Likeihood of LTR/statistics/percentages

[sometimesitbethatway]

I am just wondering what the likelihood is that someone can find a mate to be with of the opposite sex who actually accepts and understands your being bisexual?
I seem to be pretty picky with who I allow myself to get close to, especially in an intimate relationship. Now the past few weeks since I've accepted being bisexual, I am a little worried that I won't find someone out there to be with long term who will be understanding of this. I am just wondering what the statistics or percentages of something like this are?
Can I find a woman who wants to settle down with me understanding that I am also attracted to men? Will it disgust most women or are most women open-minded to this sort of thing? (assuming they are not bisexual, then obviously they should understand) And what are the chances I could even find a bi girl out there?
Just curious to hear other's experiences with this....

[sometimesitbethatway]

... gee nobody has anything to contribute?

[DiamondDog]

I have no idea. I'm not a sociologist/anthropologist who does studies/articles on this subject, and I don't date women anymore.

[sometimesitbethatway]

I see.. thanks anyway

[bisexualinsocal]

I am just wondering what the likelihood is that someone can find a mate to be with of the opposite sex who actually accepts and understands your being bisexual?
I seem to be pretty picky with who I allow myself to get close to, especially in an intimate relationship. Now the past few weeks since I've accepted being bisexual, I am a little worried that I won't find someone out there to be with long term who will be understanding of this. I am just wondering what the statistics or percentages of something like this are?
Can I find a woman who wants to settle down with me understanding that I am also attracted to men? Will it disgust most women or are most women open-minded to this sort of thing? (assuming they are not bisexual, then obviously they should understand) And what are the chances I could even find a bi girl out there?
Just curious to hear other's experiences with this....

Seriously I think a lot of women would be put off by your insecurity about the issue, more than the issue itself.

[DiamondDog]

Seriously I think a lot of women would be put off by your insecurity about the issue, more than the issue itself.

Yeah if you tell a woman that you're bi and you want a monogamous/closed relationship with her things will probably work out and you'll find women who want to date you.

A lot of women for the most part don't seem to want open relationships or want a relationship that starts open and always stays open.

Some can't handle the idea of their guy being with another man sexually or they're OK with it but don't want to know the details or have a 'don't ask don't tell' type of open relationship.

Other women will be OK with having an open relationship where they have a MMF 3 way with the guy they're in a relationship with or he doesn't have sex with other men but just looks at gay porn but they wouldn't want their guy to leave them for another guy or start having emotional/romantic relationships with men or with her and a man at the same time.

Find women who want to date you for who you are, and who see your sexuality as just another aspect of yourself. :2cents:

[sometimesitbethatway]

Seriously I think a lot of women would be put off by your insecurity about the issue, more than the issue itself.

I don't really think it's an insecurity. It may be... but it's more that I am inexperienced with this right now. I was more looking for feedback from guys who have had experience with this type thing. Or girls for that matter.

I'm still working on being comfortable with it myself, that way I will be easy going about it later on.

[sometimesitbethatway]

Some can't handle the idea of their guy being with another man sexually or they're OK with it but don't want to know the details or have a 'don't ask don't tell' type of open relationship.




Find women who want to date you for who you are, and who see your sexuality as just another aspect of yourself. :2cents:


Yeah, I get that first part, thats sort of why I was curious about others' experiences with this. Since I don't intend on dating a girl and having sex or messing around with men on the side, I don't think that will be the issue, if there is even an issue.
I just wanted to know if there seem to be a lot of women out there who are ok that their man may occasionally look at gay/bi porn or her guy being able to agree when she says some random guy on the street is hot.

and the second part, thanks for the advice. that is what sexuality is, just another aspect of me, not what actually makes me

[alaskacouple]

I don't really think it's an insecurity. It may be... but it's more that I am inexperienced with this right now. I was more looking for feedback from guys who have had experience with this type thing. Or girls for that matter.

I'm still working on being comfortable with it myself, that way I will be easy going about it later on.

From all of your posts I see this as a common thread throughout them all. And that's ok - I looked at what little bit you have put into your profile and find that you are 24 years old. At 24 it is normal to be inexperienced about a lot of things. In fact, it is simply the way of life. If I had one bit of advice that I thought would help you it is this; don't spend quite so much time trying to analyze yourself, others and life. Simply be yourself and then be honest with others.

