Gay scene/st8 acting bi guys

[sometimesitbethatway]

Ok this time I may actually have genuine questions for advice. The only reason I need advice is because I am very new to this. If you've read any of my previous posts enough to gather any info about me, I have only ever been with women but am open to anything. A lot of people have told me I need to try out different things, try being with a guy, etc. So, ok, I am open to it. My issue is that I can't stand the stuck up superficial flamey "gay scenes". Forgive me if that offends anyone as it is sort of labelling, but I hope you know what I mean.
I am not attracted to flamey girly acting type guys, so I am wondering, where are the bi guys like me? Straight-acting/masculine acting bi guys?
There's a local bar/club in my hometown I like going to because it has such a diverse group of people in there, all kinds, gays, lesbians, straights, trannys, republicans in suits, old chinese women, punks, art school people, EVERYONE. So it's a fun place and no one is judging anyone. I like it cause out on the dance floor I can (if I feel comfortable or "drunk" enough) dance with girls as well as guys. But all the guys in there seem to be either straight with their girls or gay and all flaming.
Anyone else have similar problems here? Or what types of places have you met straight acting bi guys??

[Skater Boy]

trannys

Sorry to be a stickler, dude... but I think that term is a faux pas in LGBT circles. Or rather that some transgendered people find it offensive. I'm pretty sure you meant no harm whatsoever, but, if in doubt, its probably best to avoid such colloquialisms.

That said, I don't wanna put words in people's mouths... so if any transgendered folk wanna express opinions to the contrary, then they're more than welcome.

[IanGray]

Hi I'm one of those straight acting bi guys. :)

[sometimesitbethatway]

well around here everyone says "tranny", even in the gay scene I am speaking of. My apologies for offending anyone.

[diB4u]

Where can you meet a straight acting bi guy??

Hmmm, that is a problem. Have u tried other sites or daiting sites in general?

Just my :2cents: worth sorry.

Ahh im sure that you didnt mean any harm at all.

[sometimesitbethatway]

I've looked at a few sites. I joined bisexualpassions and thats just a flop. There's no one from around where I live on there and I've even sent messages to people in other states just for conversation and no one gets on there to read messages and if they do, they don't respond.
I'm not too keep on the internet dating thing, though. I mean... I love chatting to people online, so I guess if I got to know them, it could be cool...
But yeah overall I haven't found any good sites for that really..

[Skater Boy]

Come to think of it, you might wanna do some research on what events are happening in your area catering SPECIFICALLY to BIsexuals. The internet and local GLBT organizations are often the best way to find out this sorta info.

Typically though NOT ALL bi men are effeminate. OR masculine for that matter. But then, in theory the same should go for 100% gay men. With regard to this latter point, you might wanna look into the "bear" scene in your area... perhaps not "SA" as such, but certainly not effeminate looking either.

Speaking for myself... I wouldn't say I'm ANY of those... I don't look particularly camp outwardly, nor do I look real macho. I just consider myself... normal, I suppose. The same goes for my behaviour.

[diB4u]

Come to think of it, you might wanna do some research on what events are happening in your area catering SPECIFICALLY to BIsexuals. The internet and local GLBT organizations are often the best way to find out this sorta info.

Typically though NOT ALL bi men are effeminate. OR masculine for that matter. But then, in theory the same should go for 100% gay men. With regard to this latter point, you might wanna look into the "bear" scene in your area... perhaps not "SA" as such, but certainly not effeminate looking either.

Speaking for myself... I wouldn't say I'm ANY of those... I don't look particularly camp outwardly, nor do I look real macho. I just consider myself... normal, I suppose. The same goes for my behaviour.


LOL whatever normal is though right?


Personally I love effeminate men... and muscline men, but more so effeminate men... Theres just somethng there, dunno...


Yeah i also tried that same daiting site, no go either.

In England theres the legendary london nightclub, the underground which runs once a month during the week. Which I can never go to anyways, a- I dont really like clubs, b- its during the week and hello I work lol.


There funnily enough is a local Gay and Lesbian club in my neighbourhood, but thats too close for comfort. Far too close and besides its only for gay men and women...

[sometimesitbethatway]

well I use the term masculine for myself but I am not really MACHO or any of that either.. I am normal I guess. I think I use the term masculine moreso as an antonym for flaming or feminine-like guys.

Anyway, I could look up stuff in my area I suppose. Never really thought about it. Maybe I should just stop thinking about it so much. I mainly go to the bar I go to for fun, and if something comes out of it it does, if not it doesn't. I don't think it's really healthy for me to push myself into anything or go out looking... just let it happen maybe.
Ahhh I know I am probably contradicting my entire thread by saying that. But I guess I was just curious about other "masculine" bi guys or where they would hang out at....

:male:

and ps- the whole bear thing really isn't my style either, I mean not the hair issue, but more the fat old guy stuff...

I'm just too picky I suppose

[BronzeBobby]

well I use the term masculine for myself but I am not really MACHO or any of that either.. I am normal I guess. I think I use the term masculine moreso as an antonym for flaming or feminine-like guys.

