Coming to Terms with Bisexuality

[ZACTAK]

Hey everyone!

I'm new to this site. My main reason for signing up was because I am having problems with being bisexual. I've been attracted to guys since I was about 14 or so. I am 24 now. I went on dates with guys when I was in my mid to late teens, but I've never been with a guy sexually. I have never really been with a woman sexually either. I have dated women also, but I am very picky with men and women. Anyways... I recently went to a gay bar with some friends, and it renewed my thoughts on the entire issue. I really would like to get out on the dating scene, and I have actually met a guy where things could go somewhere. I am so afraid to even date this guy because I am afraid I will become a full-fledged homosexual. I want to marry a woman and possibly eventually have children. I am struggling with being raised to believe homosexuality is wrong, and yet being attracted to guys and possibly getting involved with one. I want to be happy, but I am so scared and not sure how to cope with what I am dealing with. I am sure this is all mumbo jumbo, but its all sort of coming out. I was hoping to get some advice from ya'll on how to cope, experiences ya'll have had on this issue, and possibly any resources you may know of. Thank you all for your help.

[thesea]

you have a lot to work though so expect it to take a while dont rush yourself.
I have found meeting people in a similar position as me in person helpful-join a bi group.

What would be so bad about being gay? If only being with men fufiled you? Also its important to remember your sexuality comes from whithin you, you cant turn yourself gay by having a romantic relationship with a man but you might find it makes you happy.

Dont jump the gun concidering marriage with someone you havent met yet just enjoy each day and each person as they come.

[darkeyes]

Sea is rite hun. Me wos lukky enuff 2 hav been brot up by parents who had no hang ups bout homosexuality.. both r str8 but they told us wen very yung that its our lives an we shud b who an wot we r.. not who an wot ne 1 else tells us we shud b. So we didn liv wiv hypocrisy an me sister an me hav grown up 2 do jus that.. but no matta ya upbringin ther is always probs. Me brother is a different kettla fish... we didn talk for a long time cos he wos neva happy bout who an wot me wanted 2 b an had grown up into. As it happens ther r reasons wich me knew sod all bout till recently, but even he has begun 2 struggle wiv undastandin, an we hav been makin progress tho we still hav a way 2 go fore we r as close as wen we wer kids.

Thing is..if its ther..its natural...its part of us an its nowt we shud eva b ashamed of or havta keep secret. Lots do for very gud reason asya well know. Ya r who ya r, an the wot is part of that. Wetha yas gay str8 or bi don ...wot mattas is ya embrace it an neva eva eitha b ashamed of it or h8 yasel for it. Me neva had the struggle u did..so me dead lukky... but believe me lotsa me m8s hav so know a lil bout wotya goin through. It won b easy, an how ya wer raised will keep naggin atya. But all of us react 2 our raisin bout sumthin, cos we neva agree fully wiv our parents, or wiv society as a whole, an thats as how it shud b... we fite an argue for wot WE believe..how WE feel bout things.. is our lives afta all...

B yasel an livya life...not sayin tell the world now or eva how ya feel..butyas made a start an the start is often the hardest thing 2 do..

[BI BOYTOY]

hey their:bigrin: welcolme to the group, well i thingk we all have had to deal with simaler [my spelling sucks] issuse. the main thing is to be true to your self.discovering who and what you are.is only part of it, people are born gay or bisexual or lesbian. we dont make our selves that way. and for the people that say it is wrong to be gay or bi, well it is not wrong plain and simple. we can arguee with them all day about it, and it would come out the same,-- this is the the way i see it if god thought it was so wrong then why did he make us this way? [ just remember it is ok man find out what makes you happy] and then live your life. no matter how you turn out you will always be what you were born to be. you will always be attracted to guys in one form or another. it is better accept who you are . weather if you are bi or gay.their will be people out their that like you for who you are and what you are. you dont have to take my advise. just listen to what people have got say roll it all around in your brain . if you ever want to talk shoot me a email. ill talk, it has been a hard journey for me it doesnt have to be that hard. [ this world we live in today is not black and white it is very gray. happy hunting. hope i have helped:bipride::bipride::bipride::bipride::bigrin:

[Annika L]

I really would like to get out on the dating scene, and I have actually met a guy where things could go somewhere. I am so afraid to even date this guy because I am afraid I will become a full-fledged homosexual. I want to marry a woman and possibly eventually have children.

Welcome to the site Zac!

