Are You Truly Bi?

[warmpuppy]

Maybe it's time to clarify the definition of bisexual.

Some of us live the lifestyle because we are biologically drawn to people sexually and emotionally regardless of their gender. That is, IMHO, the true definition of bisexuality.

Then there's people like me who are predominately hetero, but love to engage in same-gender sex every now and then for the excitement and taboo of it. Generally, we do not have the capacity to fall in love with someone of the same gender. I don't think we qualify as true bisexuals.

We've had this discussion in the past, but I think it's useful to bring it up every now and then.

Comments? Agreements? Disagreements? How would you classify yourself using the two descriptions above?

[the mage]

This is a favoutrite old shoe to kick around eh?...

Ok, my take is that if and when you have homosexual sex as well as hetero sex (actually have both NOT fantasy), 1 time and actually like it and want more, then you are Bi.

Till you do it you are having fantasy. Till you want it you are just horny.

Living it is the very very hard part.
Its tough to deal with socially too. Bi men are some "other" thing to the hard core straights, both gay and hetero.

[anteak]

I like to think I'm "Bi". I enjoy sex with either gender I love to kiss, fuck and eat pussy. I have never kissed a man and don't want to but I have sucked numerous cocks and been fucked by lots of them. I have loved two ladies but could never have those feelings for the male gender. I know I'm not "Gay" I don't look at a man and think I wish we could have sex. That idea does occur when I look ar some women????

[warmpuppy]

I like to think I'm "Bi". I enjoy sex with either gender I love to kiss, fuck and eat pussy. I have never kissed a man and don't want to but I have sucked numerous cocks and been fucked by lots of them. I have loved two ladies but could never have those feelings for the male gender. I know I'm not "Gay" I don't look at a man and think I wish we could have sex. That idea does occur when I look ar some women????

That's a very good point. When I look at Jennifer Aniston, my nature goes crazy. I have yet to experience that when looking at another guy.

[12voltman59]

Well--the term bisexual works for me---I know that I can have not only a sexual response to another guy--but an emotional one as well----but my main orientation is towards the opposite sex---like what Warm Puppy said about finding Jennifer Anniston very hot--I don't have that same response with guys--and with guys----I don't find them attractive per se unless I know that they like to be with guys too---

I don't really know what to categorize myself as---all I know is that I am not a pure hetero male anymore--if I really ever was----and even if I were to "fall in love" with a guy and even go so far as to be in an open relationship where we live together and are sexual and romanitic/emotional partners--I would not consider myself as being strictly "gay" irrespective of what other people and society would define me as then being.

My eye would sure still be drawn to the good looking women I see on the street, at the store, on the beach, etc. where I might not find a guy attractive unless we were interacting more closely and we found we had some sort of attraction.

[vittoria]

This is a favoutrite old shoe to kick around eh?...

Ok, my take is that if and when you have homosexual sex as well as hetero sex (actually have both NOT fantasy), 1 time and actually like it and want more, then you are Bi.

Till you do it you are having fantasy. Till you want it you are just horny.

Living it is the very very hard part.
Its tough to deal with socially too. Bi men are some "other" thing to the hard core straights, both gay and hetero.

Yup.:cool:

[frenchvikki]

It works for me too. I can't think of anything else to describe my sexuality, and don't think there is anything else. I am attracted to both men and women, have fallen in love with one man in my life, and out of it as well. Also I think I could easily do so with a another woman, for if I have not already done so, I have formed a deep emotional and sexual attachment to one woman which was close but never love. Or at least we were never "in love". I date both sexes, although men are predominant, but that is just a case of circumstance not necessarily preference. My preference does seem to vary I must say and always has. Especially in the latter years of my marriage even if I never did anything about it.

[Daviecurious]

I'm with the Mage on this one. Describes how I feel very well.

[thesea]

reading Kleine and Kinsey helped me get closer to identifying as bi, i still have my 'i think im gay' moments.

I only become sexualy attracted to a man if i strike up an emotional and intelectual bond, i dont find much about the male phisique attractive but it has its uses and is often attached to a lovely person :)

Women i can be all round crazy about.

[eddy10]

As two songs go:

"What has love to do with it?"

"If you are not with the one you love, love the one you're with."

For me, good sex is good sex, no matter the gender.

[Germanicus]

This is a favoutrite old shoe to kick around eh?...

I agree.

Bisexuality is whatever one wants it to mean for oneself, and no-one should let anyone else attempt to impose a definition on themselves. Definitions are rigid since its not just about what they include, but often more about what they exclude. Definitions are all about niceness, neatness, easy to conceptualise ideas. Ideas, concepts, and labels all abhor the shambolic chaos of life.

Be original, defy definition

[thesea]

I agree.

Bisexuality is whatever one wants it to mean for oneself, and no-one should let anyone else attempt to impose a definition on themselves. Definitions are rigid since its not just about what they include, but often more about what they exclude. Definitions are all about niceness, neatness, easy to conceptualise ideas. Ideas, concepts, and labels all abhor the shambolic chaos of life.

Be original, defy definition

This is what I had in mind but couldn't put it into words :)

[Germanicus]

This is what I had in mind but couldn't put it into words :)


Thanks. :bigrin:

[Lisa (va)]

I don't put any emphasis on 'being bi', I have been involved with both sexes (on a long term basis - physically & emotionally): does that make me more bi than someone who can be physical with both and only emotional with one? I think it really doesn't matter how you define 'bisexual', when I get introduced I don't say "hi, I'm bi" , merely a simple 'hello, I'm Lisa". All anyone can do is be themselves.

Lisa

hugs n kisses

[darkeyes]

You, me, they, us, we.. descriptors as are uncle, auntie, cousin, brother, sister, mother, father. So are wardrobe, chair, pillow, table and a million and one other words in hundreds of languages and dialects. Some are more definite than others, but all to some extent have a vagueness when taken in isolation. Similarly, Gay, Bi, Lezzie, Transgendered, Pansexual, CD all serve as a general descriptor without the specific. There are many variations of each of those words, but all are used for convenience as a descriptor of something or other.

