Got myself into some trouble... [Archive]

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rissababynta

Feb 11, 2008, 12:00 AM

So, I just found out the other day that I'm pregnant.

I have a son that is 2 and a daughter that just turned 1. Our car broke down and we don't have one right now. I'm working on getting medical assistance but as of right now I don't have insurance. I am living with my parents and my hubby is living 45 minutes away with his brother(because our landlord ended up being a psycho and for our own safety we had to move and he is with his brother in order to save some money) who has been screwing us over financially for months now(so much for saving money...). I have been job searching for over a week now and have had absolutely no luck. I'm also trying to juggle school into the mix...

I will be 22 in August and look at what my life is. I am in no position to have another baby! It's not fair to this child and the children I already have. But, what's done is done I guess you could say and I feel very, very scared and very, very alone right now. After this week, I'm probably not going to come on here for quite some time. I feel that a bit of seclusion is what I need at the moment, as wrong as that truly sounds.

alaskacouple

Feb 11, 2008, 12:51 AM

I realize that words don't really do much to relieve the fear that we sometimes face in life, but since that is all we can offer here - I will try to encourage you.

Take heart if you can, for we too were once in a very similar situation at just about the same age. Just try to put the years you have ahead of you in perspective. You are just 21 years old. Let us assume you will live to be an average age of 85 years. You have just barely lived 1/4 of your time on this earth and of those years , more than half were as a child. Look what you have experienced and accomplished in just the last 5 years (I'm sure some bad - but also a lot of good things).

As I said, we too faced a similar situation long ago, and I encourage you to think in a positive way. In our case, in 5 years I was able to complete a college education and move on to a better life for me and my family. Perhaps in a short 5 years you and/or your husband will do the same ( and you will be the ripe old age of 25 or 26). The important thing is to believe in yourself, your husband and your family - and try to make the most of each day. Come together with him and set forth a plan and each and every day do something to advance that plan.

It's an old saying - but true; even the longest journey begins with the first step...

And try to never forget that with love all things become easier - try not to let your fear destroy your love.

shameless agitator

Feb 11, 2008, 1:06 AM

alaskacouple

Feb 11, 2008, 1:21 AM

... (I know I'm going to get flamed for this) you may want to consider abortion...

Oh, I think you'll be safe...I for one am not totally opposed to abortions, I just think we should wait until AFTER the baby's 16th birthday...up until then the little blighters can be a lot of fun.:tongue:

vittoria

Feb 11, 2008, 2:01 AM

If not abortion, if your ethics are a little bit different, try adoption. But everyone is different. Its your choice.

12voltman59

Feb 11, 2008, 2:22 AM

Abortion is one of those things-- either for and against that no one should or can make that decision for you---the best thing they can do is to provide you options on all sides so you can make an informed decision---and that you also have access to safe and legal abortions if that is what you choose to do---if some people have their way in this country---you will not have that option----I argue strongly for the right of women to have access to safe and legal abortions along with having access to full, high quality family planning and contraceptive practices information and access to contraceptive devices--all things the rabid anti-abortion/anti-choice crowd also want to deny people having access to.

Whatever your decision---I wish you all the best----either way it is a tough decison--

I argue for abortion rights on the grounds that women having control over their reproductive capabilities is a fundamental right---if women don't have control over this aspect of their lives--then they really do not have any rights at all---and making a value judgement between "the fetus" and the women who carry the babies--I fall on the rights of the women and not the little fetus---it seems the anti-abortion/choice crowd so love the fetus but hate the people the fetuses become because they have no trouble condeming a person to a life of poverty, living in prison, being put to death or having to go to war to kill or be killed and oh yeah---encouraging people to buy plenty of guns!!

marcelloNYC

Feb 11, 2008, 3:06 AM

Ciao Rissa:

I hope you continue to come around here.

As per work/medical insurance.

Try UPS/FEDEX, you can be hired and working in a few days and they have excellent coverage that kicks in at 30 days!

Ciao,
M.

Doggie_Wood

Feb 11, 2008, 7:52 AM

Alaskacouple is right. You have plenty of time to bounce back from all of this. It does sound like another kid would be incredibly rough for you to deal with right now though so (I know I'm going to get flamed for this) you may want to consider abortion. If you can't afford the procedure, or don't have access to providers, there are organizations out there to help. If you need help finding resources, just let me know.

