using the internet to "hook up"

[funhunter44]

I have put profiles on so many personals websites that I've lost
track of everywhere I've posted, but I have to say it has not been
terribly productive for me in terms of actually finding people
to "hook-up" with. I'd love to hear from some of you about your
experiences with this. Has anyone out there had great success in
connecting with others via the internet? Which websites did you find
to be the most useful for finding your contacts? Are you a paying
member of that website, or do you only use the "free" features of
that website? I've never paid to be a member of any personals
website...is that the key to success? It seems to me that the "free"
features of most websites sound enticing, but after you set up a
profile you quickly find out that they have build in frustrating
restrictions and roadblocks to try to convert you to a paying
customer. In the websites I have used the most frequently
(squirt.org, men4sexnow.com, collarme.com) it seems
that you see the same tired people day after day. It doesn't seem
very easy to find people I want to meet for casual vanilla sex, let
alone exotic interests. Has the internet outlived
it's usefulness for connecting people for casual sex? Does it only
work if you have low/no standards? I would love to hear from some of
you about your own experiences and impressions on this topic.

[upones]

have used silverdaddies.com with good results and also squirt.org to locate cruise sites that are reasonably secure from vice. i prefer to meet at baths. but will participate in abs:2cents:

[the mage]

I have put profiles on so many personals
that you see the same tired people day after day. It doesn't seem
very easy to find people I want to meet for casual vanilla sex, let
alone exotic interests. Has the internet outlived
it's usefulness for connecting people for casual sex? Does it only
work if you have low/no standards? I would love to hear from some of
you about your own experiences and impressions on this topic.


..................real people are out the door...

[funhunter44]

have used silverdaddies.com with good results and also squirt.org to locate cruise sites that are reasonably secure from vice. i prefer to meet at baths. but will participate in abs:2cents:

I had heard of this website before.....and I decided to give it a try. I do like the "Travelers" section...thats' a cool feature.

[eddy10]

I have had good luck at silverdaddies also. In any case, I recommend going slow at first. Meet in a neutral location for coffee and get to know the person first. There are some crazies out there.

[FalconAngel]

For straights and Gays, the possibility of hooking up in the real world is a lot easier than for us Bisexuals.
There are places for them that are perfect venues to met people who are of like sexualities.

However, there are very few places that are earmarked specifically for Bisexuals out in the world. For us, the internet is our best chance, unless we are specifically looking for people who are straight or gay.

Our experiences have been, sadly, few and far between. Many of these men who we have been contacted by have turned out to be a waste of time.

Many times we have been stood up by these guys. That tells us that there are very few people out there who have the courage to actually show up when they have the chance to actually meet in person. For us, it means frustration after frustration.

Of the guys who we have tried to hook up with, we have only actually met about 6 or 7. Those were the ones that actually showed up.
We've made plans and showed up, only to be stood up, by more than twice that many guys.

[Bopit4Ever]

My problem is twofold

1. I live on the south side and most glbt activities are in the chicago loop or farther north. I aint interested in traveling north, taking trains and cabs, etc because there is nowhere to park a car in those areas without getting ticketed or towed. I cabbed it once from my house to a happening club and it cost me $60 round trip-

2. I do have certain standards and am not into cruising, anonymous sex, nor sex with married men on the down lo. I am into SAFE, fwbs, getting to know one another and maintain a keep in touch relationship. You'd think THAT would be the ultimate in what people, straight, gay or bi would be in search of, but sadly, its not

[Bisexualnewbie]

I believe that the internet can be used for people of all genders and sexualities to find partners, I met GF online and am happy to have found someone who did not freak when I told her I was bisexual.
I have met 2 guys online but do not look for "Hook-ups" online, just me wanting to be safe I guess and most guys wanting to chat with me are mostly middle aged and not my type.
I have to know someone before being intimate with them and just chatting then meeting for sex is not for me. I would like to meet someone but at this point I think if it happens great, if not I'm still me and safe.

[BronzeBobby]

I think the same things that make it hard to hook up in real-life places, make it hard to hook up over the Internet:

If you're judgmental and automatically exclude ugly/fat/closeted/HIV+ people and the like, then you will find it hard to hook up online, and hard to hook up in real life.

If you aren't really sure about what you want, and have a tendency to chicken out and stand people up or blow them off, then your behavior will make it hard to hook up online (because people will start to recognize you as a game-player) and hard to hook up in real life (because people will know you as a game-player).

If you look down on gay people because you think bisexuality makes you better than them, then you will be alienated in real-life meeting sites as well as online; in both venues you will feel frustrated at the number of gay people, and gay people will be annoyed by your snobbery.

So in a nutshell, if you're finding it hard to hook up, it's probably less about the medium you use, and more about your own priorities and approaches to the whole thing.

Having said that, I have no trouble hooking up online or in real life, but I tend to prefer real life, in bars, bathhouses, or social networking. I have only hooked up with five people from online in my entire life. In all but one case, I conversed with them at length through online chatting before meeting them, and I met with them several times before having sex.

Phone sex is another matter -- I've met about 100 phone sex partners over the Internet, and they are always fabulous. I use gay.com.

