This Girl...

[Fancy1600]

Ok Im 15. Please dont say I'm too young or any crap like that. Theres this girl in my class and she says she is straight but shes always staring at me in class and when I look at her she stares for a few seconds then her face turns red and she looks away and starts playing with her hair. She laughs at everything I say even when others dont. She's on my bus and there she acts really nice but at school with people around she doesnt act as nice. she's not a bitch or anything but ya. My friend says that when I'm not there she always asks where I am and at the dance one time she was smiling and asked if I was coming and my friend said no and she stopped smiling and was like oh.... Theres alot more stuff trust me but I'm too lazy to type it. It really seems like she likes me. I've asked her out b4 and she said no. I think she does like me she's just scared of what other ppl will think...what do I do??:(

[shameless agitator]

Sounds like your friend may be having a hard time dealing with an attraction to you. As I see it you have options. You can just kind of bear with it and give her time to figure things out for herself and hope she comes to you, or you can pin her to the wall and stick your tongue down her throat. You may want to check out some of the bisexual boards on myspace where your age won't be an issues for people. http://groups.myspace.com/biandproud I'm the mod on this one.

[FalconAngel]

This doesn't often happen, But we are with Shameless on this one. She could be seriously closeted, so outing her would be a bad thing. But if she is straight, as she publicly claims, then she could be messing with you. But more likely, she is just closeted and really likes you.

If she is closeted, then when she comes out, watch out. It will be awe inspiring.

[bigregory]

Maybe send her a secret message like in her locker or something with your e-mail address expressing your desire to meet her.You can make up an e-mail address at hotmail/yahoo whatever.Then you can maybe you two can chat without exposing her. And then I hope you hit it off:bipride:

[bearisbare]

Maybe send her a secret message like in her locker or something with your e-mail address expressing your desire to meet her.You can make up an e-mail address at hotmail/yahoo whatever.Then you can maybe you two can chat without exposing her. And then I hope you hit it off:bipride:

She'll probably never see it as she was an underage member and looks like she is now banned.

[frenchvikki]

In my early to mid teens I used to act a little like your friend. I acted very straight and very offhand with girls I knew or believed to be gay. It was a cover up and not a very nice one but we all defend ourselves as we believe best. I was always nice at 1 to 1 but when others were around I was a horror. It was only as I grew older and less self concious about myself this trait began to lose its hold and I could accept them for what they were and become less secretive and defensive about my own sexuality.

I agree with FalconAngel that it may be that she is straight and messing you about. If so this is even worse than being young and unable to handle and accept her sexuality. In our teens we are so confused about so much, and sexuality is not the least of things.

I suggest if she is willing that some time when and if you are alone together you catch her at the right time and just ask her why she acts as she does. Other than that I think you will just have to wait until she is ready or makes things more clear than they are. I know its confusing for you but I am afraid thats how life is sometimes, especially when you are the ripe old age of 15.

[wolfcamp]

Compliments are a good way to break the ice. Maybe you could tell her that there is something about the way she looks that you are drawn to. Or, maybe you could share a secret with her on some other topic. Just let her know that you want to be friends, and let it go at that. If things are meant to develop beyond that, then they will do so in their own course. If you ask her how she feels then she might go back into denial and run away again. Don't put her on the spot, but just make her feel comfortable. Try to let her know that she can trust you.

[childofwinter]

All four of her posts seem to be about the same situation spread over almost a year.

[HennaHunny]

She'll probably never see it as she was an underage member and looks like she is now banned.

And Drew...or the computer, who and whatever does the banning, was quite right to ban her. At 15, if this was the person's true age, she is not only underage, but she is still a child. Instead of encouraging her with ways on which to strike up a relationship, the posters here should have been pointing out to the girl that she is a child. No matter what todays 15 year old females may look like, when plastered with make up, and wearing clothing that would be best suited to the street corner of a red light district, they are still children, and need to be protected, not egged on.

Well done to the site owners for banning her.

[void()]

Agreed, she is a child. The site caters to mature themes. And yes it is
proper to ban under aged users.

One interjection however, perhaps her parents did in fact monitor her
activity on the internet. They may think her mature enough to visit such
sites with supervision of course. I'm not saying they were doing so, but
it is one possibility not to exclude.

Every song has six versions of lyrics, as do the variegations of Truth.
We mustn't posit moral platitudes of superiority over the unknown, for in
being unknown it holds no prejudice or discrimination of who it may bite.

