Bi Threesome Advice -- especially from you ladies!

[TheBisexualProfessor]

After years of marriage, two topics have recently come up in our pillow talk and I'd like some advice on how to proceed. First, my wife and I have openly talked about having a threesome, and she actually says she would do it. She's very honest about things that she likes and doesn't like, so when I asked whether we should invite a male or female she was direct: no women! She just doesn't find it interesting or erotic. (I noted years ago that the lesbian scenes in the adult movies we watched together didn't interest her. Too bad!)

So we agreed that if we did it, we'd find a guy to join us in our menage a trois. Then I confessed that I'd like that anyway since I'm bi and she seemed okay with it (she knew this anyway). I expressed my interest in enjoying the guy as well and I asked if she is okay with that. Again, the answer is positive--though she wouldn't want it to turn into just an exclusive "guy-guy" thing.

Now I'm wondering. Is it time to get serious? Our vacation is approaching soon. Should I tell her I'll start looking for a guy we can enjoy together while we're out of town? I'm thinking I should. I'd like to hear everyone's advice, but especially that of the ladies. If she said these things, and given that she's honest, don't you agree that this is the prime time to move on the idea?

Thanks for your responses and ideas, everyone!

[Mrs.F]

Well, everyone is different as well as every situation. If you believe that she is honest and serious then sure...let her know that you are ready to find someone while your on vacation and make sure that she is totally ok with that idea.
I have chatted with a man on this site for over 2 yrs. now. We have talked online and phone and have become very good friends. I had told my husband if I was going to have a 3some I would have to know the other man very well and be very comfortable with him. This man flew here recently and my husband allowed me to be with him and feel comfortable. So, when the 3some happened...it was awesome and we all enjoyed it. For ME, I have to know and trust this person so I could never just meet someone and have sex with them.
But as I said....everyone is different so you need to go with your gut feelings and make sure that you and your wife are on the same track.
Best wishes to you both and have a wonderful vacation...:bigrin:

[alaskacouple]

I just wanted to concur with what Mrs.F said.

I'm the bi-male half of our marriage and our situation is very similar to yours in that my wife is not interested in another woman but does find two men together very arousing. However, we are both like Mrs.F in that we would not want to do a casual encounter. So, I guess my two cents is to make sure you have talked this aspect of the 'threesome" over with her. It may be that she would enjoy and/or feel more comfortable with someone she had come to know and trust. But then again, she may prefer someone anonymous. As I'm sure you know, lots of communication is the key.

[diB4u]

After years of marriage, two topics have recently come up in our pillow talk and I'd like some advice on how to proceed. First, my wife and I have openly talked about having a threesome, and she actually says she would do it. She's very honest about things that she likes and doesn't like, so when I asked whether we should invite a male or female she was direct: no women! She just doesn't find it interesting or erotic. (I noted years ago that the lesbian scenes in the adult movies we watched together didn't interest her. Too bad!)

So we agreed that if we did it, we'd find a guy to join us in our menage a trois. Then I confessed that I'd like that anyway since I'm bi and she seemed okay with it (she knew this anyway). I expressed my interest in enjoying the guy as well and I asked if she is okay with that. Again, the answer is positive--though she wouldn't want it to turn into just an exclusive "guy-guy" thing.


Now I'm wondering. Is it time to get serious? Our vacation is approaching soon. Should I tell her I'll start looking for a guy we can enjoy together while we're out of town? I'm thinking I should. I'd like to hear everyone's advice, but especially that of the ladies. If she said these things, and given that she's honest, don't you agree that this is the prime time to move on the idea?

Thanks for your responses and ideas, everyone!



Well if thats what you both want and it is then yes go for it. So you both find a bi man thats good. She's told you that shes's not into other women, which is Ok, and you have to respect that. (Which im sure that you do)

Yes out of town sex can be rather nice, you both will drop your inhibitions, and if he's as good as you both hope, then maybe keep him for special occasions.

Some couples have manage a trois on regular timescale and its only about sex, others choose that for their day to day relationships.