[Bopit4Ever]

I think the same things that make it hard to hook up in real-life places, make it hard to hook up over the Internet:

If you're judgmental and automatically exclude ugly/fat/closeted/HIV+ people and the like, then you will find it hard to hook up online, and hard to hook up in real life.

If you aren't really sure about what you want, and have a tendency to chicken out and stand people up or blow them off, then your behavior will make it hard to hook up online (because people will start to recognize you as a game-player) and hard to hook up in real life (because people will know you as a game-player).

If you look down on gay people because you think bisexuality makes you better than them, then you will be alienated in real-life meeting sites as well as online; in both venues you will feel frustrated at the number of gay people, and gay people will be annoyed by your snobbery.

So in a nutshell, if you're finding it hard to hook up, it's probably less about the medium you use, and more about your own priorities and approaches to the whole thing.

Having said that, I have no trouble hooking up online or in real life, but I tend to prefer real life, in bars, bathhouses, or social networking. I have only hooked up with five people from online in my entire life. In all but one case, I conversed with them at length through online chatting before meeting them, and I met with them several times before having sex.

Phone sex is another matter -- I've met about 100 phone sex partners over the Internet, and they are always fabulous. I use gay.com.

So basically you're saying if one has the nerve to have any standards they have no one to blame but themselves. :rolleyes:

[purpleheaded]

If you never pay to join a site how could you expect any results? You get exactly what you pay for.

[jem_is_bi]

If you never pay to join a site how could you expect any results? You get exactly what you pay for.

I agree completely.
I have done ok when I pay and poorly (such as this site) when I don't.
When you pay it is because you definitely want to score and you have access to others that feel the same way. But, even after paying, I suggest you monitor the site for a couple of weeks to judge those that are active before YOU decide who to contact.

[DiamondDog]

I don't do hook ups with strangers from the internet.

Too many flakes/liars and crazy people out there.

I'm not even that into hook ups/NSA sex with strangers.

The few hook ups that I've had I did with either men and women who I met in person or we met in a bar.

I prefer dating/getting into relationships with men who I meet in person and not via the internet.

[alaskacouple]

I have put profiles on so many personals websites that I've lost
track of everywhere I've posted, but I have to say it has not been
terribly productive for me in terms of actually finding people
to "hook-up" with. I'd love to hear from some of you about your
experiences with this. Has anyone out there had great success in
connecting with others via the internet? Which websites did you find
to be the most useful for finding your contacts? Are you a paying
member of that website, or do you only use the "free" features of
that website? I've never paid to be a member of any personals
website...is that the key to success? It seems to me that the "free"
features of most websites sound enticing, but after you set up a
profile you quickly find out that they have build in frustrating
restrictions and roadblocks to try to convert you to a paying
customer. In the websites I have used the most frequently
(squirt.org, men4sexnow.com, collarme.com) it seems
that you see the same tired people day after day. It doesn't seem
very easy to find people I want to meet for casual vanilla sex, let
alone exotic interests. Has the internet outlived
it's usefulness for connecting people for casual sex? Does it only
work if you have low/no standards? I would love to hear from some of
you about your own experiences and impressions on this topic.

I guess I could understand your question/point better IF you were talking about finding a LTR. But you are in fact looking for "casual sex". It seems to me that is exactly what the people on sites like Craigs List are looking for.

I would think that someone looking for "casual sex" wouldn't be too picky about the partner - after all, it's casual and if you didn't like the person - oh well, not much energy spent or lost - right?

However, regarding meeting people on the internet; I find it to be a good method. I can have discussions with another and talk about topics that might never come up in a conversation with say a work mate. Also, if one gives the on-line relationship some time to develop it becomes pretty clear whether or not the person is compatible with you. If they are, then it is worth making that face-to-face contact to see if there is any "chemistry". Frankly, unless you are in an area with a fairly active GLBT scene you don't have much other choice except the internet or a chance encounter somewhere at work or recreation.

[ambi53mm]

For the most part we've been pretty fortunate and have met some wonderful people as a result of online…We've had our share of no-shows and the frustrations and disappointments that go along with it...but the bigger issue has been the misrepresentations. We’ve always been pretty honest about who we are and, what we are seeking in regard to meeting other people...but it hasn't always been reciprocal...We've had couples send us photos saying this is who we are, only to find that the photos are more accurately photos of who they were ...20 years ago...LOL…or those who represent themselves as a couple but when the time comes to meet that wife just couldn’t make it and is home with the flu…or visiting her Aunt Ethel in Nebraska…yeah right…Honesty and being real is what we’re about…and that is what is hard to find.
We have no complaints...We ( wife and I) met on aol nearly 10 tears ago and have been together ever since….married for the last 6 of those years...so we're aware that the potential is there...and we've made some great friends along the way. We're not bar or club people and in the little town we live in ...there are NO bars lol...but we do have at least 100 churches!!
I think a lot has to do with presentation....if all you have is a cock shot.. and a profile that’s pretty one dimensional with a request for casual sex…you'll probably attract other of that mindset...Finding people hasn't been that hard...finding people that would be worth the time and energy...has been whole different story...We wish you luck:).... Paying at a site does make a difference mainly due to the lack or restrictions that come with free memberships...although, we've met people via this site so sometimes it’s really hit and miss and a matter of fate and circumstance.
I don't think the internet has lost it's usefulness for meeting people of like mind...It's a vehicle to get one from point A to point B...how you use it and knowing A&B becomes the challenge.