You won't *become* homosexual by dating members of the same sex...you date members of the same sex because you *are* homosexual (or bisexual or at least curious about whether you are).

If you're neither gay nor bisexual, then I would think that one date with a man would make that clear to you. Of course, the fact that you're interested in such a date is a pretty good indicator in itself (no straight people I know have any interest in dating the same sex...any straight people out there want to back me up on this, or disagree?).

So in agreement with everyone, you are who and what you are. Your only question is whether to embrace who you are and be happy, or keep it to yourself for as long as you can.

I've spoken with many people here who have gotten married, kept their sexuality hidden for a while, and then found it unbearable and needed to come out after 20 or 30 years of marriage...frequently it destroys their marriage (if nothing else, the fact that they've kept such a huge secret from their partner for so long shakes their partner's trust enormously and creates problems). I think it's most wise to avoid this.

Like Fran, I was fortunate enough to be raised by parents who have no issues with sexuality. I understand that your family feels otherwise, and I sympathize with you...clearly that will be your greatest challenge. But it is a challenge worth facing if you are going to embrace who you are. I wish you the best as you move along your path of coming to terms with yourself!

[shameless agitator]

As some of the others have said, dating men won't make you gay. You either are or you aren't. One question you may want to ask yourself though, is if you are in fact gay. It could be that your attraction to women is merely social conditioning, especially considering the goal of marriage & children. The fact that you're 24 and have never been with a woman makes me wonder if you're actually all that interested in them sexually? Obviously, I don't really need an answer to this, but you probably do.

[FalconAngel]

Contrary to religious and left wing Gay propaganda, Being bisexual is not a gateway to homosexuality.

Only you can determine if you will end up living a Gay, straight or bisexual lifestyle. No one else can make that decision or determination for you.

As regards your "homophobic" upbringing; that is something that only you can overcome. Do not let the lies and disinformation that you have been taught cloud your judgment, or as Obi Wan said "Let go your feelings". Drop the past and put it behind you. Look, instead to the future and see the possibilities.

[*pan*]

welcome and hope you find the help your lookin for.
one thing i have to say is i hate lables, > ( bisexual-homosexual-lesbian-hetrosexual ) ect.-ect.-ect...... thats all it is is a lable something to identify someone to give the homophobes and bigots something to cling on to when they want to assure them selves they are the ones that are right lol.
my advice is forget the lables and be comfortable in what you are. date and have sex with a woman, date and sex with a man, if you feel comfortable with both and like the sex with both then you are possibly bisexual, just because you might like it a littel more with one or the other dosen't mean you'll eventually become one sexual orentation or the other. i have found that at times i enjoy sex with men more and other times i enjoy sex with woman more but still like them both. the thing i see wrong in society is that they try to make all people alike, rubber stamp type people and if you don't fit into their catagory or molde then theres something wrong with you but as i see it they are wrong because people can't be rubber stamped into their littel catagorys , no two people are alike and all have different tastes and desires. my advice to you is to enjoy life and stop worrying about what others think. it's your life don't go through it feeling bad about yourself, no one can live your life it's yours, but i would suggest having sex with somebody, wow 24 and not had sex yet. get it on you don't know what your missing lol

[DiamondDog]

The labels don't really matter that much.

If you're bi now and wind up becoming gay later it's not a big deal and if you're both or inbetween bi and homosexual that's not a big deal either.

[darkeyes]

Contrary to religious and left wing Gay propaganda, Being bisexual is not a gateway to homosexuality.



Left wing??? mayb wer u cum from babes,,but certainly aint ere... dogmatic arsehole propaganda mayb.. but not left wing... thats summat me dus know bout...

[jem_is_bi]

The labels don't really matter that much.

If you're bi now and wind up becoming gay later it's not a big deal and if you're both or inbetween bi and homosexual that's not a big deal either.

I agree.

You have to deal with your sexually on two levels. One is that our society has penalties if you do not conform to the heterosexual norm. These penalties will differ, depending on your family/social situation and aspirations for your career, etc. In this country, at least, they do not put you in prison. Second, we all have to come to terms with who we really are. If you are really homosexual or mostly homosexual (like me) then I recommend you achieve internal peace with that reality sooner rather than later. Now, I am significantly happier acting in harmony with my sexuality than early in my life when I suppressed my desires. Sex is very important part of all our lives. Do not pass up the opportunity to fully enjoy YOUR sexuality (straight or bi or homo) throughout your life. But, don’t ignore responsibilities or do stupid stuff just for enjoyment.