Thoughts

[Freaky Tee]

Greetings to all,

I realize the topic I am about to explore should have been discussed a long time ago with my g/f. Now that I have put my disclaimer out there. Here are my concerns. My g/f and I have been dating for over 2yrs with an engagement included there after. Since dating her I have discovered with her non promotional assistance that I am a in the closet bi. (experimental blow jobs as a kid) These bi feelings have been suppressed most of my adult life. I have no desire to be open about it, aleast to people who know me.

With g/f fingering my ass and using dildo's on me I find that I very much enjoy anal play. She purchased me a pair thongs as a v-day gift a yr ago and now I enjoy wearing thongs. She knows that I like wearing them as I have went out and brought some. She enjoy seeing me in them.

I often get a hard on when in the open shower at the gym seeing other cocks and being looked at by other bi, gay or curious guys who are naked as well. Its very erotic and exciting at times but other times I feel guilty and have internal struggles with the thought of me being attractive to guys like that. I was raised up that thats just not right!

My main point is how do I gently make her aware of my willingness to explore being bi without fully exposing myself in case she can't accept me? (not as if the clues are not there)

I realize being honest is the best but at this point I dont know how to handle this situation with the least amount of damage either way it turn out.

[lonelygirlintx]

I was brought up the same way, but now that I am an adult, I realize that everyone has their own beliefs and we shouldn't have to let others judge us by them. I would say that just bring up the talk while ya'll are both in a good mood. I know you don't want to come out completely to her, especially not at once, but when I want something, I tell my husband. We talk about it, seeing both sides of the story and decide then what to do. If she loves you, you shouldn't have to worry about her leaving. And by the things that you already do in the bedroom, I'd say she wouldn't be turned off by you being bi. So just do what you feel is right for now, that's all the advice that I can give. I hope everything works out for the better. Wish you luck with everything you decide to do.

[Falke]

I was brought up the same way, but now that I am an adult, I realize that everyone has their own beliefs and we shouldn't have to let others judge us by them. I would say that just bring up the talk while ya'll are both in a good mood. I know you don't want to come out completely to her, especially not at once, but when I want something, I tell my husband. We talk about it, seeing both sides of the story and decide then what to do. If she loves you, you shouldn't have to worry about her leaving. And by the things that you already do in the bedroom, I'd say she wouldn't be turned off by you being bi. So just do what you feel is right for now, that's all the advice that I can give. I hope everything works out for the better. Wish you luck with everything you decide to do.


Agreed. Honesty is the best course of action. Really, the worst case senerio is she leaves you. However, would you rather be married, or married with a kid and come out? If she loves you, she will accept it...to what extent...who knows? That is between you two! I'm guessing she already knows, hell my girl knew it within a month of us going out. This was even before I finally figured it out/came out! Anyhow, you will have a few things to chat about. When I did come out Lady's big concern was her loosing me to a guy, which is a understandable first reaction. Though one would be a fool to let someone like her go!

[Freaky Tee]

Agreed. Honesty is the best course of action. Really, the worst case senerio is she leaves you. However, would you rather be married, or married with a kid and come out? If she loves you, she will accept it...to what extent...who knows? That is between you two! I'm guessing she already knows, hell my girl knew it within a month of us going out. This was even before I finally figured it out/came out! Anyhow, you will have a few things to chat about. When I did come out Lady's big concern was her loosing me to a guy, which is a understandable first reaction. Though one would be a fool to let someone like her go!


Thanks for your responds ! I am curious to know how did she know?
:flag1:

[Freaky Tee]

I was brought up the same way, but now that I am an adult, I realize that everyone has their own beliefs and we shouldn't have to let others judge us by them. I would say that just bring up the talk while ya'll are both in a good mood. I know you don't want to come out completely to her, especially not at once, but when I want something, I tell my husband. We talk about it, seeing both sides of the story and decide then what to do. If she loves you, you shouldn't have to worry about her leaving. And by the things that you already do in the bedroom, I'd say she wouldn't be turned off by you being bi. So just do what you feel is right for now, that's all the advice that I can give. I hope everything works out for the better. Wish you luck with everything you decide to do.

Thanks for your best wishes as I wish the best for you and yours!
:flag1:

[shameless agitator]

It sounds like she's got a pretty good idea already. I would just be fairly blunt about it. Maybe after she's used a dildo on you (I would recommend a strap-on BTW), say something like you know I wouldn't mind trying that with a real one. Or you could bring up the subject of sexual fantasies & mention an mmf. I was in a pretty similar situation & it was my ex who helped me figure it out. She actually knew before I did. Kinda makes you wonder if that wasn't why she initiated anal play to begin with.