Ambi:)

[12voltman59]

For me--the internet has been a Godsend in exploring this part of myself--I don't think I would be doing it at all if not for the internet----

Its not like there are bars or clubs for bisexuals---at least where I live--and I am not much interested in going to a gay bar---at least not when I first started this---I might now even though I am not much of a bar person in general---the only reason I go out to bars now--if they have good food and also have some band or musical group playing that I want to see.

I have found that I have met some good people via the 'net--both simply as freinds strictly via my connection to them on the net and some--I have actually met---

Just like with all things--it takes time and you do have do a sort of screening for there are a fair share of those you would not necessarily want to meet in the real world---

Just have patience---good things come to those who wait as the old saying goes.

[BronzeBobby]

So basically you're saying if one has the nerve to have any standards they have no one to blame but themselves. :rolleyes:

Umm, no.

But I guess, basically you're saying that people who are patient enough to get past superficial attributes (looks, status, etc) and consider people based on who they are on the inside, don't have any standards. :rolleyes:

If you want to have hook-ups, it really doesn't help much to be a snob. Or if you want to limit yourself to perfect Adonises, don't complain when you don't get laid.

[the mage]

I met 2 women online.. They met thru me..also online. They are now married to each other...It happened because we got out the door and met in meat life.

I've been to a dozen or more play parties..All were arranged online. Out the door we go..
I have many friends who count hugely in my life. We all met first online, BUT we also live in a wonderful bubble of freedom here in the Toronto area.
Online is an excellent intro (minus the foolish cock pics) but meat is far tastier...

[void()]

April 22 of this year will mark eight years of marriage for us here. We met in an a chat room and over an instant messaging program. After some time in this media we chose to phone one another. Then she decided to visit on weekends.

We've known one another for over 10 years now. She's as real as they come. I go off into some never land dream world, she tethers me to earth with her love. By the way if outer appearances mean anything, she's a Lisa Loeb clone. She's the most gorgeous woman on earth as far as I'm concerned, but being her husband I'm probably biased. :)

And no, I'm not praising her out of fear of retribution from her. Her pork chops no longer send me to the hospital. :cutelaugh She wouldn't mind if I found a nice boyfriend, but that's another horse. I concur with most of what Alaska and Ambi say here. Just wanted to say, real people do exist. Can only give the advice given me. "Wait, hope and never give up."

As to casual sex, I'm not sure that separating love from sex is something for me. It's fine if others want to do that and i bear no disrespect toward them, just not my way. Each of us finds our own way, happy journey.

Well, better scoot and enjoy a day off. Run it slow.

[CMack]

I think it's really difficult to find someone anywhere. I mean, what if you aren't really the type to go to clubs? I went to one for the first time since my 20's and my ears were ringing for two weeks! That was fun. I have tried the internet to no avail. Even on this site I was attracting the wrong people to a point of removing my pictures. While it's true that I'm married, I am also in a position where she wants me to do it, even to have a boyfriend and that he and I regularly get together. Finding someone that is okay with not being the primary relationship is hard and if you are not looking for merely a one night stand, that ups the difficulty immeasurably.
Will I find someone whom is right for me that allows me to keep myself and my wife safe? hmmm.. maybe a long shot so I leave it to fate. If it's meant to be someone will come along I suppose....

[Delilah]

I have put profiles on so many personals websites that I've lost
track of everywhere I've posted, but I have to say it has not been
terribly productive for me in terms of actually finding people
to "hook-up" with. I'd love to hear from some of you about your
experiences with this. Has anyone out there had great success in
connecting with others via the internet? Which websites did you find
to be the most useful for finding your contacts? Are you a paying
member of that website, or do you only use the "free" features of
that website? I've never paid to be a member of any personals
website...is that the key to success? It seems to me that the "free"
features of most websites sound enticing, but after you set up a
profile you quickly find out that they have build in frustrating
restrictions and roadblocks to try to convert you to a paying
customer. In the websites I have used the most frequently
(squirt.org, men4sexnow.com, collarme.com) it seems
that you see the same tired people day after day. It doesn't seem
very easy to find people I want to meet for casual vanilla sex, let
alone exotic interests. Has the internet outlived
it's usefulness for connecting people for casual sex? Does it only
work if you have low/no standards? I would love to hear from some of
you about your own experiences and impressions on this topic.


You have a great profile, you should be able to find someone here :)

[Delilah]

I have joined many different website. Being a Transsexual and living in Florida, I have been bombarded with demanding hook ups. I post that I'm not that easy to get and I'm not an escort but still they think an automatic hook up (let's meet in 10 minutes... hellooooo I have to do make up and hair... pick out an outfit, clean the house etc...) or lure me with money would do the trick (unless your 90 years old with billions of dollars in my name and wearing a sexy pace maker, don't offer me anything but a night of fun and frolic). I'm going to discuss this part on another topic.

The trick is to be honest in your profile and be specific of what you are looking for.
Make sure you are up front that you do not want endless emails/chat, photo exchanging sessions. Those are red flags and possibly time wasters.
You are for real and want to hook up.

