Any thoughts? Need input! Am I crazy?

[flirtchewieflirt]

Hey everyone! As some people do, I come seeking input from others. I am a 37/38 YO BI male. I have known I am BI for a rather long time. I was married for 9 years in a rather sexless marriage. (2 or 3 times a year avg., longest dry spell – 18 months) I never told her that I was BI, I never did anything about it while married, no point in bringing it up. After she, ironically, left me for a woman, I decided I did not want to do that again. I did not want to hide my sexuality or ignore it. I want to be able to fulfill both sides of my sexuality.

I figure I have two basic choices. Either I stay single for the rest of my life and dabble as opportunity arises or I find a relationship with someone who understands my little quirk and can work with it.

In a perfect world, I would find a bisexual woman who wants to share that side of me and she that side of herself. That is to say, that she would be happy to have a male friend over and share in my experience of being with another man. I do not want to be in a relationship where a woman says she is ok with me being bi, but that if I do anything, I should do it without her and off to the side. I want a woman in my life who finds that part of me just as exciting and attractive as my blue eyes or my smile.

That’s how I would like my life to be. Anyone here feel essentially the same? Anyone have an opinion on the chances of finding such a companion? Should I just give up, bury that part of me and pretend to be “normal” and find a way to be at peace with that? I find myself rather frustrated these days. The, now lesbian?, ex still can’t imagine such a thing, the girlfriend claims she is ok with it and would like to share that experience with me, but there is always a reason it should not be this week. I have been with her for 2 years now. I am about ready to throw in the towel and just take a “screw ‘em all” attitude.

Am I crazy? Am I asking for the ridiculous in my life? I just would like to hear the input of other “adults who I do not have to deal with everyday and may have an idea where I am coming from”. Any input is appreciated!

[PolyLoveTriad]

Hey everyone! As some people do, I come seeking input from others. I am a 37/38 YO BI male. I have known I am BI for a rather long time. I was married for 9 years in a rather sexless marriage. (2 or 3 times a year avg., longest dry spell – 18 months) I never told her that I was BI, I never did anything about it while married, no point in bringing it up. After she, ironically, left me for a woman, I decided I did not want to do that again. I did not want to hide my sexuality or ignore it. I want to be able to fulfill both sides of my sexuality.

I figure I have two basic choices. Either I stay single for the rest of my life and dabble as opportunity arises or I find a relationship with someone who understands my little quirk and can work with it.

In a perfect world, I would find a bisexual woman who wants to share that side of me and she that side of herself. That is to say, that she would be happy to have a male friend over and share in my experience of being with another man. I do not want to be in a relationship where a woman says she is ok with me being bi, but that if I do anything, I should do it without her and off to the side. I want a woman in my life who finds that part of me just as exciting and attractive as my blue eyes or my smile.

That’s how I would like my life to be. Anyone here feel essentially the same? Anyone have an opinion on the chances of finding such a companion? Should I just give up, bury that part of me and pretend to be “normal” and find a way to be at peace with that? I find myself rather frustrated these days. The, now lesbian?, ex still can’t imagine such a thing, the girlfriend claims she is ok with it and would like to share that experience with me, but there is always a reason it should not be this week. I have been with her for 2 years now. I am about ready to throw in the towel and just take a “screw ‘em all” attitude.

Am I crazy? Am I asking for the ridiculous in my life? I just would like to hear the input of other “adults who I do not have to deal with everyday and may have an idea where I am coming from”. Any input is appreciated!


Nope youre not crazy! Have you thought about finding a couple to be with? And by the way, have you seen our profile? lol good luck!

[shameless agitator]

Well, if you're crazy we belong in the same asylum. My ideal would be a triad relationship. Me, another man & a woman.

[lonelygirlintx]

you are not crazy, i want exactly the same thing.

[HighEnergy]

Yup, I'd love a MMF triad. Keep looking!

[BreeIsMe]

I think you are being perfectly reasonable and asking for such a partner is an attainable goal. Keep looking, you will find someone but it may (like any other relationship) take time

Good Luck

Bree

[bisexualinsocal]

Yeah it would be nice but not giving a quality relationship a chance to flourish because of one shortcoming is even worse. I'd rather have a quality relationship with a woman than a relationship with a woman who gives in to my every desire.

[diB4u]

Nope thats not crazy at all, i want more than two people in my relationship, more of a pack so to speak. Some people dont get it and dump monogomity? on people's shoulders.

Not everyone is cut out for one man or one woman relationship and good luck to them... Oh and just because I want more than one person in my relationships doesnt mean that there shallow or just for sex far from it.

I want to have a life with them.

[someotherguy]

Cake, it is so delicious. It is nice to have, so you can look forward to eating it. Yum.

Alas, when you eat it, it is gone. Having it no longer, you have nothing to look forward to.

Cake, shall I have you so I can look forward to you, or should I eat you, but then be without you from now on? I wish I could have my cake and eat it, too. But I cannot. I must choose.

The goodies that come from being exclusive do not happen in open relationships. It is a matter of the difference between how one fashions an ideal situation to account for what one desires, and then how life happens instead. Even when the two people start out in agreement about how a relationship should work, it will wind up being different. Then they either adapt to reality or fight to save their beloved illusions, I mean, ideals.

So what happens the day after you and this wonder woman get set up perfectly with agreements in place? Then you meet real other people. Then you get close and have feelings. Hmmm, then what? Then the feelings don't give a rat's ass about your well crafted ideal relationship. Somebody always discovers that life is not a product of their imagination, but is a bigger thing with aimlessness all its own. And then you get to have the Talk about Now What Do We Do?

I know, it won't happen in your case. You're too smart for that. You'll say the right words just so to set things up perfectly, and that way everything else that happens next will fall under the spell of your master relationship plan. Excuse my doubts. I am a fool.

[Iowabiguy]

Ok, so if there are so many of us bisexual guys out there looking for a couple to be with, where are all of the couples that want a bisexual guy? I don't think the combination exists so much. Mainly I think what couples are looking for is a woman to both fulfill the hetro fantasies of the man and maybe bring the wife along to see if she will play. If she likes it so much the better but I am not sure that it has much to do with true bisexuality maybe situational bisexuality would better describe it.

[biandbi804]

You are NOT crazy. You can meet and partner with someone of the opposite sex that will understand you and love you enough to share you with others, opposite sex or same sex, but it may take a great deal of searching.
My wife and I found each other on a swinger site after both of us had left previously unhappy relationships. We both were bi and had partners that either totally rejected that bi part of us (in my case) or were emotionally abusive, neglectful, and void of affection and sexual attention (in her case). We both wanted to partner with some of the opposite sex that would understand our bisexual side and could accept us for who we were. Further, we both wanted a partner that accepted that sexual play with others (together) was a treat we both afforded our partner. We both feel that sex itself is important and great fun, but has little to do with love except that allowing and encouraging each other to enjoy sex with same or opposite sex (at times) is an expression of trust and love we have for each other. There is no jealousy. To us, it is similar to going out to a restaraunt and treating each other a fine dining experience. Our only condition is that we (at this time, anyway) do not play alone, but always play as a couple whether with another couple or individual. It works for us!
It would be my opinion that you could find your understanding partner in a swinger or adult dating site. Look for a bi female and see if you both have similar interst, attitudes, etc.
Good luck!

[Bloodflower]

I wonder if you don't need some time off from relationships to play for awhile & dabble while waiting for the right woman to come along. Believe me, she's out there, but it may take longer to find her. Sometimes locating someone online is a good day to announce what you're looking for upfront so she'll know what she's getting into from the beginning. That way, you make sure she's truly interested in what you're seeking. Make sense? ;)

[DiamondDog]

Chewie-Do you only date/have relationships (live in or non live in) with women?

If you were with a het woman who wanted you to have sex with men along with or without her, would you be OK with that?

[dafydd]

although difficult, you should do what best retains your dignity and self respect.
if you remain closeted or lie about yourself then it can only be your undoing.
being honest with yourself is the hardest thing to do, but the best thing to do.
good luck!

d

[the mage]

Hey everyone! As some people do, I come seeking input from others. I am a 37/38 YO BI male. I have known I am BI for a rather long time. I was married for 9 years in a rather sexless marriage. (2 or 3 times a year avg., longest dry spell – 18 months) I never told her that I was BI, I never did anything about it while married, no point in bringing it up. After she, ironically, left me for a woman, I decided I did not want to do that again. I did not want to hide my sexuality or ignore it. I want to be able to fulfill both sides of my sexuality.

I figure I have two basic choices. Either I stay single for the rest of my life and dabble as opportunity arises or I find a relationship with someone who understands my little quirk and can work with it.

In a perfect world, I would find a bisexual woman who wants to share that side of me and she that side of herself. That is to say, that she would be happy to have a male friend over and share in my experience of being with another man. I do not want to be in a relationship where a woman says she is ok with me being bi, but that if I do anything, I should do it without her and off to the side. I want a woman in my life who finds that part of me just as exciting and attractive as my blue eyes or my smile.

That’s how I would like my life to be. Anyone here feel essentially the same? Anyone have an opinion on the chances of finding such a companion? Should I just give up, bury that part of me and pretend to be “normal” and find a way to be at peace with that? I find myself rather frustrated these days. The, now lesbian?, ex still can’t imagine such a thing, the girlfriend claims she is ok with it and would like to share that experience with me, but there is always a reason it should not be this week. I have been with her for 2 years now. I am about ready to throw in the towel and just take a “screw ‘em all” attitude.

Am I crazy? Am I asking for the ridiculous in my life? I just would like to hear the input of other “adults who I do not have to deal with everyday and may have an idea where I am coming from”. Any input is appreciated!

You're looking for a partner who can seperate love and sex. They are rare gems but they are out there.

[flirtchewieflirt]

Thank you all for the input! For Blood, Daffy, and Diamond in particular, let me elaborate.

The marriage of which I spoke ended about 3 years ago. Since then, I have made no secret of my desires or sexuality. LOL! No point in that anymore. The only reason to do otherwise was to honor an exclusive agreement and be faithful to it. She tossed that out the window, so we endeavor to not repeat that mistake! LOL! My primary relationship interest is for women. It is certainly possible that some guy could sweep me off my feet to the point of being a primary relationship, but I have not met such a man quite yet.

I agree that online dating is an ideal place to search for a connection where one can be very specific about your interests up front, and I have tried that during the last 3 years, I simply haven’t had much success with it yet. The current GF is not bi as far as she knows for now. Is ok with me being bi. Says she is willing to experience that part of me with me, but something always seems to get in the way. I am getting the feeling that she may not be as ok with the reality as she is with the theory. While I do not want to pressure too much, I don’t want to wait much longer before moving on, if that is what is necessary to find what I am looking for in a partner. Refer back to past mistakes.

Which speaks directly to DD’s question. The right partner for me will be one who will enjoy my bi side and want to share it. That is to say that she will want to enjoy the experience of adding a man to our play from time to time. She need not be bi herself, but somehow I have come to the conclusion that a bi woman would better understand and be open to my feelings and desires. No, I am not interested in a woman who is ok with it but does not want to share, who is simply ok with me going out and playing with guys on my own. I want a partner I can share everything with. Having a woman, for instance, who is ok with me enjoying men without her would be like going to the amusement park and riding the rides all alone, trying to enjoy it without the person you want to enjoy these things with.

When single, of course that is a different matter, but I do want a woman in my life and that is the woman I want. The one I can love, cherish, and enjoy and share every part of me, not just some parts. Perhaps I could find that relationship with a man but, as I said, I just have not met that man so far. Do I want my cake? Yup! Do I want to eat it too? You bet! I spent to long already staring at a cake that was the wrong flavor anyway. I want my flavor this time and you bet I’m gonna eat it if I can… and you can be damn sure I will swallow too! LOL! Sorry, it made me laugh, I could not help it.