Do we as a Site care? YES....we DO

[onewhocares]

I have found myself in a situation that is new to me. As my name on this site states....Onewhocares and I do believe that I do yet never knew how much. For once, that name has come to show exactly what I shall do for another and has placed me in a situation I was not perhaps ready for.

Recently there has been some question as to the integrity of this site. I guess I never have doubted that not all are frivolous or self centered. But when push came to shove, we all would rally around another member and give of themselves for another, one whom we have either not chatted with, spoken with but just by the sheer presence on this site...were made to care.

I have recently found myself on the side of being the one to try and help a friend who has a serious alcohol addiction problem. As tolerant and caring as I may be, I was not able to face this problem alone. I need the guidance of others. I found that with several people from this site. I have never been faced with the problem of deciding whether to let a friend slip by with excuses for drinking without a license or making a fool of himself and his saying that he was in my family. Well the time came on Friday night when I could tolerate it any further. I had to act. I was so thankful that members of THIS site gave me guidance and confidence to help my friend. Who says this site does not care...I can tell you..........THEY DO. Members here are as concerned about others, the populace and me as much as they care about themselves.

I thank YOU, those who care and helped me help another soul. I am not sure if my words will help my friend realize just how much he has to loose if he continues his ways of drink, but I tried. Tried and propelled by your words of support, wisdom and of every day life. Thanks to RICK, NICK, BREE for their support and genuine caring for another soul. I can never repay you.


Belle

[BreeIsMe]

Belle,
I am glad that several members of this site at least tried to help you with your difficult (if not impossible) situation. that is incredibly important. I agree with everything that you said about this site. People here are generally very supportive even if they have no real reason to be. BUT I do disagree with one thing: you say that you can never repay US!! When all is said and done, I don't think there is anyone on this site who doesn't think that you have taken care of them FAR FAR FAR more than anything we can or have done for YOU. You NEVER have to think about repaying US... We would do anything in our power to help you or anyone here in need.. Good luck with the issues that face you and if you need anything else, please let us know.

With all Love,

Bree

[Doggie_Wood]

Belle - My sentiments, like Bree's, are that yes, a large number of people on this site do ginuinely care and are willing to help when ever, where ever and how ever possible. Very simply put - We Are Family. At least some of us are.
If I can ever be of help to you Belle - or anyone else that reads this, feel free to contact me. I will respond.

:doggie:

[biguymass]

Belle,

Please count me among the many who are genuine here and DO care!!

biguymass

[Mrs.F]

I have cared from day one when I joined this site. I joined here to find people to help ME and I got that and much more. I have always been here ready to help anyone who needs it. :grouphug:

[BreeIsMe]

I just want to say that without this site, without Belle and many others like her, I would not have become (or in the process of becoming) the real person that I am. I would have forever been too scared, too uninformed, and too alone to accomplish that. I owe everything that I am to this site. Don't let anyone claim that this "site" and its people don't care....

Bree

[DC_looking]

Belle:

There is nothing you can do to convince a drunk to stop drinking. It is a solitary decision that they alone can make. I lived this as a youth with my mother. She was close to drinking herself to death when she finally sought help.

All my importuning was pointless. Drinking is a disease. Telling a drunk to stop drinking is like telling a cancer victim to stop having cancer.

Bear in mind that drunks love people such as your self (I'm not trying to be cruel) who enable them by lavishing sympathy and concern. Drunks generally hate themselves. So, when you show them kindness it is like booze itself. It allows them to feel sorry for themselves while continuing their downward spiral.

Nothing and I mean nothing you say or do will have an effect on their boozing. You can try and it may make you feel good about yourself but it wont stop them.

One day I may tell you about my mother and her suicide threats. Actually a pretty funny story.

Best regards.

[Doggie_Wood]

Belle:

There is nothing you can do to convince a drunk to stop drinking. It is a solitary decision that they alone can make. I lived this as a youth with my mother. She was close to drinking herself to death when she finally sought help.