Adultfriendfinder.com, alt.com, outpersonals.com is ok. But you better follow their TOS. If you send someone a message with your email address, the message will only go to their bulk folder with a statement:
"This member has voilated the Terms Of Service. We are sorry for the inconvinence... blah blah blah". Then for the second or third attempt, they will pull your ad and ban you. Besides, you want to take your time scouting up someone before you give them your email address anyways. Some of these so called members are there to sell your emails to spammers.

men4sexnow.com and squirt.org maybe limited but they are not harsh like those AFF, ALT, OP. Really nice guys in there and a lot of hunks!! I'm still picky though. I return the emails to those who I am interested in and just figure out from there which one I want. I'm shopping you know...lol

I'm also members of findashemalelover.com and shemalesexdates.com
Both ok but you have to watch out for those two sites including other sites I have mentioned: AFF, ALT, OP. Escorts use these sites as a venue to make money. Lots of hookers in transsie hook up sites, I guarantee you that!

Craig's List is very questionable. Something eerie about that site that makes me stay completely away.

BisexualAmerica.com was fantastic until they closed. I'm here in this site because of them. They lead me and other members here and I'm glad to be part of this site.

Bisexualplayground has immature people running it as moderators (not all of them). I have stories for you on that. I love the site owners and some moderators, met some really cool people but they have 'children' with issues as moderators. You can't use any profanity or be flirtatious in the chat room because of their chat monitor nazi (eats lots of burgers on one hand, type with the other... and has no life... and bad hair). That site is one of my personal boycott and I can tell you horror stories from that site.

Match.com is in serious trouble. Something to do with fake profiles. When you discontinue your paying membership, they send fake posters to you inbox... but you can't respond to them unless you pay again. LOL Do I hear SCAM??

For me, my personal experience and best rating of all?
Bisexual.com!!! This site ROCKS!! I am at home when I log on in this site.
People here are warm and friendly and I met some really hot guys in here.
I'm not a bed hopper. I have profiles all over the internet also but I'm very picky and play very safe. If I find someone I take fancy in, we exchange emails, chat a few, talk on phones and go from there.

Good luck and happy hunting! :)

[funhunter44]

Many times we have been stood up by these guys. That tells us that there are very few people out there who have the courage to actually show up when they have the chance to actually meet in person. For us, it means frustration after frustration.

.

There is really no excuse for somebody saying they are meeting you and not showing up! I had that happen to me about 9 years ago when I ventured into my first AOL chatroom in a hotel room, exchanged some hot chat and pics with a guy, gave him my hotel/room number...only to lose most of a night's sleep waiting for a guy who never showed..... I guess I should have known then that you can waste a lot of time looking for casual sex on the net.

[funhunter44]

So basically you're saying if one has the nerve to have any standards they have no one to blame but themselves. :rolleyes:

Thank you Bopit4Ever....I could not have made a better reply myself!


I would think that someone looking for "casual sex" wouldn't be too picky about the partner - after all, it's casual and if you didn't like the person - oh well, not much energy spent or lost - right?

If we define "casual sex" as sex for the fun of having sex without feeling the need to attach it to a relationship or deep emotional attachments....why does that mean you can't be selective in what you like? Just because I like casual sex doesn't mean that I'm attracted to everybody and I want to do everything. I still have "preferences" and "deal-breakers". I cannot help it if I have no attraction to certain physical characteristics...and my need for sex is not so great that I would do anything with anybody....

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

Ya know, I Used to do this..to find someone to 'hook up' with. But I got tired of "Toad Tossing". Kissing taods and tossin' em back in the pond til I find the right one. That got old realll fast.
I have been part of a Sex Positive group for nearly 5 years now, and I adore it. There, you can select someone to play with VS. going thru all of the dating BS and encountering Trools and Weasles by the car load. Also, there Is safety in numbers, and if you Dont wish to play, you arent obligated to do so. YOU say whom, when, and how much you wish to play.
My advise love, is to find yourself a good sex group in your area, and go from there. Meeting people on line can Sometimes turn into nothing but a "Meat" market, and lots of times safety isnt assured. :( Just be Very careful out there...
Hope you find what you seek. :}
Cat

[Delilah]

My experience on internet dating.

Time Wasters:

Met a guy online at adultfriendfinder. He was hot and in his profile is everything I was looking for. We exchanged messages on that site for awhile. Then we exchanged emails and yahoo instant messaging for awhile. Then talk on the phone. We were connecting.
Then he made a time and date to meet so I was all for it. I even exchange schedule at work with someone to do this.
I was nervous and this would be my first internet date. I wanted it to be perfect.

I bought a new dress, new high heels, and even spent extra $$ on real silky pantyhose... not like those cheap no nonsense stuff you use everyday. I spent a little more than what I wanted to spend. Then I spent more coins for my hair done, then pedicure, then manicure.

My condo was perfectly clean and all set up. Candles and scent... just incase our chemistry is a match, I would invite him for a night cap. I even went out and bought the perfect sheets for my bedding...lol This is my first time folks, so be kind with me.
The perfect red sheets. The perfect black cherry scented candles and all the 'accesories' to go along with it. You know... condoms and lubes and toys... oooooh the perfect scenario I have all set up.