Simpler put, "if you point a finger, three always point back." Or to add
a dash of basic Christianity, "remove not the splinter from your brother's
eye, lest first you remove the mote from thine own." Of course I paraphrase,
I'm a very lapsed former Mennonite, believe that's from Matthew.

Alright, interjection finished. Run it slow. :)

[frenchvikki]

Of course she is too young to be a member, but we were all too young once upon a time and most of us probably pushed what we were allowed and not allowed as far as we were able. I know I did certainly. Whatever the age of the original poster the question was asked and I think we have an obligation to the young as well as ourselves to at least advise her as best we could. We all remember the lack of places to go and organisations to ask help from. So out of desperation we turned to wherever we thought we could get that help and advice.

[HennaHunny]

Agreed, she is a child. The site caters to mature themes. And yes it is
proper to ban under aged users.

One interjection however, perhaps her parents did in fact monitor her
activity on the internet. They may think her mature enough to visit such
sites with supervision of course. I'm not saying they were doing so, but
it is one possibility not to exclude.

Every song has six versions of lyrics, as do the variegations of Truth.
We mustn't posit moral platitudes of superiority over the unknown, for in
being unknown it holds no prejudice or discrimination of who it may bite.

Simpler put, "if you point a finger, three always point back." Or to add
a dash of basic Christianity, "remove not the splinter from your brother's
eye, lest first you remove the mote from thine own." Of course I paraphrase,
I'm a very lapsed former Mennonite, believe that's from Matthew.

Alright, interjection finished. Run it slow. :)

I don't think my comments have anything to do with moral platitudes of superiority, or taking the plank from my brother's eye, but first making sure I remove the mote from mine own. Perhaps I write, having got a teenage daughter of my own, thankfully older than 15.

This child, if indeed she was a child, has posted 4 posts on the site since May of 2007, so why was she only banned in April 2008. Her posts say virtually the same thing, apart from one, which is very short. I would have thought that this signing on should have been picked up immediately, as I once saw one post from a 17 year old boy, who only managed one post before being banned, and he had not been signed up for very long.

If the girl is 15, then she is extremely immature, and this can be seen by reading hers posts. Being a parent myself, there is no way that I would have allowed a my daughter, aged 15 to enter a site such as this, even with supervision. My daughter was supervised when using the internet until she was 16, and even then, her mother and I would check where she had visited, before she had time to wipe the history.

Reading the very similar posts of this child, it appears to me that she would most likely, not even have talked to her parents about any confusion of sexuality, or any definite feelings she may have had. The very fact that these posts are spread over so many months makes me think that this could even be a teenager having what she and her friends might imagine is ''a bit of fun''...who knows.

Sure, there are many confused teenagers..and no wonder when they are so full of rampant hormones, but the advice given to a child, shouls not be to do this ot that, to maybe find out if the other gitl is interested, but to tell this 15 year old that she is very young, and needs to talk to a counselor, who will listen, not condemn, and keep her confidence.

However, I tend to feel that the whole thing was a childish prank. A 15 year old playing around. it's been done before, and sometimes, not by teenagers.

[bearisbare]

I don't think my comments have anything to do with moral platitudes of superiority, or taking the plank from my brother's eye, but first making sure I remove the mote from mine own. Perhaps I write, having got a teenage daughter of my own, thankfully older than 15.

This child, if indeed she was a child, has posted 4 posts on the site since May of 2007, so why was she only banned in April 2008. Her posts say virtually the same thing, apart from one, which is very short. I would have thought that this signing on should have been picked up immediately, as I once saw one post from a 17 year old boy, who only managed one post before being banned, and he had not been signed up for very long.


I've found that it isn't necessarily as obvious as one may think. When I was a moderator of the chatroom that used to exist at bisexual.org, invariably an underager would either out themselves or be outed by others, usually when the underager messages someone and that is relayed to others, either openly in a chatroom or to a moderator.

The 15-year-old didn't say anything about her age until her last post and could have been thought to be of age before that time. My speculative guess is that the 17-year-old admitted his age upfront and quick action was taken.

[HennaHunny]

I've found that it isn't necessarily as obvious as one may think. When I was a moderator of the chatroom that used to exist at bisexual.org, invariably an underager would either out themselves or be outed by others, usually when the underager messages someone and that is relayed to others, either openly in a chatroom or to a moderator.