If you take a moment to stop and think about your question, will the answer change anything? In other words, if everyone here said "No way man! Aint no woman ever going to accept you if your bisexual!" - Would that make you not bisexual? If you are in fact bisexual, it wouldn't change regardless of our answers or your analysis of yourself.

But, if you work toward being a loving, sincere and honest man I can assure you that you will probably find a loving woman who will accept your bisexuality.

(But, all of that said, I think you are probably still too young to even know if you are truly bisexual or not - and don't forget that some studies indicate that our sexuality actually shifts around a bit as we go through life. Just try to be a loving and honest man and you should do fine.)

[Lorcan]

I am just wondering what the statistics or percentages of something like this are?

Will it disgust most women or are most women open-minded to this sort of thing? (assuming they are not bisexual, then obviously they should understand)

I wouldn't worry about percentages or statistics.... just know that it's possible to be loved for who you are. If that's what you want then persue it. Me and my husband love eachother for who we are. We're both bi. Don't give up hope just yet... you are young...and the younger generation seems more open to it.

However, on a sad note, i know there are some bi women who do not give the same kind of understanding to bi men. It's the old "it's okay for a woman to be bi, but not a man" mentality that drives me up a wall.

[redheadhoneycat]

Sure there are plenty of us that love for our men to be bi. So yeah just give it time and things will work themselves out.:bipride:

[sometimesitbethatway]

From all of your posts I see this as a common thread throughout them all. And that's ok - I looked at what little bit you have put into your profile and find that you are 24 years old. At 24 it is normal to be inexperienced about a lot of things. In fact, it is simply the way of life. If I had one bit of advice that I thought would help you it is this; don't spend quite so much time trying to analyze yourself, others and life. Simply be yourself and then be honest with others.

If you take a moment to stop and think about your question, will the answer change anything? In other words, if everyone here said "No way man! Aint no woman ever going to accept you if your bisexual!" - Would that make you not bisexual? If you are in fact bisexual, it wouldn't change regardless of our answers or your analysis of yourself.

But, if you work toward being a loving, sincere and honest man I can assure you that you will probably find a loving woman who will accept your bisexuality.

(But, all of that said, I think you are probably still too young to even know if you are truly bisexual or not - and don't forget that some studies indicate that our sexuality actually shifts around a bit as we go through life. Just try to be a loving and honest man and you should do fine.)

Thanks. It is in my nature to analyze myself and the world around me so it's hard to break away from that. It's always how I've been. I really just wanted some assurance or something to make me feel okay right now, I guess. In the end I know hearing an answer will not make a difference. I realize how young I am and I am continuously learning things about myself and life everyday. I do really appreciate your input into this thread. Thank you.


I wouldn't worry about percentages or statistics.... just know that it's possible to be loved for who you are. If that's what you want then persue it. Me and my husband love eachother for who we are. We're both bi. Don't give up hope just yet... you are young...and the younger generation seems more open to it.

However, on a sad note, i know there are some bi women who do not give the same kind of understanding to bi men. It's the old "it's okay for a woman to be bi, but not a man" mentality that drives me up a wall.

That's what I am/was sort of scared of. The double-standard. But I guess if I just chill out, relax, and be me then everything will turn out ok in the end. Thank you.


Sure there are plenty of us that love for our men to be bi. So yeah just give it time and things will work themselves out.:bipride:

Thanks. :)

[alaskacouple]

Thanks. It is in my nature to analyze myself and the world around me so it's hard to break away from that. It's always how I've been. I really just wanted some assurance or something to make me feel okay right now, I guess. In the end I know hearing an answer will not make a difference. I realize how young I am and I am continuously learning things about myself and life everyday. I do really appreciate your input into this thread. Thank you.


:)

Sometimes...

There is a great saying; 'Over analysis leads to paralysis'.

I read a thing awhile back that spoke of perfectionism and the tendency to have a need to have everything under control and neatly tucked away in our 'understanding'. The major problem with perfectionism is that we just simply can't ever keep it up. The interesting point though is that once people with a 'perfectionist / over analysis' tendency realize that they can't keep up, they usually cope by just not doing anything at all - e.g. paralysis.

If I could give a young man any advice I would suggest that you turn your inquisitive and fruitful mind to the study of how to be a man of integrity, wisdom, love, inner peace and love. With these qualities, all of the other issues of life will find there own answers.

