Going "bi"

[VaSport]

Have been mainly gay experiences but wanting more and more to experience Bi lifestyle...how open are couples to letting "first timers" join?

[JohnnyV]

VaSport,

I have to be honest with you: It's easier for a bi woman to get into the couples scene than a bi man.

[cchalmer]

VaSport,

I have to be honest with you: It's easier for a bi woman to get into the couples scene than a bi man.


I'm not sure I can agree with that....I had no problem finding a couple to join in with. The biggest problem that I see is for a couple to find a bi lady to join us. We have been looking for about a year and a half and have not been able to find one....much to my g/f's dismay.

[RainbowBright]

i agree with you.. being a bi woman whom is married.. it is hard to find other women who also like and want to be with hubby... soooooo still looking and waiting.

Bright :tong:

[nerdslut]

I don't see why it should be so hard. There's nothing better than two hot boys and a girl - perhaps only unlimited hot girls, methinks.

[Cid87]

I don't see why it should be so hard. There's nothing better than two hot boys and a girl - perhaps only unlimited hot girls, methinks.

Hmmm... that may be so.

[Biboz49]

Works for us too. I would rather have a bi guy join us then a straight guy. I want to have fun too! :bigrin:

[VaSport]

Thanks for the advice...yeah, finding it hard to get both the combination of guy and girl involved...

[JohnnyV]

I'm surprised so many folks had an easy time setting up mmf threesomes. In my experience, gay men are not happy about having a woman in bed with a man, or else they start wanting the female's male partner to dump her and run off to Gayland. So if you're a mf couple and you want another guy, you usually have to find other bi-guys, but they're hard to find since bi men, in my experience (again), are not out and visible as much as gay guys.

Good luck to all! Those of you who have managed to set it up, cherish it!

Luv,
J

[okto05]

I just happened to be friiends with a couple and we got really drunk and one thing led to another. Sometimes things just happen ,but be careful not to afiend anybody. Check out the local personals.

[kimba_n_hotrod]

Well, Rod and I have actively been looking for a 3rd (bimale) to join us on a regular basis. We have yet to find it. And we've been looking for a lil over 5 years.

[CuteGeorgiaBoy]

A hurdle that some people tend to overlook is the element of attraction between those involved.
A mutual attraction between the members of the couple is assumed, or else they would probably not be a couple. The third, however, is in the position of needing to be attracted to two other people instead of one. In addition, both members in the couple need to find the potential new bisexual addition acceptable.
While it may not seem difficult in theory, it has been my experience that it can become quite complicated. There are many nuances in developing a relationship.
I recently met a couple, and we hit it off immediately. I was attracted to both the male and the female involved. Both appeared to be attracted to me. However, it soon became apparent that the female in the couple, even though attracted to me herself, was insecure and felt threatened by the attention given to me by her mate. Because of this, the relationship between the three of us never developed beyond attending a few social gatherings together.
This is just an example, but I think that it speaks volumes about the logistics involved when seeking a relationship of this type.

[Dreamcouple2]

"I recently met a couple, and we hit it off immediately. I was attracted to both the male and the female involved. Both appeared to be attracted to me. However, it soon became apparent that the female in the couple, even though attracted to me herself, was insecure and felt threatened by the attention given to me by her mate."

My husband and I have not met anyone yet............we have been looking for several months for a single bi male to join in our fun......so when I saw your post cutegeorgiaboy.........it makes sense to me. If the bi guy seems to be MORE attracted to my husband we would probably have problems too.........this is an experience for both of us not just him.....he already knows he is bi, been there done that.................so for me, it is about all of us, not the two of them so I can see why she was upset....
I am the one who asks the questions, I am the one who sets everything up.....if the guy isn't attracted to me it isn't ever going to happen............

I just make sure he isn't 'curious' because if they are then they will always be thinking more about him..................
does this make any sense at all.....................???

Just my opinion....

Kat

[CuteGeorgiaBoy]

My husband and I have not met anyone yet............we have been looking for several months for a single bi male to join in our fun......so when I saw your post cutegeorgiaboy.........it makes sense to me. If the bi guy seems to be MORE attracted to my husband we would probably have problems too.........this is an experience for both of us not just him.....he already knows he is bi, been there done that.................so for me, it is about all of us, not the two of them so I can see why she was upset....
I am the one who asks the questions, I am the one who sets everything up.....if the guy isn't attracted to me it isn't ever going to happen............

I just make sure he isn't 'curious' because if they are then they will always be thinking more about him..................
does this make any sense at all.....................???

Just my opinion....

Kat[/QUOTE]

I think that Kat is in agreement with myself, though I am having difficulty being sure of that fact from reading her post.

Perhaps I should attempt to clarify my original post.

The fact that the male in the couple's relationship seemed a bit more enthusiastic towards me than toward his long-time partner is incidental. It could have been instead the female was more attracted to the third and the male was not; or it could have been the third was more interested in the female of the couple and not the male; or perhaps the third is a female that finds the male unattractive. The specifics are unimportant. There are many reasons why two people are unable to form a proper connection. Adding a third further complicates transactions of this nature geometrically.

The point of my post was to bring attention to the fact that with the introduction of a third person (or more), the establishment of an acceptable relationship becomes more difficult, if all members are to be satisfied. Thus, the difficulty and frustration nearly everyone, singles and couples alike, seems to experience while seeking this type of relationship.

Jealousy and insecurity within polyamory is an entirely different topic.

[wanderingrichard]

no, i think i have to agree with JohnnyV.. it is a hell of a lot easier for a bi woman to be invited into a couples playtime for a 3sum than it is for a bi man.. and you guys who have been very fortunate to find a willing couple without hangups, you are very lucky indeed.. even here in western washington where i currently am, even with the huge swingers movement and all the so called tolerance and hedonisitic freedoms, bi men are still curiosities and pariahs.. [ note to drew; could we add a spell check feature for our online text editior? it would help when we reply] we're too queer for most men, who are probably very insecure in their own sexualities to begin with, not outre enough for the gay men [ on average] , a grotesquely morbid attraction for many women, and we just dont fit into anyones little pigeonhole, so we are kept at more than arms length.

why is it so hard for men to make the leap from their fantasies of two women in bed with them, to sharing their lady and bed with another man, when she would probably be just as happy having her inverse fantasy come true??

what i mean here is, if it's ok for a man to want two women to play with each other and him, why can't most men understand that many women would love to see the exact opposite? two men playing with each other and her?

[binbi42]

Two and a half years ago, we had our first experience with another bi male. It was a somewhat planned affair meaning that we knew it was in the cards for about a month prior to it happening. The male was an old friend that I had shared many bi experiences with back in my 20’s. Even though we had not been in touch for many years prior to reconnecting there was a familiarity that was exciting as memories of times passed replayed as they had so many times over the years.
I would put my level of bi-ness and about 30/70 meaning that my strongest attraction is still towards the opposite sex…no excuses or apologies just a fair assessment of what seems to be the case…I would say that my friends level of bi-ness seems to parallel mine in this regard. We both explored and played with some of the same women in college during the days when “free love” ruled which I believe eventually became what is now regarded as “swinging”.
There were issues we all had to deal with. It was her first time not only of sharing a bed with someone other than myself, but also her first time with two males, and add to that equation the fact that we also both happened to be bi. Overall, that first experience was great but it sure opened all of our eyes to some very deep issues we had in regard to emotions, some of them not so pleasant to look at. Most importantly to us as a couple it showed us areas we still needed to grow in. We have spent the last two years exploring many of those issues but are nowhere near coming to terms with some that are so deep rooted that it may take many more years.
In the last couple of years we have had on more that a few occasions: threesomes with a bi-females, threesomes with a bi males, foursomes with straight couples, foursomes with bi couples, and on a few occasions more people in a bed/room than you’d think possible with often times as many as four to five on one person.
What we have come to appreciate are other bi couples and, we have a few that we meet with on occasion. This balance seems to work the best for us because of all the possible variations and combinations that one can experience and explore. There is nothing more gratifying on a personal level to turning one’s fantasies into realities. The complexity of attraction working four ways is more complex than I would have ever imagined. It seems that we are always in a search mode for the perfect balance. It is not just us but the couples we play with as well. We are fortunate to have made some very good friends, some of which we have invited to this site as well because here we feel that genuine interest and discussion exists. It is an ongoing exploration with the final chapters still waiting to be written.
A :2cents:

[Dreamcouple2]

Thanks for the post Binbi42.........very well said and I agree with you all...........

Kat

[JohnnyV]

no, i think i have to agree with JohnnyV.. it is a hell of a lot easier for a bi woman to be invited into a couples playtime for a 3sum than it is for a bi man.. and you guys who have been very fortunate to find a willing couple without hangups, you are very lucky indeed.. even here in western washington where i currently am, even with the huge swingers movement and all the so called tolerance and hedonisitic freedoms, bi men are still curiosities and pariahs.. [ note to drew; could we add a spell check feature for our online text editior? it would help when we reply] we're too queer for most men, who are probably very insecure in their own sexualities to begin with, not outre enough for the gay men [ on average] , a grotesquely morbid attraction for many women, and we just dont fit into anyones little pigeonhole, so we are kept at more than arms length.

why is it so hard for men to make the leap from their fantasies of two women in bed with them, to sharing their lady and bed with another man, when she would probably be just as happy having her inverse fantasy come true??

what i mean here is, if it's ok for a man to want two women to play with each other and him, why can't most men understand that many women would love to see the exact opposite? two men playing with each other and her?

Richard, too bad I don't live in Washington. On another note: do you think it has something to do with genitalia? Maybe another vagina isn't as scary to another woman, as another penis is to a man? Wild guess?