bi? are you sure?

[IanGray]

On reading the thread by bi42guy1958, (1st bi experience) I felt my reply merited a new thread as it raises the question of what is a bisexual experience? In my experience it is not clear cut. I have never been involved with a threesome, so any thoughts folks? :)

[Doggie_Wood]

Ian - you are posing three questions here that I see. The last being covered by my thoughts of the first two.
I feel that a bisexual experience is as unique as the actual act itself. I know that for this bisexual, what I considered my first bisexual experience is when I actually wanted to have sexual relations with other than a female.
Although I have participated in MMM and MFM threesomes, that in itself does not define bisexuality. It simply means that I enjoy sex with either one partner, or multiple partners.
And as to the query of the title: yes and yes - I am bi and I am sure.

Doggie :doggie:

[sdnaustin]

It's just a matter of phrasing I bet. It is possible that what many people are thinking is the first experience they had that made them "bisexual". For example, for me, that would be my first time with a girl in the back of my car as a teenager, because I had already by that point played around with a couple of boys. So before her, I had only had gay sexual experiences, she was my first taste of straight sex.

I have only had one MFM encounter, and even then, I was not there to really do much with the woman, she wanted to see two guys together.

[12voltman59]

I think that you can have your own personal definition of what bisexuality means to you----to me it does not necessarily mean having a mfm threesome as it does for some---it means that I can have relationships with both men and women---relationships that have both an emotional and sexual aspect to them--but not necessarily having relations with a woman and man at the same time----

[Lisa (va)]

Am I bi? Yes, I think so. Am I sure? It doesn't really matter, I am still just me either way. As far as first bi experince, who knows what it is, it can mean 100 different things to 100 different people. Does it have to be a threesome? and if it does is it a bi experince for the female in a mmf threesome?? Is it the first time you have sex with someone of the same sex? What about us women whose first experience was with the same sex? are we lesbian up until we have sex with a man and then we are bi? Who really knows, does it make a difference? I am who I am, I am what I am. Call it as you see fit - but bottome line is I am just me.

Lisa

hugs n kisses

[tigerlily110]

Ian that is a very interesting question you pose. One thought that stuck me was how would a straight person who had never had sex describle the heterosexual experience?
I think that being bi encompases all sorts of things, not just sexual. It is how you feel when you are with another person of the same sex, your senses, surroundings, circumstances. I do not look at sex as something purely physical but as an extention of friendship and a way to express those good feelings for another person no matter their sex.
I for one get very turned on seeing two men enjoying each other...and two ladies for that matter as well. LOL It is very sensual and hot to me.
I have been fortunate enough to have met some amazing women friends and made some wonderful connections with them. Most of these relationships did not delve into the sexual realm but those relationships that did made the bond deeper and stronger, adding and strengthing those friendships even more.

[innaminka]

I think that you can have your own personal definition of what bisexuality means to you----to me it does not necessarily mean having a mfm threesome as it does for some---it means that I can have relationships with both men and women---relationships that have both an emotional and sexual aspect to them--but not necessarily having relations with a woman and man at the same time----


Exactly!!

The sexual side of being bi is often overdone. Anyone, given the right conditions can have sex with another of the same gender; it doesn't mean you are bi or gay.
Neither does being involved in a 3'some, 4'some, 5'some whatever.

For me it involves wanting a relationship, an emotional bond. taking it way beyond the sex thing. (which is important, no doubt. But not verything)
As tigerlily wrote - an emotional bonding which takes the friendship far deeper and more profound.

[Germanicus]

On reading the thread by bi42guy1958, (1st bi experience) I felt my reply merited a new thread as it raises the question of what is a bisexual experience? In my experience it is not clear cut. I have never been involved with a threesome, so any thoughts folks? :)

Yes, I'm sure.

A bisexual experience is whatever you want it to be. For me it was my first contact with someone after identifying myself as Bi - the gender and/or orientation of that individual was "less" important, which is not as disparaging as it sounds.

[elian]

The experience? Just when I make up my mind that I'm gay, I watch some straight pr0n and get turned on watching ladies mastrubate to orgasm too.

Confusing as hell to put so much effort into trying to figure it out, only to flip-flop back and forth..think I would be a whole heck of a lot happier if I stop TRYING to label things.

I think my level of desire varies by person and act, not strictly by gender.