Anyway, I could look up stuff in my area I suppose. Never really thought about it. Maybe I should just stop thinking about it so much. I mainly go to the bar I go to for fun, and if something comes out of it it does, if not it doesn't. I don't think it's really healthy for me to push myself into anything or go out looking... just let it happen maybe.
Ahhh I know I am probably contradicting my entire thread by saying that. But I guess I was just curious about other "masculine" bi guys or where they would hang out at....

:male:

and ps- the whole bear thing really isn't my style either, I mean not the hair issue, but more the fat old guy stuff...

I'm just too picky I suppose

I think step 1 is to distinguish between superficial masculinity (having a hairy chest, walking with a bump, speaking with a low voice) and deeper values that we have been conditioned to associate with manly honor (honesty, loyalty, diligence, courage, etc.)

If you're more obsessed with the superficial aspects of masculinity, then you're going to find it difficult to find what you're looking for. There are masculine men who fit the Hollywood bill in the gay scene, but those men are being pursued by everybody, and since they are "str8 acting" in the most visible sense, they are usually not only picky but also prone to being closeted. Since they can "pass" they often will -- which means they won't necessarily be approachable for you.

Then again, maybe it's not the surface masculine attributes that you seek. Maybe you just want a guy who doesn't gossip, say bitchy things, backstab, or whine. Sometimes we tend to think men with high voices, flamboyant hand gestures, etc., are automatically going to be "bitchy" in spirit. Society has given us enough stereotypes for us to make this association as our default. If it is more a question of manly "Virtue" rather than masculine appearance, then you are in good shape. There are tons of gay and bi men who are honorable and gentlemanly. Just get past the outward appearance and focus on their inner beauty. If you find it hard to get past the outward appearance, then the problem may lie with you, and you need to work on getting past your biases, since the biases will only limit you.:2cents:

[Delilah]

sometimesitbethatway, I see where you coming from. I have a brother who is gay and can't stand being around what he calls "flaming queens". LOL
I'm a Transsexual and I don't go to gay bars as often as I go to predominatly heterosexual clubs. Actually, I think I'm burn out on nightclubs. I just like laid back, soft music, easy to talk to hangouts with a date. Sometimes, I buy really 'racy' outfits from Frederick's of Hollywood and go to these gay bars and see how much I could tease men. I love to tease hehehehe

Now back to the topic.
You like straight acting men who are bi/gay and there is nothing wrong with that. That's your preference and more power to you.
Try this:
men4sexnow.com and squirt.org <----- HOT MEN!! LOL

When I say, I know where you are coming from is because I have preference too. I like to date older men who are masculine. I don't want to date a guy who wants to wear girl's panty. I feel like I'm bull-dyking...lol NO OFFENSE PEOPLE!! I feel more feminine with a masculine man who can treat me like a lady. I like guys with facial hair, biker daddies, dominates, and just plain manly. Those are the ones I prefer.
I don't care for those 'metrosexuals'. No offense again. But I don't want a guy who has more beauty cream in his bathroom then Avon.

[sometimesitbethatway]

I think step 1 is to distinguish between superficial masculinity (having a hairy chest, walking with a bump, speaking with a low voice) and deeper values that we have been conditioned to associate with manly honor (honesty, loyalty, diligence, courage, etc.)

If you're more obsessed with the superficial aspects of masculinity, then you're going to find it difficult to find what you're looking for. There are masculine men who fit the Hollywood bill in the gay scene, but those men are being pursued by everybody, and since they are "str8 acting" in the most visible sense, they are usually not only picky but also prone to being closeted. Since they can "pass" they often will -- which means they won't necessarily be approachable for you.

Then again, maybe it's not the surface masculine attributes that you seek. Maybe you just want a guy who doesn't gossip, say bitchy things, backstab, or whine. Sometimes we tend to think men with high voices, flamboyant hand gestures, etc., are automatically going to be "bitchy" in spirit. Society has given us enough stereotypes for us to make this association as our default. If it is more a question of manly "Virtue" rather than masculine appearance, then you are in good shape. There are tons of gay and bi men who are honorable and gentlemanly. Just get past the outward appearance and focus on their inner beauty. If you find it hard to get past the outward appearance, then the problem may lie with you, and you need to work on getting past your biases, since the biases will only limit you.:2cents:

It's a combination of all of the above. I mean I guess I just want someone more like myself as weird as that sounds. I don't walk around with a limp wrist and act like a 14 year old little girl.... so that turns me off when guys act like that. I am not looking for Joe Army - Captain Masculinity either...
Virtue and all that goes into account too, but if they are wearing all pink and are basically a woman without the vagina....it does nothing for me.
That's what I like women for....
It's confusing but oh well that's how I feel.

