To the older members..

[sometimesitbethatway]

Based on the poll results in the age thread, I realize there is a large amount of older members here. My question to you is, throughout all the lessons learned and choices made in your lifetime, what would you do different if you could be back in your early twenties again? What advice could you give to the younger members on the forum?
Things you wish you had done early in your life, etc? This doesn't necessarily have to be in regards to being bisexual, but of course that's always good too.

Thank you.

[Skater Boy]

This thread may be vaguely related, and hopefully useful in some way:

http://main.bisexual.com/forum/showthread.php?t=4117&highlight=DIAMONDS+TRASH

[someotherguy]

The main thing about being young is not yet knowing what it would take to appreciate advice that as older people we know better than to give, The blessing and the curse of regenerative life is the freedom to redo the world in your turn. The world for which my experience matters has come and gone. About the best that can be done is to study examples, through literature, dwelling in those hours at a time and stocking your memory with auxiliary experiences as examples, which will guide your own formative experiences. There are no new human themes, only unique iterations. If wisdom is the clever application of knowledge, then reading biographies, novels and scientific articles is a helpful habit. Also, avoid routines that squash imagination. In terms of bisexuality, the best advice I have for young men and women is to seek out fun times with 48 year old men. And I am not just saying this because I happen to be 48. Trust me on this. It's the voice of experience.

[the mage]

Based on the poll results in the age thread, I realize there is a large amount of older members here. My question to you is, throughout all the lessons learned and choices made in your lifetime, what would you do different if you could be back in your early twenties again? What advice could you give to the younger members on the forum?
Things you wish you had done early in your life, etc? This doesn't necessarily have to be in regards to being bisexual, but of course that's always good too.

Thank you.


Keep a close circle of friends. Blood family or not you need people you can cry in front of. Long term friendship is not born of constant contact, it's born of total honesty and a lust to share experience. The person you choose to live with must be your best friend, not the best fuck you ever had, as the sex will eventually get dull for one of you at least..That is when you find out who your friends are, and who was out to fuck you.

[scorpio9]

Live life and explore! My only regrets are not doing more when opportunities presented themselves, sexually or otherwise. Don't live life for other peoples approval. Experiment!

[TrimBeardHairyBod]

Take the time and make the effort to get to know people.

We may live in a fast moving, instant-everything world but human relationships still evolve at the rate they've always done.

[Bloodflower]

I'm 32 & I already miss my 20's in several ways!

~I would have dated more women.

~I would have run away from several doomed relationships. I based a great deal of my personality on relationships & I've learned to be my own person. (My husband is incredible at helping me with this.)

~I would have spent some time on my learn to figure out who I really was/am.

~I would have appreciated my youthful good looks & figure more! Worn more bikinis!

[capricornx22]

One thing I've learned is you can't go back, but it sure would be nice if I had done the things I could have done in a safer time. Bi-sexuality and being gay was not an easy thing then although many of us experimented with friends or relatives as part of growing up, but ended up doing the socially right thing and played it straight. I love women and am excited by sex with men, but I do see even being bi or gay there are many within this so-called community that have their prejudices where we should be more accepting of each other. Let's all try to enjoy life and be safe!!!!:grouphug:

[Doggie_Wood]

let's see ....hmmmmmm........ Buy stock in Tandy Electronics, Yahoo, Microsoft and Apple.

Actually - not a friggin thing - because if I changed even one thing, I would not be here.

And I have met some pretty fantastic peeps here that I cherish. :bigrin:

:doggie:

[raistkit]

i know i have posted this before. if i could change one thing, i would tell the truth. been walking, talking, and dressing as i please for years. just wish instead of telling people when they ask, and they do, "i feel comfortable"(my usual response). wish i could say today i feel like a guy, or today i feel like a girl. i am really blessed with a large circle of friends who accept me for who i am, no matter how i dress. just wish i had the nerve to speak up.

kit

[alaskacouple]

My advice is to not listen to advice from older people... but if you must, then read again what 'someotherguy' wrote below - this is all really good (except for the part about learning from 48 year old guys - this should be changed to mid 50's at least...)



The main thing about being young is not yet knowing what it would take to appreciate advice that as older people we know better than to give, The blessing and the curse of regenerative life is the freedom to redo the world in your turn. The world for which my experience matters has come and gone. About the best that can be done is to study examples, through literature, dwelling in those hours at a time and stocking your memory with auxiliary experiences as examples, which will guide your own formative experiences. There are no new human themes, only unique iterations. If wisdom is the clever application of knowledge, then reading biographies, novels and scientific articles is a helpful habit. Also, avoid routines that squash imagination. In terms of bisexuality, the best advice I have for young men and women is to seek out fun times with 48 year old men. And I am not just saying this because I happen to be 48. Trust me on this. It's the voice of experience.