-E

[IanGray]

The experience? Just when I make up my mind that I'm gay, I watch some straight pr0n and get turned on watching ladies mastrubate to orgasm too.

Confusing as hell to put so much effort into trying to figure it out, only to flip-flop back and forth..think I would be a whole heck of a lot happier if I stop TRYING to label things.

I think my level of desire varies by person and act, not strictly by gender.

-E

Well said. It would be better to ask what was your first experience of sex with a man and a woman. This I would have no trouble answering.
:)

[wutheringheights]

Homosexuality and heterosexuality exist within each other. The issue is the way different people identify with each other and identify with themselves through other people. The issue of what kind of genitals a person has has been greatly overemphasized.

[Ninnian]

Sex and sensibilities.. someone shodl write a book about that... :tong:

The labels we jump thru hoops for!.. yes they help folks indentify what our interests are more readily- for that they are useful. But as many have mentioned- its a state of mind more than a sexuality.
I doubt anyone asks monks wether they consider themselves Asexual-

I doubt you're any less bisexual if you've had wild orgies, than if you've had singular loves, or those only being in your mind.

Make any sense?.. ok- it does to me. As long as *IM* not confused. :)

Nin

[shameless agitator]

Homosexuality and heterosexuality exist within each other. Not quite following you here. Could you clarify?

As to the original question: I define my first bi experience as when I finally admitted to myself that I was bi. That was just a couple years ago when I found myself incredibly attracted to a man. I still went through the "am I gay" phase, but finally accepted that it was okay to enjoy both genders. As others have said before me, it's about much more than just sex.

[*pan*]

hi, well my thoughts go from anything goes to down right anger sometimes. it's a shame people use the bisexual as a advertisement lable just to try and have sex with females, i'm talkin about males of course, females on the other hand , if they claim to be bisexual they usely want same sex partners, i have met a number of people online and they pretend to be bisexual, then the conversation swings towards my woman and dosent let up with littel interest in me. i know because we have had 3 somes and 4 somes with so called bisexual tops. what makes me angry is the extent one will go just to acheive what they want. some of these so called bisexuals are even against same sex but will tolerate it to gain sex with a woman. to me these are not bisexuals. it's like if you drive a truck once or twice to do a job, you are not a truck driver and have no right to the title. i have even met people so desperate for sex the claimed to be a bisexual top only to have the truth come out later and find they really dislike same sex but were only lookin to fullfill a need. i could go on and on about this but whats the point. people will, do and say anything to get what they want. if you remember only one thing, it's be true to yourself or your living a lie. peace and blessings to all. >pan /|\

[arcakes]

I just like human beings in general...I've had a handful of relationships with both men and women and each one brings me a little closer to understanding the nuances of the gender, as well as the differences and similarities between individuals

I don't really remember being attracted to either gender exclusively, when I would fantasize as a teenager it tended to be about bodies and sexuality in general. So, I just decided to take opportunities to date either gender at some point and it's worked out well for me.

Is that "bi"? Dunno, like most labels, use it at will.

[wutheringheights]

Not quite following you here. Could you clarify?

As to the original question: I define my first bi experience as when I finally admitted to myself that I was bi. That was just a couple years ago when I found myself incredibly attracted to a man. I still went through the "am I gay" phase, but finally accepted that it was okay to enjoy both genders. As others have said before me, it's about much more than just sex.

I'll try to clarify my 'Homosexuality and heterosexuality exist within each other' line.
There is often a very thin line separating what attracts a person to members of one sex or the other. Often one is attracted to an entire mythology surrounding a particular gender and Gender itself. Qualities one subjectively sees in one gender may often be manifestations of the other gender. For instance, a man might be attracted to a woman because she has qualities (of whatever sort) that he associates with men or that for him constitute male imagery. He may be an ostensible 'heterosexual' who's attracted only to women but that attraction might be grounded in a paradoxical identification with male sexuality which is heightened for him when he feels he sees it reflected in women. The converse may also be seen in ostensible 'homosexuals'. The point isn't that people necessarily don't know what they want sexually or emotionally; but people may often be attracted to one sex precisely as a paradoxical realization of the other. There are cultures in the world where definitions of male and female are not fixed but are quite free-floating and interchangeable. People can be defined in these cultures as women or men depending upon the way they re/present themselves or even by rituals they associate themselves with.
Essentially, what I'm trying to say is that 'homosexuality' and 'heterosexuality' don't simply indicate that a person is attracted sexually to their own or the other gender (by strictest and most conventional anatomical definition) but the more complex and elusive psychosexual nature of their attractions to either/both. They (and 'bisexuality' as well) are convenient concepts for describing sexual experiences and states of attraction, identification, etc. but shouldn't be taken as necessarily defining who or what a given person is.