[sometimesitbethatway]

sometimesitbethatway, I see where you coming from. I have a brother who is gay and can't stand being around what he calls "flaming queens". LOL
I'm a Transsexual and I don't go to gay bars as often as I go to predominatly heterosexual clubs. Actually, I think I'm burn out on nightclubs. I just like laid back, soft music, easy to talk to hangouts with a date. Sometimes, I buy really 'racy' outfits from Frederick's of Hollywood and go to these gay bars and see how much I could tease men. I love to tease hehehehe

Now back to the topic.
You like straight acting men who are bi/gay and there is nothing wrong with that. That's your preference and more power to you.
Try this:
men4sexnow.com and squirt.org <----- HOT MEN!! LOL

When I say, I know where you are coming from is because I have preference too. I like to date older men who are masculine. I don't want to date a guy who wants to wear girl's panty. I feel like I'm bull-dyking...lol NO OFFENSE PEOPLE!! I feel more feminine with a masculine man who can treat me like a lady. I like guys with facial hair, biker daddies, dominates, and just plain manly. Those are the ones I prefer.
I don't care for those 'metrosexuals'. No offense again. But I don't want a guy who has more beauty cream in his bathroom then Avon.

Yeah. And it's not that I'm on a quest to find a guy either. I really ultimately want to be with a woman, but at this point in my life I think I need to try the other side out and see.... but it just does no good if it's only going to be with a "flaming queen" cause I'm not attracted to that at all....

[12voltman59]

Delilah is right--Squirt.org and men4sexnow.com are both great places to meet other men and you can find all types--from gay to straight/bicurious.

You can put in various places in your profile on both sites what your preferences are--and you can say what turns you on and turns you off--they do have limited free memberships but they are not terribly expensive to join one or both of them.

I am with you --I don't care much for "fem" guys---if I wanted a body that is wearing a bra and panties---I want that body to be all female--but transexuals sound kind of interesting.

The thing is--I never much cared for and dated really "girly-girls" so I don't much care for way fem guys---at least to be with--I mean---my feeling is "whatever floats your boat"---so don't any guys who like to do that take offense--I may like ya as a friend--I just don't want to do anything with you--at least if you want to wear a bra and panties!!! :bigrin::bigrin:

Good luck sometimes---you don't have to figure all of this out at once---take your time---and don't stress out over it----you will figure it all out in time.

[MistressLiz]

A lot of people have told me I need to try out different things, try being with a guy, etc. So, ok, I am open to it.

What I'm wondering is.. Why were a lot of people telling you this? My mom used to say that about spinach.. doesn't mean its something I like.. Is this something you are truly interested in?

[alaskacouple]

Poor sometimes...

Welcome to the club! I am just like you and some of the others in that I am just an average guy in looks, mannerisms and interests. If you saw me on the street you would think "just another Alaskan man." And of course the problem with all of that is that you can't tell if I might be bisexual just by looking - and I'll bet you sure wouldn't feel comfortable just strolling up and asking. So, the kind of man you are looking for is very hard to pick out in a crowd.

You can let nature take it's own path and see if someone you meet in everyday situations happens to become a friend, and then happens to let it out that he is bi - but the odds are pretty slim I fear.

Or you can participate in these type of sites and hope to meet someone you might have a thing or two in common with in your area and eventually meet. (I have been lucky enough to meet two such men - one on this site and one on Lierotica, which by the way does have a bigger GLBT readership - it's just not as interesting as this site IMO. But you might find someone your age in your area on there.)

I think your best shot is to just take your time and stay active on these sites (and also go to the local bi gatherings if your ready to "come out").

Good Luck - it will happen if it's meant to be

[DiamondDog]

What I'm wondering is.. Why were a lot of people telling you this? My mom used to say that about spinach.. doesn't mean its something I like.. Is this something you are truly interested in?

Yum! I love raw spinach! Spring/mixed greens are good too. I don't like them steamed or cooked though.

[sometimesitbethatway]

Delilah is right--Squirt.org and men4sexnow.com are both great places to meet other men and you can find all types--from gay to straight/bicurious.

You can put in various places in your profile on both sites what your preferences are--and you can say what turns you on and turns you off--they do have limited free memberships but they are not terribly expensive to join one or both of them.

I am with you --I don't care much for "fem" guys---if I wanted a body that is wearing a bra and panties---I want that body to be all female--but transexuals sound kind of interesting.

The thing is--I never much cared for and dated really "girly-girls" so I don't much care for way fem guys---at least to be with--I mean---my feeling is "whatever floats your boat"---so don't any guys who like to do that take offense--I may like ya as a friend--I just don't want to do anything with you--at least if you want to wear a bra and panties!!! :bigrin::bigrin:

Good luck sometimes---you don't have to figure all of this out at once---take your time---and don't stress out over it----you will figure it all out in time.

Thanks :)


What I'm wondering is.. Why were a lot of people telling you this? My mom used to say that about spinach.. doesn't mean its something I like.. Is this something you are truly interested in?

People were sort of urging me to try things because I have attraction to men but have never done anything with a man. I know I want to be with a woman but the attraction is still there. So people were just saying "You'll never know unless you try" or sort of telling me to try because I may one day regret not doing anything... it's not that people are telling me to be bisexual. I am comfortable thinking of myself as bisexual.
Really I don't know to what degree. I mean I have attractions, but I don't know that I could ever actually touch another guy like that... maybe it would be terribly uncomfortable for me. ...but.... I'll never know unless I try.
So my best bet for right now is to have fun. I think it will do me good to get out and at least put myself in those sorts of environments, talk to guys, even flirt, dance, whatever.. just to see how comfortable I am with it. Hell, now that I think about it, if I just go out and chill, I might be able to have a decent conversation with one of those "fem-guys"... WHO KNOWS?