As we have agreed, we met at a public place as we planned. In the restaurant, at the bar, at 7pm. I knew what he look like because I chatted with cam online with him so I knew what he would look like when he arrived.
I was nervous as hell.
8pm... no show... no call. First thing popped in my mind was "perhaps he got into an accident or something". Or "he showed up incarnito, saw me first before I saw him and didn't like what he saw and ran?" lol
I had the upper hand, cuz I was facing the entrance and viewed each person coming in.
It's now going on 8:30 and I'm a little concern. I have been sipping the same glass of watered down ice tea. I didn't want to have a cocktail yet until he arrives. Fearing I might get too light headed and not have a good judgemental.
Ok, it's now 9pm and ordered a glass of martini. I already knew something came up. My cell phone is on and kept looking at it for the time, and any missed calls.
I got home a bit tipsy and alone. Nothing in email or instant msg.
Never to hear from him again... until the following week. His excuse? He forgot. Actually he had two excuses that didn't add up. I'm ok with it. I was bummed out. I hit him on ignore list... lol

Oh by the way, that evening before I went home, a HOT goodlooking Italian guy ask to buy me a drink. The bartender said, "a gentleman would like to buy you a drink."

[alaskacouple]

If we define "casual sex" as sex for the fun of having sex without feeling the need to attach it to a relationship or deep emotional attachments....why does that mean you can't be selective in what you like? Just because I like casual sex doesn't mean that I'm attracted to everybody and I want to do everything. I still have "preferences" and "deal-breakers". I cannot help it if I have no attraction to certain physical characteristics...and my need for sex is not so great that I would do anything with anybody....

Granted that even in "casual sex" one would have certain criteria that needs to be met in order for there to be an "attraction" (even though it's just a physical attraction). I didn't intend to imply that one shouldn't/wouldn't be selective in that regard. But, the point I was trying to make is that those certain "physical characteristics" are much easier to find in a greater number of people - they can even be found in those whom one may not care for in a long term friendship. So, if it's just physical criteria that one is looking for, then the sites like Craiglist seem to offer a fairly good selection.

And as I said, IF casual is all one wants then what better place to find it than on the internet? On sites like Craigslist everyone on the list is already pre-screened in that they are looking for exactly the same thing. It is then just a simple matter of matching physical attributes and whatever other selective criteria one has.

[Bluebiyou]

If you never pay to join a site how could you expect any results? You get exactly what you pay for.

With no offense intended at purpleheaded, only at what he said.


What total bs... if you are looking for love.
If you're looking for a whore, then, probably true.
If you're looking to just hook up for some fantastic sex from someone really attractive who will find you attractive (disguised as 'high standards'), then there's some teen dreams you should let go of if you intend to wander any further down the path of maturity and happiness. It might happen but...
It's true, you never know when it (love) will happen.
Plus, you have no choice over who or what you fall in love with; it either happens or it doesn't.
If you seal yourself in your home and work, or you place high emotional walls ('high standards') the odds work against you.
Meeting folks online increases your chances of meeting someone you fall in love with. It might still be at church, or at a gas station.
However, if you're just looking to 'hook up' with 'high standards', chances are you're shallow as a plate of water, you see your sexual conquests as 'chattel', and your future looks even less bright as your past; if this is where you are, at least be honest and good to yourself and purchase services of whores.
Sorry, but a transparently 'consumer' approach to sexual hook ups on the web demands prostitution as the answer.
If you ever truely love someone, caring more about them than you do yourself, this is the most satisfying feeling in life. It's very dangerous because there's no guarantees on what the other person will do.
But you sound far too self centered to ever be in danger of this... even though you probably desire this and envy those who have it.
I don't mean to be spiteful, just truthful... sorry.
You're going to need serious soul searching and a mentor to help you turn around... if that's what you want to do.
Good luck and best wishes.

[Bluebiyou]

Perhaps (after rereading my passage) I should rephrase.
Love is that which (nearly) all of us seek.
Those who 'just seek sex' are ...sometimes that self centered.
Much more often, they are seeking love because sex offers so much intimacy; even if temporary.
Keeping in mind:
You have no choice over who or what you fall in love with; it either happens or it doesn't.
Which means all artificial/superficial 'high standards' are bs, just walls to help protect (vainly) ourselves.
There are a few of us who know and understand ourselves so well that we tend to look for the very things that are common of the ones we have fallen in love with. But this almost always accompanies our understanding mature acceptance.
We find that seldom do we fall in love with those who would fall within our guidelines.
Example:
I was a young man when I realized the women I had 'instant karma' with (gut level connection) were almost invariably lesbians/bisexual women. Yes, the 'lesbian' women usually swore me to secrecy, lest the lesbian coven found out! Yet, my current gf is totally straight. I asked her several times... and I told her why... although, LOL, when I take her to a gay bar, all the gurls go mad about her! :)
So love happens when love happens, violating all boundaries except You have no choice over who or what you fall in love with; it either happens or it doesn't. and
When it's over, it's over but it ain't over 'till it's over. (yeah, very vague, so it's a safe rule).

[diB4u]

I have joined more daiting sites than I care to imagine. If after all the years of having two pc's... If i could put all the sites together I'd be able to form my own damn internet lol

Daiting sites for BBW.s
Daiting sites for Singles.
Daiting sites for bisexuals.
Daiting sites for singles wanting women
Daiting sites for F2M's
Daiting sites for M2F and their lovers


Lets not forget the swinging sites or groups on yahoo and msn lol


Mixed race daiting sites.

The list can go on and on and on.

Some of them have been paid and some have not been.

If i was only looking for sexual hook ups then maybe i'd got more than my fareshare of hits lol so to speak.

However casual sex isnt my thing... Much prefer something with a bit more substance... I know that casual sex isnt my thing been there done that- co-wrote the screen play... LOL.

:2cents:

I'm just waiting for a new bread of daiting sites- regading my main passions...
CSI daiting sites... That'll be a dead cert? lol.
:tongue::tongue:

[funhunter44]

However, if you're just looking to 'hook up' with 'high standards', chances are you're shallow as a plate of water, you see your sexual conquests as 'chattel', and your future looks even less bright as your past; if this is where you are, at least be honest and good to yourself and purchase services of whores.

I think that you are making a bit of a "rush to judgement" with this comment. First of all, let me explain my "high standards" and then I'll be interested in hearing if they are so unreasonable...

First and foremost...I only do Safe Sex. If a guy's profile says he is looking to bareback or doesn't seem concerned with staying disease-free...that's not a good match for me. Does liking and wanting an occassional casual sex experience mean you should not feel entitled to protect your health!!

Secondly....I am NOT limiting myself to Adonis or any other Greek Gods. Nor do I put unreasonable limitations on a person's age. I cannot help that I am not attracted to people old enough to be my father (or grandfather). That's just a little too wierd for me....and I think I'm not the only one who would find that wierd. I'm not one of these guys who is 40 and posts a ridiculous ad saying they are only interesting in 20-25 year olds. Now THAT'S what I would call a shallow standard.

As for being "as shallow as a plate of water". Do you think this true of anybody who dares to enjoy sex that is not integrated into a relationship? or only if you have the audacity to not be so desperate that you would do anything with anybody? I could almost "read between the lines" of what you are saying...that if you like casual sex you don't deserve anything better...you should live like some kind of sex addict, required to pay for the services of whores.

I can tell you that in every casual sex experience I have had, I have sought for it to be a MUTUALLY pleasing experience. If anything... I care more about the other person's satisfaction in the experience than my own....so it would be a little hard not be offended if somebody accussed me of seeing sexual conquests as "chattel". I would not accept that judgement! I'm not keeping score on a bedpost, and seeing how many guys I can bag before I die.


Sorry, but a transparently 'consumer' approach to sexual hook ups on the web demands prostitution as the answer.
If you ever truely love someone, caring more about them than you do yourself, this is the most satisfying feeling in life. It's very dangerous because there's no guarantees on what the other person will do.
But you sound far too self centered to ever be in danger of this... even though you probably desire this and envy those who have it.
I don't mean to be spiteful, just truthful... sorry.

Again, rush to judgement here.....I happen to be in a Long Term Relationship of over 20 years. Guess what....not everyone has the traditional monogamous relationship. It doesn't make them a bad person. In my case, my partner and I have different appetites in sex. On a mild to kinky scale (1 being completely vanilla, and 10 being incredibly kinky), my partner would be a 3.5 and I would be somewhere between 7 and 8. We both enjoy casual sex experiences, and I would rather find somebody who shares an interest with me rather than coerce or cajole my partner into it....that relates to above in which I state how important it is to me that an experience be MUTUALLY pleasing. So guess what...I don't need you to tell me that truely loving someone is the most satisfying feeling in life BECAUSE I ALREADY KNOW THAT...



You're going to need serious soul searching and a mentor to help you turn around... if that's what you want to do.
Good luck and best wishes.

Thanks for the good luck and best wishes....that's about the only sentence of your post that didn't sound preachy and judgemental to me.....

[Delilah]

I saw one of the response to this thread earlier about silverdaddies.com?
WOW!!! More older daddy for me to hunt down :eek: :bigrin:
I am currently creating a profile as of now :bigrin: :drool:

[Delilah]

First and foremost...I only do Safe Sex. If a guy's profile says he is looking to bareback or doesn't seem concerned with staying disease-free...that's not a good match for me. Does liking and wanting an occassional casual sex experience mean you should not feel entitled to protect your health!!



BRAVO!!!

GOOD FOR YOU!!! Safety should be the number one priority.
You do not want to catch what lysol can't kill!!
It won't hurt to have yourself checked always. I get myself tested and I do practice safety. Plus while you are there being tested, go ahead and help yourself with a handful of free condoms. They want you to get as much as you want. My hormone doctor gives me STD test every year and I do have up todate document that I am free of any STD. And he usually dumps a bowl full of condoms in my purse...lol Not like I'm a loose hoe or anything. I'm very picky of who I date and if it's bareback they want... they can do that with someone else (and I could careless how hot they look).

PS...
At work, we raised enough money for a charity and we get to throw water balloon to our boss who did the challenge. Guess what I will be using? LMAO

[Bluebiyou]

funhunter44
I apologise. Your initial post sounded/read as being very vain and self centered. Please forgive me. You sound quite reasonable.
Again, please forgive me. I clearly misread your post.
Blue

[funhunter44]

funhunter44
I apologise. Your initial post sounded/read as being very vain and self centered. Please forgive me. You sound quite reasonable.
Again, please forgive me. I clearly misread your post.
Blue

Bluebiyou -

Thank you for the apology. I hope you don't feel like I "went off" on you, but the comments that you had made did get me pretty "worked up".

