Why do I have to make it so hard?

[thesea]

I nearly screwed everything up with bf last night, I have found it hard to know where my attraction lies with men, having slept with a woman again recently (we are poly) I was reminded how much I like it, how right it feels to me, if fills in the blanks that there are with men. I wish I just didnt fall for men cus I am always restless and desiring women or wishing they were women.

On top of that there is the fact I dont trust men, I feel like if I open up to them I am putting myself in danger and they are having a laugh at my expense. This is propbaly because I have made my self stupidly vulnerable in the past to men and been burned.


I had mentioned how I was feeling to bf but said I was glad to see him and everything seemed ok, outwardly anyway. Then he asked about it, we were talking and I said, possibly prompted that being with a man feels wrong, I corrected later that its more it dosent feel right.

He was really upset, he is not as expressive as me and I felt while I had fallen for him I was a bit unsure how much of an impact I had made on him. Well I though I had made him cry, I felt awaul and at one point he said he wished he never asked and I said I wished I had never told him.

I explained it was not a reflection on him and he has been wonderful, more its a prejudice of mine towards men I cant kick.

I wish I could feel the same wonder and warmth about the male form as the female, I wish I tursted men and didnt descriminatein this way. I dont know how to sort it out.


I can love men and enjoy my time with them, even enjoy sex although with eyes closed more than open! Although I have found some times there are things about his body that have turned me on.

I feel like he could help me get over this but Im worried I have put a wedge between us that will be in our minds when we have nothing to say, that elephant in the room.

I so desperatly want this turmoil to stop, Im fed up of it dominating my mind, can anyone tell me how to put my heart and mind at rest? *sigh*

[Bluebiyou]

...On top of that there is the fact I dont trust men, I feel like if I open up to them I am putting myself in danger and they are having a laugh at my expense. This is propbaly because I have made my self stupidly vulnerable in the past to men and been burned.
...
I wish I could feel the same wonder and warmth about the male form as the female, I wish I tursted men and didnt descriminatein this way. I dont know how to sort it out.
...


You are putting yourself in danger. The love is proportional to the risk.
If you build up those walls, the risk, danger, and pain stay on the outside, along with love. The most common mistake is the 'filter' people put on their relationship acceptance: I'll only date someone with certain money, certain looks, certain political/philosophical beliefs... the list goes on.
Trouble is, you have no choice over who or what you fall in love with.
(Not meaning to be offensive) the vast majority of lesbians I've met were all hurt and usually raped by men. Rather than risk that hurt again, they date women, and do the typical man-hating. Of course this is not to say there is anything even slightly wrong with one woman falling in love with another, or just dating other woman.
You seem clearly bisexual. You should stay with that. If you want/need a man, persue him; if you want/need a woman, persue her.
And yes, expecting acceptance is setting yourself up for failure:
Expectations are the death of a relationship.
In one sense this is mind numbingly easy, on another hand it is heart breakingly difficult. One piece of advise: honesty is the only way to the highest heights of love, and the quickest way to bypass the bs.
Best wishes and good luck.

[sometimesitbethatway]

I agree with bluebiyou about honesty. IMO I think you should be with someone who won't freak out when you are 100% honest with them. You should be able to explain yourself and your significant other should be understanding and supportive no matter what the subject matter is. If it comes down to you feeling the need to be with a woman and he wants no part of it or doesn't accept the feelings you have, then he needs to let you go in a responsible manner. I feel like I am not really experienced enough to give advice on this subject but I do wish you the best of luck and remember to just always be yourself and feel comfortable with yourself. Everyone else should come second. :2cents: :flag1:

[Skater Boy]

If it comes down to you feeling the need to be with a woman and he wants no part of it or doesn't accept the feelings you have, then he needs to let you go in a responsible manner.

And vice versa. Be honest with yourself about your feelings, and if its really not him that you want, then set him (and yourself) free... :2cents:

[thesea]

i know im bi, not 50/50 but enough attracted to men to be with them. I just wonder if this feeling of unease and incompleatness will always be there with men. Is it part of my sexuality or is it learned? Can it be fixed? Will i ever look on a mans body with the same joy and desire as when i look at a woman? Is it just men have something different to offer? Some people do look at mens bodys and melt dont they?
Bf is great, funny and kind and really dirty, we have fun and care for each other. I would rather he was more interested in my gfs, im sure interested in him and guys and maybe could get used to and be happy for him haveing another gf, so long as i can pin her down while.. He he thats unknown teratory im not sure we will explore.

Thanks everyone, im on a few forums and they dont know what to say to this.

[thesea]

i know im bi, not 50/50 but enough attracted to men to be with them. I just wonder if this feeling of unease and incompleatness will always be there with men. Is it part of my sexuality or is it learned? Can it be fixed? Will i ever look on a mans body with the same joy and desire? Is just men have something different to offer? Some people do look at mens bodys and melt dont they? Thanks everyone, im on a few forums and they dont know what to say to this.