[the mage]

I am just wondering what the likelihood is that someone can find a mate to be with of the opposite sex who actually accepts and understands your being bisexual?
I seem to be pretty picky with who I allow myself to get close to, especially in an intimate relationship. Now the past few weeks since I've accepted being bisexual, I am a little worried that I won't find someone out there to be with long term who will be understanding of this. I am just wondering what the statistics or percentages of something like this are?
Can I find a woman who wants to settle down with me understanding that I am also attracted to men? Will it disgust most women or are most women open-minded to this sort of thing? (assuming they are not bisexual, then obviously they should understand) And what are the chances I could even find a bi girl out there?
Just curious to hear other's experiences with this....

There are women who will accept you if you are totally honest from the start.
I and other men have found them in the usual way, be real, be respectful, offer real love and intense physical pleasure. Not yours.. hers first, always.

[biandbi804]

I really can't help on the stats, but maybe my experience will help some. After failing at a relationship with a woman that could not accept that I had bi feelings and had experimented with bi sex in my past, I decided to look for only a woman that would accept my bisexual side. I purposely looked on line for women that described themselves as bi. While it took awhile, I was successful. My present partner is very understanding, as I am with her about being bi. We "swing" with other bi couples and singles from time to time when the urge hits us. We are always together, though. While there are some differences that we have, the common understanding of each others bi nature is a huge bonding element.
I hope this helps some...

[welickit]

Learn to be honest with yourself first. Then learn to be honest with those around you. Everything else will fall into place.:bipride:

[onewhocares]

Hello Sometimes,

First, as I tell many men whom I have chatted with...never be ashamed of being bisexual. It is a part of the man you are and people will love the whole package. I know that there are lots of women like me who just adore bisexual men for who they are..the whole package. I do think that perhaps that with age and experiance a new self assuredness will develop and you will find those that you seek.

As Alaska Couple said..over thinking a problem and all the different possibilites can impeed your actions...believe me I know...I live this life. I wish I could turn off my brain at times and just relax an live life. I am trying hard to do that, even at my advanced age. A dear friend is trying to get me to see the wisdom that AC seems to have down pat. Were I as smart and enlightened as he.

Just take one day at a time, learn about the most important person....YOU.

Belle

[sometimesitbethatway]

Thank you to everyone who has posted here in the past few posts. I really appreciate it. The funny thing is alot of you mentioned just work on being comfortable with myself and having honesty and integrity and these such characteristics. That's what I am constantly trying to better myself.
I guess I won't get too personal on here but I just went through the year from hell in my life. My wife left me (once again, not over any bisexual stuff, other stuff) and I had a real hard time dealing with that and other things in my life. I never gave much thought to my attraction to men. Now that I am sort of re-discovering who I am after a long 7 year relationship straight out of high school, I am being completely honest and realistic with myself about everything.
I am not ashamed to be bisexual, I only really put the "label" on myself about 2 weeks ago, so it's still very fresh to me. I am taking one thing at a time as I feel comfortable. That's why I am here and so inquisitive about everything.
I have plenty of people who love me for me and I know that the whole bi thing won't be a big deal when I find the right girl.... cause honestly if she isn't cool with it, she's not cool with a part of me so obviously she isn't the right girl.

But thank you again to everyone who has put input here, however small input it may have been and also thanks again to those who have PM'd me with concerns and answers. :bigrin: You guys rock :bigrin:

[BronzeBobby]

I am married to a woman who knows I'm bisexual. We've been together since 1999. My main advice is not to lose opportunities. If a woman crosses your path and she is willing to accept your bisexuality, then get into gear and see if the relationship works. I don't know the statistics, but such women are not the majority, and when you do find one, treat her well and treasure what you have. Another one may not come around for a long time.

[the mage]

I can tell you this about numbers... and I'll ask all women here to poll all women they know too.........
My Lady works in an all female office. 17 women. She knows from conversation that NONE of them would enjoy man to man action and 15 of the women would immediately leave their man if he was found out to be Bi.

A small sample but real...How about the rest of you.. People outside this scene.. what do they think? Can you even ask?

