WHAT? NO INTIMACY?

[IanGray]

There is a gay guy who I keep in touch with who is having sex with a man who just wants to fuck him. There is no kissing caressing or any other ways to get intimate. This seems to me a cold, empty and unfulfilling way of having sex. I have had plenty offers of the same nature but this not what I want. As another gay guy put it, sex should be fun.

Any thoughts folks :)

[jem_is_bi]

Everybody has their own 2-dimensional fun scale for various combinations of sexual activities and emotional/bonding activities. In addition, this will be differ with the sex of the partner and even differ with the particular partner and the whole scale is likely to change with time.
But, if you are happy and your partner is happy, but most everyone else does not understand why your both happy, does that make you unhappy?

[sometimesitbethatway]

seems cold to me too, but if they're both happy then, well, that makes them happy, it shouldn't matter... I guess

[bisexualinsocal]

I enjoy the full emotional spectrum of intimacy but I also love a cold and empty session. No need to fall in love all the time.

[IanGray]

I can see that I havn't fully explained the predicament of this gay guy. He says that while he enjoys being fucked, he wants more intimacy. However, what has been highlighted is the different expectations people have when indulging in sex and the need for all parties to discuss their likes and dislikes before hand.
:)

[diB4u]

Hmm, well Ian if your friend and his male lover are what is commonly known as "fuck friend" then there is no intamcy in that action. Is there?

I mean with a bf or a gf you can go on long walks, to the beach, have romantic dinners but not with someone who only wants the act.

Sadly there are people who just want to get their orgasms without anything gettin in their way. Personally, I'm one for romance and laughter and honest loving for me thats half of the orgasm there.

[Skater Boy]

Hmm, well Ian if your friend and his male lover are what is commonly known as "fuck friend" then there is no intamcy in that action. Is there?

Exactly. Thats the whole idea of Fuck buddies... NSA sex. But admittedly you've gotta be clear about each person's intentions when going into a relationship to avoid confusion.

[diB4u]

Exactly. Thats the whole idea of Fuck buddies... NSA sex. But admittedly you've gotta be clear about each person's intentions when going into a relationship to avoid confusion.

Very very true. Ugh I hate them words fuck buddies or fuck frends.

It puts a sour taste in my mouth regarding sex.

Sex should be a special thing between two or more consenting adults.

But then not everyone is like me... Thank heavens for that though eh???

;)

[Skater Boy]

Very very true. Ugh I hate them words fuck buddies or fuck frends.

It puts a sour taste in my mouth regarding sex.

Sex should be a special thing between two or more consenting adults.

But then not everyone is like me... Thank heavens for that though eh???

;)

Oh, I dunno... In theory you're right, ofcourse. But there's a time and place for everything... or so I'm told.

If you find your buddy sexually attractive, and vice versa, but neither of you wants to make a commitment at this stage, then why not make them a "fuck buddy"?

So long as everyone is honest, and no-one gets hurt, it doesn't seem like an entirely bad scenario.

[sdnaustin]

I feel sorry for guys that won't enjoy the kissing and other more tender parts of m2m sex. And they are fooling themselves if they think it makes them less homosexually-inclined.

[sometimesitbethatway]

I think your friend needs to be open and honest about what he really wants. Is he afraid of losing what he has going? If so, then why does he still want it if it's not really what he wants?

[DiamondDog]

Not everyone is into kissing/body contact.
Even homosexual men when it comes to having sex with the same gender.

[miamiuu]

Well my thing I only want to get physical with people I get close to and a lot of guys at clubs just want sex the same night. I guess my thing is I dont like guys enough to go sleeping with different ones every week and not really knowing who they are.

[the mage]

There is a gay guy who I keep in touch with who is having sex with a man who just wants to fuck him. There is no kissing caressing or any other ways to get intimate. This seems to me a cold, empty and unfulfilling way of having sex. I have had plenty offers of the same nature but this not what I want. As another gay guy put it, sex should be fun.

Any thoughts folks :)


it is the difference between fetish sex and making love... good for some, not others.

[someotherguy]

Sex need not dwell in the house of emotion for it to be intimate. The raw animalness of curt anonymous sex can bypass the intellect and thereby reach directly to that place which consciousness contrives to improve but can only cheapen. Sex was here first. It is basic. Given its due things go well enough without imposing expectations, ideals, and romantic notions. Higher order relationships are fine, too, of course. But don't be so quick to dismiss sex for its own sake.