The 15-year-old didn't say anything about her age until her last post and could have been thought to be of age before that time. My speculative guess is that the 17-year-old admitted his age upfront and quick action was taken.

I really do have to disagree with you. I do that as the father of teenagers of varying ages. They are pretty obvious, whether it be by the kind of language they may us, and I'm talking English language, or by the appalling spelling so many of them use these days, thanks to texting.

No the young girl did not reveal her age in her first post, but she did say she was in school, that she sat next to this girl of her dreams, and he written English was far from adult. Obviously no one reported what they thought seemed likea suspiciously young style of writing, for she was not noticed or removed last year. In fact the posts after hers, just encouraged her to keep trying, or give up and notch it up as experience (I generalise there, but I am sure you get the idea of what I mean, I will not pick out any particular post).

Anyone coming on a site such as this, can pretend to be exactly what they want, and yes, you are correct in saying that most underage posters will be very noticeable...for all the reasons aforementioned. This girl revealed herself quite well in her first post, but nearly a year on, she posted again, only then saying how old she was. I think it was pretty obvious in the first post that the person was immature.

And teenagers being very willing to own up to what they are, or have done. I think not. They like to get away with as much as they possibly can. If I remember rightly, the 17 year old actually did admit his age. Perhaps he did not understand that 18 is considered the age when adult responsibility is achieved. Well, in most countries. My last comment, because what ever I post, someone will find a way of disagreeing with it.

[augnovice]

I really do have to disagree with you. I do that as the father of teenagers of varying ages. They are pretty obvious, whether it be by the kind of language they may us, and I'm talking English language, or by the appalling spelling so many of them use these days, thanks to texting.

No the young girl did not reveal her age in her first post, but she did say she was in school, that she sat next to this girl of her dreams, and he written English was far from adult. Obviously no one reported what they thought seemed likea suspiciously young style of writing, for she was not noticed or removed last year. In fact the posts after hers, just encouraged her to keep trying, or give up and notch it up as experience (I generalise there, but I am sure you get the idea of what I mean, I will not pick out any particular post).

Anyone coming on a site such as this, can pretend to be exactly what they want, and yes, you are correct in saying that most underage posters will be very noticeable...for all the reasons aforementioned. This girl revealed herself quite well in her first post, but nearly a year on, she posted again, only then saying how old she was. I think it was pretty obvious in the first post that the person was immature.

And teenagers being very willing to own up to what they are, or have done. I think not. They like to get away with as much as they possibly can. If I remember rightly, the 17 year old actually did admit his age. Perhaps he did not understand that 18 is considered the age when adult responsibility is achieved. Well, in most countries. My last comment, because what ever I post, someone will find a way of disagreeing with it.


I think its pretty easy to sit here after the fact and say that its obvious. You would be surprised how many people type a different age than they are.

[bearisbare]

I really do have to disagree with you. I do that as the father of teenagers of varying ages. They are pretty obvious, whether it be by the kind of language they may us, and I'm talking English language, or by the appalling spelling so many of them use these days, thanks to texting.

No the young girl did not reveal her age in her first post, but she did say she was in school, that she sat next to this girl of her dreams, and he written English was far from adult. Obviously no one reported what they thought seemed likea suspiciously young style of writing, for she was not noticed or removed last year. In fact the posts after hers, just encouraged her to keep trying, or give up and notch it up as experience (I generalise there, but I am sure you get the idea of what I mean, I will not pick out any particular post).

Anyone coming on a site such as this, can pretend to be exactly what they want, and yes, you are correct in saying that most underage posters will be very noticeable...for all the reasons aforementioned. This girl revealed herself quite well in her first post, but nearly a year on, she posted again, only then saying how old she was. I think it was pretty obvious in the first post that the person was immature.

And teenagers being very willing to own up to what they are, or have done. I think not. They like to get away with as much as they possibly can. If I remember rightly, the 17 year old actually did admit his age. Perhaps he did not understand that 18 is considered the age when adult responsibility is achieved. Well, in most countries. My last comment, because what ever I post, someone will find a way of disagreeing with it.

Totally understand where you're coming from, and no, I'm not disagreeing. The only point I might make is that, in my experiences over a few years of moderating bisexual chatspace, I saw some people say they were 18 and they were very mature in their communications. On the other hand, I also saw many others who said they were older, some much older than 18, who were very immature in their ways of interacting.