Poor sometimes...

Welcome to the club! I am just like you and some of the others in that I am just an average guy in looks, mannerisms and interests. If you saw me on the street you would think "just another Alaskan man." And of course the problem with all of that is that you can't tell if I might be bisexual just by looking - and I'll bet you sure wouldn't feel comfortable just strolling up and asking. So, the kind of man you are looking for is very hard to pick out in a crowd.

You can let nature take it's own path and see if someone you meet in everyday situations happens to become a friend, and then happens to let it out that he is bi - but the odds are pretty slim I fear.

Or you can participate in these type of sites and hope to meet someone you might have a thing or two in common with in your area and eventually meet. (I have been lucky enough to meet two such men - one on this site and one on Lierotica, which by the way does have a bigger GLBT readership - it's just not as interesting as this site IMO. But you might find someone your age in your area on there.)

I think your best shot is to just take your time and stay active on these sites (and also go to the local bi gatherings if your ready to "come out").

Good Luck - it will happen if it's meant to be

Yes, I think there are probably more of the type of guys I am speaking of walking around, but I just don't know it, because they look like any other guy (well, straight guy). It's funny I was telling my friend it's tough cause it's not like I am going to walk into the bar with a neon sign over my head that reads 'BISEXUAL'. ha!
But for right now I think it's best for me to take things slow, like I said above, just sort of have fun and talk to people, etc. I think it may sort of come to me when I'm not looking for it (that's how most things in my life seem to work).
As of right now I am only 'out' to a select few of my friends. I really don't see a need to broadcast it since A) I don't know that I will ever go any further with guys except in my head and B) It's no one's business unless I feel the need to tell them for myself.

:flag3:

[Wintermute]

I'm in the exact same situation.

As far as I can tell I appear straight as an arrow, but I know that I am more than willing to get together - possibly long term - with another guy. I would also prefer that guy to not be 'obviously gay', if we can resort to stereotypes for a moment. Someone like a friend of mine who appears very, very straight but is gay.

So I am kind of stuck in a place where no such guy (unless psychic or something) would approach me, nor would I know who to approach. Or frankly how to approach. The whole internet dating thing seems unpleasant to me, especially gay orientated sites.

I like to think I have excellent 'gaydar', but have made some mistakes in the past. Having good bidar is even trickier. I'm not sure I've ever spotted a bisexual of either sex without being explicitly informed. We need badges or something.

Maybe the best bet is to try and expand your/my social circle until someone appears in it that meets what we'd like in a person. Maybe make it obvious to certain friends that we're on the look out...

[the mage]

There R far more regular guys in the gay or Bi scene that queens.
The internet is a start, specially in a smaller town, but you gotta get out the door, its the only sure way to meet people. That comes first, sex come second.

[MistressLiz]

Yum! I love raw spinach! Spring/mixed greens are good too. I don't like them steamed or cooked though.

Well I like spinach NOW, sometimes mom is right, so it probably was a bad analogy as I didn't like it at first, but came to enjoy it, hot and steamy and then raw and yummy in salads and such... So I guess the "people" may be seeing something sometimesitbethatway is not seeing...
Perhaps I should have used the "if Jimmy told you to jump off a bridge would you?" But I don't think this will kill him like the jump off the bridge might.. this may just be awkward.

[Wintermute]

There R far more regular guys in the gay or Bi scene that queens.

I am positive this is true. Unfortunately they are invisible to all but the keenest eye.

Seeing if someone plays the pronoun game is maybe a good indicator.

[MistressLiz]

I wish you luck, it can't be easy for a bi/gay man. I think bi women have it easier maybe, its considered "hot" if two girls are making out, or if they are "together". Its almost OK. But for guys, it seems like you need to choose one sex or the other. I don't know if I'm the only one who feels that way, I know I've always had fantasies about women and men, never acted on the female ones, the women I was attracted to that I know were not attracted to me that way. I don't have a burning desire to go find someone, I have someone who satisfies me, male right now. I may find a girl and not be able to do it but like sometimesitbethatway I am open to trying, only I knew for myself, no one had to tell me. I haven't created opportunities to meet women I'm not much of a go out and party girl. I got stuck with the first guy I shacked up with at 19 so I never did the club scene and i hung around with some pretty stuffy types. When I met my current interest and he told me he was bi and I didn't freak, he said "you too maybe?" and I said maybe.... but i thought holy shit! I never would have thought that about him... ever! Then I thought, why the hell am I so shocked that he is bi, why would it matter. I was conditioned by my upbringing to find it odd. I even questioned for a moment is he just gay and passing the time with women, then we slept together and I knew that my body was as much a turn on to him as some man. He turned me on to this site and I have learned much... It all makes sense to me now.

[viajero]

Nobody has given this guy the answers so I guess I will. The Internet is a waste of time. I’m hopeless because I refuse to lie about my age and I am too old for most people’s fantasy.

But in real life I am a magnet for the Straight/curious/bi men but I also meet lots of sexy gay men that are not the least bit effeminate. I meet them traveling and have all but given up meeting them locally. I’m sure I meet many locally but since it is not a sexual context I don’t know if he’s gay or bi and I don’t know what he knows about me. I meet most local guys either professionally or doing adventure sports. So here is my list and how it happened.