OK shameless - consider yourself flamed (poof - you are now a krisy kritter - lol)
Another alternative to abortion would be to have the child under a pre-adoption contract - were an adoptive couple would pay for all of the prenatal, natal and birth processes. You could even play a roll in the childs life (with the correct peeps) as the biological mother. There are so many peopls out there that do not/can not have children for one reason or another. And those people would give anything to have a child of their own even through adoption. Just another thought to concider.

Oh! BTW - if you don't want another pregnancy - try a condom.

:2cents:

:doggie:

shameless agitator

Feb 11, 2008, 1:55 PM

I argue for abortion rights on the grounds that women having control over their reproductive capabilities is a fundamental right---if women don't have control over this aspect of their lives--then they really do not have any rights at all---and making a value judgement between "the fetus" and the women who carry the babies--I fall on the rights of the women and not the little fetus---it seems the anti-abortion/choice crowd so love the fetus but hate the people the fetuses become because they have no trouble condeming a person to a life of poverty, living in prison, being put to death or having to go to war to kill or be killed and oh yeah---encouraging people to buy plenty of guns!!Very well said Volty

shameless agitator

Feb 11, 2008, 2:02 PM

OK shameless - consider yourself flamed (poof - you are now a krisy kritter - lol)
Another alternative to abortion would be to have the child under a pre-adoption contract - were an adoptive couple would pay for all of the prenatal, natal and birth processes. You could even play a roll in the childs life (with the correct peeps) as the biological mother. There are so many peopls out there that do not/can not have children for one reason or another. And those people would give anything to have a child of their own even through adoption. Just another thought to concider.

Oh! BTW - if you don't want another pregnancy - try a condom.

:2cents:

:doggie:*Does a "stop drop & roll"* This is a good point Dogwood. This option didn't even occur to me. Hopefully all of this will be of some help to her. To follow up on this part Oh! BTW - if you don't want another pregnancy - try a condom. Planned Parenthood will provide contraception free or really cheap at most clinics. If they can't do it where you are, the health dept. does the same thing. Kind of a moot point right now for the OP, I know, but good information for all to have & could be useful in the future.

rissababynta

Feb 11, 2008, 9:26 PM

BreeIsMe

Feb 11, 2008, 9:36 PM

Rissa,
My heart goes out to you. You need to do what you feel is right. It will all turn out for the better eventually. These hard times are going to make you appreciate good times even more. And when you new son/daughter grows up, you will know you did the right things!
If we can help in anyway, let us know. I think that the need for "seclusion" is not necessarily good since support comes from others. But we will be here when you need us.

Bree

TaylorMade

Feb 11, 2008, 9:40 PM

ok, i just want to say that i have had to have abortions before and that is just something that i do not want to do right now so that's out. also, i can NOT go through a whole pregnancy then give my baby away. i'm sorry, but it just can not happen, i would lose my mind. so yeah, those options are out.

by the way, we were using a condom and i took the morning after pill...so thanks for the advice...

Well, take your time. . .you don't have to make a decision RIGHT NOW. Just talk it over with your spouse and parents and just stay calm.

I'm pro-life (and unlike some would insinuate). . .wouldn't judge you for a moment. I'm glad you took precautions (I am for these as well) and it sucks that they failed. . . There are ways that you can get help (both governmental and non governmental) no matter if you decide to terminate the pregnancy or keep the child.

It seems you have a spouse that cares (unless I'm wrong) and while things are fragile now- - lemme tell you a story.

I can tell you about one lady who had only recently come into the US, and was still new to her job when she came up pregnant with another child. She already had two- - where would she and her husband get the money to raise another child? Her friends and family suggested she terminated the pregnancy.

But she didn't.

Sometimes though, I think my mom wishes she did. Or at least passed me off to a relative. :tong:

*Taylor*

bareskinzkool

Feb 11, 2008, 10:44 PM

ok, i just want to say that i have had to have abortions before and that is just something that i do not want to do right now so that's out. also, i can NOT go through a whole pregnancy then give my baby away. i'm sorry, but it just can not happen, i would lose my mind. so yeah, those options are out.

by the way, we were using a condom and i took the morning after pill...so thanks for the advice...