[Bluebiyou]

sometimesitbethatway

Wow, dude, you are incredibly honest at your age/point in life.
Yes, there is - incredibly - huge potential for you philosophically.
Had I been as open and honest at your age..... where would I be now?
I hope you realize.. you've been given a... tremendous gift/responsibility/view.
Your generation will far outreach mine. I envy you for that.
...and you have the placemat to be a leader.
It will be dangerous of course. Nothing worthwhile is without danger. I have learned this with age.
I have had my vehicles damaged/sabbotaged many times ... been poisoned at work... yet I still live, for the time.
You will live on to be a light. You are so obviously such a bright light. I hope to meet you one day before I die... perhaps just to pass the torch. LOL But, that won't be necessary. You already are on the path.
Best wishes... and may Love Almighty bless you even more than me!
As Darkeyes says..... "MUAH!"

[**Peg**]

I can tell you this about numbers... and I'll ask all women here to poll all women they know too......My Lady works in an all female office. 17 women. She knows from conversation that NONE of them would enjoy man to man action and 15 of the women would immediately leave their man if he was found out to be Bi. A small sample but real...How about the rest of you.. People outside this scene.. what do they think? Can you even ask?

I'm not outside the scene... my lover is bi (curious) . I adore him for being so open and honest with me about his desire. I love him so much: he is worthy of my total devotion and his reward is that I want to give him everything that pleases him, although sorry darlin I can't afford the Goldwing right now LOL.

I am not in the least threatened by his wanting a man (hell I can't blame him: I'm rather turned on by men maself LOL). He knows that he is free to explore his desires when I can't be with him, although he is waiting until we can find someone together, which is rather difficult considering we live 500 miles apart. We have been in a longdistance LTR for 5 full years now.

In fact, I believe therein lies the crux of the situation about those 17 women... they feel that because a bi man wants another bi man then that follows that he doesn't want to be with THEM. They lose so much with narrowminded/inexperienced thinking such as that. I'm not threatened by a lot of things that (I find) younger people are. I've been there and seen WAY too much of the worst of humanity, so I'm kinda cool now - in a hot way LOL.

Bi folk are different. My PERSONAL experience has been that because most OTH (other than hetero) folks have been so persecuted by social and cultural *norms* that they are more open/loving/caring/giving than the average bear. JMO

**Peg**

[Fire Lotus]

I don't have any stats or have done any polls. But I have many female friends who have husbands/partners that are bi men and are completely comfortable with it.
I am a bi woman married to a bi man. I knew right from the start. I'm perfectly fine with it.I love him oodles.Being bi is part of who he is. He has always been open, honest and safe about it. I think this is key. The only way being with a bi man (or even woman, for that matter) would be a negative thing for me would be is if he was a liar, seeing men behind my back (and me finding out in other ways other than from him.) and/or not practicing safe sex. THen yeah, these would be upsetting to me.

[Lateralus]

You lovely people on this board are such a great inspiration. Thanks:flag4:

[the sacred night]

I've said it before and I'll say it again. Guy on guy action is hot, and if a guy I was dating told me he was bi and wanted to explore that side of himself with me, I'd think I'd won the lottery.

[BronzeBobby]

I can tell you this about numbers... and I'll ask all women here to poll all women they know too.........
My Lady works in an all female office. 17 women. She knows from conversation that NONE of them would enjoy man to man action and 15 of the women would immediately leave their man if he was found out to be Bi.

A small sample but real...How about the rest of you.. People outside this scene.. what do they think? Can you even ask?


What I've noticed is that people often represent themselves as more pious than they really are. Most women in my office say they would leave a man who cheated on them.... but they don't. No woman in my office would admit to sleeping with a man they just met at a bar.... but a number of them do. Who would admit to having Herpes, which 25% of the adult population has? Who would admit to having tried cocaine or even pot, at work, even though lots of people have? Who would admit to having doubted the existence of God, in a Denny's at noon on Sunday when the after-church crowd is in full force? We all perform our sense of righteousness beautifully for others, then jettison it quickly in the privacy of our complicated lives.

I think most women would say, "I would NEVER be with a man who's bi" if they're being asked that question casually at work. They have a reputation to keep up. To say they'd accept something like a bi partner is the same as saying their market value is too low and they're so desperate they'll cling to something unfashionable, for lack of other options. Yet in real life, if they meet a man and fall in love and accepting his bisexuality makes it possible for everyone to get what they want .... Most of them would probably accept it, with varying amounts of required discretion.