All my importuning was pointless. Drinking is a disease. Telling a drunk to stop drinking is like telling a cancer victim to stop having cancer.

Bear in mind that drunks love people such as your self (I'm not trying to be cruel) who enable them by lavishing sympathy and concern. Drunks generally hate themselves. So, when you show them kindness it is like booze itself. It allows them to feel sorry for themselves while continuing their downward spiral.

Nothing and I mean nothing you say or do will have an effect on their boozing. You can try and it may make you feel good about yourself but it wont stop them.

One day I may tell you about my mother and her suicide threats. Actually a pretty funny story.

Best regards.


Fully agree DC - You are 100% correct and I do speak with first hand knowledge of the subject, having been in active recovery for almost 17 years.
I do not say that lightly or with boast but moreso out of humblness and eternal gratitude to my higher power.

The drunk, the addict, the substance abuse junkie (and the list of titles and circumstances continues never ending it seems) will always have a difficult time trying to progress "back to sanity" until they make a decision of self commitment to seek help. Until they do, the result is often regression to their former ways.

The alcoholic, drug addict, abuse addict, person with eating disorders (again the list goes on), all suffer from a common disease. This desease can manifest itself into a variety of strains affecting peoples' lives in different ways (see lists above). One of the traits of that disease is altered (low or no) self esteem and/or self worth.
All too often, they feel that the world is against them, they have no control and sometimes even, full control over their drinking/using - but they can't stop. Even thinking that no one would care even if they did stop. All of these justifications, reasons and excuses fit very nicely in a little box called denial. This desease is so cunning and baffling, that it will make them feel they have control while continuing to spiral them down, out of control.

When they hit bottom, that little box becomes way too large to carry anymore, hopefully the next event in their succession is recovery. For some it is. For others it is not - and for those - (tears are shed) may you forever RIP.


Belle - my sweet Belle - thank you! thank you for being there when others couldn't be there. For extending that hand of love, concern, hope, friendship, compassion, encouragement and empathy. Thank you for having a heart almost as big as my home state (LOL) - actually I thinks it just a little bigger.
And if someone that you extended that hand to should hapen to fall, please know that you did what you could do and no more. What happen after that, is in the hands of someone greater than any of us.

You, Belle, are among a select few that everyone (in my humble opinion) on this site, truely & honestly admires and looks up to, for the wisdom and undieing, unconditional love you so freely give. True human warmth and compassion. A trait so many have lost touch with.

Always know Belle, that I (we) love you.

JD aka :doggie:

[bigirl_inwv]

Belle- I may be young, and we may not have spoken much, but as I've told many people on this site before...I consider each of you as family. Should you ever need anything, I'm here.


Dog is absolutely correct. Whether it be drug addicts, drunks, people with EDs...self esteem is usually the underlying problem. Any of you who were here when I posted the beginnings of my story know, I struggled myself with a drug addiction. Its only when you hit rock bottom that you find the strength to recover. When you realize that you have nothing left...no friends, no family, no money, no life...thats when you begin the road either to recovery, or death. It's an internal struggle that usually, no one outside of yourself can help you with.

[texasman6172003]

My dear Belle,I would have helped that night also if i had been there.As a whole the people on this site do care. And Belle you have no reason to pay anyone back here.And if you think you do,your prescence here on the site alone,is enough pay back my friend. I know back when i couldnt get into the chat those two weeks,I heard from several people about members asking if i had ever been able to get in.Iknow that is nothing compared to your friends problem,but it shows to me that people on this site DO CARE.. Thats what we are here for and like someone said to me once,whether we realize it or not we are a family. Sorry for rambling,just my :2cents: :bipride:

[12voltman59]

I know we have our bitching, pissing and moaning, disagreements on some of the bulletin board messages and in the chat room----but all-in-all we have a pretty good site here.