This is my 1st post here, so please excuse me if I am out of turn,
My heart goes out to you. But obviously, after all that, it seams you are meant to have this child. Who know's he/she may be the next Martin Luther King, Albert Einstein, cutting edge Dr, or great composer. Take heart, when things look this bad, they can only get better.
I can give you some encouragement.
My 1st wife left me with 5 kids, after a messy divorce, causing me to lose most of my income property to lawyers fees, and then in the end giving up without a fight, I survived, only to lose almost everything I owned except my kids, and our clothes, twice more in the past 8 years. However, my faith in God, and a positive outlook got me through, and miraculously things got restored in record time, They were little when I started this journey alone. but now are growing up to be fine young adults and teens that I am very proud of. Believe me, things looked very bleak many times through it all, but It all turned out for the best in the end. I have no doubt, things will work out for you so never give up, and I don't know if you believe in God or not. but if you do, don't hesitate to ask for his help. It may not be what you expected, but it might just be even better. It was for me.
Best wishes

shameless agitator

Feb 12, 2008, 3:33 AM

For what it's worth rissababynta, I meant no offense by my original post. Tact has never been my strong suit. I just wanted to point out that the option was there. I've actually been in a pretty similar situation. I stepped into a ready made family at 18 with 2 & 3 year old boys. When I was 19 my partner was pregnant again and we were all homeless. Trust me, I was in a major panic. Looking back at it, if we'd terminated the pregnancy, our lives would have probably been easier in a lot of ways but nowhere nearly as fulfilling. I've never regretted bringing Mike into this world. It sounds like you're aware of the hardships involved, as well as the rewards. You just be the best mom you know how, and it will all be worth it. In the meantime, we're all here for moral support.

Doggie_Wood

Feb 12, 2008, 10:36 AM

......... I have a son that is 2 and a daughter that just turned 1 .........

And I would just imagine that they are your pride and joy. The two most precious things in your life. :)

I will be 22 in August and look at what my life is.

A young woman with a family that loves her. And who has the rest of her life at age 21 to look forward to. Sure, things look a little bleak right now, but years down the road, you'll look back :rolleyes: and think "it got a little tight but I made it"

.........But, what's done is done I guess you could say and I feel very, very scared and very, very alone right now.

I too, Rissa did not meen to offend you with my previous post, but to mearly present an option to consider if you chose to do so. No malice intended.

Rissababy - I can understand your feelings right now, truly I can. Not that I have ever been pregnant (gawd, if that were to happen, I’d die!!! -lol), but I have been in situations before where it seemed like everything was stacked against me and the odds were overwhelmingly not in my favor. I have been at the bottom of the barrel so to speak. Living with family, no job, no car, etc., etc.
It was so much to mentally deal with, all of the thoughts of what did, what could and what might happen with all of the variables trying to present them selves in my mind also. I thought I would go crazy. I felt alone, I felt that all was hopeless, I felt there was no light at the end of the tunnel - and I bawled.
You see Rissa, you aren't the only one who has been there, and those of us who wave been there are here to help you and be with you through this troubling time in your life. As long as you have faith in yourself that you are doing the right thing, take one step at a time and try to stay calm through it all - All Will Be Well, and all will be as it should be.
You are never alone Rissa, never. Feelings can be scary at times - don't let your feeling overwhelm you. Walk through them and rejoyce that you have feelings.
And try to remember that you have a cyber family here that loves you and wants nothing but the best for you and your children, whatever your decision
.
:doggie:

rissababynta

Feb 12, 2008, 9:49 PM

And I would just imagine that they are your pride and joy. The two most precious things in your life. :)

A young woman with a family that loves her. And who has the rest of her life at age 21 to look forward to. Sure, things look a little bleak right now, but years down the road, you'll look back :rolleyes: and think "it got a little tight but I made it"

I too, Rissa did not meen to offend you with my previous post, but to mearly present an option to consider if you chose to do so. No malice intended.