1. Beat off with a straight/curious type I met at a nude beach
2. Another I met at a bathhouse.
3. I watch sexy muscular black men on the DL pop boners and sometimes even give me a show in the showers at gyms
4. I’ve meet lots of hot gay/bi/straight masculine guys at The Club in Fort Lauderdale and Haulover beach. At Haulover I sometimes saw men with their female dates give me a show. I also saws guys with dates get a hard on while I undressed and then hide it from the girl friend.
5. I met a guy at a square in Lisbon as he was watching a dance performance
6. A stud in Lisbon at the gym the next day slipped me his number an hour before I was to board the plane.
7. Had a great date and one nightstand with a quid essential Aussie hunk I met in a bathhouse in Sydney.
8. bi doctor at a bathhouse in BA Argentina
9. I met a young ex-military fitness trainer in the parking lot of a mountain biking course near the Smokies. We biked, skinny-dipped in the beautiful mountain lake and then fooled around in the woods.
10. I dated a guy I met at a nude lake in Maine and later met a bicurious very –fit masculine married guy and we beat off together in the woods. I met at least two other bi-guys there but didn’t have sex with them.
11. An endless list of all nationalities from the cruise zones in Paris, Barcelona or many other European cities
12. A truck driver at a straight bar asked me where the strip clubs were. When I answered “not my thing” he tells me later he has a secrete. Your bi right, I said. “How you know?” he answered. He then offered to give me a bj in his cabin.

If you put yourself in a sexually relaxed environment you will find they are all over. Unfortunately you live in the closeted prudish sanctimonious south. If a guy tells me he’s married I assume he is straight. There were times where I felt I had a pretty high chance of having sex with them but it I don’t go out of my way to try to seduce married men. I prefer single guys. I have fooled around with two married guys from the gym and one has become a friend of sorts but we only fooled around once. In truth I don’t cruise the gyms here as I work with too many people who go there.
.
Based on my experience alone I’d say: if 80% of the population is decidedly straight than only 2% of the remaining 20% are effeminate stereotypes. Don’t ask me how I came up with those figures, The openly gay guys who frequent the local bars have less to lose and while the dominate the bar scene they are a minority within the hidden non-het community. If you don’t put yourself in a sexual situation you could end up meeting lots of other bi men

[FalconAngel]

Well, I'm a straight acting Bi guy and in my experience (bi as long as I can remember), There are straight acting guys who are gay as well as Bi guys who are straight acting.

Sometimes you just have to take the plunge and hope for the best. In a club like the one that you described, if there are straight guys there as well as the others of more "alternative" leanings, then chances are many of the guys that you say are straight are Bi or Bi-curious like you are. Maybe not all of them, but many.

Also, if there are straight guys there, then they are new and don't know what they've gotten themselves into or are, overall, pretty accepting about sexuality and gender roles.

Get a conversation started with some of them. Feel them out on the whole GLBT issue and see where it goes. If he's straight, you will have made a new friend, if he's gay, then you could have a hook-up and/or a friend to help you with your search and if he's Bi, you will have the hookup that you are looking for.

Hope that helps you.

[hydropop]

Ok this time I may actually have genuine questions for advice. The only reason I need advice is because I am very new to this. If you've read any of my previous posts enough to gather any info about me, I have only ever been with women but am open to anything. A lot of people have told me I need to try out different things, try being with a guy, etc. So, ok, I am open to it. My issue is that I can't stand the stuck up superficial flamey "gay scenes". Forgive me if that offends anyone as it is sort of labelling, but I hope you know what I mean.
I am not attracted to flamey girly acting type guys, so I am wondering, where are the bi guys like me? Straight-acting/masculine acting bi guys?
There's a local bar/club in my hometown I like going to because it has such a diverse group of people in there, all kinds, gays, lesbians, straights, trannys, republicans in suits, old chinese women, punks, art school people, EVERYONE. So it's a fun place and no one is judging anyone. I like it cause out on the dance floor I can (if I feel comfortable or "drunk" enough) dance with girls as well as guys. But all the guys in there seem to be either straight with their girls or gay and all flaming.
Anyone else have similar problems here? Or what types of places have you met straight acting bi guys??


Well guy , im a straight acting bi guy , im not in to the clubs scene although I would like to try going once. I guess I would be the type you would consider Masculine, I say that because when I told my wife I was curious she didnt freak she just said she didnt think I would be curious, because of the way I carry myself. You seem like the type that wouldnt be bi or bi curious to me. But I guess that good and bad. Because how do you go about meeting someone like you unless you went to a club that had all sorts. With that said, im still in search like you, meeting a straight acting guy to hang with isnt easy.

[vittoria]

Come to think of it, you might wanna do some research on what events are happening in your area catering SPECIFICALLY to BIsexuals. The internet and local GLBT organizations are often the best way to find out this sorta info.

Typically though NOT ALL bi men are effeminate. OR masculine for that matter. But then, in theory the same should go for 100% gay men. With regard to this latter point, you might wanna look into the "bear" scene in your area... perhaps not "SA" as such, but certainly not effeminate looking either.

