Should I give up on toys?

[thinkfree39]

I'm always looking for new adventures in the bedroom and I like to get advice from books, online, etc. Much of the advice includes dildos and vibrators. My wife somewhat enjoys me using these toys on her but doesn't use them herself. I've encouraged her to try but she's not interested.

My question is, do you think there's a chance she will come around and learn to like using them on herself, or am I just wasting my time? I would love to have both hands free while she does, for obvious reasons. The books I've been reading don't address this and seem to imply that every woman loves them. Maybe I should keep trying, but I don't want to get frustrated with it either.

[Cogent]

You are wasting your time. It's your fantasy, not hers. And the more pressure you bring, the less likely she will be to become curious

[purpleheaded]

No, I would not stop. I would think with the right head for a minute though. As the previous writer said that it is your fantasy and not hers. I don't know where that writer gets his info to make a statement like that but then again what do I know?
My two cents is that maybe you use them everytime and maybe thats too much for your partner. The answer is possibly your partner wants something else to happen like her fantasy to be met or some other need that could be scratched so to speak.
It can be hard to speak frankly about what you want and what you would like to share in bed with your partner. If you can get the courage or strenght to have an open conversation about each others needs, wants and desires it will forever remove that elephant in the bed.:2cents:
Toys and other aids are a lot of fun and create new passion. Like anything else you need to keep it improving with time and keep whats comfortable stable. Sometimes its a challenge.

[innaminka]

You are wasting your time. It's your fantasy, not hers. And the more pressure you bring, the less likely she will be to become curious

Perfectly put. The worst thing in a continuing relationship is for one partner to be pressured into something they really just don't want to do.
If it happens, fantastic; but let her come to you.

Personally, I think toys are overrated. They are just that - toys - and should be treated as such. For playing with.
Ours gather an awful lot of dust between use. The real thing is always better.

But keep your dream.

[thinkfree39]

Thanks for the input.

It really isn't a fantasy of mine. I just love finding new ways to make her squirm with delight. And getting that other hand free would multiply the possibilities. She just doesn't like self pleasuring. I can understand that. Well no I can't! But it's not that big a deal. And I'm not a pain about it. I'm just always looking for new avenues.

[purpleheaded]

That's funny. That's exactly what I say, when she asks why I'm smiling. Love to see 'em squirm. :)

[Bluebiyou]

Naw dude.
Don't give up on toys. Give up on her.
I'm serious.
I have more sexual fun with toys then I do with my gf.
The vast majority of the value I have in our relationship are all the things other than sexuality. It is true sex is not everything, but it is a large part of intimate human relationships.
If she feels left out - that she's missing something, she's right.
If she feels challenged and becomes interested... then we will play, our relationship will grow.
Yet a relationship... even so wonderful in every other aspect... without a high sexual value... well, the days are numbered.
I won't try to interest her... she has to ask for that.
I've eaten steak in my life and I've eaten McDonnalds out of the dumpster (metaphorically/emotionally/relationship speaking).
If I have sex with someone... anyone... it is... by God... because they also want to have sex with me.
I've eaten steak and now I won't settle for less.
So, don't try to convince her... that's her feelings/decision/free will.

[Skater Boy]

Naw dude.
Don't give up on toys. Give up on her.
I'm serious.
I have more sexual fun with toys then I do with my gf.
The vast majority of the value I have in our relationship are all the things other than sexuality. It is true sex is not everything, but it is a large part of intimate human relationships.
If she feels left out - that she's missing something, she's right.
If she feels challenged and becomes interested... then we will play, our relationship will grow.
Yet a relationship... even so wonderful in every other aspect... without a high sexual value... well, the days are numbered.
I won't try to interest her... she has to ask for that.
I've eaten steak in my life and I've eaten McDonnalds out of the dumpster (metaphorically/emotionally/relationship speaking).
If I have sex with someone... anyone... it is... by God... because they also want to have sex with me.
I've eaten steak and now I won't settle for less.
So, don't try to convince her... that's her feelings/decision/free will.


I'm not sure I agree. Give up on your S.O. just because he/she's not into toys? Doesn't figure... unless toys are your ONLY sexual interest, in which case you probably don't even need a S.O.

As for for the non-sexual relationship thing, I'm well aware of at least one couple in my immediate geographical locality who I know haven't had physical sex in decades, and they've been together since their early twenties and are now in their fifties. So it all depends on the individuals' priorities. Although I'd admit that most people will want some form of sex at some point in their lives.

Perhaps its just me, or perhaps its the weather (:tong:) but I can't help but take some of the posts people have been making lately with a pinch of salt. and I'd recommend that others do likewise.

[Lorcan]

My wife somewhat enjoys me using these toys on her but doesn't use them herself.

Maybe she "somewhat" enjoys you using it on her because you seem to enjoy it and she wants to please you. I agree.. don't pressure her.

Personally vibrators do nothing for me, and its 50/50 whether i'll even use a dildo when masterbating alone. When i'm with a male, i want the real thing.

Bluebiyou would have you believe because of this i am boring in bed, but from the moans and intense orgasms of my partner... I would say not. :bigrin:

[DiamondDog]

Naw dude.
Don't give up on toys. Give up on her.
I'm serious.
I have more sexual fun with toys then I do with my gf.
The vast majority of the value I have in our relationship are all the things other than sexuality. It is true sex is not everything, but it is a large part of intimate human relationships.
If she feels left out - that she's missing something, she's right.
If she feels challenged and becomes interested... then we will play, our relationship will grow.
Yet a relationship... even so wonderful in every other aspect... without a high sexual value... well, the days are numbered.
I won't try to interest her... she has to ask for that.
I've eaten steak in my life and I've eaten McDonnalds out of the dumpster (metaphorically/emotionally/relationship speaking).
If I have sex with someone... anyone... it is... by God... because they also want to have sex with me.
I've eaten steak and now I won't settle for less.
So, don't try to convince her... that's her feelings/decision/free will.

I agree.

But again, when it comes to sex with women I have never had any desire to have vanilla sex with a woman.

[Lorcan]

:bigrin::bounce::bigrin::bounce::bigrin::bounce:
thinking of tying DD up, not giving him a safe word, and doing things to him that he says he would never do with a woman...

but that would be wrong. :(
:rolleyes:

[the mage]

For some women vibes just friggin hurt.. too sensitive.
Toys should be part of any healthy sex life just like any active sporting life, having the correct accessories always makes you better at it and enjoy it more.