body image?

[JohnnyV]

I'm a bi guy married to a woman and just had a weird convo with a gay friend. He said that if I were slim, stylish, and cuter, there's no way I'd be with my wife. "It's a good thing you have a 35 inch waist," he said. "Otherwise your marriage would be ovah."

What he meant was that gay men will beat down the resistance of men they find attractive. Does this mean that the best way to stay faithful to your wife is keep an extra 20 pounds handy in case of temptation?

After talking to my friend I checked myself out in the mirror. I'm a muscular guy; I work out every day at the gym. I thought, am I really that ugly? How do you know when you're ugly? If gay men don't hit on you a lot, does that mean you're not hot?

Just a friendly question to throw out there.

[bigregory]

It's whats inside that counts.. :love1:

[maidenwolf]

hello johnny just wanted to say men are not the only one that has that problem.im bi and a bbw so you cant even imagine the rude behaviors i have witnessed towards people of weight.it takes a very special person to deal with someone of weight and also your confidence in yourself will shine through sooner or later to someone and when it does you will have no worrys.my point being is dont worry about what people think cause if ya spend all your time worrying you will not enjoy yourself.and it will be their loss not yours so dont sweat the small stuff tc and have fun :)

[wanderingrichard]

ok what the hell is wrong with a 35 waist?? i know lots of men who'd literally kill to see that again..

dude, i think your gay friend has an envy problem..i know lots of gay men in this area who are , well, very large. they didnt seem to have any trouble with figuring out who they were attracted to , and it wasnt based on body type.

one more thing.. if you are ever in anchorage alaska, and are looking for a gblt friendly place to hang out, look up mad myrna's downtown.. it's near the downtown sheraton.. and they dont care about body type, trust me.

[bediddle]

Are you under 5 feet? I think if you're short enough a 35 inch waist could pose some weight issues.

[Mrs.F]

Um....exactly how small should a person's waist be to be considered stylish, slim and cute???? I think that was rude comment. I really hate it when people think being small and skinny is the only thing that makes you beautiful and worth looking at. Not saying at all that I won't turn my head for someone that is gorgeous but looks are NOT everything. It's what's inside the heart and mind. Looks will never matter after you know that!
Personally, I would blow off this comments, stop looking at yourself in the mirror and be glad your who you are!!!!! :bigrin:

Mrs. F.

[JohnnyV]

Thanks for all the comments!

By the way, bediddle, I'm 6 feet tall. I guess my friend's philosophy is that gay men are more critical, when it comes to appearance, than either bi or straight people. Since I'm married and happy about it, I'm not going to try to branch out so it doesn't matter, but I do think my friend is right about gay guys being very image conscious.

[RainbowBright]

i kinda agree with some of your comments.. especially the one about being under 5 foot.. i am 4 foot 9 (teni tini) and admitadly .. over what i would like to be weight wise.. although i have tried to do something about it.. there are reasons why they arnt working.. anway. yes i do find that the bigger you are, the less likely you will find... lets just say "friends"... i am confident, and mostly happy with whom i am.. (feeling better about myself than i was a few months ago) but.. i am a shy person, and really scared to approach people.. so i have to rely on others to approach me.. maybe that is the problem.. others are just as scared.. hmmm thats a thought... although no matter what you look like on the outside, or feel on the inside for that mater, no one has the right to tell you that it is the way you look that is the problem.. personaly... i think he is jelouse of you and what you have.

Bright :tong:

P.S. please forgive the spelling.. is not one of my strong suits

[nerdslut]

Your friend sounds like an awful person. That was my first reaction upon reading this.