Speaking for myself... I wouldn't say I'm ANY of those... I don't look particularly camp outwardly, nor do I look real macho. I just consider myself... normal, I suppose. The same goes for my behaviour.

That all depends if you want an atmosphere that is akin to an AA meeting. Sometimes those places or times that are "specifically" caterred for bisexuals ends up being a "how to cope" meeting or some kind of black pantheresque "BI POWER!!!" (hahahaha..with high five to dave chappelle) type thingy.

The problem 31cho and I have is veritably the same as the writer of the post.. its either so homosexual oriented that we are made to feel VERY uncomfortable (even though they advertise themselves as LGBT friendly) or there are nothing but "bears" and UBER butch womyn (which i personally dont understand myself--but i wont get into that )

Its a rough road out there for those of us who merely claim ourselves to be bisexual oriented... not just bi for alcohol's sake.

[DiamondDog]

That all depends if you want an atmosphere that is akin to an AA meeting. Sometimes those places or times that are "specifically" caterred for bisexuals ends up being a "how to cope" meeting or some kind of black pantheresque "BI POWER!!!" (hahahaha..with high five to dave chappelle) type thingy.

The problem 31cho and I have is veritably the same as the writer of the post.. its either so homosexual oriented that we are made to feel VERY uncomfortable (even though they advertise themselves as LGBT friendly) or there are nothing but "bears" and UBER butch womyn (which i personally dont understand myself--but i wont get into that )

Its a rough road out there for those of us who merely claim ourselves to be bisexual oriented... not just bi for alcohol's sake.

It's not the other people doing this (making you feel uncomfortable in what you view as a purely homosexual environment), it's all in your head and you and your BF 31Cho are the ones doing it to yourself.

If by some small chance someone were to give you shit about your orientation, just ignore them. It's their problem and not yours. It's not like you can change their mind and it gets very tiresome dealing with people like that anyway.

FWIW, not all homosexual men and women even enjoy going to gay/GBLT bars/clubs/spaces and many find them downright boring and homogeneous.

I've been to gay/GLBT events but I go to meet people, dance with hot men, and have fun and that's usually what happens.

Also, nowadays there are TONS of heterosexual men and women who go to gay/GLBT bars for fun, or who work at gay/GLBT bars/clubs gay/GLBT owned businesses (i.e. restaurants/pubs/etc.)

What's wrong with hanging out with mostly BEARS, leathermen (Bears and leathermen are not the same even if people think they are), and dykes?

My bi/queer friends and I hang out with mostly BEARS and leathermen and we've never gotten any shit at all from anyone else for being something other than homosexual.

[miamiuu]

Just wait till you get to experience guys begging you to have sex with them. Gawd that is so frigging odd in my mind. This guy claimed he was bi and even told me he would get his girl friend to sleep with me if I had sex with him. A big problem I have with the club scene is a lot of guys just go around kissing each other and sitting on each others laps. I mean its one thing to like guys, but to treat every guy like that I think is odd. I just think maybe I dont like guys as much as them. lol I really think the environment people were brought up in effects their behavior. I never considered going to any type of gay or mixed event till my late 20s. Also I dont think like most gay guys i've come in contact with. They use odd terminology like this one guy said he had a coochie. Last I checked women had the coochie. I have a hard time relating to gay guys i've come in contact with. I'm done ranting good luck.

[alaskacouple]

Ahhh, bars. The booze...the drugs...the enlightened conversation...

Just about every bad thing that ever happened to me had it's birth in a bar...

[Bopit4Ever]

Str8 acting bi guy, who when out wants his men to be st8 acting, but wouldnt mine them slipping into a pair of garter and hose and flaming out for me when we get home. ;)

[Hazeleyezboy1970]

Ok this time I may actually have genuine questions for advice. The only reason I need advice is because I am very new to this. If you've read any of my previous posts enough to gather any info about me, I have only ever been with women but am open to anything. A lot of people have told me I need to try out different things, try being with a guy, etc. So, ok, I am open to it. My issue is that I can't stand the stuck up superficial flamey "gay scenes". Forgive me if that offends anyone as it is sort of labelling, but I hope you know what I mean.
I am not attracted to flamey girly acting type guys, so I am wondering, where are the bi guys like me? Straight-acting/masculine acting bi guys?
There's a local bar/club in my hometown I like going to because it has such a diverse group of people in there, all kinds, gays, lesbians, straights, trannys, republicans in suits, old chinese women, punks, art school people, EVERYONE. So it's a fun place and no one is judging anyone. I like it cause out on the dance floor I can (if I feel comfortable or "drunk" enough) dance with girls as well as guys. But all the guys in there seem to be either straight with their girls or gay and all flaming.
Anyone else have similar problems here? Or what types of places have you met straight acting bi guys??