[HennaHunny]

I think its pretty easy to sit here after the fact and say that its obvious. You would be surprised how many people type a different age than they are.

Everything is pretty easy to say after an event has taken place. Methinks I am not naive, and do realise that a lot of people type in false dates of birth, also what sex they are, and also their sexuality. All these things are possible. I post as the father of teenagers, and i don't expect anyone to agree with me, nor does it bother me. What does bother me, is when a supposedly young person comes here to start a thread, supposedly confused about their sexuality, and 8 times out of ten they get told, ''Oh yes, you're bi''..or ''Oh, you maybe''.....on very few occasions do i see a supposedly adult person day, ''Hold on there, you are so very young, and many young people can be confused, and overwhelmed by feelings they think are sexual attraction, to the same sex''...I read one last week, and very good advice it was too. Please do not patronise me....for that is how it read.

[HennaHunny]

Totally understand where you're coming from, and no, I'm not disagreeing. The only point I might make is that, in my experiences over a few years of moderating bisexual chatspace, I saw some people say they were 18 and they were very mature in their communications. On the other hand, I also saw many others who said they were older, some much older than 18, who were very immature in their ways of interacting.

You are right, many under 18s can be far more mature than many over 18s. i see this in charooms all the time, including here on this site. Not all adults behave in an adult manner, but I don't think that this is what you were saying in your post. You seem to have shifted ground a little. No matter, it is of little consequence, for this change of content, does in fact add to the discussion.

[dportrait]

I think its very sad that this girl was banned. Being only 15 she was more in need of guidance than many of the members here...

I do understand there may be legal reasons for the ban. The law is somewhat out of step with reality in that many teenagers have sex before the age of 18 - but they are not allowed to talk about it online! I agree with laws preventing older people from exploiting teenagers, but not with laws that prevent teenagers getting the advice and education they need.

Her post was entirely age appropriate - she is attracted to someone her own age (as most teenagers are) and wanted some advice...

Reseach has shown that the less information youngsters get about sex, the more trouble they have with it - such as STDs and unwanted pregancy through sheer ignorance. Educated teens tend to start later and have safer sex. Its a pity the wowsers don't understand this.

My:2cents:

[Annika L]

Fancy1600 is certainly too young to be a member, chat, and post here, but she is NOT too young to be bi, to have questions, or to want/need to get them answered.

I commend the Powers That Be BOTH for exercising their legal obligation to ban underage members, *and* for their compassion in allowing this thread to persist, rather than simply removing it. In this way, Fancy1600 can indeed view the responses that people have made and hear varying perspectives on her question. (Not to mention that it's nice to have a Sign that there still are Powers That Be. :tong:)

I don't believe that Void's point (as I understood it) was relevant...it doesn't matter whether her parents were ok with her being here. The site requires members to be 18 or over. When Fancy1600 turns 18, we'll welcome her with open arms as we do everyone else. I also think that if her posts are a prank, as HennaHunny suggests, then they do not constitute a very interesting or well-done prank. The original post sounds exactly like the kind of thing many of us go through as young bisexuals.

I think her questions are valid and relevant, and I am happy that people have been able to post responses for her to read. I agree that it is sad that she needed to be banned...but she needed to be banned. Yes, she is in more need of guidance than many people here, and in addition to the thoughts people have shared, Shameless Agitator did a great job of pointing her toward an age-appropriate source of guidance.

[HennaHunny]

I think its very sad that this girl was banned. Being only 15 she was more in need of guidance than many of the members here...

I do understand there may be legal reasons for the ban. The law is somewhat out of step with reality in that many teenagers have sex before the age of 18 - but they are not allowed to talk about it online! I agree with laws preventing older people from exploiting teenagers, but not with laws that prevent teenagers getting the advice and education they need.

Her post was entirely age appropriate - she is attracted to someone her own age (as most teenagers are) and wanted some advice...

Reseach has shown that the less information youngsters get about sex, the more trouble they have with it - such as STDs and unwanted pregancy through sheer ignorance. Educated teens tend to start later and have safer sex. Its a pity the wowsers don't understand this.

My:2cents:

Do you have children? If you do, then you will understand why there need to be age limits, in either direction, for saying yea or nay to. If you don't have any children, then you can only understand as an outsider--an uncle, cousin, friend of the family etc.