[eddy10]

I think, maybe, I am most definitely bi. However, there are many women and men that I do not even want to be in the same room with, let alone have a sexual encounter. On the other hand there are many women and men I greatly desire to be with. Hmm, maybe I am just plain "sexual." Would that be a new category for the Kinsey scale?

[goldenfinger]

To me, a bi experience would be either a mmf if male or ffm if female, or maybe a shemale with either male or female.:eek:

[dafydd]

A bi experience to me would be, at the least, kissing a woman. or fantasing about kissing one.

D

[flirtchewieflirt]

Am I bi? Yes, I think so. Am I sure? It doesn't really matter, I am still just me either way. As far as first bi experince, who knows what it is, it can mean 100 different things to 100 different people. Does it have to be a threesome? and if it does is it a bi experince for the female in a mmf threesome?? Is it the first time you have sex with someone of the same sex? What about us women whose first experience was with the same sex? are we lesbian up until we have sex with a man and then we are bi? Who really knows, does it make a difference? I am who I am, I am what I am. Call it as you see fit - but bottome line is I am just me.

Lisa

hugs n kisses

I think Lisa put it best, at least in terms of my thinking. I do not see a sexual act as the defining factor. It’s what’s inside and an acceptance of whatever that may be. I never went through a “am I gay” phase. I knew I was open to trying any number of things and did not find the idea of another man hideous. I gave it a try and found that sex with a man was also desirable and enjoyable. I would say I was bi long before, when I conceived that it was possibly a good thing and was open to it.

Would we call every little boy gay until he has sex with a woman because he has only had sex with men, a male, himself, up until that point? Of course not. I think it is what’s in the upper head that matters, not simple actions. So I am attracted to males and females both. I find both desirable and enjoyable thus, in the world of labels, I consider myself bi. I never bought the concept that we are any label by default to begin with anyway.

[diB4u]

On reading the thread by bi42guy1958, (1st bi experience) I felt my reply merited a new thread as it raises the question of what is a bisexual experience? In my experience it is not clear cut. I have never been involved with a threesome, so any thoughts folks? :)


Ian- not everyone has mmf or ffm- some people do others dont. For me, it was a 'portal' to experiement- to see if I can do the things that i want to.

I can, and i did.

I love kissing women, so that makes me bicurious.

My sexuality can not be defined so easily- nor can sexual encounters with other women.

I guess it depends Ian on the person- I could just kiss a woman and class that as a bisexual experience- whilst others would say having a relationship counts as a bisexual experience.

For what its worth I'm pansexual-

[FalconAngel]

Looking at the subject logically, the question does beg to be asked; What is a Bisexual experience?

Is it a sexual experience in which one has sexual relations with someone of a gender different than their personal norm, or is it a sexual experience where sex between oneself and persons of both genders is the experience.

I know that I am bisexual.
I have had wonderful sexual and interpersonal experiences with women and with men.
I have had sex with a guy friend (with the consent of my wife), then gone home and had equally great sex with my wife.
I have had sex with a girl while a second guy was there, but no male-male sex occurred.
I don't consider those to be bisexual experiences.

To me a true "bisexual experience" is when myself and another man are sexually active with both each other as well as a woman who is participating with us.
Anyone disagree with that, and if so, why?

Anyway, that's my :2cents: worth on the subject of bisexual experiences.

[Bloodflower]

I'm not sure how being in a threesome equates someone with bisexuality. Sometimes it's all about 2 ppl paying attention to one person within the group. Bisexuality is something far separate from a threesome in most cases. I knew I was bisexual before I was ever involved in a FMF threesome...& the act itself was merely an opportunity that arose for me.

However, I have dated men & I have dated women & both situations are very satisfying & fulfilling for me. :bigrin: So to answer your question, oh yes, I am definitely bisexual.