Well actually most guys that act str8 are really not you just have to make friends with some of them and get to know them.Sometimes it is their first time exsperiementing too. So they don't kjnow how to act any other way other than str8.I too cannopt stand the guys that act so femine. The best way to exsperiement with a guy it to try and find a guy that is gay or bi and has been out of the closet for a little while. Believe when I tell once you have the exsperiment you will most likely want to try it again.:bipride:

[Hazeleyezboy1970]

Well actually most guys that act str8 are really not you just have to make friends with some of them and get to know them.Sometimes it is their first time exsperiementing too. So they don't kjnow how to act any other way other than str8.I too cannopt stand the guys that act so femine. The best way to exsperiement with a guy it to try and find a guy that is gay or bi and has been out of the closet for a little while. Believe when I tell once you have the exsperiment you will most likely want to try it again.:bipride:
Biguys like blondes have more fun!:bipride:

[Ocasio otoko]

Ok this time I may actually have genuine questions for advice. The only reason I need advice is because I am very new to this. If you've read any of my previous posts enough to gather any info about me, I have only ever been with women but am open to anything. A lot of people have told me I need to try out different things, try being with a guy, etc. So, ok, I am open to it. My issue is that I can't stand the stuck up superficial flamey "gay scenes". Forgive me if that offends anyone as it is sort of labelling, but I hope you know what I mean.
I am not attracted to flamey girly acting type guys, so I am wondering, where are the bi guys like me? Straight-acting/masculine acting bi guys?
There's a local bar/club in my hometown I like going to because it has such a diverse group of people in there, all kinds, gays, lesbians, straights, trannys, republicans in suits, old chinese women, punks, art school people, EVERYONE. So it's a fun place and no one is judging anyone. I like it cause out on the dance floor I can (if I feel comfortable or "drunk" enough) dance with girls as well as guys. But all the guys in there seem to be either straight with their girls or gay and all flaming.
Anyone else have similar problems here? Or what types of places have you met straight acting bi guys??

I know exactly what you mean, because I am the kind of guy you might want to be with. Wish we lived closer to each other!:(
These extremely girly guys are a big turn off for me. Who wants to be with someone who's acting like she's got their time of the month in full mode?! If a man wants to be with a man is a man! Not a girly substutite!

[flirtchewieflirt]

Ok this time I may actually have genuine questions for advice. The only reason I need advice is because I am very new to this. If you've read any of my previous posts enough to gather any info about me, I have only ever been with women but am open to anything. A lot of people have told me I need to try out different things, try being with a guy, etc. So, ok, I am open to it. My issue is that I can't stand the stuck up superficial flamey "gay scenes". Forgive me if that offends anyone as it is sort of labelling, but I hope you know what I mean.
I am not attracted to flamey girly acting type guys, so I am wondering, where are the bi guys like me? Straight-acting/masculine acting bi guys?
There's a local bar/club in my hometown I like going to because it has such a diverse group of people in there, all kinds, gays, lesbians, straights, trannys, republicans in suits, old chinese women, punks, art school people, EVERYONE. So it's a fun place and no one is judging anyone. I like it cause out on the dance floor I can (if I feel comfortable or "drunk" enough) dance with girls as well as guys. But all the guys in there seem to be either straight with their girls or gay and all flaming.
Anyone else have similar problems here? Or what types of places have you met straight acting bi guys??

Well, I don't really have any advice because I am in kind of a similar spot. Bi, average kinda guy, may of the same problems trying to find guys I can be friends with and enjoy. Up here in Gastonia, NC we have a nice little club like you described. Little bit of everything, nice crowd, just not sure I would gind anyone there. This may not help much, but a least one more voice chirping up to say... you're not alone!

[the mage]

It's not the other people doing this (making you feel uncomfortable in what you view as a purely homosexual environment), it's all in your head and you and your BF 31Cho are the ones doing it to yourself.

If by some small chance someone were to give you shit about your orientation, just ignore them. It's their problem and not yours. It's not like you can change their mind and it gets very tiresome dealing with people like that anyway.

FWIW, not all homosexual men and women even enjoy going to gay/GBLT bars/clubs/spaces and many find them downright boring and homogeneous.

I've been to gay/GLBT events but I go to meet people, dance with hot men, and have fun and that's usually what happens.

Also, nowadays there are TONS of heterosexual men and women who go to gay/GLBT bars for fun, or who work at gay/GLBT bars/clubs gay/GLBT owned businesses (i.e. restaurants/pubs/etc.)

What's wrong with hanging out with mostly BEARS, leathermen (Bears and leathermen are not the same even if people think they are), and dykes?

My bi/queer friends and I hang out with mostly BEARS and leathermen and we've never gotten any shit at all from anyone else for being something other than homosexual.

..................I agree with this.. I know here in good ole Tranna Ont the mix at any given bar gay or straight is an open atmosphere.
Sure there are fights and hassles now and then but there are assholes to be dealt with everywhere.

Fetish clubs are a different thing. You must at least dress the scene there.

[SugarSweetc]

Are people not allowed to act however they'd like, without being labelled? Screw the labels, let people act how they want.

[vittoria]

It's not the other people doing this (making you feel uncomfortable in what you view as a purely homosexual environment), it's all in your head and you and your BF 31Cho are the ones doing it to yourself.