I have no disagreement about your comments on love and relationships....these ARE definately things to value.....and I share your sympathy for anyone who isn't enjoying the benefit of true love in their life. I have met people who seem to go from one meaningless sex encounter to another, without having or seeking any genuine relationships. While that might be an exciting way to live for a VERY short period of time...for me, that would be a sad long-term existence.

Even in a Casual sex experience....I love to show affection and give pleasure.....in fact, that's what gives me the greatest satisfaction in any sexual encounter whether it's with my long-term partner, or a casual partner.

Other replies spoke to the value of the internet for finding friendships and mates, and I have no disagreement with that either. I was NOT making a blanket condemnation of the internet. I have also made friends via the internet that would have been IMPOSSIBLE to make without the huge pool of people that the internet provides. It truely crosses all geographic borders and that's an amazing thing despite the fact that the internet has been around and we largely take it for granted at this point in time. I have had fascinating conversations with people that I would otherwise have no opportunity to know.

I'm glad that you re-read my original post, because I was really only saying that the internet does not seem to be the easy place for finding casual sex that it's represented to be UNLESS you have no standards or low standards. I guess it was my reference to "standards" that illicited the bulk of the judgement I got because I didn't clarify those "standards".

The internet WOULD BE an easy place to find casual sex partners IF...
I didn't care about whether or not I caught a STD....AND offered up my ass for anybody that wanted to fuck me.....AND provided the place for that to happen.....AND had no limitations on what I would do. At least this seems to be the case with the internet sites that I have been involved with....and so if anybody has found a great one out there....please share!!

[laloo333]

I've had really good luck meeting men on the net. I find that longer, more detailed posts get more answers. I post here, on silverdaddies, bimen.org and craigslist.org. Uts' quite rural here. so i really don't have much choice. Luckily, the net has worked very well!

[alaskacouple]

Bluebiyou -


...Even in a Casual sex experience....I love to show affection and give pleasure.....in fact, that's what gives me the greatest satisfaction in any sexual encounter whether it's with my long-term partner, or a casual partner...


...I'm glad that you re-read my original post, because I was really only saying that the internet does not seem to be the easy place for finding casual sex that it's represented to be UNLESS you have no standards or low standards. I guess it was my reference to "standards" that illicited the bulk of the judgement I got because I didn't clarify those "standards"...

Funhunter,

I think what threw me off was the use of the term "casual sex". And I suppose it still does, because you speak of "showing affection...". Is it truly "casual sex" that you want? To me 'casual' implies one or two times and then move on. How can one show any real affection in such a situation?

After having read how you have unmatched/unfulfilled sexual desires/kinks with the one you do love, would it make sense to try and find some longer term "friendships" that would enable you to spend time with people you actually have some common ground with and maybe even a bit of shared love? Perhaps you really desire/need a polyamorous situation? It would be safer and then you wouldn't have to be searching for someone new all the time. Or is it the "new" that adds some of the thrill?

[fishfry29]

Ive met men thru "silverdaddies" "gay.com", and squirt, the most rewarding was one I met locally on silverdaddies. Most want to hook up for a quicky BJ, giving or recieving,:rolleyes: and thats great for those likeing that lifestyle. I was lucky to get into a longer term relationship, and it wouldent of happened without a "hook up" site...Ya just gotta be careful....STD and emotionally.:smilies15

[funhunter44]

Funhunter,

I think what threw me off was the use of the term "casual sex". And I suppose it still does, because you speak of "showing affection...". Is it truly "casual sex" that you want? To me 'casual' implies one or two times and then move on. How can one show any real affection in such a situation?

After having read how you have unmatched/unfulfilled sexual desires/kinks with the one you do love, would it make sense to try and find some longer term "friendships" that would enable you to spend time with people you actually have some common ground with and maybe even a bit of shared love? Perhaps you really desire/need a polyamorous situation? It would be safer and then you wouldn't have to be searching for someone new all the time. Or is it the "new" that adds some of the thrill?


you make some very good points here, but I do think that it is possible to be affectionate with somebody even in casual sex experiences. In many cases, my partner and I have had friendships with people that followed a "casual sex" experience because in conversation with them before and/or after sex, we discovered we had a lot in common. I like to have sex with people that I LIKE. People who have a nice personality, a nice smile, an easy-going nature...combined with physical characteristics that arouse you ... it can create a very exciting and pleasing experience....much better than a "blow and go" or "wham bam thank you maam".....not that I haven't had or even enjoyed a few of those....it's just better when you take a little time to know the person you are sexing up.

What you suggest in terms of friendships (I presume you mean "friendship with benefits" as they say) has a lot of appeal for me...and we have had a few friends that we have "played around" with.... We actually have friends that started out as casual sex partners, but in my experience, the friendships last best when they are not complicated with sex.

There have been times when I have thought that a polyamorous sitaution would be ideal....but I think also more than a little scary. I do know some guys that have tried to have a relationships of 3:three:....most have ended in a rather disasterous fashion. In one case, one of the guys decided that he was more in love with the new guy than his original partner, and they became a new couple...much to the dismay of the jilted partner. Even in a pairing of two couples (making 4 people)...I would wonder if there isn't the possibility of one person from couple A and one person from couple B deciding that they are in love and breaking away from their original partners. It just seems like a bit of a dangerous slope.