[Freaky Tee]

It sounds like she's got a pretty good idea already. I would just be fairly blunt about it. Maybe after she's used a dildo on you (I would recommend a strap-on BTW), say something like you know I wouldn't mind trying that with a real one. Or you could bring up the subject of sexual fantasies & mention an mmf. I was in a pretty similar situation & it was my ex who helped me figure it out. She actually knew before I did. Kinda makes you wonder if that wasn't why she initiated anal play to begin with.

I am wondering the same thing as to why she initiated anal play!

[flirtchewieflirt]

I hardly feel qualified to offer advice, but I can tell you what I did and how I felt about it. I got married and never told her. I did not doing anything about it and just locked it up inside. I was not happy. The story is much more complex that this one thing, but ultimately I felt it to be a huge mistake. After 9 years, the marriage ended and I felt this one thing was a big enough mistake that I resolved not to do it again. From now on, I would be up front about it and if someone cared enough about me to be able to be ok with me being bi and what that might entail, then they were worth a chance. If not, I know I would not be happy with them, accept it and keep looking for the right person for me.

I still do not know that I have found that person yet, but that is what I have decided for myself. I think you simply need to find out how important it is to you. If you have not yet had a chance to explore these feelings and attractions with a man, perhaps you should so you can better understand how important these feelings might be to you before you make any big decisions about commitments. Only you can really answer for yourself, but I would want the person I am with to know what I am going through. And yes, that is sooooo much easier to say to someone else, than to myself. Obviously, pure opinion on my part.

These statements have not been evaluated by the FDA. Any advice given is not intended to treat or diagnose any condition. Past results are not indicative of future performance. The opinions expressed here are not the opinions of the management or this station….

[shameless agitator]

I am wondering the same thing as to why she initiated anal play!Well, in my case my ex initiated it because she figured out my orientation before I did & it was a way of bringing it to my attention.

[Falke]

Thanks for your responds ! I am curious to know how did she know?
:flag1:

Agitator put it nicely. :)

[nothings5d]

These statements have not been evaluated by the FDA. Any advice given is not intended to treat or diagnose any condition. Past results are not indicative of future performance. The opinions expressed here are not the opinions of the management or this station….

So posts now require diclaimers?:rolleyes:

[flirtchewieflirt]

LOL! Just giving a nod to the perilous nature of advice.

[Hephaestion]

Depends how you see the relevance of being engaged and then married? The marriage ceremony says "...forsaking all others....as long as ye both shall live".

Perhaps her indulgence of you with anal play is an indication that she is prepared to satisfy your longings and to keep the relationship exclusive.

If this is not likely to satisfy you then you should be honest about things and accept the consequences. After all, that is what being an adult is about, accepting responsibility for one's actions.

You never know, maybe having an errant bi-husband or one that invites 3 or moresomes is her ideal.

No secrets with trust is a far better way of being in a relationship.

Good luck

[Freaky Tee]

Depends how you see the relevance of being engaged and then married? The marriage ceremony says "...forsaking all others....as long as ye both shall live".

Perhaps her indulgence of you with anal play is an indication that she is prepared to satisfy your longings and to keep the relationship exclusive.

If this is not likely to satisfy you then you should be honest about things and accept the consequences. After all, that is what being an adult is about, accepting responsibility for one's actions.

You never know, maybe having an errant bi-husband or one that invites 3 or moresomes is her ideal.

No secrets with trust is a far better way of being in a relationship.

Good luck

Well spoken!! Thanks

[Bloodflower]

I am wondering the same thing as to why she initiated anal play!

My very str8 ex-bf loved anal play & I never once suspected he was anything but str8. I don't think your gf necessarily suspects your secret due to the anal play, but it's a thought. I never questioned my ex & he hasn't come out of the closet yet, so I think it's safe to say he's comfortable in his heterosexuality. :tongue:

[Freaky Tee]

Thanks again to all that responded. She and I have had some very interesting conversations since my orginal post! Some of the experiences read here helped and is appreciated! I am very much convinced that she has a strong intution of my thoughts and we will soon deal with them in one way or another!

:bibounce:

[canuckotter]

I guess I'm a little late to this party... :tong: Still, here's my :2cents: ... Be honest. There are plenty of stories on here from guys who didn't admit the truth to their SOs and... it doesn't tend to go well.

Best of luck!

[biguymass]

Freaky,

Could you please keep us posted?

I'm interested to see how it all turns out.

Thanks.

[Freaky Tee]

ok i sure will!

[Freaky Tee]

I wanted to give an update to those who are interested. We are talking much more about all types of things especially as it relates to sexual thoughts. I have never been so comfortable with our conversations.

[geezerguy]

Freaky, keep up the conversations, but don't wait too long. I waited 37 years of marriage until I told her, even tho I knew even b4 I met her (we met when I was 14, she was 13!). Amazingly she decided to stay with me, but that is because I have not acted on it yet. Please talk about it waaay b4 37 years!

[shameless agitator]

Good to hear freaky.

[biguymass]

Thanks for the update!!