Second reaction: it's become clear to me, after just barely surviving high school, that personal criticisms are rarely close to the truth, and tend to exaggerate on the negativity. So whatever you're feeling/thinking right now, don't be down on yourself. :)

And lastly, putting away differentiations (gay male/bi-married-hetero-relationship male/bi single male), when people just plain aren't looking, they're not going to be pursued. This has no bearing on your physical shell - this is veering a little, but for example: if you really had a weight problem (uh, 6 feet tall and 35-inch-waist is quite fit, in case anyone was wondering) and you wanted to be with someone, chances are you'd join a gym or something to make yourself more attractive (and widen your choices). Not to say that one has to be thin to be sexy (at all! It's just that unhealthy people in general are unattractive). But anyone who pursues (more like meddles) with someone, attractive or not, in a content relationship, is a serious psychopath. Independently of their gender or sexual preference.

[JohnnyV]

nerdslut,

You may be on to something. This friend has been through the mill of short relationships that never seem to work, and he's convinced that married bisexual men have access to all this "privilege" supposedly denied to gay men (as if people accept you more when you're bi as opposed to gay!) He was supposed to be one of my groomsmen at the wedding 5 years ago and instead he blew it off to hang out with a stripper in Brazil who he picked up on a whim. Maybe he's hostile to the happiness of my current situation.

I wish I could say I don't care about his criticisms, but I have to admit, I do feel like I could never compete with gay guys when it comes to body image. Part of it, though, is because the gays I know are all single, and they have more time to work out.

[Ratchick]

You know, I am pretty sick of this B.S About being skinny= Pretty/Hansome.
I know a lot fo Gay men who want skinny "Stylish" guys, these are called "Twinks" around here. BUT, there are also a sect of Gay men called "Bears".

Personally, I like men and women with a little meat on them. Those skinny folks don't do it for me. I am afraid I'll break them. But, I don't rule them out as potential Lovers just because they are skinny.

Yeah, I'm fat, and guess what? I will never be Thin. I eat right, excersise, and live life to the fullest, yet I will never be thin. But, it is a shame there are people out there who wont even try to get to know me just because I am fat. So stupid, and it's thier loss. :tong:

RC

[SweetBlackAngel]

You know, I am pretty sick of this B.S About being skinny= Pretty/Hansome.
I know a lot fo Gay men who want skinny "Stylish" guys, these are called "Twinks" around here. BUT, there are also a sect of Gay men called "Bears".

Personally, I like men and women with a little meat on them. Those skinny folks don't do it for me. I am afraid I'll break them. But, I don't rule them out as potential Lovers just because they are skinny.

Yeah, I'm fat, and guess what? I will never be Thin. I eat right, excersise, and live life to the fullest, yet I will never be thin. But, it is a shame there are people out there who wont even try to get to know me just because I am fat. So stupid, and it's thier loss. :tong:

RC

Preach, sister, preach! :bipride:

[RainbowBright]

Yeah, I'm fat, and guess what? I will never be Thin. I eat right, excersise, and live life to the fullest, yet I will never be thin. But, it is a shame there are people out there who wont even try to get to know me just because I am fat. So stupid, and it's thier loss. :tong:

RC

DIDO!!! :tong:

Bright

[Bi-ten]

Hi,

I love all makes and models, big tall and small...it is truely the love in someones heart that makes them most attractive:) Personally I am fit, but I have struggled with keeping weight off my whole life. I think it is the struggle that has kept me active, and the activity that has added life to my years.

Although I love to be fit and active, it's having the courage to be who I am that has been the biggest gift. I wish the same for everyone here.

Hugs

[Lisa (va)]

ditto to Mrs F.
It's the person that counts.

Lisa
hugs n kisses

[Ooohiknow]

Hey :)
Doesn't sound as if your friend is much of a one to make his friends feel good about themselves!
Keeping on a few pounds doesn't mean you drive people away and neither is it a safety net to stop you straying away, neither does it make you ugly. Being skinny is no more attractive than having some extra weight....different people have different oinions....personally I don't like my guys/girls too skinny....bony people just aren't comfy for a start!
Just because guys don't hit on you all the time it doesn't make you any less attractive; you are taking your friends comments too much to heart. It may just be that you give out the wrong signals or any number of things. And anyway what is ugly to one may be beautiful to another so defining whether you are ugly or not is a pointless excersise :)

[Fresia]

Good one!