[innaminka]

My initial reaction was to write - not to have married my first husband. It lasted a year and ended in acrimony.
But.... all those little mistakes I made, the errors, the paths I took, they result in me today .....:female: and I LIKE me today.
My bum's too big, I probably drink a little too much, I have far too much casual f/f sex, ......... but I like me.
So after completing philosophy 101 - I'd change nothing.
Because then I wouldn't be me!

[jazzer]

The great thing about your life is that you make decisions whether they are good or bad. Life is a rich tapestry that you weave yourself and the only thing that will cause it to unravel is to make the same mistakes over and over.
Be true to yourself (be comfortable with your sexuality), learn to laugh at your mistakes (it is human to err) and treat others as you would like to be treated by them (whether it is a man or woman).
Enjoy life's journey it can be a wonderful experience. Smile, you use fewer facial muscles than if you frown and laughter is great for the immune system.
As for what would I have done differently in my life? Well who couldn't have done things differently if they had the ability of "hindsight", but who wants to spend the rest of their life asking "what if?".

Hugs Jazzer :tongue: :) :2cents:

[onewhocares]

Well what wonderful advice there has been here. I wish I were as insightful as those that have come before me. I guess upon first reading this thread I to wanted to say that I would have been a bit more of a risk taker in many ways and not the conservative young woman, would have gotten to date more men, and tried back then to think about me more, who I wanted to be. But alas, in reality those years of my youth made me the person I am today. Kind, open, caring; wanting to do for others. I guess when thinking of this post I am somewhat different that most as I have actually found myself in the last year or so. Many of the dear friends that I have met here have given me insight, guidence, love, and enlightenment to see where my life path has yet to journey....two roads diverged in one...and I have taken the one less traveled and that has made all the difference...my take on Mr. Frost. Find your own path, live and love along the way and never regret your stops to adventure for they will make you the person you were meant to be.

Belle

[Skater Boy]

Well, I'm only 27. But one thing I learned (the hard way) was that appearances can be deceptive... all (in this world) is not as it may at first seem... don't judge a book by its cover... etc. And strive to define yourself, rather than let your surrounding environment define you.

Oh, the benefit of hindsight.

http://www.camdenny.com/oneidalake/fishing.jpg

;) :bigrin:

[shameless agitator]

When it's all over with & you're looking at the end, you will have regrets. We all do & it's completely unavoidable. Personally, I would rather regret what I did than what I didn't do. That said, the one thing I wish I'd waited longer to do was have kids. As I keep telling mine, wait at least until your 30s. Your 20s should be all about having fun & exploring.

[**Peg**]

My advice is to take it easy on yourself. Don't do what I did: I was a hyper worrywart in my 20's, an over-achiever in my 30's, nothing was EVER good enough for me, I wanted it ALL. I worked too much... hell I didn't even drink. Nor did I socialize nor spend a lot of money: I tucked it away in the bank. OK so I could afford to retire in my 40's, but it wasn't until I nearly died in 1999 that I finally "got" what it's really all about (for me anyway).

When I lost my family I found myself. Be kind and loving to those around you: your family, friends, neighbours. Lend a helping hand to anyone who needs anything.

But most of all be true to your heart and trust yourself and your instincts, all will become apparent as you get older. If you've done it right, it can be the most rewarding time of your life: the birdsong is more melodic, the freshly-cut grass smells sweeter, food tastes better and the sex is AWESOME.

**Peg** :bigrin:

[alaskacouple]

When it's all over with & you're looking at the end, you will have regrets. We all do & it's completely unavoidable. Personally, I would rather regret what I did than what I didn't do. That said, the one thing I wish I'd waited longer to do was have kids. As I keep telling mine, wait at least until your 30s. Your 20s should be all about having fun & exploring.

We have a totally different take on the kids thing; We had ours when we were pretty young and with youth we were able to engage and "play' with them more than we would want to as we got older.(plus having kids when young is the way mankind has naturally evolved - it also seems best for other of reasons; it helps one mature, the health of both baby and mother is less at risk, etc.) Also, we didn't let them slow us down and we did many fun and exciting things as a family. The biggest benefit though is that we were able to have a second life, so to speak, without kids when we were still young enough to be active and adventurous with the addition of money and maturity to make our adventures even more fulfilling.

I suppose the best thing anyone can do at any age is to step away from the everyday and go forth and live! Go spend some time in the mountains and search for the inner spirit - Go spend some time in Europe and search for historic roots - Go to university and search for knowledge - move away from the computer screen and engage life...Try to not let fear dictate your path...

