help

[climber_steve33g]

i came to this site because i fear i have noplace else to turn. i'm not a usual forums guy, so if i should be posting this somewhere else on the site, i'm very sorry. i need some help sorting my life out right now... desperately. for the longest time, i told myself i was only attracted to girls but i always knew there was something else there. i have had few but still significant relationships with women but i've only recently admitted to myself that i am not soley atracted to girls. it's been especially hard this past week and i don't know why i'm so confused. my family is not an option for me to turn to and i'm beggining to think i can't even turn to friends. one of my good friends has recently come out as gay and i keep thinking i should talk to him about this but i still can't ever bring myself to do this out of fear that it will get out somehow. i've told absolutely no-one about this and it's been tearing me up inside. i don't know how to handle this and i need some advise. thank you all
- steven

[shameless agitator]

You've come to the right place Steven. We've pretty much all been where you're at right now. It's important for you to have support while you're going through this identity crisis/self realization. I'd say you should reach out to whichever friends you think would be safe. Maybe check out GLBT centers & of course drop by here. We're a pretty tight little family & you'll always be able to find support here.

[proseros]

Shhhh. Relax.

You're not gonna die and the World isn't going to blow up because you're bisexual (or think you might be).

In fact you'd be surprised to know how little of the world (aside of the one you are immersed in right now) is likely to give a shit.
I'm not saying that to downplay, more than upgrade your feelings about what you're going through. For one thing you are expressing f.e.a.r. over feelings that have nothing to do with actions. If you're this afraid of feeling like you want to suck a nice thick juicy dick every now and then-God only knows what sort of introspective paranoid existential guilt and loathing you're going to torture yourself with once you actually get that nice thick juicy dick?

You don't have to do that to yourself.

Listen. I wouldn't know how old you really are here. For all I know you could be 13 going on 33. I only say that to say that whatever you feel today isn't going to feel any different at 33 than it does as 13 and as long as you're alive you are constantly evolving. It's all what you consciously choose to do and are comfortable with doing in the course of your evolution as a human being that counts.Your experiences with women (or girls) is part of that evolution and since you haven't made up your mind that you are really inwardly biased one way or the other, then they are experiences you should value and build on with these other feelings the same way. Remember they are just feelings. They will come and go all the time in one way or another (It's you, not the spoon that is bending-and you are the spoon).

Trust me when I tell you -and I've said this before here- that sooner or later some guy is gonna wanna suck your dick. You're gonna know it, and whether or not that idea appeals to you at that moment or enough for you to pursue it then you are going to know for real that the the world that is YOU is much bigger than what anyone else around you thinks, aside from the circumstances that are not inclusive or not included in that world.

But whatever you do... PLEASE! LOVE YOURSELF. Surround yourself with people who love and respect you and don't turn your sexual orientation into a soap opera where everything is revealed in bite-sized serialistic chunks of drama and suspense. What are your parents/friends going to do-shoot you?

No. As long as you respect them and they love you it shouldn't matter to them who you are fucking and quite frankly, you shouldn't give a shit that they know it or not. But don't feel like you're dirty and need to confess anything to anyone. Whenever the day comes you need to "out" yourself to anyone close to you that will be day you have the most self-control and power in your life and you will definately feel it and it will definately feel great. When you know you are surrounded by people who love and respect you for being whatever you are or turn out to be that will be every bit of your life and your world and what and how it is comfortable for you to live.

You are just evolving.
Relax and enjoy the ride baby!

[welickit]

This is probably a good place to start. You can chat with others, exchange emails, ideas and experiences without worry. Just slow down and enjoy the trip. This isn't a time to be in a hurry. What happens next will have an effect on you forever. Taking your time and waiting until you are sure you are ready will make everything along the way much more enjoyable. :bipride:

[The Barefoot Contess]

I agree, this is a good place to be in. Here you'll find understanding and support, which will help you a lot in the process. Do a google search on bisexuality and/or biphobia, there is plenty of material in the web that was useful for me and might be for you.
Above all, learn to love yourself and become happy with who you are. By acknowledging your desires, and not rejecting them, you are walking in the right direction.
Don't feel pressure, under any circumstances, to come out if you are not ready or simply don't want to. If that is something you want to do, try to make yourself ready for the consequences. As Prosperos said, people might not care about your sexuality, but the majority of LGBT people who come out face some sort of "reaction", whether good or bad, from those around him. Considering what you say about your family and friends, maybe talking to someone you don't know personally might be a good option, a counselor perhaps. Not because there is something wrong with you that you need to "fix", of course, but he or she will surely be able to guide you in your journey.
Welcome to our family.

[lonelygirlintx]

I agree that you came to the right place. We are a wonderful support group here and you can always come to us for help. Why are you having such a hard time admitting to yourself that you could be bi? In my opinion, there's nothing wrong with that at all, we are actually a lot understanding than most of the straight people in this world. If you feel that you can't truly trust any of your friends, then find some people you can meet up with, on here. There are a ton of great people on here. The friend that recently came out as gay, I think it would do you good to talk to him, get to know what's really out there. I don't know what your upbringing was, but mine was christianity, where any type of homosexuality was a sin, there was just no excuse to do that, etc. But you are an individual and people have different beliefs, bottom line. I would love to talk to you some more, if you want to, just msg. me here and let's email, maybe we could meet up sometime. Helping people is what I'm good at. Good luck.

[arcakes]

Indeed you may be "evolving"...sometimes it takes a while for us to recognize who we are, it's a constant process of evolution and sexual identity makes it really difficult, due to the emphasis our society puts on it. I have been in therapy for many years due to anxiety and depression (some of it due to my sexual orientation) and some of the best advice I ever got was from an analyst who told me to try to view the rough spots as "transitions". The confusion springs from your transformation into a new and better you.

Now, if I can just find that better me and stop transforming...seems like I've been in transition forever!

[climber_steve33g]

i want to thank all of you for your welcome and support. i think i'm going to like this site. i've sorted several things out in my life and i now wonder what i was thinking being afraid of what others might think. i'll probably talk to someone about all this but i see no reason that this is anybody i know's business but mine. how could i be anything else but happy with myself???
thanks for the replies.

[shameless agitator]

Glad we could help man.

[jem_is_bi]

I did not do anything about my desires for men until I was 58 yrs old despite the fact that I have always been more sexually attracted to men than women since I knew about sex. So consider your internal conflict as a positive event that provides you the opportunity to bring into harmony your external life with your internal self at a young age. Successfully dealing with this issue will make you happy better able to handle future challenges that are on the way to you.
My advise to you; do not talk to others until you have your feeling under control. Then, be selective about those you confide in. Know why you are telling them and how they will help you. Eventually, you may not care who knows. But, maybe it will always be best for you to control which people know what about you.