[Sapphrodite]

I can only answer hypothetically as my S/O is not Bi, but the idea of an MMF threesome or two men together is admittedly of some interest. But I can offer advice from having been with more than one person at once (all females); but the idea is still the same:

1. Talk about what could (and more importantly couldn't) happen.
The conversation has really only begun - but you will need to ask and larify what your S/O finds appealing about M+M and what is acceptible behaviour for both you & him and him & her. She may feel comfortable with some aspects of a threesome but not others, as well as you having an idea of what you're willing to share also. It doesn't mean that those boundries can't be re-drawn with time, but having that talk will set things clear long before the hormones take over.

2. Find someone you are both comfortable with.
Since you are fortunate enough to have an open and seemingly willing partner, suggest that you set up an ad/profile together. This will allow both of you to discuss what each of you is looking for and equally participate in the selection process. Even if the encounter is not intended to be relationship-based, you still each have preferences in appearance, personality, and discretion.

3. Make sure everyone knows the 'Rules'.
Once you do have found someone you both are interested in, be clear and upfront about what possibilities are available should you all hit it off, and what's not open for negotiation (what you/her won't do). And just in case, make sure safer sex and condom use is in your ad/profile so that is one less thing you have to worry about discussing.

4. Plan B: Always have a back-up plan.
Make sure that both you and your S/O have an opporunity to say 'no thanks' should one of you feel uncomfortable with the situation. Meeting for dinner first in a neutral place (vs inviting him straight to your hotel room) will take some of the pressure off and give you both the chance to give him the thumbs-up before going any further. Make a pact that if for any reason one of you feels uncomfortable, that the night is a no-go and wait until the right opportunity comes along. Knowing that the other person has your back will only increase each other's trust.

5. Stay focused - what to do next?
With all your fantasies coming true, it may be hard to remember about the other person when two people are engaged with each other. Be sure to talk to each party separately and remind them that you are interested in a threesome where everyone is an equal participant enjoying the experience. Without watching the clock, make sure everyone gets roughly equal time being the center of attention. And if there is a point where someone is not in on the 'action' at the moment, s/he can still remain intimate by touching, stroking, cuddling, kissing, etc., which only adds to the overall intensity.

6. It never hurts to Be Polite.
Be gracious about your male guest: offer breakfast or a ride home, etc. It may seem a bit corny, but sending a thank-you note (email is fine) is only good manners. Hey - if all goes well, it could mean the difference between a wonderful night and future dates!

7. I'd like to Thank....
Don't forget to reaffirm all the affection you have for your S/O the next night when you two are all alone - after all it was her acceptance and willingness to allow you to explore your sexuality in this way. I'm sure she knows, but being told how much you appreciate her will always make her smile.


Hope my ideas are helpful: to me, Lovers are special and should be treated that way always, regardless of how many people are in the bed.

Good Luck!!!
Sapphy =^-^=

[truelove201]

Well, everyone is different as well as every situation. If you believe that she is honest and serious then sure...let her know that you are ready to find someone while your on vacation and make sure that she is totally ok with that idea.
I have chatted with a man on this site for over 2 yrs. now. We have talked online and phone and have become very good friends. I had told my husband if I was going to have a 3some I would have to know the other man very well and be very comfortable with him. This man flew here recently and my husband allowed me to be with him and feel comfortable. So, when the 3some happened...it was awesome and we all enjoyed it. For ME, I have to know and trust this person so I could never just meet someone and have sex with them.
But as I said....everyone is different so you need to go with your gut feelings and make sure that you and your wife are on the same track.
Best wishes to you both and have a wonderful vacation...:bigrin:

I would very much agree with what Mrs.F has said. I endorse my husband trying it as well and your wife sounds similar to me. I am very honest about my feelings and feel like I am ready. i would like to be the one the find the person we are to be with but if he finds someone that would be great too. So long as we are mutually in agreement about the attraction and the comfortable that this person can abide by our "rules" of engagement.

Mrs. F....congrats! I would love to hear more about your experience as we seem to share very similar stories.

[**Peg**]

I agree ladies... well thought out replies IMO, couldn't have said it better myself.

signed: wanting but waiting LOL

**Peg**

[FalconAngel]

Saphrodite is right.

There are more variables in a 3-way situation than in a couple situation.

Everyone must be okay with what happens and everyone must accept that any of the 3 of you can say no at any time.

But most importantly is respect. As long as there is respect from all three people, then everything else will fall in it's proper place without any real problems.