[Ninnian]

Gosh, theres been some excellent advice for peeps of any age-
If I had to add just my :2cents:, I'd tell younger folks to recognize that Life is about shedding yourself of neurotic fears, and learning to Love . Love yourself, love the things that have made you what you are , and what you Will be. Love others as imperfect beings also.
The other cent of teh 2?... Take responsibility for everything you do and become. Recognize that what you do now initiates whatever comes later- and that what you Think you can create. Mabye right NOW sucks.. but your mind is a miraculous vehicle. Given teh opportunity and the motivation, you can redesign your reality to better reflect what it is you wish. It wont happen instantly- but then again- does anything worthy happen instantly? No, it happens becuase you put effort into it. Noone else but you. Dont sell yourself short, either. ;)

Ok, so mabye thats 3cents worth...I have change for a nickel! :D

Nin

[Skater Boy]

Well, I posted these lyrics in another thread, but I feel that they probably have just as much (if not more) relevence here, so I shall post them once again:

Ladies and Gentlemen of the class of ’97
Wear Sunscreen
If I could offer you only one tip for the future,
sunscreen would be it.
The long term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists,
whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience
I will dispense this advice now.

Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth.
Oh nevermind, you will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they've faded.
But trust me, in 20 years you’ll look back at photos of yourself
and recall in a way you can’t grasp now, how much possibility lay before you
and how fabulous you really looked,
you are not as fat as you imagine.

Don’t worry about the future, or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubblegum.
The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind, the kind that blindside you at 4pm on some idle Tuesday.

Do one thing everyday that scares you.

Sing.

Don’t be reckless with other people’s hearts,
don’t put up with people who are reckless with yours.

Floss.

Don’t waste your time on jealousy, sometimes you’re ahead, sometimes you’re behind,
the race is long, and in the end, it’s only with yourself.

Remember the compliments you receive, forget the insults,
if you succeed in doing this, tell me how.

Keep your old love letters, throw away your old bank statements.

Stretch .

Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what you want to do with your life,
the most interesting people I know didn’t know at 22
what they wanted to do with their lives,
some of the most interesting 40 year olds I know still don’t.

Get plenty of calcium.

Be kind to your knees, you’ll miss them when they’re gone.

Maybe you’ll marry, maybe you won’t, maybe you’ll have children, maybe you won’t,
Maybe you’ll divorce at 40,
Maybe you’ll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary
What ever you do, don’t congratulate yourself too much or berate yourself either
Your choices are half chance, so are everybody else’s.
Enjoy your body, use it every way you can, don’t be afraid of it,
or what other people think of it, it’s the greatest instrument you’ll ever own.

Dance, even if you have nowhere to do it but in your own living room.

Read the directions, even if you don’t follow them.

Do not read beauty magazines, they will only make you feel ugly.

Get to know your parents, you never know when they’ll be gone for good.

Be nice to your siblings, they are the best link to your past
and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.

Understand that friends come and go, but for the precious few you should hold on.
Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle because the older you get,
the more you need the people you knew when you were young.

Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard,
Live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft.

Travel.

Accept certain inalienable truths, prices will rise, politicians will philander,
you too will get old, and when you do you’ll fantasize that when you were young
prices were reasonable, politicians were noble and children respected their elders.

Respect your elders.

Don’t expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund,
Maybe you have a wealthy spouse; but you never know when either one might run out.

Don’t mess too much with your hair, or by the time you're 40, it will look 85.

Be careful whose advice you buy, but, be patient with those who supply it.
Advice is a form of nostalgia,
dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off,
painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it’s worth.

But trust me on the sunscreen.

[sometimesitbethatway]

My advice is to not listen to advice from older people... but if you must, then read again what 'someotherguy' wrote below - this is all really good (except for the part about learning from 48 year old guys - this should be changed to mid 50's at least...)

Ha ha. I think people here tend to misunderstand my motives a lot in threads. A lot of the time I think I come across as a neurotic paranoid who is very insecure and always needs people to tell him what to do. That is not the case, very opposite in fact. My reason for starting this thread was just to sort of stimulate conversation, I thought the older members would enjoy shedding some light on their life choices, decisions, etc. I admit a few pointers are always taken into consideration but I wasn't looking for answers of any kind.

I do appreciate everyone's input though. I really like to get topics rolling and get people in good conversations. :)

[ambi53mm]

I do appreciate everyone's input though. I really like to get topics rolling and get people in good conversations. :)

I think that's pretty cool.....not to mention thoughtful and considerate as well.......Thanks!!:)

Mrs.Ambi:female:

[12voltman59]

I have to say--that I had wished the internet was around when I was in my 20s----I am glad its here now--because it has allowed me to explore this bisexual side of myself---something that I might have actually done if the internet had existed then---

I had the thoughts that I might want to do something with other guys--but back in the late 70s/early 80s--while bisexuality was something that certainly existed----the prevailing notion that if a person does something with someone of the same gender----then you were gay, no ifs, and or buts about it--was very much the prevailing attitude.

It is still that way to some people, but thankfully we are chipping away at that wall now.

