Why I am confused

[dcconfused]

OK, let's see if this rings any bells out there. My bisexual feelings come only in waves. I am always attracted to women, most often overpoweringly attracted to women. Only sometimes am I attracted to men, and it coincides with other feelings. If I'm feeling down, unappreciated, I want to be taken care of and desired, and suddenly I want sex with a man. I want to be desired, and it's as if I don't believe I will ever get that from a woman. When I am feeling gay desires, I always want to be the bottom. I don't think I have ever fantasized topping a man.
But then I'll see a woman -- she doesn't have to be gorgeous -- and my heart thumps, and I say, oh yeah, I'm straight.
So what gives? I've gotten so used to these emotions, I don't even belabor them. I'm a married man, usually but not always happy with my sex life. I desire my wife constantly, so it's not like I'm living a Brokeback marriage.
So, am I even bi?

[FalconAngel]

Don't feel confused.
Being Bi means having feelings for both genders. It doesn't matter whether they are constant or fluctuating. We are not all the same and we all have different levels of attractions to both genders.

Some of it may be brought on by how you feel, but the thing is that you are enjoying yourself. It is fulfilling something in you that you feel that you need.

If your wife knows about what you are doing and is okay with it, then no harm, so wallow in it and enjoy yourself. Of course it goes without saying that you should be playing safe.

[hey_there442]

Re: Why I am confused

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OK, let's see if this rings any bells out there. My bisexual feelings come only in waves. I am always attracted to women, most often overpoweringly attracted to women. Only sometimes am I attracted to men, and it coincides with other feelings. If I'm feeling down, unappreciated, I want to be taken care of and desired, and suddenly I want sex with a man. I want to be desired, and it's as if I don't believe I will ever get that from a woman. When I am feeling gay desires, I always want to be the bottom. I don't think I have ever fantasized topping a man.
But then I'll see a woman -- she doesn't have to be gorgeous -- and my heart thumps, and I say, oh yeah, I'm straight.
So what gives? I've gotten so used to these emotions, I don't even belabor them. I'm a married man, usually but not always happy with my sex life. I desire my wife constantly, so it's not like I'm living a Brokeback marriage.
So, am I even bi?

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Don't feel bad sweety, I'm exactly the same way, I too get the feelings in waves, and when I fantasize, I'm always on the bottom.
But it's even harder for me because I'm a virgin, and my thing is, I'll try both sides. And even if I eventually turn out to be strate in the long run, I can know I've had a man and a women (in the future of course :() But love with a man or woman seems to be a wonderful thing either way (from the porn and stories I've read.)
Hope this helps a bit, *hugs*

[shameless agitator]

What you're describing is pretty common, DC. Some of us are more fluid than others. I also find that I pretty much always find women attractive, but my attraction to men is more sporadic. I know others who go through gay phases where they're only attracted to the same sex & straight phases where they're only attracted to the opposite sex. Basically, there are as many ways of being bisexual as there are bisexuals.

[Bloodflower]

Y'know...I'm a bi female & I naturally feel drawn to men. I get along with them better, I enjoy their company more in most cases. HOWEVER, on occasion, a sexy woman will walk by & my face flushes & I my heart pounds. That doesn't mean that I'm not completely attracted & monogamous to my husband, but boy, I can't deny the attraction that I have to females either. It's not something I'm as aware of, but it's definitely there!

:bipride:

[arcakes]

This may or may not be relevant, but I think in a lot of cases people feel confused or frustrated because of the labels society has created, and whether or not they fit into them. To answer questions like "Am I gay?" "Am I bi?" you have to think about what those words mean...to YOU. Most people consider bisexuality very simply -- being sexually attracted to and/or active with both genders. That's how I conceive of it, and I happen to dovetail with this category, so I call myself bi. Your personal definition might be different, and that is totally fair. But I didn't wake up one day wanting to have sex with both a man and a woman and decide "whoop, I'm bi". I tend to want different partners at different times, too. I'd think more about what you want out of life and less about what to call yourself...that sh*t ain't important.

[sometimesitbethatway]

I'm like that too. Only it's different things in different people.. or genders.. I check out guys but I am pretty certain I would never want to be with a guy physically. I enjoy romantic connection with a woman and being physical with a woman but honestly at first glance a guy will turn my head before a woman. But women still do, I am just more picky at first glance.
I have just now come to the conclusion that I am bisexual. I could say curious but bisexual feels right to me. I am not curious about anything, I know what I feel. Just because I've never been with a man and never intend to, doesn't mean the feelings aren't there.
but yeah, I feel ya man, the feelings can come and go depending on my mood as well. My thing is I never think of bottoming or topping, the idea of that just grosses me out... so I feel like I am very complex. But I know there's probably a ton of guys out there like me....