They are all labels, all of these words, and are used by human beings to ease our way through life. I find from my own experience, that those who do not wish to be labelled though they are plainly and obviously something or other, socialist, fascist, Republican, Tory, Democrat are a bit , no, not a bit, but a lot posey, for by denying a label, a descriptor of some kind to describe an aspect of their character or their lives, they both try to be better than those of us who accept our sexuality, our political creed or religion or non religion or any other descriptor of any aspect of ourselves we care to think of, and to deny to some extent what is plainly obvious. These descriptors are of necessity vague because of all the variations which can be attached to each, but by saying "please do not attach a label to my sexuality" is to some extent snobbish, elitist and a form of pseudo-intellectualism. It is also a convenient way of denying what they are. By saying "I am me" is telling the world what precisely? That you are an individual? We know that. I am me, but I am also an athiest, socialist, libertarian, lesbian, humanist and a million other things. However added to each of those descriptors is a myriad of my own beliefs which make me a unique human being. I am not ashamed of any of them and am quite happy to tell the world so.

[Germanicus]

You, me, they, us, we.. descriptors as are uncle, auntie, cousin, brother, sister, mother, father. So are wardrobe, chair, pillow, table and a million and one other words in hundreds of languages and dialects. Some are more definite than others, but all to some extent have a vagueness when taken in isolation. Similarly, Gay, Bi, Lezzie, Transgendered, Pansexual, CD all serve as a general descriptor without the specific. There are many variations of each of those words, but all are used for convenience as a descriptor of something or other.

They are all labels, all of these words, and are used by human beings to ease our way through life. I find from my own experience, that those who do not wish to be labelled though they are plainly and obviously something or other, socialist, fascist, Republican, Tory, Democrat are a bit , no, not a bit, but a lot posey, for by denying a label, a descriptor of some kind to describe an aspect of their character or their lives, they both try to be better than those of us who accept our sexuality, our political creed or religion or non religion or any other descriptor of any aspect of ourselves we care to think of, and to deny to some extent what is plainly obvious. These descriptors are of necessity vague because of all the variations which can be attached to each, but by saying "please do not attach a label to my sexuality" is to some extent snobbish, elitist and a form of pseudo-intellectualism. It is also a convenient way of denying what they are. By saying "I am me" is telling the world what precisely? That you are an individual? We know that. I am me, but I am also an athiest, socialist, libertarian, lesbian, humanist and a million other things. However added to each of those descriptors is a myriad of my own beliefs which make me a unique human being. I am not ashamed of any of them and am quite happy to tell the world so.

I fundamentally disagree with the view that its snobbery or pseudo-intellectutalism to reject a label, or its about having something to hide at all. Its neither posey, nor egocentric. Why do you reject people who reject labels? Why shouldnt people stand apart from everyone else? Why shouldnt they stand apart on their strengths of their personality and their individuality, rather than merge into the common herd on the weaknesses of a word? Its fascist to expect other people to wear a label to make them easily identifiable.

If someone wants to label themselves, fair enough, but don't expect others to conform, nor get annoyed when they don't.

Why do I reject a label for myself? It doesnt matter what I understand by the word, but it matters what other people understand by the word, which is often entirely different. Words do not exist in a vacuum, they all have instrinic emotive meanings regardless of the dictionary definitions. No doubt, someone will say "but you shouldnt care what other people think". I don't, but let me cite an example. People on this site rant and rave about how Bi people are misrepresented by straight and gay people (look I've just used some labels - how wicked of me) and how they regurgitate the myths about bisexuals. The word bisexual, for many people who are not (and for many who are), comes with a load of myths, cliches and hackneyed phrases, and many of those who like labels use them because its just easier. Why deal with getting to know someone when you can just use a label? Labels are judgemental and self-judgemental. Perhaps those who like labels have an inner desire to belong because they fear standing alone.

Why should I use a label for myself and then have to explain to someone what it means to me? Why should I have to waste my time explaining myself to someone who wants to label me because they can't be bothered to get to know me and seek to fit me into a nice neat pigeonhole because it makes life so much easier and so much more agreeable. Perhaps labellers want people and life to conform to their worldview and not have to change their views because it might require some mental effort and along the way and finding out that they were perhaps wrong.

There is only so much explaining anyone can do before they get bored with it. Explanations illuminate only so far and only so much. Accept someone for who they are, not what they are.

[alisbi]

whew! a lot of opinions on this one.
basically my thoughts are this:
a person starts this life niether gay, hetro, or bi (or all?)
see, confusing. but to be true to oneself and have the courage to take hold of the moment when it presents it's self (no matter the direction), that is the true question. how many have the courage? we are taught that gay, and bi are inherently WRONG, thus so many people go through life living a lie.

i say all of this because i knew i was bi from a very, very young age. my family knew there was something unique about me when i was but 5 years old. i live my life openly bi.

why oh why must people continue to question bisexuality!:(

[chinalily]

Being "Bi" to me means; I love being with emotionally and physically with both females and males. I love th smell, touch, taste and everything about both sexes. It's great being bi....you can have your cake and eat it too. I love it!:color:

[darkeyes]

s'ok Germanicus...ya don havta explain owt 2 me or ne 1 else.. but ya miss one important point...the what we are is a part of who we are... well is in my case.. an I reckon the same goes for the rest of us... don expect peeps 2 label themselves cos Im not an never shall b a person 2 dictate how I see the world upon anyone else. We have as they say free will. Or are supposed too anyways.

The trouble with the gay and bi communities is their insularity. They want to belong in the main to the wider world but do all they can to keep themselves as a seperate entities from that world. They feel they do not have to explain themselves and that is fine as far as it goes. What the hell does that do for the furtherance of understanding of gay and bisexual people to other parts of the wider community? I accept your right and that of anyone else not to explain themselves. In a sense I do not either. Not by staying quiet because I or others will get bored, but by discussing and arguing with any who show interest, just as I show interest in their lives and interests, and who and what they are. This is done with a view to enlighten, not to push my or anyone elses sexuality or point of view down peoples throat.

Its ok keeping ourselves to ourselves and what we think and feel. People have that right. It does little or nothing however to advance human understanding and the acceptance of difference which is something that your argument does little or nothing to move forward.

[Germanicus]

Its ok keeping ourselves to ourselves and what we think and feel. People have that right. It does little or nothing however to advance human understanding and the acceptance of difference which is something that your argument does little or nothing to move forward.