I think my real fear is that having repeated sexual experiences with somebody other than your partner builds emotional attachment to somebody other than your partner....and that could be a threat to what is otherwise a strong relationship....does that make any sense?

We did have a tryst with a guy once...and I found myself very emotionally attached to him, and ultimately, he decided to pursue a more standard relationship with another guy :(

[FalconAngel]

What you suggest in terms of friendships (I presume you mean "friendship with benefits" as they say) has a lot of appeal for me...and we have had a few friends that we have "played around" with.... We actually have friends that started out as casual sex partners, but in my experience, the friendships last best when they are not complicated with sex.

There have been times when I have thought that a polyamorous sitaution would be ideal....but I think also more than a little scary. I do know some guys that have tried to have a relationships of 3:three:....most have ended in a rather disasterous fashion. In one case, one of the guys decided that he was more in love with the new guy than his original partner, and they became a new couple...much to the dismay of the jilted partner. Even in a pairing of two couples (making 4 people)...I would wonder if there isn't the possibility of one person from couple A and one person from couple B deciding that they are in love and breaking away from their original partners. It just seems like a bit of a dangerous slope.

I think my real fear is that having repeated sexual experiences with somebody other than your partner builds emotional attachment to somebody other than your partner....and that could be a threat to what is otherwise a strong relationship....does that make any sense?

We did have a tryst with a guy once...and I found myself very emotionally attached to him, and ultimately, he decided to pursue a more standard relationship with another guy :(


You have a point. more than likely, most people want just that; friends with benefits.
In the situation with my wife and I, that is precisely what we want. We want to like the person that we are sleeping with. We want to be able to do more than just meet up and screw each other silly. We want to be able to hang out and just chat or whatever, either before sex, after sex or both. Or just be able to hang out together without the pressure to necessarily have to have sex.

That can make things last as well.

[redbird]

I too am so frustrated by all the internet sites so far. Like you I don't "pay" mainly because someone told me it doesn't really help that much. I have joined a lot of yahoo groups and they are the worst. Some have over a thousand members and not one ever posts or makes a move. I found one called a "Closed Loop Relationship" site because that is really what I am looking for, a guy who can be friends ,with benefits.
I have read other guys complain about every group I have ever been in. I am so frustrasted!!!! Seems like too the same guys are on every site.
I hope I have better luck here but I'm not holding my breath.

[alaskacouple]

you make some very good points here, but I do think that it is possible to be affectionate with somebody even in casual sex experiences. In many cases, my partner and I have had friendships with people that followed a "casual sex" experience because in conversation with them before and/or after sex, we discovered we had a lot in common. I like to have sex with people that I LIKE. People who have a nice personality, a nice smile, an easy-going nature...combined with physical characteristics that arouse you ... it can create a very exciting and pleasing experience....much better than a "blow and go" or "wham bam thank you maam".....not that I haven't had or even enjoyed a few of those....it's just better when you take a little time to know the person you are sexing up.

What you suggest in terms of friendships (I presume you mean "friendship with benefits" as they say) has a lot of appeal for me...and we have had a few friends that we have "played around" with.... We actually have friends that started out as casual sex partners, but in my experience, the friendships last best when they are not complicated with sex.

There have been times when I have thought that a polyamorous sitaution would be ideal....but I think also more than a little scary. I do know some guys that have tried to have a relationships of 3:three:....most have ended in a rather disasterous fashion. In one case, one of the guys decided that he was more in love with the new guy than his original partner, and they became a new couple...much to the dismay of the jilted partner. Even in a pairing of two couples (making 4 people)...I would wonder if there isn't the possibility of one person from couple A and one person from couple B deciding that they are in love and breaking away from their original partners. It just seems like a bit of a dangerous slope.

I think my real fear is that having repeated sexual experiences with somebody other than your partner builds emotional attachment to somebody other than your partner....and that could be a threat to what is otherwise a strong relationship....does that make any sense?

We did have a tryst with a guy once...and I found myself very emotionally attached to him, and ultimately, he decided to pursue a more standard relationship with another guy :(


Funhunter,

You have obviously given this a lot more thought than I first imagined from your post. And you have made some good observations of the pitfalls of a poly relationship or even a 'friends w/ benefits' relationship that might lead to something more. In fact it is the fear of falling in love that seems to put a damper on most such situations. However, I think from what you have said that you too realize that there is also the chance for a much deeper and fulfilling relationship than just 'casual sex'.

Even with all of the pitfalls, dangers and effort it seems that a relationship where there is a mutual love or even close affection is so much more rewarding than the casual type. We have not had a poly relationship, but have talked and read a lot about the subject. It seems that the key to success is a lot of talk and building of trust for them to work. For us, (and this is just a personal preference) anyone we bring into our lives must be someone we truly care for and like - that goes double for anyone we would bring in for a sexual encounter.

But, back to your question about the internet - it's either the internet or chance encounters - or maybe both is the correct answer. I think as long as one is willing to give as much or more than they take and remember that inside of every body is a spirit and a soul in need of love - so long as we are willing to be honest and open to love (and not afraid of it), we shall find it.