Just because children may be experimenting with sex at an earlier age, it doesn't mean that they are necessarily emotionally mature enough to handle the consequences. Physically, girls (boys don't seem to have caught up yet), may look a lot older these days, at the age of 14/15, than they did 20 - 30 years ago, but inside that child's head is a mind that can be extremely immature, and incapable of coping with certain emotions, and emotions are very strong at this age. How many mothers get left with looking after a baby, that a teenage daughter will give birth to? Plenty! Though some girls will be mature enough to cope, and grow up very quickly. The times I have heard a young mother talking in TV debates, and although loving her child, rue the day she got pregnant at such a young age.

A 15 year old, or any child under the age of 18, cannot be allowed to access a site such as this, no matter how mature that child may be. Who is to say that the child will not encounter someone who will take advantage of him or her. And that has nothing to do with the sort of adult site that child may access. There have to be limits. That is the way it has to be.

It is, of course, important for children to be taught about sex, relationships and all that goes with that territory. It is important that they be taught that this is a means of reproduction, as well as a way of expressing love for another person. When this is being taught, the children should be made to understand the different feelings that we can all feel, and they should be made to understand that there are counsellors available for confidential chat, if they have any worries or are confused about feelings. This makes perfect sense.

The children should also be taught about sexually transmitted diseaes, contraception, etc etc. This also makes sense. In my community, it is not just the sexually educated child that tends to avoid getting pregnant, etc, but the better educated, more intelligent, and those who have two parents who are together, or if not together, both still playing an equal part in the care of their children, with the help of good step parents, where there are any.

This 15 year old had to be banned. Here is not the place for her to talk about her feelings. She may not be bisexual or gay. She may just be confused. Also, she may not have been a 15 year old, but an older person playing the idiot. In fact acting like a wowser!

Don't call people wowsers, just because they may not think that this is the right site for a child. Children are precious, and need to be cherished and looked after in the best way possible.

By the way, my teenager, now way past 15, is still immature, in many ways, and cannot be called adult, yet very mature as well. It's called growing up.

[dportrait]

Do you have children? If you do, then you will understand why there need to be age limits, in either direction, for saying yea or nay to. If you don't have any children, then you can only understand as an outsider--an uncle, cousin, friend of the family etc.

Just because children may be experimenting with sex at an earlier age, it doesn't mean that they are necessarily emotionally mature enough to handle the consequences. Physically, girls (boys don't seem to have caught up yet), may look a lot older these days, at the age of 14/15, than they did 20 - 30 years ago, but inside that child's head is a mind that can be extremely immature, and incapable of coping with certain emotions, and emotions are very strong at this age. How many mothers get left with looking after a baby, that a teenage daughter will give birth to? Plenty! Though some girls will be mature enough to cope, and grow up very quickly. The times I have heard a young mother talking in TV debates, and although loving her child, rue the day she got pregnant at such a young age.

A 15 year old, or any child under the age of 18, cannot be allowed to access a site such as this, no matter how mature that child may be. Who is to say that the child will not encounter someone who will take advantage of him or her. And that has nothing to do with the sort of adult site that child may access. There have to be limits. That is the way it has to be.

It is, of course, important for children to be taught about sex, relationships and all that goes with that territory. It is important that they be taught that this is a means of reproduction, as well as a way of expressing love for another person. When this is being taught, the children should be made to understand the different feelings that we can all feel, and they should be made to understand that there are counsellors available for confidential chat, if they have any worries or are confused about feelings. This makes perfect sense.

The children should also be taught about sexually transmitted diseaes, contraception, etc etc. This also makes sense. In my community, it is not just the sexually educated child that tends to avoid getting pregnant, etc, but the better educated, more intelligent, and those who have two parents who are together, or if not together, both still playing an equal part in the care of their children, with the help of good step parents, where there are any.

This 15 year old had to be banned. Here is not the place for her to talk about her feelings. She may not be bisexual or gay. She may just be confused. Also, she may not have been a 15 year old, but an older person playing the idiot. In fact acting like a wowser!

Don't call people wowsers, just because they may not think that this is the right site for a child. Children are precious, and need to be cherished and looked after in the best way possible.

By the way, my teenager, now way past 15, is still immature, in many ways, and cannot be called adult, yet very mature as well. It's called growing up.

I came across a more suitable site in another thread - its open to members from 13 years of age and is probably a good place for the OP.

http://www.emptyclosets.com/

I don't think our views are that far apart. I understand that the OP had to be banned, but thought it was a pity that in doing so we were denying her the help she asked for.