I never said anything about keeping oneself to oneself, just because people like me refuse to have a label doesnt mean we are hiding at all. Diamond "post labels" Dog would say the same.

And my statements never made any claim to move forward anything about human understanding or acceptance.

[darkeyes]

I never said anything about keeping oneself to oneself, just because people like me refuse to have a label doesnt mean we are hiding at all. Diamond "post labels" Dog would say the same.

And my statements never made any claim to move forward anything about human understanding or acceptance.

No Germie, babe yas rite..it don necessarily mean yas hidin or keepin yasel 2 yasel..but all 2 often thats jus wot it dus mean.

On ya second statement... thats me point zactly...

[CalanderGirl]

I do believe that I am truely bi. I don't, at least at this point, "discriminate" based on gender as far as whom I'd like to have some sexual relations with. I am and have been since I can remember, attracted to members of both genders.

:tongue:

[dportrait]

Then there's people like me who are predominately hetero, but love to engage in same-gender sex every now and then for the excitement and taboo of it. Generally, we do not have the capacity to fall in love with someone of the same gender. I don't think we qualify as true bisexuals.

I feel people in this category should be accepted as bi - they sure aren't accepted by most straights as straight as they enjoy sex with members of their own gender.

Again someone who prefers their partners to be the same gender as themselves but sometimes enjoys sex with the opposite gender is not generally accepted as gay by the gay community.

The tricky bit is that some people aren't keen on the bi label... each to their own. This is always the problem with labels - no two people quite define them the same way.

To me someone who is not 100% straight or 100% gay is best described as bi. I agree with The Mage - if you have actually enjoyed homo and hetero sex and would do both again then Bi seems a good description. Bi curious I reserve for those that have fantasies but have not acted on them as yet and aren't sure they want to.

This is what the Kinsey scale is about... I don't think you have to be equally attracted to both sexes to be Bi - just attracted to both sexually ;)

I do like my male partners to be friends but doubt I would ever fall in love with a guy the way I have with women. I would describe myself as a straight acting bi guy.

If you told me I could never enjoy the touch of a guy again I would be devastated.... I think that makes me Bi :bigrin:

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

I consider myself Bi Selective, meaning that I only play with those females that I know well, and those that I am attracted to. I dont play with other woman on a regular basis but I Do love women. I love men as well, so I guess that makes me a part-time bisexual..lol.
Oh hell, I adore both..sue me..lol
Cat :paw::paw:

[ambi53mm]

Some of us live the lifestyle because we are biologically drawn to people sexually and emotionally regardless of their gender. That is, IMHO, the true definition of bisexuality.

Then there's people like me who are predominately hetero, but love to engage in same-gender sex every now and then for the excitement and taboo of it. Generally, we do not have the capacity to fall in love with someone of the same gender. I don't think we qualify as true bisexuals.

How would you classify yourself using the two descriptions above?

I would say that in the beginning I seemed to identify stronger with the latter definition although I would remove the word "love" from the equation. Love is something that I still struggle to truly comprehend. As my understanding of loves grows I find myself slowly drifting towards the former definition…. and that growth comes from within… because to understand love…one has to love oneself…….Sexually, I enjoy both genders…I like and can appreciate the differences as well as the similarities…I don’t know if I’ll ever really understand why, but accept it as it is in the moment… My attraction to either or both genders does fluctuate…and it’s those fluctuations, that prevent myself as identifying as either homosexual or heterosexual and so the concept of “one that is sexually attracted to both genders as being defined as bisexual” seems to work for me.
How other people want to categorize my sexual orientation really doesn’t matter to me. LOL I’d rather spend the time and energy enjoying all that it has to offer than trying to figure it out…it’s a mind-fuck…subjective and open to interpretation.

Ambi :)

[eddy10]

Ambi, I am like you in that I am not sure I understand what love really is. I definitely understand what lust and sex are. In that last respect I know that I am definitely Bi.

[redheadhoneycat]

Yeah I believe so. :) :bibounce:

[jem_is_bi]

I was bi and am bi and will be bi, even though I am not real good at multitasking. I am better being bi one-at-a-time. I might fuck-up a 3-some.

[thesea]

i disagree that you have to have a phisical attraction to all genders to be bi.

I dont look at men and feel attracted phisicaly.

Im in a loving and filthy relationship with a man, my desire to sleep with him comes from wanting to make that sexual connection, pleasing him pleases me. Few its getting hot in here!

Or maybe im an open minded lesbian?

[MarieDelta]

You, me, they, us, we.. descriptors as are uncle, auntie, cousin, brother, sister, mother, father. So are wardrobe, chair, pillow, table and a million and one other words in hundreds of languages and dialects. Some are more definite than others, but all to some extent have a vagueness when taken in isolation. Similarly, Gay, Bi, Lezzie, Transgendered, Pansexual, CD all serve as a general descriptor without the specific. There are many variations of each of those words, but all are used for convenience as a descriptor of something or other.

They are all labels, all of these words, and are used by human beings to ease our way through life. I find from my own experience, that those who do not wish to be labelled though they are plainly and obviously something or other, socialist, fascist, Republican, Tory, Democrat are a bit , no, not a bit, but a lot posey, for by denying a label, a descriptor of some kind to describe an aspect of their character or their lives, they both try to be better than those of us who accept our sexuality, our political creed or religion or non religion or any other descriptor of any aspect of ourselves we care to think of, and to deny to some extent what is plainly obvious. These descriptors are of necessity vague because of all the variations which can be attached to each, but by saying "please do not attach a label to my sexuality" is to some extent snobbish, elitist and a form of pseudo-intellectualism. It is also a convenient way of denying what they are. By saying "I am me" is telling the world what precisely? That you are an individual? We know that. I am me, but I am also an athiest, socialist, libertarian, lesbian, humanist and a million other things. However added to each of those descriptors is a myriad of my own beliefs which make me a unique human being. I am not ashamed of any of them and am quite happy to tell the world so.

Fran, I could kiss you for this!

Brilliant!

Let me just say that there are many different ways of understanding ourselves.

I've done the "post labels" thing myself, but what does that tell others about you? That you're you , well yeah we knew that, congratulations.

Its al about communication, tell us what you like , what you think , who you think you are.