I do think that the majority of people on here care about each other even if they have never met in the real world as yet and may never meet----

I am sorry to hear about your friend Belle---and you and your family I am afraid to say---may actually doing the right thing by dishing him a measure of "tough love.'

As a former probation officer---I saw my share of cases in which the family members were some of the biggest enablers regarding their loved one's substance abuse problem----

It may have been that those people should have been on probation themselves and as a condition of probation--be prohibited from providing anything more than moral support to the addicted person.

It was certainly frustrating to have to deal with so many similar situations and I had a number of times I visited my "clients" in the ICU thanks to overdoses and had a few who wound up in the morgue, too.

It is one thing in life that we are killed by cancer, heart disease or something else largely beyond our control --but to see people self-destruct thanks to drugs and alcohol---it is sad and certainly not a pleasant thing to be part of.

My heart goes out to you and yours Belle---I do hope that baby will have a good life--too bad he or she is most likely not going to know his or her father-----

[truelove201]

I would have to say that i have never encountered more supportive and caring people than within this site. The support and encouragement that i have rec'd in dealing with our struggle has given me the strength and courage to face things and work through them. Even though our situation has improved i find myself coming on here regularly to check on others and stay in touch. To me that says something about the people that i have met here. I hope someday to touch others as they have touched me....lol...ya i know...that could be taken the wrong way....lmao!:female:

[The Barefoot Contess]

I always try to be as helpful as I can, and I'd say the majority of the people here do to, even when our opinions differ,or perhaps especially when we disagree.
I agree with those who say that no one can help someone with an addiction. I made the mistake of trying to "help" someone with depression (I know it is not the same as an addiction, but for my purposes the simile works), and it totally backfired. At best, all you can do is listen to them and show them that their isolation is understood, and that should they even need you to actually break the addictive / depressive cycle, you will be there for them. They will always have your support, but it is their responsibility to take steps towards their recovery. You are not responsible for them. In most cases, professional help (in the form of counselors or psychologists) is required. It is a long and painful road, but one that is not hopeless.

[Sarasvati]

Sorry Belle but I believe you are one of the few who is genuinely capable of real care and compassion. I don't think such traits are a commonplace either here or in life generally - myself included.

You are such a bright ray of sunlight that your endeavours in themselves surely uplifted your alcoholic friend, even if his condition remained unchanged. But you are one of the few, not the many, in my opinion.

As I have suggested before I would welcome you as a teacher. I could learn from you - but not many others.

Neediness attracts neediness. It has the capacity to take the compassionate by the hand and into the abyss. Such perils divide the courageous from the feckless. It is a safer and easier course to turn away from a needy soul in order to protect our own selves.

"Don't get involved, it's not your responsibility," our "wise" friends counsel.

Neediness is often portrayed as a weakness but, for me, it is a strength. Needy people seem to me to be more focused on the reality of life, less accommodating of the cheesy solutions provided by others.

Yet we stamp down those who reach out in need, advising them to paint their faces to a deluded shade of positive.

But the human condition is a fragile one and the needy are simply displaying this marvel for us, recovering it from the collective denial that the masses subject it to, reminding us of the reality of our lives and making sense of the senseless for us.

We should not fear neediness but treasure it instead.

To lose the capacity to suffer, to hurt, to feel is to lose the sparkle of a gem, to make muddy sand of gold, to flatten the Empire State.

I find a great deal of sagacity in the slurred words of alcoholics, drunks and tramps.

They have that earth sickness that no doctor can cure, for which there is no remedy, that churches exploit for profit, and which ultimately resurrects God from his graveyard of complacency and self satisfaction.

("Now pass that bottle Mildred - if there's anything left in there, of course".)

[Annika L]

Sorry Belle but I believe you are one of the few who is genuinely capable of real care and compassion. I don't think such traits are a commonplace either here or in life generally - myself included.

