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View Full Version : I finally told her



thinkfree39
Mar 2, 2008, 10:14 PM
After 25 years of marriage, I told my wife I was interested in playing with a man. She blew a gasket. I was prepared for most any reaction and hoped this wouldn't be it but feared it might.

I think the main thing is that about 10 years ago, I confessed to cheating on her and this probably brought back some bad memories. Maybe it was wrong for me to even bring it up, but it has preoccupied my mind for a couple months now. The urges I feel have been with me all my life. Since joining this forum I've gone from feeling like a freak to feeling quite normal. She said she noticed a change in me recently. That would be me realizing that I had to do something. There was no going back to simply suppressing it.

Our communications skills aren't the greatest. She just didn't want to hear it, and took it as a slap in the face. At least that's what it appears to me.

She asked somewhat sarcastically, "What do you want me to do, just tell you to go ahead?" No, I told her. I want him to join us because I also want to watch him screw you. Well not quite that bluntly, but that's the gist. I've told her many times how much it turns me on to see her turned on. I explained that the competitive hormones have given way to something different. The idea was met with more sarcasm, "yeah, right". But the tension did seem to ease as she realized I wasn't being completely selfish. She says she has no interest in that.

We ended up having a long talk and even sex. If nothing else, it jolted her out of the complacency that we tend to fall into. So that was good. Maybe over time she'll even have a change of heart.

I'm not really looking for specific help or advice, but of course I always like to read what people think on a subject. I think I'll hang around, maybe change my profile a little. I don't intend to completely drop the subject with her. I can't deny my feelings any more than I can deny my height. She says I just think too much. Maybe she's right, but that's me too.

shameless agitator
Mar 2, 2008, 10:21 PM
Good for you man! That was a huge step. Personally, I would suggest you just kind of let the subject rest for a while, give her a chance to digest it all before you bring up the 3some concept again.

the sacred night
Mar 3, 2008, 12:46 AM
Just give her time. A lot of times, people will reject something completely at first, but gradually come around to see that they don't mind, or maybe even like the idea. My ex fiance was like that. Maybe she'll eventually warm up to the idea of 2 guys together after she thinks about it awhile :P

ShyBritInMI
Mar 3, 2008, 2:02 AM
you are very brave, i never had the courage to tell my wife but because our sex life has always been poor she started telling people i was gay, which simply isnt true....but i do have urges for men, so for you to do what you did was awesome and even better because even after the initial freak out by your wife she could see you still had interest and love for her which is important.

my wife filed for divorce and i moved in with a female friend, and im currrently dating her, but for once i told her just as you did about my urges or at least curiosity for men, and she actually supported me...difference between her and my wife is that ive known my friend for 4 years and she knows alot about me so she was prepared for me telling her about wanting to try sex with a man.

people can be so cruel sometimes just for being honest, one time my wife told me she would be ok if i turned out to be gay but we would get divorced, then tells all my friends im a 'fag' which just goes to show how biased people can be, i wouldnt even be ashamed to be gay, but id like to have good people around me.....your story makes it worthwhile in being honest.

well done!

FalconAngel
Mar 3, 2008, 3:36 AM
It took a lot of courage to tell your spouse after being closeted for so long.

If it helps, there are a lot of mixed orientation couples (we are one of them) on this site who can answer questions for both of you. In our case, we are like you; Bi male and straight female, so one or both of us can help with questions that you or she may have.

If it helps, get her on the site as well to explore some of the forums. That may help her to understand that she is not alone in this either.

Best of luck to both of you.

The Barefoot Contess
Mar 3, 2008, 5:42 AM
Congratulations, as others have said, it takes courage to do what you did. I also agree that maybe it would be a good idea to drop the subject for a while so that she does not feel pressured. She will also need time to come to terms with what for her is a new and possibly challenging reality.

sometimesitbethatway
Mar 3, 2008, 11:44 PM
I think it's great you have taken that step. Does it feel like a huge load has been lifted?