"And my elbow itched, I thought a scab follow..." Much Ado About Nothing by Wm. Shakespeare

The writer of the article asked if anyone had similar experiences, and I shared mine. Was looking for a similar personal stab/character ploy in his general direction and failed to see one. If there wasnt a real concern amongst those "labeled" ( :) ) as bisexual about going out to clubs and having difficulty, there wouldnt be so many posts about it on this site : (each link is a different thread on the topic..)

http://main.bisexual.com/forum/showthread.php?t=5027&highlight=clubs

http://main.bisexual.com/forum/showthread.php?t=3595&highlight=clubs

http://main.bisexual.com/forum/showthread.php?t=641&highlight=clubs

http://main.bisexual.com/forum/showthread.php?t=3051&highlight=clubs

http://main.bisexual.com/forum/showthread.php?t=2961&highlight=clubs

http://main.bisexual.com/forum/showthread.php?t=2603&highlight=clubs

http://main.bisexual.com/forum/showthread.php?t=2127&highlight=clubs

http://main.bisexual.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1962&highlight=clubs

http://main.bisexual.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1942&highlight=clubs

Et al...



Also, nowadays there are TONS of heterosexual men and women who go to gay/GLBT bars for fun, or who work at gay/GLBT bars/clubs gay/GLBT owned businesses (i.e. restaurants/pubs/etc.)

What's wrong with hanging out with mostly BEARS, leathermen (Bears and leathermen are not the same even if people think they are), and dykes?

My bi/queer friends and I hang out with mostly BEARS and leathermen and we've never gotten any shit at all from anyone else for being something other than homosexual.

There is nothing at all wrong with hanging out with the "labeled" (:rolleyes: ) "bears" and "leathermen". For instance...

In Akron, there's an awesome bar called the interbelt nightclub :) It's a great place, great atmosphere. All varieties of people show up and gather there. It's a fun place to be. It's completely beyond a shadow of doubt LGBT friendly. Every "label" ( :tong: ) of sexuality is represented and respected.

There's also Adams Street, an advertised male only bar, but on Sunday night there are drag shows and males and females attend. Its a blast :) I've even performed there a couple of times. The atmosphere is refreshing.

There's a club titled Lydia's on Arlington Street that claims itself to be a women's only club, but men and women are there and its lots of fun.

Where we live currently, however, its a completely different story. Out of 10 clubs that claim to be all that and then some, only 1 is what it claims. We cant change other people and how they feel about bisexuals as a whole and naturally not everyone is that way. There is nothing wrong with even saying ( to paraphrase) : "Yeah I understand what you mean/ are going through", either.

It's all in where you live and who you're around. One cant expect everyone's experience to be the same. There's some good and bad in all of it. Hell we even go down to Akron to hang out at the bars that we like :) Just go with what you know will work and be willing to try everything.

For instance, if PERSON A goes out of their way to be nasty everytime PERSON B says something without fail (literally), it would be obvious to the rational human that PERSON A does NOT like PERSON B, so therefore PERSON B would associate with more uplifting people.

The same is true for certain clubs. If each time one goes and gets the same cold shoulder treatment, but at other establishments that treatment is not the same, it would be obvious there's a "we dont take to your kind" attitude, and then go to establishments where the "air" is a bit more palatable.

;)

By the power of truth,

V

[alaskacouple]

Are people not allowed to act however they'd like, without being labelled? Screw the labels, let people act how they want.

Sugar, I'm glad you brought this up. But, I don't think you can eliminate labels - but, I agree with you in that people should be allowed to live in a manner that is true to themselves.

I see a lot of posts that say that we should just not use labels at all, as if that somehow would eliminate the problem. But, does that really solve the problem? I think not. Labels are simply words used to describe a thing - for example, "rose" depicts a type of flower and so too does "dandelion"; both "labels" paint a factual image in our mind. Should we forgo using "dandelion" because it is a label that seems less flattering than "rose"? To call them both only "flower" would not provide the most accurate picture in our mind.

The same concept applies to "people" - the so-called labels only serve to clarify how the person presents themselves. The "labels" are only a collection of words we use to be able to verbalize our thoughts and perceptions of the way they are perceived.

It's not the "labels" that are a problem, but our own bigoted ideas that we attach to the labels that cause the problem. We must have "labels" (descriptions) to properly communicate and assimilate information - IMO we should focus on the true error and that is bigotry and judgment of people who we know nothing about except what we see on the outside.

[vittoria]

Sugar, I'm glad you brought this up. But, I don't think you can eliminate labels - but, I agree with you in that people should be allowed to live in a manner that is true to themselves.

I see a lot of posts that say that we should just not use labels at all, as if that somehow would eliminate the problem. But, does that really solve the problem? I think not. Labels are simply words used to describe a thing - for example, "rose" depicts a type of flower and so too does "dandelion"; both "labels" paint a factual image in our mind. Should we forgo using "dandelion" because it is a label that seems less flattering than "rose"? To call them both only "flower" would not provide the most accurate picture in our mind.

The same concept applies to "people" - the so-called labels only serve to clarify how the person presents themselves. The "labels" are only a collection of words we use to be able to verbalize our thoughts and perceptions of the way they are perceived.

It's not the "labels" that are a problem, but our own bigoted ideas that we attach to the labels that cause the problem. We must have "labels" (descriptions) to properly communicate and assimilate information - IMO we should focus on the true error and that is bigotry and judgment of people who we know nothing about except what we see on the outside.

Pretty much the point. Thank you. :)