That's what I've noticed, anyway.

[sometimesitbethatway]

I can tell you this about numbers... and I'll ask all women here to poll all women they know too.........
My Lady works in an all female office. 17 women. She knows from conversation that NONE of them would enjoy man to man action and 15 of the women would immediately leave their man if he was found out to be Bi.

A small sample but real...How about the rest of you.. People outside this scene.. what do they think? Can you even ask?


Well, the thing with me is, and this may or may not make a difference, but I want to be with a woman, I just have fantasies in my head (of men). I may mess with guys at some point in time (since I am open-minded to anything), but that wouldn't be when I was in a relationship. I don't even know how I personally feel about involving a third party into a relationship.
So, the question I'd ask a woman I wanted to be with, would not be if she was into m2m action, but if she was ok knowing that I find other men attractive but it goes no further than inside my head.
I wonder if all these women would still leave if they found out their man was "bi" but inactive or had no desires to step outside their relationship (even if they were involved)

[sometimesitbethatway]

sometimesitbethatway

Wow, dude, you are incredibly honest at your age/point in life.
Yes, there is - incredibly - huge potential for you philosophically.
Had I been as open and honest at your age..... where would I be now?
I hope you realize.. you've been given a... tremendous gift/responsibility/view.
Your generation will far outreach mine. I envy you for that.
...and you have the placemat to be a leader.
It will be dangerous of course. Nothing worthwhile is without danger. I have learned this with age.
I have had my vehicles damaged/sabbotaged many times ... been poisoned at work... yet I still live, for the time.
You will live on to be a light. You are so obviously such a bright light. I hope to meet you one day before I die... perhaps just to pass the torch. LOL But, that won't be necessary. You already are on the path.
Best wishes... and may Love Almighty bless you even more than me!
As Darkeyes says..... "MUAH!"

Thank you. I feel sort of special now. I have honestly been through a tremendous lot in my young life and I had to grow up quick. I have had highs and lows most people my age have not and I am better and stronger because of it. I am now at the point where I am completely honest with myself and everyone around me. I don't have time for negativity or lies or false-truths or pretending to be something you're not. Anyways this has made me think of something else I was thinking about today....
I've always been different from other guys. Always. I am very emotional, and very sensitive and very romantical. (When I say most guys I mean most of the guys I am around most of the time which is "straight" guys)
I loved being sweet to my wife for no reason, catering to her, being emotionally supportive of her, bringing her flowers for no reason, doing all those mushy romantic things that men only do in the movies. A lot of the time I felt really "gay" because of it. Or because of how sensitive I am about it. A lot of the females I know wonder how I can be like that when their man is a complete inconsiderate asshole. It's just me. So, I got to thinking, there's definitely something about me that makes me have some feminine type elements.... a lot of women want this. A lot of women actually WANT their gay male friends because of how understanding they are. I AM LIKE THIS... only I want them too. So maybe it will not be so hard for me to find someone after all......


You lovely people on this board are such a great inspiration. Thanks:flag4:

Yes, everyone here is great. This thread turned out so much better than I could have expected :bigrin: :bipride:


What I've noticed is that people often represent themselves as more pious than they really are. Most women in my office say they would leave a man who cheated on them.... but they don't. No woman in my office would admit to sleeping with a man they just met at a bar.... but a number of them do. Who would admit to having Herpes, which 25% of the adult population has? Who would admit to having tried cocaine or even pot, at work, even though lots of people have? Who would admit to having doubted the existence of God, in a Denny's at noon on Sunday when the after-church crowd is in full force? We all perform our sense of righteousness beautifully for others, then jettison it quickly in the privacy of our complicated lives.

I think most women would say, "I would NEVER be with a man who's bi" if they're being asked that question casually at work. They have a reputation to keep up. To say they'd accept something like a bi partner is the same as saying their market value is too low and they're so desperate they'll cling to something unfashionable, for lack of other options. Yet in real life, if they meet a man and fall in love and accepting his bisexuality makes it possible for everyone to get what they want .... Most of them would probably accept it, with varying amounts of required discretion.

That's what I've noticed, anyway.

That's a great point. People are so full of bullshit out in public, and most people do not have the ability to be HONEST and that's sad. I think pressure from society is one huge problem in the world, at least in the US, right now.