Sarasvati may be correct in saying that such traits aren't commonplace here or in life generally. But as I have been so often reminded of late, "you can't always get what you want, but if you try some time, you might find you get what you need."

No, not everyone on this site is a caring person who is willing to help others with their troubles. But enough of us are, and do care, so that those who are able and willing to ask for help generally can get help...or at least some guidance. That, to me, is enough to make this site special!

[Skater Boy]

After browsing perusing this thread, I must admit that my first sentiments were much akin to Sarasvati's. I have no doubt that there ARE some members here who DO care, but I would guess that many either choose not to, or are incapable of it. I, personally, have come across a mixture of BOTH thus far: There are some members who will lend a sympathetic ear (with brain and tongue) when you most need it, and there are also those who would rather just keep things shallow and superficial. Being rather quick to revert to introspection, I felt obliged to question whether I (personally) care, and I have to admit that, in all honesty, I DON'T care as much as I probably should. This is possibly a result of my natural (or habitual?) disposition, and perhaps some of the factors that Sarasvati himself suggested. Obviously I can feign empathy at times, but its clearly no match for the real thing, and I suspect that this is painfully obvious to most. But, that said, if I TRULY value the person, I will go out of my way (beyond the call of duty) to reflect this (as well as I can) in my words and actions. Although I do tend to prefer this "honor" to have been earned, and potentially reciprocated.

I suppose I would also agree with Annika that whilst one may not always find what one wants, one often finds what one needs, when one looks hard enough. But its those that go beyond this and give MORE than just what is NEEDED (WITHOUT expecting ANYTHING in return) that are truly special, IMO. And, inevitably, humans of this calibre are few and far between.

So... be proud of yourself, Belle! (and anyone else who fits the bill) :cool:

[Lisa (va)]

Well, anyone who knows Belle in the slightest will also know she lives up to her screen name ten fold.

Not exactly quite sure anyone can really help an alcoholic: my profession has seen a fair number of patients afflicted with this desease.

As far as personal experience I have only had one friend with this problem: and she hated me for awhile because though I cared I showed no sympathy and I would not allow her to be trashed around me. And on those ocassions my response was to call the hospital and get the location of an AA meeting for that night and take her there. What stood out in my mind is the person running the meeting would always start out by saying "AA is not for those people that need it, it's for those that want it". I could get her to the meeting, lend a shoulder, but ultimately it was she that got herself sober.

And while on the subject of our litlle community, there are those that do care and show it. But lets never forget that we belong to other communities beside the bisexual one: could be religious, ethnic background or what ever, even just your local community. It really doesn't hurt to lend a hand to help others when the opportunity arises.

Lisa

hugs n kisses

[VBScript]

So this site is a cult then? What's with the idea that it's somehow a "community" when it's just a message board?

[VBScript]

Belle, you're wasting your time.

If someone is an alcoholic there's not a damn thing in the world that you can do to make them stop drinking or stop being addicted to alcohol.

They themselves have to do this.

[Doggie_Wood]

So this site is a cult then? What's with the idea that it's somehow a "community" when it's just a message board?


Belle, you're wasting your time.

If someone is an alcoholic there's not a damn thing in the world that you can do to make them stop drinking or stop being addicted to alcohol.

They themselves have to do this.

Good ridance!

[jo69guy]

Belle,

I commend you for trying to help your friend. As a person in recovery myself, I can tell you things will only get better when this person decides they want help. I highly recommend AA meetings as a start, if you can get them there.

Bless you for caring enough to try to help!

You are a saint, and those of us who know you, love you!

:2cents:

[Karmacoma]

onewhocares-Is this person really a friend or are they just someone who you met on the internet who you chat with?

If they're really a friend you can suggest rehab and AA for them and treatment programs and how they can try to get sober but unless they actually want to change nothing will happen.

If they're just someone who you chat with, just let it go and realize that they've got way too many problems that you yourself can't help them with and you don't want to waste time/energy with them.