Even being "beyond labels" is itself a label - so you might as well pony up to the table and explain yourself.

Labels dont really control us, they have no more meaning than what we ourselves give to them. They are descriptors, yes that can lead to bias and judgement, and harassment, if taken to the extreme. But still humans have this funny way of breaking up into groups, if you get enough of us togeher. The need for tribe/family is deep within us, part of our nature? Perhaps.

As for being truly one thing or another? As for labeling someone else? Thats for them, not for me, to decide(I have enough of my own problems thank you very much.)

Weather they just know in their hearts that they like both, or they have experimented and found they like both. It is not for me to say that they are/nt "truly" anything.

Yours,

Marie- Pansexual, pre-operative, male-to-female transexual, engineer/technician/inspector, socially-liberal democrat american, with a bizarre sense of humour.

[dportrait]

So someone has to have actually had sex in order to tell their sexual orientation?

That's a rather close minded statement about human sexuality.

Nobody seems to tell straight virgins "oh you're not REALLY heterosexual until you have sex with the opposite gender! It's all just fantasy and being horny!". The same goes for people who are gay and virgins to sex.

I don't agree with the idea that you have to have sex with both genders or else you're not really bisexual, and that it's all just fantasy and being horny until you actually do this.

You can be bisexual and have never had sex with anyone at all, and it doesn't make you any "less" bisexual than someone who has had sex with lots of men and women together.

I knew that I'm bisexual long before I'd ever had sex with anyone.

It probably wasn't that way for you but I think it's that way for people who don't fall in love with both genders, and who aren't "true" bisexuals by the original poster's definition of it.

I can fall in love with both men and women but I don't go around thinking I'm enlightened or better than those who can't.

I was attracted to men long before women and as a teenager I'd fantasize about having sex with a woman while having sex with a man and this was long before I'd had sex with either gender.

There's no point in telling people that they're not "reallY' their sexual orientation until they've had sex because it doesn't work that way.

I don't see why people think that you have to be able to fall in love with both genders in order to be "true" bisexual and that all the other people are just somehow not really bisexual yet somehow magically want sex with both men and women, and the bisexual virgins aren't really bisexual at all because they're "just horny and fantasizing".

Fair comment - if you know, you know....

However I think alot of people are not quite so sure. I have fantisized about being bi since puberty... but honestly didn't think it was something I could go through with until my mid 20s. So if you'd asked me in my teens I would have said I was straight... because I was too scared to be bi. I think this is relatively common. It wasn't until after my first bi experience that I was sure.

[FerociousFeline]

You, me, they, us, we.. descriptors as are uncle, auntie, cousin, brother, sister, mother, father. So are wardrobe, chair, pillow, table and a million and one other words in hundreds of languages and dialects. Some are more definite than others, but all to some extent have a vagueness when taken in isolation. Similarly, Gay, Bi, Lezzie, Transgendered, Pansexual, CD all serve as a general descriptor without the specific. There are many variations of each of those words, but all are used for convenience as a descriptor of something or other.

They are all labels, all of these words, and are used by human beings to ease our way through life. I find from my own experience, that those who do not wish to be labelled though they are plainly and obviously something or other, socialist, fascist, Republican, Tory, Democrat are a bit , no, not a bit, but a lot posey, for by denying a label, a descriptor of some kind to describe an aspect of their character or their lives, they both try to be better than those of us who accept our sexuality, our political creed or religion or non religion or any other descriptor of any aspect of ourselves we care to think of, and to deny to some extent what is plainly obvious. These descriptors are of necessity vague because of all the variations which can be attached to each, but by saying "please do not attach a label to my sexuality" is to some extent snobbish, elitist and a form of pseudo-intellectualism. It is also a convenient way of denying what they are. By saying "I am me" is telling the world what precisely? That you are an individual? We know that. I am me, but I am also an athiest, socialist, libertarian, lesbian, humanist and a million other things. However added to each of those descriptors is a myriad of my own beliefs which make me a unique human being. I am not ashamed of any of them and am quite happy to tell the world so.

I don't really have the time necessary at the moment to fully address this, but I would like to give it a "lick and a promise" ; )

First of all, I don't think I've ever seen you so lucid girl! That's great!~ and although I completely concur with part of what you said, the bit about defying labels as being elitist was a bit, off.

For those of us who defy labels, most of us do so not because of the aspect of familiarity of the qualifications of said label, but rather that the label may be too confining. Personally, I don't care to trigger a pat response when people are attempting to understand where I am coming from regarding sexuality. This is intentional. I don't conform to the norms of conditional definition where sexuality is concerned and defying a label is actually the most honest way of expressing that. It is my way of saying, "look, it's not that I'm extra special or anything because I don't fall into said category, but rather that there are enough qualities of dissimilar nature to necessarily give pause to a labeling process. It's a way of saying, hey, maybe there should be more categories within a label. But first and foremost, it is a way of saying, "don't slap a label on me and then have the expectation that you have any understanding of where I'm coming from or what I'm about, because the label you chose to hang on me isn't appropriate for a pat response in defining who I am, what I do, what I think, or what my behavior is."

With Love,
FF

[afterdark75]

very bi here, have alwaya loves both sexes and find the male body and men altogether so damn sexy

[HowwasI]

As two songs go:

"What has love to do with it?"

"If you are not with the one you love, love the one you're with."

For me, good sex is good sex, no matter the gender.

Says it all for me!

I am physically and emotionally attracted to women but enjoy getting physical with men. I enjoy looking at women whether clothed or naked but only like looking at men naked.

"I need no definition but I may need help"

[warmpuppy]

Very interesting posts. All are sincerely appreciated.

Allow me to clarify a point or two:

I also don't care for labels. In posing the topic, my intent was to see how people classify themselves, not how people classify other people.

I don't believe one has to actually have a same-sex experience to classify themselves as bisexual. I didn't have my first real encounter with a guy until I had been in the Air Force for awhile. However, I had the fantasies long before then, going back to my teen years.

I had a few kissing and touching experiences with a cousin when I was 11, but that was experimental and doesn't count, IMHO. Most people have that kind of experimentation growing up.

I will always choose women over men when a choice is necessary. I have to admit however, that I can cum just by making out with a guy. That seems a contradiction, but that is what makes the bisexual life so fascinating.

