advantages outweigh the disadvantages, it can be very exciting and fun for everyone.

[losangelesjoe]

I sympathize with you. You need another man to help you fulfill yourself, and your wife needs to understand this.
You need cock, whether you suck it, get fucked buy it or whether you yourself top the other guy. You need that experience, and you need your wife to be part of it.
All of these wives cry when their husbands are dead, and they say, 'oh, I wish there was something i could do for him!!" Well, when the husband was alive she could have but instead she was blind & deaf to it.

[someotherguy]

It is useless being in any relationship where your partner doesn't want for you the same things you want for yourself.

[marriedbiguy4]

My wife and I also play with single men. Much like the earlier contributors I am bi and she is straight, plus she leaves the selection of men to me. We have kids and plan any event around both our jobs and childminding (not easy but worth it).

I've tried lots of different methods, and now stick to these basic rules:
1. I select and swap emails with a man.
2. I then spend several weeks, via webcam chat and emails getting to know him and make sure he knows what we want.
3. My wife joins me talking to him via webcam.
4. I will meet the man on my own.
5. If he's suitable, he's then invited to our place for an evenings fun.

Hope this helps and would like any advice if you think it's needed.

xx

[matterinhand]

[QUOTE=marriedbiguy4;102346]
3. My wife joins me talking to him via webcam.
4. I will meet the man on my own.
5. If he's suitable, he's then invited to our place for an evenings fun.

All well and good if your wife will use the cam.
My wife hates them, but will chat to them via MSN or Yahoo, but they have no proof its her they're talking to.
Then if I was to turn up alone, I think they'd be justified in thinking I was single.
Luckily, so far, she's accompanied me to the meetings we've had.

Going back to an earlier point, about guys saying they are bi when they are gay or straight?
I'd far sooner have someone be honest and say that they were gay or straight.
Our first MMF, he'd gone on about his g/f for ages at the pub, but when we met at the hotel he barely touched my wife.
And our last guy barely touched me. If he'd said he was straight when we met at the pub we'd still have met him again, but because he lied we dropped him.

[mindfinding]

I sympathize with you. You need another man to help you fulfill yourself, and your wife needs to understand this.
You need cock, whether you suck it, get fucked buy it or whether you yourself top the other guy. You need that experience, and you need your wife to be part of it.
All of these wives cry when their husbands are dead, and they say, 'oh, I wish there was something i could do for him!!" Well, when the husband was alive she could have but instead she was blind & deaf to it.

Spot on. Spot on.

[ch699]

I came out to my wife with these wants and needs seven or so years ago; primarily thru fantasing during our infrequent love making. It seemed to increase her responsiveness just a bit and over time i got more bold in talking about what i would enjoy if another fella joined us in bed. two and half years ago or so she agreed to invite a fella over. she had read his profile on a swingers web site and he advertised himself as a gentle bi professional male who sought couples. That first session was very intense, marked by high eroticism and some anxiety in not knowing how she would really react when witnessing me actually sucking a mans cock. Nevertheless she really got into it; watch us go down on one another; we ended up both making love to her during that session as well. It did not overall improve her sex drive but we continue to see him occasionally and she has given me the liberty to play one on one occasionally. Thus I am able to fullfill my sexual needs. Have a buddie I see twice a month or so and continue meeting with her lover monthly or so for threesomes. Overall this has worked out for us. It is risky; could of cost me the marriage and I advise anyone to go slow with it. Never be pushy with her. Your wife can only evolve at her speed. In my case I think the key to my success was ensuring that she knew that no matter what I remain committed to our 30 year relationship.