The wowser comment was not aimed at the people on this forum, but at those that believe denying teenagers access to sex education will stop them from having sex. Perhaps that was not as clear as I wanted it to be.

Edit : Annika L : well said, it is great that this thread has been allowed to continue.

Peace

[12voltman59]

From a purely legalistic point of view----it was the best thing that Fancy was banned---people are so touchy about kids and sex that it was a danger to this site that we had someone of her age talking on here--on a site that is populated by adults and meant to be an adult site---even if all anyone here did was to offer this young woman some advise on matters sexual but never crossed the line into something that is more questionable--it is still a very problematic situation for us to offer advise or information of a sexual nature to a minor----you could run afoul of some criminal law--at least in the minds of some overzealous prosecutors at worst and at best---could put you in jeopardy of some civil infractions leading to being sued---neither of which is a very good situation----

We simply cannot have people less than legal age coming to this site and remaining here---no matter the potentially good information they might recieve----the potential legal jeopardy for the site and us as individuals is simply too great.

[darkeyes]

Me had decided not 2 reply 2 this... hav had a few argy bargies wiv peeps bout unda age peeps gettin in 2 the site an thot me wud leave well alone.. but reely..wotta buncha arseholes sum of us r at times... sure she shudn b ne wer near the site. Drew made the rules for his, the site's an spose our protection.. an can undastand wy..tho it has neva sat easily wiv me.. if Fancy is genuine.. wich nun of us knows, but sum peeps question, then like the rest of us had she has adolescent probs.. Jeez..me membas mine an don wanna hav em bak... her prob in this instance is 2 do wiv wy sum 1 can b ok wiv er wen alone an so shitty wen they wiv otha peeps.. it aint necessarily specifically a prob 2 do wiv bisexuality... happened 2 me a cuppla times wiv peeps who liked me 2 talk 2 thot me wos a fun an wanted 2 b me m8..but er m8s didn think mucha me so 2 stay in wiv them she wosnt 2 nice in public an espesh wen they wer around... it happens.. its life...its growin up.. Er prob of course is 1 of sexuality...an thats parta growin up an all... as me mum is fonda sayin...it'll all cum out in the wash..an time an maturity will sort it...

It dus bug me tho that peeps seem 2 feign an undastandin of, not jus this girl..but weneva ne otha unda age kid sneaks in an asks a question.. they mite b genuine..mayb not..but as it is we havta take em in the main at face value an believe wot they say... an in doin that patronisin em don help our cause 1 lil bit... passin the buck an tellin em 2 sod off sumwer else me thinks shames us... we more scared a the "law" an wot peeps think than we r a helpin the young of our own kind...

Of course we r concerned wiv predatory peeps.. of course we shud b concerned bout the "law", but moren owt else we shud b concerned wiv sum 1 who is askin advice an askin for our help.. 1 of our own.. unda age kids will sneak on ere as they do on otha adult sites... wen they r rumbled sure they will b asked 2 go elsewer cos spose they r breakin the rules...jeez..we all dun that in our time..spesh wen we wer kids wetha it wos sneakin in2 the pictures 2 c an X rated film, a pub wen we aint old enuff 2 buy booze, or smoke, or get inta a club. Jeez...in the past sum daft sods lied bout ther age 2 go 2 war an got emselves killed in the process... o yea.. an lets not forget how many of us had sex wen wer wer 14 or 15 or even younga... we didn think mucha rules then..

Am not sayin break the rules, or encourage ne 1 2 do it..they r ther for a reason.. wot me is sayin is that wen sum 1 dus an sneaks in ere wen they r 14 or 15, 17 or woteva (an jeez...16 legal age of consent ere an lotsa otha places)..they shud hav our compassion, our undastandin an as much luff as we can give em.. sure advise em 2 go elsewer..but FFS advise em of places they can go..don jus ban em, tell em 2 sod off (politely or othawise an then think ya conscience is salved... cos it aint..yas jus compounded potentially an already shitty prob sum 1 is facin.. yas sent em off inta the wilderness an 2 mins lata..yas dun ya duty..an ya can forget em.. not my way...an if me did that wud b so ashamed of meself me wud find it hard 2 live wiv meself... on the otha hand...ther is no shame in givin advice an assistance as best we can in forums wen sum sneaky lil bugga dus get in an ask for help...