[nodahs90]

I guess I am truly bi :flag4:

[darkeyes]

First of all, I don't think I've ever seen you so lucid girl! That's great!~ and although I completely concur with part of what you said, the bit about defying labels as being elitist was a bit, off.



Wot cheek!!! Take lil time an learn Franspeak anya know me always lucid... well not always...am a lil tiddly now... gonna hav bad head in mornin..Merlot always gives me bad head!!!:( But usually...:tong::bigrin:

[Not2str8]

Over the years I have watched my own bisexuality evolve. I remember once saying that, while I enjoy sex with a male, I could never actually kiss one. And certainly could never develop emotional feelings for a man. And that I didn't find men attractive to look at in the same way I ogled women. Looking back on it,
my self-image at the time would only let me go so far. Beyond my own self-imposed limitations, I dared not venture.
Then I met someone with whom I had an immediate connection. I didn't even think about kissing him, I just did it. It was the most natural thing in the world. It was then I realized that what I can and cannot do, or whom I can and cannot love, is capable of changing from one day to the next, and old barriers continue to fall as I become more comfortable with who I am. Am I bisexual ? Damn right I am ! That's a label I'll wear proudly.

[thesea]

sea-So why are you even with a guy if ur not sexually attracted to men at all? Ur the 1 who said that a relationship with a man is "filthy" to you?

Filthy as in good filthy :bigrin: open sexualy, we both have dirty minds.

I feel for him, he always had something to say I liked, he made me laugh, he is kind and elegant and gentle (until I ask him not to be), he never asked me to be anything I'm not, he never put pressure on me. He is supportive generous. He makes me feel happy.

It took a while to get past his gender but the closer I get the less I notice it, his body is just part of who he is and he is special to me so his body has become special too.

Does that make sense? It's like I might not fall for a woman who was disfigured by appearance but getting to know her might do it for me or if I was with a woman with gorgeous appearance-if she was disfigured after I fell for her the scars or whatever don't show to me. Love is blind :)

I don't think I could be monogamous with a guy, I have been there before and end up craving a woman's touch, wishing my male partner had breasts..was female. I don't get that with bf, I supposed cus we are felt o be with who we want to so there is no feeling of being confined or limited.

[thesea]

ok so u not closet dyke. sorry for dat comment. i thought u mean filthly like "OMG man is filthy!!!!!!!!!" like lesbian think about man/penis/cum.

Even if I was a lesbian I would not talk to me the way you did to me.

People come to realise their sexuality in their own time and don't need people thrusting loaded labels in their faces.

If you thought I was gay why not say

"If you find men disgusting why are you with one do you think its fair on him or you?" Little diplomacy maybe or people will just throw mud right back!

I do have my moments of doubt about being with bf and when I met him I had decided not to date men because it was too hard. He knew this cus we had got to know each other gradually thought a group. He still refers to me as a lesbian sometimes, usually with a joke about sex "i dint think lesbians liked to suck cock" :bigrin:
he knows where I am with this: I may never be sure if I can truly choose bi or gay. I think i will just stop trying and be with the people I like to be with.

[runewlf]

I would have to say I am truely bi. I like and am sexually attracted to and active with both sexes. There is a great joy in loving both man and woman.

[Stargazer1417]

I agree.

Bisexuality is whatever one wants it to mean for oneself, and no-one should let anyone else attempt to impose a definition on themselves. Definitions are rigid since its not just about what they include, but often more about what they exclude. Definitions are all about niceness, neatness, easy to conceptualise ideas. Ideas, concepts, and labels all abhor the shambolic chaos of life.

Be original, defy definition

Perfect. I tend to think you have summed up the feeling of a lot of people around here. You hit the nail on the head as far as I'm concerned.

[RockGardener]

I feel I am truly bi.

I desire sexual relations with both male and female and one particular MtF, (you know who you are). I desire love with all of the above.

My heart has been given to a man, I hope we spend the rest of our lives together. But I don't think I would have been able to give him my heart so totally if he hadn't given me the freedom to love others. As I grow up, I find myself tending towards polyamoury, don't know how close I'll get. I can't see myself loving another man like I do him, but I could love a woman just as much but differently.

[BI BOYTOY]

ok puppy you just opened up one can of worms for me...i once had a freind like you he said he was bisexual. but in truth he was straight with a couple of bi experiances. so he was like im bi. not so. being able fuck any thing on 2 legs does not meen you are bi. ponyboy was a dog. just loves married women some freind of 12 years uh? but that is a separate story. that im unable to talk about.[wish i could find somebody i could talk to about this though.] anyway for me being bisexual means you are drawn to both sex"s and caan have relationships with both sex"s. not wanting to say anything bad about you . you want taboo? go for it:three::three: just dont hurt anybody in the prosess.

[BiBlkGirl27]

Being "Bi" to me means; I love being with emotionally and physically with both females and males. I love th smell, touch, taste and everything about both sexes. It's great being bi....you can have your cake and eat it too. I love it!:color:

I totally agree. I mean...the "have your cake and eat it too" thing makes us sound kinda selfish, but other than that, I agree. It's about being comfortable. Loving everything about whoever you happen to be with.:rainbow:

[warmpuppy]

ok puppy you just opened up one can of worms for me...i once had a freind like you he said he was bisexual. but in truth he was straight with a couple of bi experiances. so he was like im bi. not so. being able fuck any thing on 2 legs does not meen you are bi. ponyboy was a dog. just loves married women some freind of 12 years uh? but that is a separate story. that im unable to talk about.[wish i could find somebody i could talk to about this though.] anyway for me being bisexual means you are drawn to both sex"s and caan have relationships with both sex"s. not wanting to say anything bad about you . you want taboo? go for it:three::three: just dont hurt anybody in the prosess.

I guess I did open a can of worms for some people, but I think its sometimes useful if we step back and take a look at ourselves. From the posts to this thread, one thing is quite obvious: There are many shades of bisexuality.

I've given my own bisexuality some more thought since I first started this discussion. When I look back over the many sexual encounters in my life, I've had many with women in which reality changed -- we actually became totally lost in each other and became one for a time. I never, ever have had that same experience with a man.

In the final analysis, sex with a woman involves my entire being, while sex with a guy is recreational.

[BI BOYTOY]

yes it is good to step back and look at your self. and it is good you recognicze you like to have sex with the same gender once in a while. with out beating your self up over it. just another kink out their as humans we have many and it is not worth beating your self up over.:bigrin::bigrin::bigrin:

[Bluebiyou]

Am I truly bi?
I admit... I'm a trisexual in denial of my third dimention... I'm only pretending to be bisexual.

But seriously...
Human sexuality... I'll go to my grave proclaiming we're all bisexual. Many of us simply polarize (or are polarized). Meaning... like the bell curve we learned about in school, very few are, and have always been exclusively straight or gay (extreme ends of the bell curve). Some of us are right in the middle, some in the 57.4%...
But then, let's expand this a dimention.... just using sexual attraction, are we using lifelong, general for the past few years, right at this exact second... ? Then there is another dimension of emotional intimacy (not just sexual attraction), and then all other aspects, dreams and desires of life...
... and so we descend into a 'sexual definition' maelstrom of Edgar Allen Poe proportions.
..although I'm in denial of all these additional dimensions - dimensions that try to expand my self realization beyond bi...

If you're bi, you're emotionally/and or sexually attracted to both sexes. If your straight you're attracted to only the opposite and gay if only the same.

[frenchvikki]

So how does your crackpot theory of how "everyone is bisexual" actually match up with people who are heterosexual and homosexual and who aren't bisexual at all?

I wouldn't say that everyone is bisexual or that heterosexuals don't make up the majority of the population because they do.



I think this is an eminently arguable point. In ancient Sparta it was normal, in fact expected that men and women had same sex relationships. In much of ancient Greece man to man relationships in particular were very much normal, and consequently women found love and sexual pleasure within themselves . Other ancient societies had homosexuality as an expected normal part of life. Egypt for example. The inception of judeo/christian/islamic and other less sexually liberated religions and societies have arguably fundamentally altered by design our normal sexual relationship patterns. It is therefore also equally arguable that the normal state of humanity, if there is such a thing, is that of bisexuality and not either that of hetero or homosexuality.

[frenchvikki]

Yes I am, why does this somehow matter though?

My wife can't fall in love with a woman yet this doesn't matter at all to us and it shouldn't to other people.

To be bisexual does not necessitate the ability to fall in love with ones own sex, merely to desire, in whatever form that desire takes.

[darkeyes]

I think this is an eminently arguable point. In ancient Sparta it was normal, in fact expected that men and women had same sex relationships. In much of ancient Greece man to man relationships in particular were very much normal, and consequently women found love and sexual pleasure within themselves . Other ancient societies had homosexuality as an expected normal part of life. Egypt for example. The inception of judeo/christian/islamic and other less sexually liberated religions and societies have arguably fundamentally altered by design our normal sexual relationship patterns. It is therefore also equally arguable that the normal state of humanity, if there is such a thing, is that of bisexuality and not either that of hetero or homosexuality.

O fiddlestiks..born 3000 years 2 late! Huh!:(

[someotherguy]

Maybe it's time to clarify the definition of bisexual.

Some of us live the lifestyle because we are biologically drawn to people sexually and emotionally regardless of their gender. That is, IMHO, the true definition of bisexuality.

Then there's people like me who are predominately hetero, but love to engage in same-gender sex every now and then for the excitement and taboo of it. Generally, we do not have the capacity to fall in love with someone of the same gender. I don't think we qualify as true bisexuals.

We've had this discussion in the past, but I think it's useful to bring it up every now and then.

Comments? Agreements? Disagreements? How would you classify yourself using the two descriptions above?

For some it is about sexual orientation. For others it is about reveling in the confusion of disorientation, by haunting the definition anew, again. I am content with the classification that I started with. If it begins to show signs of wear I will send it back to the factory to be refurbished.

[citystyleguy]

Maybe it's time to clarify the definition of bisexual.

Some of us live the lifestyle because we are biologically drawn to people sexually and emotionally regardless of their gender. That is, IMHO, the true definition of bisexuality.

Then there's people like me who are predominately hetero, but love to engage in same-gender sex every now and then for the excitement and taboo of it. Generally, we do not have the capacity to fall in love with someone of the same gender. I don't think we qualify as true bisexuals.

We've had this discussion in the past, but I think it's useful to bring it up every now and then.

Comments? Agreements? Disagreements? How would you classify yourself using the two descriptions above?

well, as to the original inquiry, for me the issue was accepting that it was possible to want both, at the same time, and to enjoy with out questioning.

this discussion has occurred over and over, but as new people come into the site, it is good to talk over again.

i uitilized the scale here at the site, but it is not the right descriptive for me, as i can enjoy a man and a women at the same time, and have done so; i am not gay when i am with a man, and i am not hetero when i am with a women, i am what the world likes to brand, i am bisexual.

my general hangouts are several local coffeehouses; great flow of people of all walks of life come through these places, great place to observe and consider one and all. i can scan the room, and as i do, i give equal consideration to each as they are at the moment, wondering about the possibilities, and then letting things go from there.

from the moment i accepted this understanding, it became possible to enjoy all the chances that came by way. as to all the talk of no emotional response while having the sex, that is for each individual to come to an understanding. for me, if i dont have the emotional, then sex doesnt happen!

my wife never understood my desire for men, perferred not to talk about, but was far more concerned about other women in my life, that more to do with how her ex-boyfriend had treated her, then anything to do with me. as to my best friend, his wife took great effort let me know what she thought about the whole sexuality with her now-husband. she eventually won, making certain that there was little choice on his part, and that was that; we had very infrequent times to share after that, and then he was gone. que sera, sera as the old song goes.

since i was 19, i have enjoyed men and women together and individually, and to hell with the title.

:2cents::cool:

[NudeDen]

Maybe it's time to clarify the definition of bisexual.

Some of us live the lifestyle because we are biologically drawn to people sexually and emotionally regardless of their gender. That is, IMHO, the true definition of bisexuality.

Then there's people like me who are predominately hetero, but love to engage in same-gender sex every now and then for the excitement and taboo of it. Generally, we do not have the capacity to fall in love with someone of the same gender. I don't think we qualify as true bisexuals.

We've had this discussion in the past, but I think it's useful to bring it up every now and then.

Comments? Agreements? Disagreements? How would you classify yourself using the two descriptions above?

I would say that it sounds like a very good definition of true bisexuality, but then again i can see where most would disagree. BTW, i tend to contradict myself a lot. Anyway, based on that definition, i would say that i am not truly Bi, but perhaps bi-friendly, hetroflexible, mostly str8, bi-curious, and all of those other terms that basically say that i am open to bi play but not into any kind of relationships with guys.

[bigulfcpl]

Yes, I know I am, have since I was 18. I have been in love with a man before, only once. I know I can love both sexes, and have had great sex with both.

Ron

[wolfcamp]

I am more accepting of my urges and desires now that I am older, but those desires were much stronger when I was young. That's the irony.

Maybe we need in-between labels, like almost-sexual, or vari-sexual, or mostlyfembutsometimesmalesexual. Maybe we could use 30/70sexual or 95/5++sexual.

The sometimes confusing part for me, is that I am mostly content with my attraction for women, but there are rare times when my desire to be touched by a man is almost overwhelming. Yesterday and today are one of those times. I don't have any outward desire to kiss or hug a man, but I have had experiences where I was caught up in the moment and I did those things, and they were an incredible turn-on for me. I wouldn't call it affection, but more like lust of the moment. I have to say though, that once I did those things, it opened my mind to wanting to do them again.

Sexual urges are very mysterious, and I think that, at least for men, they are tied in closely to feelings of aggression, and dominance and submission. I have noticed that my desire to be with a man often coincides with stress or trauma that is going on in my life. I know it sounds a little clinical. I'm not saying it's true for everyone, but it seems to fit me.

[bisexualinsocal]

I question it all the time. I was out with a friend the other day when he introduced me to a female friend of his. This chick was HOT and nothing gets my heart racing faster than women. That was a real reality check. My friend (who's hot for me) was noticeably jealous and changes the subject when I mention her.

[Babycakesuk]

Was really interested to see this post this is one of my main head aches am i gay straight bi lots of choices and if you sit uncomfy on the fence can you be truelly accepted by anyone. I identify myself publically as straight i come from a very strict family I have done my duty married had children. I am however dreadfully unhappy with in myself because i feel i am bi boardering on gay i love sex with women if i had my way i would have a female partner but i also have had a few male partners before the great bloke i am currently married to. I have not found the sex with men without pleasure but i dont get that buzz like i do when i'm with a woman so what do i class as other than confused lol.:)

[ThatSubliminalKid]

This is rather pointless. I don't like these things since it's just putting people into further categories and I hate the current ones as they are.

Not everyone fits into one category or in a single space on a chart/grid.

I hate it when people, even other bisexuals who put people into categories like these:

Jane has had sex with both men and women but she only falls in love with men and has had more male partners so she's more heterosexual.

Mike has had more male sex partners while still being sexually attracted to women and having sex with women, yet he only falls in love with men so he's more homosexual.

Javier has had sex with an equal number of male/female partners and he can fall in love with both men and women, so he's the most "bisexual" out of all of them.

yeah I've wrote about this before on here but that's what this topic is about.

[swag85]

my :2cents:

i do consider myself a BISEXUAL. i like women, and men pretty equal, but as some have said, i like men when i know they like men as well. (relationship wise, i see the odd guy that id love to take home! ;))) i am very selective in men, and women. im bi and proud of it. i like to show my pride, whether on pride, or in my day to day. and i live day to day with my sexuality. im out to most people, other than the people who would judge me very harshly (sucks, but i want these people in my life) , mostly male family members. i dont care for klien grids, or some one telling me how bi, or how homosexual, or hetero, i am. but for some people that gives comfort, or reassurance. which i think is great for people. like someone who is coming out, or just unsure of there sexuality. anything that can shine a light on that for someone is great. not my thing, but for some it is!

im bisexual, not because i like men and women equal, im bisexual because im bisexual. and that is who i am! thats my life!

one thing that bugs me is if i am with a man, people say oh hes homo this week, and when i am with a woman, they say oh hes straight again. no im neither, im BI, thanks!

thats about it for my rant lol! im pretty sure ive said this all in the past as well

:flag3:

[Rambigent]

I've done a lot of thinking about this topic throughout my life; in fact it's part of the reason I joined this site, to participate in discussions like this. I've had various labels for myself over the years; straight, "mostly" straight, bi-curious, heteroflexible...I'm at the point where I'm finally becoming comfortable with (and certain of) the fact that I am bisexual. I used to think I couldn't kiss a guy; turns out I was wrong - and very pleased to be proven wrong! I didn't think I could fall for a guy; while I still haven't had a monogamous relationship with another man I have had some close friendships that are definitely romantic as well as sexual in nature. Generally I find myself attracted to more women than men, but still even if I find one guy out of 100 that I'm attracted to, I would say that that makes me decidedly NOT straight - and bisexual is the label I'm sticking with.

[swag85]

sur ting pulpfiction, i well tri hardar nex tim. sory 4 the inconvenence.


good bye soon, troll! ill give you this response, but now your on ignore. and i will keep ignoring every person you say you are. so you can say what ever you wish to me i will no see it. but guess what you will see this. and i have had the last word to you, and will continue to have the last word. this is an awesome site, with awesome people. and you will not fill it with your garbage. 5 posts in like 3 hours not bad for a "newbie" now piss off!

* checks the board, strikes 1 for swag, 0 for troll!*

have a very fulfilling life troll, hope your stupid remarks make you feel more of a man, woman, trans, whatever the fuck you are today!

IGNORE!!!!!!!!

god that feels good! thanks drew for the ignore button!

sorry everyone carry on with the topic!

[crowemagnum]

This is a question which at 51 I am seeking an answer.



I've never known the love of a healthy woman from any of the key women in my life, i.e. mother, grandmother, wife and definitely not form my mother in law. They had a major conflict over how to raise me. She wanted to raise on “a pink pillow”. Dad on the other hand, wanted to raise an all American boy.

I think I've grown up somewhere between the two and this is where some of my confusion comes from as I discover myself. I think I could honestly say that from my experience, I've known more real love from my dad, my step-brother, my step-dad, and my graduate school room mate.

My mom was so afraid my younger step-brother would have a bad influence on me as he got into his teens and lived a little wild. My dad told me later that it did concern him that I never went through the typical guys and cars phase. Despite my mom, I decided that I would develop a relationship with my step brother. We did become close and this friendship did help me unwind some as well as discover some new things.

I'd become more aware of girls around eleven ( I guess I stated puberty early), but I found myself a bit afraid of girls even in high school after one short and painful dating relationship. Yet I had no fear in my relationship with my step-brother. Looking back, it was like some girls would let me know they were interested in me and a few Very Obviously, yet after breaking up with that one girl in high school, I was afraid.

It really did surprise me a couple of years ago when my sister like friend from high school and my therapist told me that in many ways, I've lived in my marriage more like a wife than like a husband. I'd really not thought of that although I have felt that I've had to be both dad and mom to my boys. Along with being wife’s husband, I’ve probably been somewhat of a mom to her as well.

Basically, it all boils down to this. While I did notice my teenage nanny's hot body and a friend in scouts showed me his dad's playboy when I was in the 5th grade; and “playing doctor” with a female cousin., I was far more at ease being nude with my teenage step-brother.. We would take showers together jack each other off, and suck each other.

All to say that through high school and college it was less fearful to just keep girls as friends and look at my stepbrother's playboys, etc. which in graduate school moved into x-rated movies with little oral annie and john holmes, strip clubs, and oriental massage parlors. While my step-brother gave me my first bj, a Korean girl in a massage parlor gave me my first one from a woman and her’s were the first nude tits I’d ever played with. I was 23. My grad school roommate, David, and I are still very close friends.

I can see where being married to someone much like my mom. Having known a woman's love from a healthy woman and consistently finding more love and dependability in some key men in my life probably has led to this revelation of who I am and always have been now at age 51.

At this point in my life, I think my reflections are leading me to the conclusion that I am attracted to both sexes. I'm just going to acknowledge that I have these bisexual feelings and thoughts.

I definitely enjoyed watching a clip from the interne of two very muscular, well hung, big black men deep throat each other. I do find it quite a turn on to watch these clips and really enjoy the 2 or 3 bisexual men with one woman clips along with the girl on girl with the strap-ons. So, I'm now open and at peace with my bisexual thoughts and desires.

[fairbankswingers]

My husband is bisexual in the true meaning and loves sex with both genders, is attracted to both genders, enjoys making out, kissing, everything with both genders and sometimes has feelings for others...of course I am the lucky one he truly loves, as for me I am bi in the sence I love to be with a man more then anything, but enjoy the soft touch and feel of a woman once in a while...I have had feelings for woman in the past, but find if I have a man or woman to choose from I will 7 out of 10 times choose the man...where my hubby would be wanting both or have a very hard time deciding...and since he is with me all the time he will go with the man..anyhow hope that helps some on here..,
Michelle:three:

[euphoric_anomaly]

Then there's people like me who are predominately hetero, but love to engage in same-gender sex every now and then for the excitement and taboo of it. Generally, we do not have the capacity to fall in love with someone of the same gender. I don't think we qualify as true bisexuals.

I totally agree with that statement. I couldn't fall in love with a man, but taboo playing around is a major fantasy of mine, lived out in my teen years.

Now I'm happily married and a very proud father, but I can't deny that a good looking male turns me on.

:) later

[Papelucho]

I am definitely bi. When a man walks by, I'll think of how I love masculinity, how my body responds to it, the early stages of an orgasm. While I'm enjoying those feelings I'll notice a woman nearby, with a small tight body, and I'll imagine being inside of her while she screams and moans, likes it's exactly what she needs. That's why I'm bi.

[Cogent]

Well Folks,

We all self-select when filling out our profiles...
for example:
2 - Mostly straight, only incidentally gay/lesbian
4 - Equally straight and gay/lesbian
7 - Gay/lesbian

So Obviously there is a range of what it means to be bi... why try to come up with "true" bi... that makes everything else falsely bi .. and what's the value in that except for some narrow minded notions of purity.

[LeahM]

I've been having this thought running through my head for quite sometime as well. I had my first bi experience about 4 years ago, and have been with the same woman on about 8 or so different occasions since. I am married, so hubby is alright with my sexuality. Some say my experience is "minor" and I shouldn't consider myself bisexual. I long to have a relationship with another woman, something more that sexual, friendship as well. I've talked with other women, hubby and I check out the local scene, making mental notes, check out a few clubs from time to time and so on. As for me, I consider myself bisexual. :bigrin:

[jeancarleo]

i've had more sexual encounters with men so that makes me more gay? A gay man doesn't get turned on by women as well as a lesbian girl doesn't get turned on by men. I'm not gay because I feel attracted to women sentimentally and sexually as well as with guys. I've had bfs and gfs and even wife. I'm just happy with who I am =)

[FinkDoodle]

It's just sex . .

why get all hung up on labels for something that's a very natural thing?

[53bimale]

All I can say is, at a very early age, the first guy I saw naked, I got sexually excited and the first woman I saw naked, I got sexually excited, and it is still the same today and I am 57 yrs old. To me, I love sex with men and women. I look at both when I see them, and both still sexually excite me.

[ziggybabie]

I'm autosexual lately.

[alli_smiles]

:rainbow::rainbow:I say i am bisexual because I am equally attracted to men and women....And the definition is a good one as far as i am concerned....But there are drawbacks. You would think I would have twice the chance of filling my dance card, but instead it halves it, cuz the straights think i am too gay and the lesbians think I am too straight, or that I am going to leave them for a guy. *Very frustrating* The girlfriends i have had they were intoxicating, lush, beautiful relationships..I fell hard for these girls...but too few and far between..and the one that was bi broke up with me cuz her boyfriend felt threatened..The male lovers i have taken were different...Beautiful in their own right, but more gritty and physical...I have fallen in love with them too, but its different.

[cornholejoe]

i like sex with both but only with men when doing a threesome

[deurywiol801]

I like the Kinsey as a general guide, but the way I approach my bisexuality is seeing it as either a pendulum swinging back and forth between interests/crushes/turnons etc. or as a cycle between males, females, both, or indifference (very rare).

I know that I'm bi, because it describes who I see myself as very well and I want to see where it will take me in life. I want to be stronger, so I can be myself. That's my goal in life.