Rissababy - I can understand your feelings right now, truly I can. Not that I have ever been pregnant (gawd, if that were to happen, I’d die!!! -lol), but I have been in situations before where it seemed like everything was stacked against me and the odds were overwhelmingly not in my favor. I have been at the bottom of the barrel so to speak. Living with family, no job, no car, etc., etc.
It was so much to mentally deal with, all of the thoughts of what did, what could and what might happen with all of the variables trying to present them selves in my mind also. I thought I would go crazy. I felt alone, I felt that all was hopeless, I felt there was no light at the end of the tunnel - and I bawled.
You see Rissa, you aren't the only one who has been there, and those of us who wave been there are here to help you and be with you through this troubling time in your life. As long as you have faith in yourself that you are doing the right thing, take one step at a time and try to stay calm through it all - All Will Be Well, and all will be as it should be.
You are never alone Rissa, never. Feelings can be scary at times - don't let your feeling overwhelm you. Walk through them and rejoyce that you have feelings.
And try to remember that you have a cyber family here that loves you and wants nothing but the best for you and your children, whatever your decision
.
:doggie:

i hope you all don't think that i was really offended by anything you said because i wasn't. I know that you are just throwing ideas out and there is nothing wrong with that. i was simply saying that those options could not happen and why. i'm sorry if i came across as being harsh the way i put it.

i do want to clear something up though. you just made me realize that i didn't put something in the best way. when i said that i was almost 22 and look at my life...i didn't mean anything about my kids. i love them and don't regret them at all and i know that in the end i will feel the same way about this one. what i was really referring to was all of the other things. about how i can't even live with the father of my three children right now because of how screwed up our lives have become. i'm saying this simply because i don't want to give anyone the impression that i speak negatively of my children when i say that my life is bad right now.

Doggie_Wood

Feb 13, 2008, 12:34 AM

I know that you are a loving and caring mother and wife. And I never, not even once thought otherwise. Have faith in yourself, your husband and embrace the love of your children. Have faith, that with the love of your family and the strength of a higher power of your understanding, this too shall pass.
The best of luck to you and your family and I am always just a message away if you need someone to listen.

Always
Doggie :doggie:

Karmacoma

Jun 12, 2008, 10:45 PM

You should have used condoms and other forms of birth control.

Don't get an abortion that's a total cop out and people shouldn't use it as a form of birth control. You could just put the child up for adoption.

shameless-Does your son Mike know that you wanted to abort him?

rissababynta

Jun 13, 2008, 12:43 AM

You obviously should not respond to posts without reading them fully...I did use birth control. Not every pregnancy occurs out of total carelessness and irresponsibility.

And not all women are strong enough to go the adoption route, and whether you think that that is bullshit or not since that is what you will probably say, it is true.

Karmacoma

Jun 13, 2008, 1:34 AM

rissababynta

Jun 13, 2008, 1:13 PM

No. And I never said that I was going to, either. I'm now 22 weeks pregnant.

TaylorMade

Jun 13, 2008, 1:36 PM

No. And I never said that I was going to, either. I'm now 22 weeks pregnant.

(((Rissa)))

Good luck... I hope you and your husband can manage this and give your child all your love, whether birthing him into this world or other wise.

*Taylor*

jamieknyc

Jun 13, 2008, 5:55 PM

Hang in there, things will be tough for the first few years, but in the long run, you won't regret it.

csrakate

Jun 13, 2008, 6:57 PM

Good Luck to you rissa! I must admit that you're gonna have your hands full...but you'll be amazed at what you are capable when the need is there! Have faith in yourself and and take care of yourself...the moment you look into that new baby's eyes, you'll know you are gonna be ok!

Hugs,
Kate

rissababynta

Jun 13, 2008, 8:38 PM

TaylorMade

Jun 14, 2008, 3:27 AM

We (or myself rather) came to terms with this pregnancy a while back. It is gonna be harder than hell, but I'm a fairly strong person and I'll be just fine. We are having another girl too :-)

Also, hubby is going back into the military and we have already begun the repair of our problems so, things are looking up.

I'm glad you managed to find a way to solve the issue and look forward to hearing more about the arrival of your daughter. :)

*Taylor*