We are still trying to get acceptance of bisexuality being "real"---but back 20 or more years back---it was a notion that was not accepted at all.

It seems to me that if you are a teenager or a person in your early 20s now--you do have more options available to you than what those of us in our 40s or older had "back in the day" in this regard.

I do guess the one thing I can be thankful that I was not "exploring" this aspect of myself--I was not on the frontlines of the early days of HIV/AIDS---I do have several friends from my graduation class who did come out as gay or bi and they felll by the wayside to this terrible disease in the days before medical science (oh my God--- that dreaded evil science thing again) developed "the cocktail" that does allow people with this disease to live a relatively normal life and not have HIV/AIDS be an automatic death sentence--a death that is most dreadful.

[alaskacouple]

Ha ha. I think people here tend to misunderstand my motives a lot in threads. A lot of the time I think I come across as a neurotic paranoid who is very insecure and always needs people to tell him what to do. That is not the case, very opposite in fact. My reason for starting this thread was just to sort of stimulate conversation, I thought the older members would enjoy shedding some light on their life choices, decisions, etc. I admit a few pointers are always taken into consideration but I wasn't looking for answers of any kind.

I do appreciate everyone's input though. I really like to get topics rolling and get people in good conversations. :)

We think you did a good job - you seem like a nice young man and we wish you all the best (However, we're not convinced that you are not spending too much time in front of the computer - time enough for that when you're old - now go out into the world and explore!!!)

[notsojung]

When I was young(er), I'd have tried harder and been more patient about finding an equally liberated female partner, i.e. someone bi and enthusiastic about swinging with like-minded couples (and singles). But I didn't/wasn't, and have ended up old(er) without ever finding that certain someone. This I regret. :(

[farout10]

The best advice I ever had was, "Young man, you have two ears and one mouth to listen twice as much as you speak."

From your question you seem to understand the value of listening: to listen is to learn.....to learn from the successes, failures, joys and regrets of others. I'm impressed....you stimulate in-depth conversation and seem to know how to pick and choose what is relevant to your own life....not many people do that...they're too busy talking.....

You'll do well in life...best of luck!

[ambi53mm]

Thru a good part of my 20's I worked in the medical field and had the opportunity to witness first hand, the final leg of the journey with regard to the ageing process. One night a woman well into her 90’s came walking down the corridor using a walker to steady herself… half hanging out of her patients gown…she turned looked at me…smiled…and said….”Don’t ever get old”…. I nodded...and smiled back as she continued on her journey...I guess you can interpret this in many ways…but I took her advice to heart…I have tried to live every moment of my life with the passion she inspired…and I will until I take that final trip into the great unknown…so I pass this on as I knew someday I would…”Don’t ever get old”.

Ambi:)

[warmpuppy]

1. In my early 20's, I gave my lovers 15 seconds of unadulterated ecstacy. If I could go back, I'd change that to an hour.

2. I would have acted on my bisexual interests, rather than holding off until my 30s.

3. I would probably be more financially agressive in looking to the future. Having said that, being out in pursuit of hot women was a lot more fun than staying home watching Leave it to Beaver re-runs. I didn't really get serious about retirement planning until I hit the 40s.

4. If I could go back, I would triple my efforts to hold onto good friends for a lifetime.

[sometimesitbethatway]

We think you did a good job - you seem like a nice young man and we wish you all the best (However, we're not convinced that you are not spending too much time in front of the computer - time enough for that when you're old - now go out into the world and explore!!!)

there's a good reason I am computer bound right now in my life. I am at this point where I am struggling financially and am living with friends who are letting me stay rent-free to get my debts payed off. So for a few months I am really putting all my money into credit cards and debts. No riding around town, no going out partying, no going out to eat, no movies, no dates. It has been really giving me cabin fever for the first few weeks until I found this forum and gave me something new to dive into :bigrin:

But I am young still, I have plenty of time (once I get financially stable) to go explore the world :cool:


The best advice I ever had was, "Young man, you have two ears and one mouth to listen twice as much as you speak."

From your question you seem to understand the value of listening: to listen is to learn.....to learn from the successes, failures, joys and regrets of others. I'm impressed....you stimulate in-depth conversation and seem to know how to pick and choose what is relevant to your own life....not many people do that...they're too busy talking.....

You'll do well in life...best of luck!

Thank you :)

[alaskacouple]

A lot of young folks have traveled the world with little else than a backpack and a dream. I myself spent several years roaming around the Rockies and the desert southwest with little or nothing - some of my fondest memories are of days spent among the aspens or along a canyon stream. I had no money to speak of but worked as needed to continue my wanderings, living in tents and cabins along the way. What I found was an inner peace away from all of the parties, drugs, alcohol, riding around with friends who never went anywhere...

Sorry about the debts, they can sure come to own you.

[welickit]

To the people I loved I would have said I Love You more often. :bipride: