Growing Up

[buck-rogers]

I've been out of school for less than a year and just recently I got laid off from the Job I had directly after school. I still live with my parents and for the most part I don't have any complaints. But recently since I've been out of work my parents are in even more of a hurry to push me out the door. They often yell at me because I haven't gotten myself another job yet and now they groan at the fact that I will be around "that much longer" while I get back into another job.

They keep on pressuring me to enter career fields that I don't find interesting. Just about any field that comes up in every day conversation they suddenly pressure me to pursue as if thats what I've always wanted to do and it's frustrating. I already have my own Ideas about what I want to make of myself but I can't even give those ideas time to mature in my mind when they're constantly bombarding me. And as if that wasn't enuf they insult me by calling me lazy and thats why "nobody has called with a job interview yet".

And the more they try to yell, taunt, insult and pressure me into growing up quicker the less I want to grow up. It just seems to feed this new peter pan syndrome I've developed. And it's hard to go out and continue my on going job search when at the end of the day I have to deal with them and their mocking, regardless of how hard I worked that day at getting a job. The way they are treating me can make it hard to get out of bed the next morning and it's giving me a little insomnia. But I continue to pull myself out regardless because now I need a new job. Not for me, not for my future, but just to get them to shut up...

Anyways...When you were 18 and you were inbetween high school and the next step of your life, how did your parents treat you? And for any parents out there, How would you treat your kids that just needed a little more time and understanding? And if you were me, how would you get them to drop the subject all together so that you could just breath for a bit?

[pasco_lol_cpl]

Well when I was 18 I was already on my own and have been ever since. At first I went to Uncle Sams School for Wayward Girls and Boys (US Army). After I got out I took the first job that I could lay my hands on to support my self and its been that way ever since. There were two times when I moved back home (at the behest of my parents) but neither of those stints lasted more than 6 months. Now I said I took the first job that I could lay my hands on, but that was only to pay the bills. No way in hell I wanted to be a mall security guard for any length of time. So I job hopped until I found a place at IBM. Now I never wanted to make a career out of that place, but the money was good, steady, and though not my dream, it allowed me time to figure out what I wanted to do with my life with out doing so from the poor house or staying with my parents. So I just sucked it up and bore through the jobs while supporting my self and having my own space

I now have three children. One of whom is in high school. They all know the drill. After graduating high school they have one of three options. Go to college / university, Enlist in the armed forces, or get a job and get their own place within 6 months. Either way, as a parent, I have spent 18 years loving them, supporting them, getting them ready for the real world, and showing them all the understanding they need. Its at that point where its time for them to spread their wings and fly. Now it may sound cruel but it isnt. Its another form of love and another route on the road to adulthood. I wouldnt be doing them any favors molly-coddling them. All I would be doing is sheltering them from the realities of life. That does them a greater disservice than anything else. Now should they stumble and fall, I will be there to ease the crash..but I wont stop it from happening. How else can they learn?

I honestly dont get the idea of helicopter kids. Get out there and take the world on! Assert your independence. Find your own way. Blaze a trail. So if I were you, I'd either grab the first job that presents its self that can pay the bills and start your own life. Sure you may not enjoy making widgets, but while you are making them you can discover your own path. If you cant find a job that would give you enough income to move out, then grab one that at least allows you to pay rent to your parents while you search for a job that will. But have a plan to get out of their house as soon as you can. Or you can enroll in university and start your life there. But your parents are right. You need to do something now.

[shameless agitator]

I agree. Your first job doesn't have to be a career. Just take a dumb job that will keep a roof over your head. Even if you can't get anything better than minimum wage, that'll keep a roof over your head if you do the room mate thing & watch your expenditures. It ain't easy, but it can be done. I actually used to live on $600 a month while paying $400 in rent. Once you're out of their house, you can start looking for a job you like better.

[lonelygirlintx]

I'm in a similar situation at this point, but have a few different circumstances. I am living w/ my immediate family of 5, (my hubby, me, and our 3 small kids), and we are having to stay with my husband's parents, his mom is kinda nice about the whole thing, but his dad is terrible. He constantly talks about me behind my back to his wife or my husband. I'm so fed up with him, I always feel as if I gotta get outta here! Well, we moved back into my grandma's house when we lost our apartment because we couldn't keep up with our rent, after I had a huge fight with my grandma, we had to ask to stay here which nobody wanted, but we had no where else to go. And still have no where else to go, so I know we are going to be stuck here for quite awhile. But anyways, my husband has been treated badly by his family because his brother, who is 18, makes straight A's, is going to graduate this year, (something my hubby couldn't do b/c of our kids' needs). But I do understand where you're coming from and I think that your parents need to look back on when they were your age and they probably had the same problems at one point. They should know that it probably hurts your feelings when they try and push you out of the nest, there's someone in our family who is almost 30, still going to community college, his parents pay for everything, and he's never been on his own, so they got it good. I know it's hard, but just ignore them when they say something about a new career choice you don't see for yourself. Just take it one day at a time, if I were you, I'd tell them, you know, "it hurts when you try and rush me out when I'm trying so hard and being told that I'm basically a failure." Well, I hope that I've helped in some way, and I wish you luck in finding a job that you like to do, not just so your parents will shut up. Good-bye and good luck. xoxo:)

[Tingly_Tickles]

Well I'm sorry your going through this tough time but I can only lend advice to
help get you by at least a little.

Find something that will get them off your back and hang in there until you get
yourself into something that you really want to do. Possibly look into temp jobs
just something to pay bills and have a little extra on the side plus they usually
pay pretty well.

As for how would I treat my child or how was I treated well I've basically been
on my own since I was about 15 only because my father wanted me gone even
before that.

My son won't need to worry about that because I will allow him to get settled
on his feet for as long as he needs to, and the reason that I choose this is
because it's something that was never even an option for myself.

So all in all I wish you luck in your future and I hope you find what your looking
for with speed.

[diB4u]

I've been out of school for less than a year and just recently I got laid off from the Job I had directly after school. I still live with my parents and for the most part I don't have any complaints. But recently since I've been out of work my parents are in even more of a hurry to push me out the door. They often yell at me because I haven't gotten myself another job yet and now they groan at the fact that I will be around "that much longer" while I get back into another job.

They keep on pressuring me to enter career fields that I don't find interesting. Just about any field that comes up in every day conversation they suddenly pressure me to pursue as if thats what I've always wanted to do and it's frustrating. I already have my own Ideas about what I want to make of myself but I can't even give those ideas time to mature in my mind when they're constantly bombarding me. And as if that wasn't enuf they insult me by calling me lazy and thats why "nobody has called with a job interview yet".

And the more they try to yell, taunt, insult and pressure me into growing up quicker the less I want to grow up. It just seems to feed this new peter pan syndrome I've developed. And it's hard to go out and continue my on going job search when at the end of the day I have to deal with them and their mocking, regardless of how hard I worked that day at getting a job. The way they are treating me can make it hard to get out of bed the next morning and it's giving me a little insomnia. But I continue to pull myself out regardless because now I need a new job. Not for me, not for my future, but just to get them to shut up...

Anyways...When you were 18 and you were inbetween high school and the next step of your life, how did your parents treat you? And for any parents out there, How would you treat your kids that just needed a little more time and understanding? And if you were me, how would you get them to drop the subject all together so that you could just breath for a bit?


hmm hun, i understand trust me...

Oh my dear when I left school- and the pathetic youth training- it toook me yearssssssssssss to get a job. Why, lack of confidence, lack of skills.

So dont worry to much about it, sometimes it takes a person years to know what they want to do in life. Take me for an example, I'm trying to leave my field of empolyment and I'm trying to go and finish my degree off...

Dude please dont worry about it, parents are a funny creature best left to it. If you are looking for a job, then one will come along... If your looking for a career- that might take a while in achieving...

Trust me there moaning now, but if you got a dead end job, then what??

Ugh!

[Skater Boy]

I hear business is booming in the "streetwalking" industry... plus, I'm told it pays well. OR...maybe you should ask your folks whether you can turn their house into a brothel!!!

[Sorry, duff advice, I know... both of my parents left home at 16 and made their own way in the world. However, I'm a little more reluctant to fly the nest just atm. Possibly because I know I'm not ready yet. But, tbh, a little independence would probably do me some good...]

[diB4u]

I hear business is booming in the "streetwalking" industry... plus, I'm told it pays well. OR...maybe you should ask your folks whether you can turn their house into a brothel!!!

[Sorry, duff advice, I know... both of my parents left home at 16 and made their own way in the world. However, I'm a little more reluctant to fly the nest just atm. Possibly because I know I'm not ready yet. But, tbh, a little independence would probably do me some good...]

LOL I'm in Total agreement there Skater dude.

My mum even to this day drops sutle hints, or the more full on remarks "no man's gonna want you now lol..."

[Skater Boy]

My mum even to this day drops sutle hints, or the more full on remarks "no man's gonna want you now lol..."

Try and ignore your mother, if you can. Besides... wasn't it YOU who is paying the bills in the household? I'd be tempted to kick the bitch to the kerb, if I were you. (excusez mon Français) :2cents:

[bisexualinsocal]

I've been out of school for less than a year and just recently I got laid off from the Job I had directly after school. I still live with my parents and for the most part I don't have any complaints. But recently since I've been out of work my parents are in even more of a hurry to push me out the door. They often yell at me because I haven't gotten myself another job yet and now they groan at the fact that I will be around "that much longer" while I get back into another job.

They keep on pressuring me to enter career fields that I don't find interesting. Just about any field that comes up in every day conversation they suddenly pressure me to pursue as if thats what I've always wanted to do and it's frustrating. I already have my own Ideas about what I want to make of myself but I can't even give those ideas time to mature in my mind when they're constantly bombarding me. And as if that wasn't enuf they insult me by calling me lazy and thats why "nobody has called with a job interview yet".

Your parents are doing you a favor by pushing you. You're too young to understand but in time you will be grateful for them pushing you to grow. Mankind has always resisted change. Choosing the path of least resistance over the path of the unfamiliar. You go to war with the army you have, not with the army you want, translation: You must get started with your life as is, not as you wish it to be.

And when you realize how lucky you are to have a mom and dad to push you out of the nest, as you are and not as you want to be, you'll realize how immature you were and what a man you've become.

[buck-rogers]

Thanks everybody, You've given me such kindly advice and I'm glad I'm not the only one whose been thru this (isn't that always the case?). Anyways, After this dilema ate away at me so much I managed to come to an agreement with them and we've agreed not to talk about it at all, at least for the time being, and that seems like time enough for me to get another job... And today I went to see some people at the local unemployment office and they've lined up some things for me, so it's all such a load off I think I may actually sleep 2nite. And let me tell you something, silence at the dinner table....way under-rated, it was such bliss.... funny that they have nothing to talk about when they can't yell at me...

tootles:compuser:

[shameless agitator]

Good for you Buck. I would still recommend moving ASAP

[The Barefoot Contess]

Not to downplay your original post, but it is funny to realize how Europeans tend to stay at home longer and Americans get the hell out asap. It is so much fun to tell my American friends about my 33-year-old brother back in Spain... who still lives with my parents! They are outraged. Truth to tell, after living in the US for almost five years, I am convinced it is healthier to move out asap.

[diB4u]

It is true though i wonder why- maybe American parents save up for years and years to find their offspring good houses or something like that.

Yes im 32 lol nearly 33 and still living at home.

I'm never gonna move out lol...

:tongue: