for the married bisexual man:

[xeagle69]

how do you deal with it?
totally open and share your bisexuality with the wife?
fulfill your desires with her approval?
fulfill your desires behind her back?
fantasize away and be content with that?

me?
i have tried to include her in my desire for the same sex, but she wont go for it...

i wont go behind her back, so that leaves me fantasizing alone; both by myself and when we have sex!
not perfect, but...

[12voltman59]

It is hard enough to deal with realizing you have such "desires" and such as a single person--I could not imagine how much harder being married and having your spouse not be understanding and/or accepting of the fact you have this part of you would be---

I do feel for ya and wish ya all the best as you explore this and try to figure it all out--Trying to make some sense and figuring out what to do with it--how if fits into your life and what course your life is going to take as a result of your discovery process.

Good luck buddy!!

[chuck1124]

I know exactly your frustration, Eagle. There are so many of us, on this site, that share these feelings, and do our best to maintain our relationship and our commitments, and starve inside. But, I take heart. There are so many friends here.

[OcalaCouple683]

how do you deal with it? we are lookin for other bisexual friends so we can explore together and find a long term relationship

totally open and share your bisexuality with the wife? we are both very open. it took me a couple of years to really open up about it but she brought it out of me and made me feel comfortable about it

fulfill your desires with her approval? yes but with respect for one another and our marriage and she will fullfil hers the same

fulfill your desires behind her back? not without approval b/c we consider that cheating. I have had a couple of small hookups with out her but she was okay with it and told me I should

fantasize away and be content with that? we haven't found the right people so we do fantasize alot while we are together and it makes the sex awesome :male:
Good luck to you being able too fullfil your desires, maybe it will just take time for your wife to open up.

[onewhocares]

Comments from the straight wife's perspective......

First I have FINALLY gotten over the fact that no matter what I do, how I feel, how hubby feels about me....I will never be able to replace a man in his life. I was not given the right parts. So I have come to accept a man is to be part of his life. Now if we were to find that long term relationship we so want for all three of us that would be wonderful. But that is a big maybe.

I guess from what I have been told by many of the men from this site, is that I am not the norm. An open and understanding wife who is only concerned for the happiness of her husband and their relationship. I just assumed that all couples were like us. Apparently not. I am blessed.

I think for those of us who may not have the perfect relationship and are seeking something more, then a good fantasy is a great thing. For your mind is the great sexual inspiration. I know mine is.

Well just a few tidbits, hope it gives a different perspective.

Belle

[csrakate]

Comments from the straight wife's perspective......
First I have FINALLY gotten over the fact that no matter what I do, how I feel, how hubby feels about me....I will never be able to replace a man in his life. I was not given the right parts. So I have come to accept a man is to be part of his life.....

.....I guess from what I have been told by many of the men from this site, is that I am not the norm. An open and understanding wife who is only concerned for the happiness of her husband and their relationship. I just assumed that all couples were like us. Apparently not. I am blessed.


Belle

Belle...
I must take exception with what you said regarding your acceptance of your husband's need to have a physical relationship with another man (I highlighted it above)...or perhaps I merely misread it and misinterpreted what you meant. Many spouses accept their bi spouses sexuality without allowing outside relationships and you can hardly say they are not concerned about their spouse OR their relationship. I have taken years to accept and understand my hubby's sexuality...we have worked together as a couple to explore his fantasies, as well as mine, and incorporate those in our sexual play as a couple. We use role play and toys to make it as realistic as possible. Is it as satisfying as the choice you have made? I am sure it isn't....but it works for us for now and my husband is thankful that I do what I can to understand him. That being said, I also consider myself to be concerned for the happiness of my husband and of my relationship. That is not to say I would not be open to change in the future if the right person were to come along and we found ourselves in a mutually satisfying relationship with another person...but I still consider myself understanding as it is right now.

I applaud you and Bill for your wonderful relationship and I wish you two many more wonderful years as you continue on your journey.

Many hugs,
Kate

[guycurious]

For me it SUCKS ! After confessing my bi feelings to my wife almost 2 years ago we've only had an encounter with 1 bi male and 1 bi couple.

I have spent a lot of time trying to find another bi male/couple for us but for a while now I have been getting the vibe that my wife has changed her position on exploring with others.

I had HIGH hopes that she would be equally involved with finding another male/couple but she isn't. For a short time she actually posted an ad on CraigsList looking for someone but she quickly gave up. I tried for a long time but the combination of her lack of interest and the incredible amount of married guys looking to cheat has soured my hopes.

I yearn everyday to explore my bisexuality. I fear this will eventually lead to problems between us. My bi feelings/desires are only getting stronger. I'm tired of bringing up the topic. She doesn't at all anymore.

[biupstateny]

how do you deal with it?
totally open and share your bisexuality with the wife?
fulfill your desires with her approval?
fulfill your desires behind her back?
fantasize away and be content with that?

me?
i have tried to include her in my desire for the same sex, but she wont go for it...

i wont go behind her back, so that leaves me fantasizing alone; both by myself and when we have sex!
not perfect, but...

Its hard for a woman to deal with it (from my own experiance) if you are just coming out after years of being together. Im not married (yet...Feb 29th) but I have a feeling of what you are going through.
I beleive the only way you are going to be able to be totally open and able to share this with your wife is if/ when she finally accepts it. If she dosen't then maybe that is something you will have to deal with...or maybe look into counseling.
I have agreed to allow my fiance to explore his bi side but only under the agreement that we both get to explore! Plus I want him to explore...this is the point your wife needs to get to...Don't try to fullfill your desires behind her back, she will only resent you...
Are you only content with your fantisizing? Or do you want the real thing? This is a decesion you need to come to, then you will HAVE to talk to your wife. Like my fiance told me..."there is a difference between sex and love. Sex is just a fling...Love is something you share"

Have you ever tried talking to your wife?

Good luck....

[thinkfree39]

I cheated many years ago and later confessed. I don't cheat any more.

Been fantasizing ever since.

I've been a member of this forum for a few months and I'm about 50/50 on whether I will bring up the subject and see if she will consent. The most difficult part for me is probably that it will bring up some bad memories. She has forgiven me and hopefully forgotten. So maybe it should just be my eternal punishment for my wrongs that I never get to realize my fantasies.

[benmatchrt]

find me on http://www.bisexualmate.com . I have an account there under same username.

[mannysg]

On occasion, my wife will fantasize with me, but she isn't really into it.
She has indicated that with the right man, she would consider a MMF 3-some but the likelyhood of that is pretty slim, especially since she is a BBW and most guys don't care for big women. :(

So I fantasize alot, especially in the shower ;) To be honest, I'm not really "content" with fantasy only, but I won't cheat on her, so fantasy will have to suffice.

[Not2str8]

I've had the great fortune to be married to someone who realizes she is not threatened by my bisexuality. She accepts it as an integral part of who I am, even going as far as sharing some experiences with me. I never felt more loved and accepted than when she joined in our play. I think she got into it as much as I did. That's the latitude we extend to each other. We each want the other to be fully realized, complete individuals. It makes us stronger as a couple.

[Falke]

Funny, it was my girl who helped me figure out who I was. She wants me to be happy and she wants me to know how great it feel to be with a guy. It really has made our relationship stronger. Further, I love her all the more for helping and understanding me for who I am.

[musqrat]

We're polyamorous and have an open relationship where we can both see other people (male or female). It started so I could explore my same-sex side but after a while we relaxed the rules.

[jeancarleo]

how do you deal with it?
totally open and share your bisexuality with the wife?
fulfill your desires with her approval?
fulfill your desires behind her back?
fantasize away and be content with that?

me?
i have tried to include her in my desire for the same sex, but she wont go for it...

i wont go behind her back, so that leaves me fantasizing alone; both by myself and when we have sex!
not perfect, but...

how do I deal with it? Well I'm now separated from my wife since I never loved her like she loved me. It was a crush she had on me since we were kids and she was always in love with me and thought I could love her after being married since we were gonna be together but it didn't happen. I just like her as a friend.

totally open and share my bisexuality with the wife? Yes, after 2 months being together I talked to her about it. She couldn't believe it and got confused because she at first was very jealous if she see me looking at other guys when we went out to the mall or in the streets. Then after 5 months she told me to have a bf and have him come over but not to leave her side since I didn't loved her like she loved me she was afraid to lose me.

fulfill my desires with her approval? not when we were together, she was so overprotective about it and jealous or more like possesive. She wanted me only for her. It was all until after we separated. Even now when we see she don't wanna know if i have a bf or gf, she says it's not fair.

fulfill my desires behind her back? I had a strong desire but was so loyal because I had my bf back in mexico and was thinking on going back with him so i didn't meet any gay or bi guy while i was living with her.


fantasize away and be content with that? Yeah, even though we had sex up to 5 times a day I sometimes masturbated in the shower thinking about my bf. Was happy about it because I was sure I was gonna go back to him in the future.

Now it's been almost 5 years of marriage and it's time to divorce. We got married on February 14, 2003 and separated on July 2003. A friend of mine tells me not to get divorced on February 14 because it would be like a joke, what do you guys think?

[onewhocares]

Quote:
Originally Posted by onewhocares
Comments from the straight wife's perspective......
First I have FINALLY gotten over the fact that no matter what I do, how I feel, how hubby feels about me....I will never be able to replace a man in his life. I was not given the right parts. So I have come to accept a man is to be part of his life.....

.....I guess from what I have been told by many of the men from this site, is that I am not the norm. An open and understanding wife who is only concerned for the happiness of her husband and their relationship. I just assumed that all couples were like us. Apparently not. I am blessed.


Belle

Belle...
I must take exception with what you said regarding your acceptance of your husband's need to have a physical relationship with another man (I highlighted it above)...or perhaps I merely misread it and misinterpreted what you meant. Many spouses accept their bi spouses sexuality without allowing outside relationships and you can hardly say they are not concerned about their spouse OR their relationship. I have taken years to accept and understand my hubby's sexuality...we have worked together as a couple to explore his fantasies, as well as mine, and incorporate those in our sexual play as a couple. We use role play and toys to make it as realistic as possible. Is it as satisfying as the choice you have made? I am sure it isn't....but it works for us for now and my husband is thankful that I do what I can to understand him. That being said, I also consider myself to be concerned for the happiness of my husband and of my relationship. That is not to say I would not be open to change in the future if the right person were to come along and we found ourselves in a mutually satisfying relationship with another person...but I still consider myself understanding as it is right now.

I applaud you and Bill for your wonderful relationship and I wish you two many more wonderful years as you continue on your journey.

Many hugs,
Kate




Kate,


You are correct...what I wanted to say and what came out in my haste to post is not accurate. I know of many couples, like yourself who work within the confines of their relationship to work with the feelings, needs and desires of the bi spouse. I applaude them.

I guess what I was trying to say is that in the time spent on this site, many people have shared with me that both male and female keep their sexual desire for the same sex hidden from their partner for any number of reason. One of the many I think is not wanting to hurt the other. I wanted to express that it seems so few have a partner who knows about their mate and want to help them in dealing with the many issues that tend to come up. It did not mean that they have no concerns for their well being if they choose not to have a more open plan.

My comments were in NO way a reflection of those who wish to stay with their relationship are better or worse than the path that Bill and I have chosen. I think we each choose our own path, none better than those of another. I never meant to insinuate any negative comments. It was not my intent. Please accept my apologies if I was misspoken. You are a role model to me and to many and I have learned much from you.

Belle

[parkerbi]

I think I'm a lucky man. My wife would love to share the bi fatansy together:flag4:
She is an open-minded woman. We often do the bi things together.

[the mage]

I'm completely out to my Lady and have been from the start.
We have played at various lifestyle parties as a couple but we do not enjoy swapping so we are open but not swingers. I do play with selected men with her knowledge but not with her there. She is not into it at this point but its not ruled out. She is of course fee to enjoy women as well, in her own way.

Acceptance does not need to involve being involved.

[MrRizzano]

I consider myself very lucky because my wife helped me find out who I am. Back when we first got together I told her of my past experiences before I met her and told her I liked guys, but I always flip-flopped between wanting to act them out because I was "curious" or being determined to prove that I wasn't really bisexual.

My wife would get frustrated with me because she knew before I did that I was bi, and she helped me come to terms with it. Since then, our sex life has been amazing, and she is even turned on watching me be with other men. After an experience that we share, she tears me up in bed. I will never cheat, I have no reason to, even if she didn't understand I still wouldn't, but being Bi is who I am and she accepts all of me.

I am even 100% sure that if, knock on wood, there ever came a time where her and I split up, I would be gay because to me she is the ONLY woman for me, after her there would be no other woman, so men would be it.

I feel bad for the men on here that there significant others cannot accept them for who they are, and I congratulate the men on here whose significant others do accept them.

The only thing I can say to the ones whose significant others won't accept or can't understand is that you are supposed to be accepted completely, fully, wholly, all of you, not just one part of you. Talk to them about it as much as you can, sometimes it can be hard, but be brutally honest,
because you have to be willing to talk about the things that you might consider difficult to say to get across to your partner how important it is to you and that it is a part of who you are, and if they can't deal with it and accept it, then perhaps they are not the true soul mate for you.

[biguy82]

For me its apparently much more difficult than the others. I'm recently coming to terms with the fact that I am bi. I've fantasized for a very long time about guys and have been unable to fully admit that I was bi. I have had several gay experiences which were back in high school. My wife knows only of two and believes that they were not voluntary. While she knows I enjoy oral sex, she is not aware that it is somewhat of a fetish for me...I think she is aware that it greatly turns me on, as every time we do it I have to kiss her mouth right after. She is not aware that in order for me to get aroused by pornogrophy there must be a penis in it and that the porn must focus primarily on the penis. I wish I could tell her about those things but sadly I think the time just simply isn't right....

[Mrs.F]

I'm another straight wife who is supportive of her husband. It was not always that way. It took me probably a good year before I came to terms with him being bisexual and wanting sex with a man. I went through the jealous, he's going to leave me cuz I can't give him what he wants, but I got over it.
I just recently met my best friend from this site in person and it was 3 days of Heaven. For all 3 of us to be together and share feelings for each other. It was awesome and as I sit here and write this, I know that I am thrilled to death to have married such a special man. And to have found such a wonderful man on here who has helped me in more ways then I can ever say.
I do feel bad for the people in this world who live closeted and can't be their true selves.

[NakedInSeattle]

Took a chance, let it all hang out and told her before we were married. Didn't wanna go into it without everything in the open (lots of double meanings here 'cause we're nudists, too). Hallelulja, she was ok with it....even gets a kick out of sharing a cock. Took a few years and she finally realized she's bi also. What a wonderful world!!! It's great being me!!!

[VBScript]

I am even 100% sure that if, knock on wood, there ever came a time where her and I split up, I would be gay because to me she is the ONLY woman for me, after her there would be no other woman, so men would be it.

I feel bad for the men on here that there significant others cannot accept them for who they are, and I congratulate the men on here whose significant others do accept them.

The only thing I can say to the ones whose significant others won't accept or can't understand is that you are supposed to be accepted completely, fully, wholly, all of you, not just one part of you. Talk to them about it as much as you can, sometimes it can be hard, but be brutally honest,
because you have to be willing to talk about the things that you might consider difficult to say to get across to your partner how important it is to you and that it is a part of who you are, and if they can't deal with it and accept it, then perhaps they are not the true soul mate for you.

Dude, based on what you wrote, you're probably gay and just closeted about it.

Come out now and get a divorce while you're still young and you won't be coming out years later and dragging down your wife and kids with you or getting a nasty divorce.

This isn't to say that all bisexuals are closeted gays/lesbians but it's obvious that Mr.R is a closeted gay man.

[someotherguy]

I can't imagine it working out when a marriage started straight then the guy announces he is bi. I can't even imagine a marriage working out where the man is straight and just wants sex with his wife. I am not good at imagining marriages working out, and so I doubt that being bisexual has anything to do with it. Because people who love each other and get along would be open and accepting, supportive, and not consider sexual orientation an issue in the first place. So if it has been a secret, the marriage was a lie from the start, and that is a separate issue, whether a marriage based on lies is salvageable. For someone who only starts being bi after they were already married, like it's a new interest that starts up, that would be a big adjustment. Men and women start looking more androgynous as middle age wanes, so maybe just wait and the preferences will even out anyway.

I think the concept of straight marriage is insane. Men have high sex drives, usually, compared to women, so even if she is a good sport it will be a ruinous mismatch of supply and demand. Then add to that the absurd notion that one can live a lifetime without any other sexual interests than their mate, and you have left off reality long before you throw in the part about gay sex. People who stay married and enjoy it would need to be into each other as people, and then whatever else happens they face together, and truly make the best of. That only happens in novels written by delusional optimists.

[truelove201]

I'm another straight wife who is supportive of her husband. It was not always that way. It took me probably a good year before I came to terms with him being bisexual and wanting sex with a man. I went through the jealous, he's going to leave me cuz I can't give him what he wants, but I got over it.
I just recently met my best friend from this site in person and it was 3 days of Heaven. For all 3 of us to be together and share feelings for each other. It was awesome and as I sit here and write this, I know that I am thrilled to death to have married such a special man. And to have found such a wonderful man on here who has helped me in more ways then I can ever say.
I do feel bad for the people in this world who live closeted and can't be their true selves.

Wow that's fabulous! I so wish that would work out for us alas my hubby only wants to play alone. For him he could not handle having to see another man touch me. It doesn't arose him. I would love to see my husband with another man and it took me awhile of real soul searching and honesty with myself to come to that. For now...I have decided like Belle that I will support my husband...give him his space and allow him to spread his wings. I know his love for me is profound and he demonstrated that by letting me go out and have a weekend fling with a friend who has been a great support to me. Since then I have grown to understand and love him so much more. I am ready for him to find someone to help him with his sexual awakening...I know in time it will not only bring us closer it will help us grow as a couple. Perhaps I will have the same story as you MRS.F to share in the future.

This was a great thread to read for me today...thank you to everyone for your contributions. As always this site is a constant source of support for me.

[jedinudist]

Total honesty.

It took us both a long time, but our relationship has matured to the point where not only does my wife accept my Bisexuality, she was the one that helped me accept it for myself.

After allot of honest and open talking, we both understand that I have never felt any romantic attraction to guys, and that my heart belongs to my wife alone. My sexual attraction to guys is at the physical level, and it is a need in my life that has never and will never just "go away". She understands this.

In order for me to ever had sex with a guy, we had to be really good friends, and he had to be trustworthy, clean, decent, etc. I'm not into anonymous sex or the "Hi, I just met you, wanna screw?" crap. I can't be friends with someone solely for the purposes of sex. I don't work that way.

After we both reached this point, my wife gave me her blessing to have a male friend with benefits if I want one, and I agreed to honor 3 small requests she had regarding that.

Funniest thing is, even after she gave me her blessing to have a guy friend, I haven't really gone on the hunt for one! I'll just let nature take it's course and see what happens.

My wife is the most important person in the world. If she did not want me to have sex with anyone else, I wouldn't. It would suck, and it would cause me great frustration, but she is more important than that.

I wish you both all the best, and I strongly encourage you NOT to sneak around behind her back. Having someone you love who loves you puts you far ahead of the curve in this world. That she knows you're Bisexual and still loves you puts you even farther ahead. Give it time, let it grow.

[RockGardener]

I let my bf know right away that I am bi, but he didn't let me know for awhile (a couple months). When we both started really talking about being bi and wanting more than each other, we kinda agreed to only see others as a couple. I didn't want that because I wanted the relationships to be separate. My sex life with another female was none of his business. But I wanted to be there when he fooled around with another guy. I had my encounter with a girl, then we had our encounter with a guy. After that, we agreed to become exclusive again. That lasted a few months....

So, to answer the original questions, we are totally open, don't need to sneak, we fulfill desires together, and fantasize together.

We are still looking for a couple to be friends with, and enjoy. Hopefully soon......

[BronzeBobby]

I'm another straight wife who is supportive of her husband. It was not always that way. It took me probably a good year before I came to terms with him being bisexual and wanting sex with a man. I went through the jealous, he's going to leave me cuz I can't give him what he wants, but I got over it.
I just recently met my best friend from this site in person and it was 3 days of Heaven. For all 3 of us to be together and share feelings for each other. It was awesome and as I sit here and write this, I know that I am thrilled to death to have married such a special man. And to have found such a wonderful man on here who has helped me in more ways then I can ever say.
I do feel bad for the people in this world who live closeted and can't be their true selves.

My marriage was similar to what Mrs F describes. It was complicated in my case because I came to terms with myself at the same time that we had a child. After about eight years of talking about it, my wife and I realized that it was pointless for me to promise I'd never have sex with a man. If I made such a promise, I'd break it. And when you are doing things secretly or without your wife's permission, you tend to look for sex in secretive places that can be very dangerous.

At the same time, I am sensitive to the fact that my wife doesn't want me to report each time I have sex with a man. Moreover, it is important that she have the right to play outside our relationship. The basic rule is that we can't get involved to the point that it interferes with our relationship with each other. So we are playing it by ear, with a don't ask-don't tell policy. If we decide later on that it's not making us happy, we'll try for another arrangement. For now, we have what we have -- it's not perfect, but it's what works for us.

I think bi married men have to decide what to do, only after they've truly decided to live for their marriage's interests, and not according to what society dictates as normal. Both gay and straight people condemn and disdain the way my marriage works. It took a long time but I had to reach the point where I don't ask their opinion, and if they give it, I tune it out. If you aren't able to get rid of society's judgment, the relationship between you and your wife will stay sour. She may put limits on your happiness as a way of pleasing the voices in her head, put there by her church or her mother or her friends. And if that happens, you'll be unhappy and eventually you'll take it out on her, thinking you sacrificed so much of your happiness and nothing she can do will ever make up for it....

Talk and negotiate. But always make sure it's about what works for you and her, not what other people will think.
:bibounce:

[diamond_tether]

how do you deal with it?
totally open and share your bisexuality with the wife?
fulfill your desires with her approval?
fulfill your desires behind her back?
fantasize away and be content with that?


Totally open. But, I approached our initial relationship with the knowledge that I was bisexual out in the open. Aggressively so, since I'd just come out of situations where it was problematic. I decided that being as up front about it as possible gave Her the best option to decide before we got serious if there would be any problems.

Yep. We also started the relationship with full knowledge that it would be Open.

I could never cheat on someone. I can only imagine what I'd feel if it were done to me, so I adjusted my life to make sure I'd never have to do it to anyone else. I.e. - being up front about my 'bi' and open sexuality.

The last one is an age old question, but I've yet to come up with an answer for it.

[alaskacouple]

Well, we are both open and honest in our discussions about my bisexuality. Luckily for me she is quite turned on by male homosexuality.

But we share what seems to be the general consensus here in that any sexual activity must never be done behind the other's back - that is cheating which is the same as a lie. Cheating leads to an internal cancer of deception that eventually destroys a relationship (be it a marriage or any other type of relationship).

Also, we share another common opinion stated here in that we are only interested in a sexual relationship with someone that we have come to know and care for. So for now, we are simply enjoying the 'fantasy' of another man and hoping to meet a man that we can both have an attraction to.

But the bottom line is that I think married bisexuals should try to share their true hidden desires and needs with their spouses. Until that happens you will forever be frustrated and in 'hiding'. And eventually you will probably cheat on your spouse and then more pain begins.

[PolyLoveTriad]

especially since she is a BBW and most guys don't care for big women. :(

Lots of men love BBW's ya just need to find the right man :) She found you didnt she!

[florian_bi]

Lots of men love BBW's ya just need to find the right man :) She found you didnt she!

that is so true... I would be thrilled to join a couple with a hot bi guy and a bbw female. all the real good sex experiences I had were with bigger women.

[Mrs.F]

[QUOTE] she is a BBW and most guys don't care for big women. :(


I am a BBW and I have thought for the longest time that because I was bigger that no man would want to be with me besides my husband. However, we did. It may take awhile but there are men out there that love and prefer BBW's. Don't give up on it. :2cents:

[cutenbiguy]

HONESTY! The most important thing in any relationship, gay straight or bi. I can only speak from my own perspective... my own life. I spent the majority of my life lonely, confused and searching. Searching for THAT right person to share my life with. By Sharing I means knowing and exposing your deepest secrets to eachother and being bi WAS mine. It took me a long time to figure my sexuality and I had to go it alone. But what I did figure out was that I didn't want to spend my life with someone that didn't know who I am. Someone I had to hide myself from. I am BI. That is a very integral part of my being, it is a huge part of the reason I am the type of person that I am. It is me. How do you hide You to the person you want to be with? When my wife and I met our sex life was non stop. While we were having sex I would fantasize about men being there with us in my own head. When I realized that I wanted to be with this woman I felt the NEED to tell her and it really was a need for me, it was so important and it ended up being the turning point of our relationship. She knew for days that I had something I needed to tell her. She could feel it. So I told her. The first and only person in my life I ever told. Her response was positive she wasn't disgusted or put off, however
she told me later that she was very confused for about a week or so. She wondered if maybe I might be gay or whatever but in realizing the nine months of explosive sex
we'd been having and how extremely aroused she made me that I could not possibly be gay. Since then we have grown, together, we explore fantasy, ALOT, she has given me permission to explore with guys on my own, something I was so adamant about making sure she really felt ok about, which I believe she is, however I haven't jumped up to go find a guy to suck off. I am comfortable knowing that she is comfortable with my sexualiy, she is excited by it, she finds it sexy, she sees that it is part of the person she is in love with, part of the reason she loves the person that I am. I have yet to have any sexual contact with men since we have been together and i'm cool with that, we've come close and just that was exciting. When and if the opportunity arises, it will, or won't happen and I'm cool with that too. I have a person that loves and respects ME for the person I am as I do her and really what the fuck is better than that in life.

[stargazer]

My Wife and I have been married now for 6yrs ( my second marriage) and we have been together 8 yrs now.

I would fantasize about a second man in our sexual experiences often. At first, these dreams were of straight sex. Now seeing how I often talk in my sleep while dreaming, my wife would hear most of my dreams, and this turned her on tremendously. As time went on, the dreams became more bisexual between myself and the other man. And at first my wife was taken back by it, but soon very soon she started to also continue to be turned on by it. I do remember some of the dreams and we were always open about it and talked in the beginning about a mfm threesome with straight sex. My wife and I opened up about the bisexual dreams I believe after a month or so and we talked in great detail about it. My wife and I have incredible sex together and she definitely knows I am so turned by her. We started talking about added a bisexual male in our relationship which we can both benefit from. She loves the idea of being with two men and I about experiencing bisexual sex.

We have since met someone who is perfect with us and we do play often. Now,I guess I am not a fully bisexual in that I do not do any anal, male kissing or hugging etc. I just luv sucking his cock and usually with the assistance of my beautiful wife.

The introduction of my bisexual desires was slow and now we are very open, in this openness we have discussed her bisexual curiosity in women as well.

With the right person I believe you can open yourself up to them and it will work. The reason I say this is because this never would have happened with my first wife. Never had dreams of adding a male, I had many dreams of adding a woman back then, and still do now. And from the looks of things that may happen as well. But again slowly we discover ourselves and as we feel comfortable we continue if our discovery of each other.

Just my 2 cents. :)

[matterinhand]

I'm going to both agree with, and disagree with comments made above.

Lets get the disagreement out of the way first: there are LOTS of men who love BBW women, any that don't (and want skinny bits of bone) don't know what they're missing.

Now, the agreement:
I'm convinced I told my wife I am bi when we got together, she'd say its about 3 yrs in.
But we've played with other guys, and a couple of couples, and still have a couple of adverts out there on adult dating sites.
And I so agree with the writer who commented on married men just looking to cheat through these sites.
We've met one married guy, against our original misgivings, because his wife has been bed-bound for a long time, physically if they had sex he says its like doing it with a dummy because of her inability to react. He's a nice bloke, he just wants some human contact occassionally.
And then, of course, we get the guys who are bi, but their wives don't know...

As for cheating? Difficult one.
Is it cheating that I have this account that she doesn't know about?
Is it cheating that I sometimes chat to other guys, and every so often cyber?

I wouldn't meet without her.

[mannysg]

[QUOTE] she is a BBW and most guys don't care for big women. :(


I am a BBW and I have thought for the longest time that because I was bigger that no man would want to be with me besides my husband. However, we did. It may take awhile but there are men out there that love and prefer BBW's. Don't give up on it. :2cents:


I know there are lots of guys who prefer BBWs, but the majority of men prefer average to thin ladies. When we were desperate for money, my wife had a porn site, she was a "Charm" on a popular amateur site. I'm not here to advertise the site, thus will refrain from giving the site name. She had numerous members and made a couple of hundred dollars each month. Not enough to brag about, let alone get rich, but the money did help with groceries. Anyhow, when she had the site, I did a lot of research on both Porn sites and BBW's in particular. SO yes, I know for a fact that there are lots of guys like me who prefer BBWs.

I LOVE BBW's! I've never liked the "super model" figure.

One of my biggest fantasies is to watch my wife with another man then eat the "creampie. My wife is willing to find someone to have sex with in front of me, but the few men we have encountered who seemed a likely candidate who my wife showed any interest in having a threesome with were among the guys who are turned off by big women.

The few guys who have emailed/messaged me from this site are married guys whose wife doesn't know they are looking for a little bi-fun and all but one of them seemed turned off by my wife being BBW and wanted to meet alone. Well, I'm not here to find a guy who wants to cheat on his wife and there is NO WAY I'm going to cheat on my wife. So my main purpose on this site is seeking a non-sexual friendship. If something transpires that leads to a threesome, great!

I'm not giving up, but I'm not one to keep my expectations too high.

[geezerguy]

I wore the cheater label for awhile. I don't feel good. I finally came out to my wife (secretly hoping would say omg, I am too) but like most fantasies, it didn't happen. She is coping and being supportive inasmuch as watching bi porn and some toy playing, but says she could never participate in any kind of multiple partner sex. We have been married for over 37 years, all of that time I have kept my sanity with fantasies and porn, but guess what, that don't last forever. The toys are fine for the physical sensations, but they just don't breathe, have any feelings, or care about you in the least. So, unfortunately for me, the toys are even becoming boring. Don't wait too long. If she can't accept it, well, it hurts to give up on a relationship so you need to decide how bad you want to act on your bisexuality. If you wait like I did, you find the hurt is even worse than it would have been 30 years ago, and even if we split, there doesn't seem to be a lot of people my age that are into M/M/F encounters. There seems to be about 40 billion men seeking that, and maybe 1 or 2 couples seeking it. Every man I know wants a F/F/M encounter (including yours truly), so those are hard to find also. Add to it that if you are not a bed hopper and want some kind of relationship with other people before you hop in the rack, well, that seems to be even more rare. I really don't mean to sound depressing or discouraging, on the contrary, I hope you find a resolution. But do it while you have some life left to enjoy your sexuality, if that is what you decide. I know first hand, you cannot convince someone who is not bi to have an encounter, just the same as they cannot convince you that you are not bi. I don't know if this helps (maybe I'm just babbling) but good luck with whatever you decide to do. Bisexuality is not a choice, like my wife used to think, but acting on it is. I'm getting tired of denial.

[denvermarriedbi]

My wife knew pretty much when we got married, although until recently we didn't explicitly say "bisexual". I'm in a local foreskin restoration group, and the environment there made me feel comfortable enough that I could come out to one of the other participants who is gay and out. He made me feel comfortable and that it wasn't freakish. I ended up joining a yahoo group, and actually found someone in the area who is in a similar situation (although his wife doesn't know, and he's old enough to be my father). We met up and talked about about 2 hours about things, it was great to meet someone else who's in the same kind of boat. Neither of us will "fool around", but at least my wife knows about my wants and fantasies (although I do get to look there's no touchie allowed) and she fully supports me figuring things out. Although in some ways it hurts that I'll never be able to be with a man (as we promised to be with each other forever, and I would never ever cheat on her), at least she lets me cruise to the metro area's gay park and daydream about all of the cute hunks walking around. *sigh* Mmmmm....... Anyways, eventually I'll come out to more friends, but I want to make sure I don't 'come out' too fast, the in laws would probably not be so tolerant as one might hope. Well, that and I have a kid, and eventually another one on the way, so we have to decide what age to talk to them about it.

[laloo333]

I don't approve of it, but I cheat. This in spite of having a loving, warm supportive relationship. Years ago when we swung together she had problems of jealousy seeing me enjoy myself with another woman, even if she was enjoying the other man. I really don't mind that she's jealous or possessive (and who knows she might not be if she knew it was a man.)
I only got into bisexuality after she entered menopause and lost most of her sex drive. But I don't consider that a sound excuse for cheating, but cheat I do. The sex is great, tho sometimes i worry about getting caught. I had a steady partner for 3 years, lost him and now am looking for another. I'm only posting this to show that a few of us are not totally honorable!

[IndyBiFun]

GREAT question and topic. I've really enjoyed reading the responses from everyone.

I can relate to xeagle and curiousguy. I realized after college and in my late 20's of my sexuality. I kept ignoring it until that inner voice became so loud and persistent that I had to listen. I've had just a couple experiences but very much enjoyed them.

My wife is aware of my desires but is not receptive. Although we do discuss it from time to time I fantasize in private. Meanwhile, those desires continue to call me.

Frustrating as hell and I feel as if I am not being the person I am.

[Jodyp123]

This is a great question, and I have really enjoyed reading the responses.

Here are my responses:

1. How do I deal with it? I accept that I am bi, and give in to my desires
2. Do I share with the wife? No I do not.
3. Fulfill my desires with her approval? No.
4. Fulfill my desires behind her back? Yes.
5. Fantasize away and be content? Yes and no.

I have always had bisexual feelings, and I have always kept them secret. I love being able to chat online, post dirty pics, send dirty emails, have phone sex, and have real hook ups because I know there are so many men out there just like me going throught the exact same thing that I am. Sure, I would love to be out to my wife, but at the same time its my dirty little secret, and it makes it even more fun for me. Its how I choose to deal with my urges.

Again great question, and I look forward to hearing from more men who are just like me.

[micheief_maker]

This is a great question, and I have really enjoyed reading the responses.

Here are my responses:

1. How do I deal with it? I accept that I am bi, and give in to my desires
2. Do I share with the wife? No I do not.
3. Fulfill my desires with her approval? No.
4. Fulfill my desires behind her back? Yes.
5. Fantasize away and be content? Yes and no.

I have always had bisexual feelings, and I have always kept them secret. I love being able to chat online, post dirty pics, send dirty emails, have phone sex, and have real hook ups because I know there are so many men out there just like me going throught the exact same thing that I am. Sure, I would love to be out to my wife, but at the same time its my dirty little secret, and it makes it even more fun for me. Its how I choose to deal with my urges.

Again great question, and I look forward to hearing from more men who are just like me.


two things....

first. i love BBW women and can't wait to find a BBW woman with a bisexual man ;-)

second: i deal with it by cheating...hangs head

[FalconAngel]

For us it is a matter of adding a Bi man to our sex life as well as our social life.
:three:
We try to find Bi guys that we are both attracted to (fortunately we have similar tastes in men) and add them to our social life and our bedroom play.
:tong:
Of course, we have our standards and we don't bend those standards unless the guy is exceptionally attractive to us both. With one exception. We have one standard that we never, under any circumstances, bend on; that being guys with s/o's must be honest with the s/o about their involvement with us.

If you read our profile, you can get what we do and what we are looking for.
;)

[indenver_indenver]

I resolved to let any woman I dated know I was bi because I didn't want to be married and have to hide it. Wow! A lot of ladies found it sexy. The one I married finds it very sexy for me to suck cock and when I am between guys, she has me suck her dildo. She hints that she may join in with the right guy. I' love sucking his cock as it slides in and out of her pussy.

[*pan*]

if your just curious how others handel it , i am for one in an open relationship with my 2 wives, they know i'm a bisexual bottom and my needs go beyond what they can deliver, i'm not just into the anal penatration but the closeness carressing and feel of a mans desire for me, thats why dildoes or plastic dosent work for me, i am a total bisexual, as i need a man i also need the same closeness with a woman,. i refuse to stoop to lieing cheating or stealing. i have a free mind without remorse or guilt, and love it that way. i not only have their approval but their support, i am lucky that they are sensitive to my needs and love me enough to understand. as for the fantisizing without actually cheating, the christians say that if you desire a thing it's the same as having it. there for if you fantisize about being with a man then according to the christians you are guilty of cheating and homosexual acts on your wife and living in sin.

[csrakate]

Im not married but I dont like BBW/fat women. Sorry MRSF I would not have sex wit u.


Well goodness me.....I may be wrong but no where did I see where Mrs. F asked you to have sex with her!!!! And if you wish to get along on this site, keep the personal attacks such as this one to yourself. It was hardly necessary to make that comment to that lovely lady!

Kate

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

[QUOTE=mannysg;91296]On occasion, my wife will fantasize with me, but she isn't really into it.
She has indicated that with the right man, she would consider a MMF 3-some but the likelyhood of that is pretty slim, especially since she is a BBW and most guys don't care for big women. :(

This is a very true statement, and speaking from experiance, its partly because she's probaly self conscious because of this belief. What you could try doing is to find a man that would love to have a 3way with you and who in turn Loves BBW women. That way both of you can make love to Her too, fawn over her a little, and make Her feel special too. That way she will enjoy the sharing and pleasuring. If she is turned on, then maybe both of Them playing with you will be a huge turn on for her, as well..Get my drift here? :}
I can tell ya Gentlemen, "Keep Mama happy, and she'll keep You happy" lol

Seriouisly tho, it'll take someone who can be comfortable with Both of you, or it'll have to be someone that she learns to Trust, and know Well for this to work.
Give it a try Darlin. Find someone who will be right for Both of you. ;)
Cat

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

Big Kisses and hugz to you, too Manny. Not many men will admnit that they Do indeed love us BBWs. And if you find a BBW who Loves Bi men,(Me! Me!) then you have the best of both worlds.
MAUH!
Cat:paw::paw:

[dportrait]

Big Kisses and hugz to you, too Manny. Not many men will admnit that they Do indeed love us BBWs. And if you find a BBW who Loves Bi men,(Me! Me!) then you have the best of both worlds.
MAUH!
Cat:paw::paw:

Well here's another vote for BBWs

Honesty is a tricky one.... I told my ex wife of 10 years about my feelings as I worked them out myself, and we were even swinging together for a while and she seemed to be enjoying it. Unfortunately she then decided it was not her thing and this was a big part of our split.

On the other hand I am now with a lovely lady who accepts me for who I am. She's not into swinging but knows that I need the touch of a man every now and again. She has met my current b/f and gets along well with him, we have even been out together a couple of times. Oh yes - she's a BBW too ;)

The big difference - when I met her I knew I was bi so she knew staight away (it was in my online profile lol). I decided I did not want to be in another relationship where me being bi was going to make for issues down the track.

[mannysg]

QUOTE=mannysg;91296 On occasion, my wife will fantasize with me, but she isn't really into it.
She has indicated that with the right man, she would consider a MMF 3-some but the likelyhood of that is pretty slim, especially since she is a BBW and most guys don't care for big women. :(

This is a very true statement, and speaking from experiance, its partly because she's probaly self conscious because of this belief. What you could try doing is to find a man that would love to have a 3way with you and who in turn Loves BBW women. That way both of you can make love to Her too, fawn over her a little, and make Her feel special too. That way she will enjoy the sharing and pleasuring. If she is turned on, then maybe both of Them playing with you will be a huge turn on for her, as well..Get my drift here? :}
I can tell ya Gentlemen, "Keep Mama happy, and she'll keep You happy" lol

Seriouisly tho, it'll take someone who can be comfortable with Both of you, or it'll have to be someone that she learns to Trust, and know Well for this to work.
Give it a try Darlin. Find someone who will be right for Both of you. ;)
Big Kisses and hugz to you, too Manny. Not many men will admnit that they Do indeed love us BBWs. And if you find a BBW who Loves Bi men,(Me! Me!) then you have the best of both worlds.
MAUH!
Cat


Thanks Cat
Perhaps I've been approaching this the wrong way. I've been hoping to find a bi-guy that will seduce my wife and is interested in her first, and me second. I guess the reason for that is I don't want to look for a guy who is interested in me first is that I don't want to "lead him on" since I won't cheat on my wife. And the only way I can foresee being able to have sex with another guy is if it was in a 3-some and my wife's pleasure was first and foremost.

I could easily fall under the category as "cuckold" since I'd love to watch my wife being pleasured by another guy, yet I have little interest in having sex with another woman. HHmm... to be able to go down on her to get her nice & wet, then go down on him to get him nice and hard... then watch the 2 of them go at it. Ahh.... then to lick them both clean afterwards... YUMMY! :)

Sometimes I wonder which is more difficult: finding a guy who admits to liking BBW's or finding a guy who admits to being bi. LOL

[mannysg]

Well here's another vote for BBWs

Honesty is a tricky one.... I told my ex wife of 10 years about my feelings as I worked them out myself, and we were even swinging together for a while and she seemed to be enjoying it. Unfortunately she then decided it was not her thing and this was a big part of our split.

On the other hand I am now with a lovely lady who accepts me for who I am. She's not into swinging but knows that I need the touch of a man every now and again. She has met my current b/f and gets along well with him, we have even been out together a couple of times. Oh yes - she's a BBW too ;)

The big difference - when I met her I knew I was bi so she knew staight away (it was in my online profile lol). I decided I did not want to be in another relationship where me being bi was going to make for issues down the track.


Good for you DP! YOu have the best of both worlds. :)

[mannysg]

Im not married but I dont like BBW/fat women. Sorry MRSF I would not have sex wit u.

You are limiting yourself and missing many opportunities. Without realizing it, you have probably passed up several woman who would make your life a very happy one.

ANd as csrakate said, there was no reason for your 2nd sentence.

[carolina boy]

I consider myself very lucky because my wife helped me find out who I am. Back when we first got together I told her of my past experiences before I met her and told her I liked guys, but I always flip-flopped between wanting to act them out because I was "curious" or being determined to prove that I wasn't really bisexual.

My wife would get frustrated with me because she knew before I did that I was bi, and she helped me come to terms with it. Since then, our sex life has been amazing, and she is even turned on watching me be with other men. After an experience that we share, she tears me up in bed. I will never cheat, I have no reason to, even if she didn't understand I still wouldn't, but being Bi is who I am and she accepts all of me.

I am even 100% sure that if, knock on wood, there ever came a time where her and I split up, I would be gay because to me she is the ONLY woman for me, after her there would be no other woman, so men would be it.

I feel bad for the men on here that there significant others cannot accept them for who they are, and I congratulate the men on here whose significant others do accept them.

The only thing I can say to the ones whose significant others won't accept or can't understand is that you are supposed to be accepted completely, fully, wholly, all of you, not just one part of you. Talk to them about it as much as you can, sometimes it can be hard, but be brutally honest,
because you have to be willing to talk about the things that you might consider difficult to say to get across to your partner how important it is to you and that it is a part of who you are, and if they can't deal with it and accept it, then perhaps they are not the true soul mate for you.


I must say that I am jealous to read that your wife supports, encourage, and embraces your sexuality without any problems. I only wish that my wife would embrace my sexuality without feeling threatened.

[carolina boy]

I don't approve of it, but I cheat. This in spite of having a loving, warm supportive relationship. Years ago when we swung together she had problems of jealousy seeing me enjoy myself with another woman, even if she was enjoying the other man. I really don't mind that she's jealous or possessive (and who knows she might not be if she knew it was a man.)
I only got into bisexuality after she entered menopause and lost most of her sex drive. But I don't consider that a sound excuse for cheating, but cheat I do. The sex is great, tho sometimes i worry about getting caught. I had a steady partner for 3 years, lost him and now am looking for another. I'm only posting this to show that a few of us are not totally honorable!


My wife just does not understand what a married bisexual man goes through to not touch another man, when we do crave to do so. The feelings of guilt if we do cheat, to fullfill a strong need or desire as it is. The feelings of guilt that have when we don't act on our strong desires, to fullfill a need that wants to be quenched. I just have past experiences and fantasies.
Giving credit due to my wife, she has changed some of the activities to suit some of my desires. While she still does not understand.

[raistkit]

as a wife of a bisexual male i wanted to hop in with my own:2cents: i am also a cross dresser, and have been so for as long as i can remember. finding out that my husband is bi, was a double edged sword. on one hand i got the keys to the kingdom, i love being able to dress and walk as a man and have him hold my hand. on the other hand i realize full well that there is a part of him that i will never be able to fill. fantasy will only take you so far. for me it's not jealousy, it's knowing that i will never be able to be all that he needs. so to all the bi guys with accepting wives, handle us with care, we're trying as hard (pun intended) as we can.

kit

[needalittle05]

Hi, know what you mean but drop me a note if interested, looking for a couple that enjoys sharing the male half.

[Mrs.F]

Im not married but I dont like BBW/fat women. Sorry MRSF I would not have sex wit u.

OMFG! I have to say that I was just brousing the posts and LOW and behold I see some stupid immature comment, not just stating that you don't like BBW's but that you don't like ME! EXCUSE ME! I can honestly say that I could give a rat's A** if you did or didn't want to have sex with me because I wouldn't give you the time of day. I atleast know in my heart that I am a beautiful person inside and out and I don't judge people by their cover, I have many, many friends on here and off of here. I don't, nor does anyone else deserve to be degraded in such a manor. Apparently you were never taught "if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all". As in PLEASE KEEP YOUR THOUGHTS TO YOURSELF AND YOUR MOUTH SHUT!!!!!! :mad::soapbox:

[<<GOD>>]

OMFG! I have to say that I was just brousing the posts and LOW and behold I see some stupid immature comment, not just stating that you don't like BBW's but that you don't like ME! EXCUSE ME! I can honestly say that I could give a rat's A** if you did or didn't want to have sex with me because I wouldn't give you the time of day. I atleast know in my heart that I am a beautiful person inside and out and I don't judge people by their cover, I have many, many friends on here and off of here. I don't, nor does anyone else deserve to be degraded in such a manor. Apparently you were never taught "if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all". As in PLEASE KEEP YOUR THOUGHTS TO YOURSELF AND YOUR MOUTH SHUT!!!!!! :mad::soapbox:


Aren't you suppose to yell "TIMMMMBER" before takin down a tree?
Way to go Mrs. F!!:bigrin:

Your Friend
<<God>>

[onewhocares]

not Im married but I dont like BBW/fat women. Sorry MRSF I would not have sex wit u.

Well dear man.....YOU have no idea what you are missing. I think you picked the wrong woman to make that comment about, actually any woman, but this one in particular. Mrs. F. was stating what her life was all about and did not ask for or wanted your comment.

Part of being an adult and a good person is to accept people for who they are and not to sterotype people. Perhaps you may personally not be attracted to BBW's but to make the comments that you did was uncalled for.

Funny I am a six foot tall, blonde haired, hazel eye, tanned, intelligent, well read, whitty, well spoken woman. I am NO the skinny minny which you appear to prefer to be involved with. I have been on this site for nearly four years and in all that time I have met nearly forty people, both men and women. With only one exception I have NEVER had people tell me that they were turned off by my size. Actually they are attracted to my openness and the thoughts that I share what I am all about right up front.

Kindly next time you wish to make a comment....think First

Belle

[jo69guy]

Tree55555 You are incredibly short sighted. many beautiful women, may not have an hourglass figure, and you are entitled to what you prefer. I myself enjoy and love the company of BBW's but that is my choice, and I would not force that on you. You are a rude unmannered unhappy person obviously. :2cents:


Love to Mrs. F and Onewhocares

[Mrs.F]

It's obvious that you are just here on this site to cause problems and piss people off. Go troll another site. This place is for people who want to be here and want to make friends.

You have a bf and he's not fat......good for you!








MRSF-You said how u think that no men would have sex with you because youre FAT, not to mention ugly. Im simply agreeing with you.

[thesea]

It's obvious that you are just here on this site to cause problems and piss people off. Go troll another site. This place is for people who want to be here and want to make friends.

You have a bf and he's not fat......good for you!

lol! you saw the pattern too :bigrin: aha I will stop arguing now

http://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb257/HodgePodge_Pics/Emoticons/dont_feed_the_troll.gif

[jo69guy]

so u fuck MRSF then? did u get suck into fat nasty pussy of hers? did U fuck whocare too?

yeah dont force me 2 like what u like. we all like different things!

I find fat women like MRSF and WhoCare 2 be nasty and gross and they let themselves get fat and nasty and out of shape and ugly and diet/exercise can help a lot as do not eating junk food.

It doesn't matter who I do or don't fuck. Why do you care? If they are not your kind of woman, what difference does it make? You must be incredibly unhappy or bored to be trying to stir up shit on a friendly sight. I also suspect that you are younger than you claim, perhaps under age? Go bother someone else.

[runewlf]

how do you deal with it?
totally open and share your bisexuality with the wife?
fulfill your desires with her approval?
fulfill your desires behind her back?
fantasize away and be content with that?

1. It is a part of me, so I live with it every day and enjoy that fact.
2. Yes.
3. Yes. We are polyamorous.
4. nope. I can not abide cheating.
5. I do that as well, even though i can act on my bisexuality.

[onewhocares]

The focus of this thread is not recent comments by a now banned person. Let us get back to the focus. This has bappened to many of us here and personal attacks are a sign of ignorance.

Belle

[bistogether]

I am the wife of a bisexual man and did not know for many years. We began exploring our sexuality as many do after being married for over ten years, and he told me that men were an interest. He has specific tastes and he has the final choice on a man, as I do a woman. Apparently the wife understanding is definately not the norm! During the time we have been searching for that perfect someone to enter our poly group (only four, not many), to be truly monogamus within our circle, we have been approached by several men, who don't read the profile, who are married and cheat on their wives with other men and women. We do not believe this to be a good situation and goes against the poly principals.
I love my husband very much and understand, though it both exciting and shoking at first, his interest in other men.
I prompt all men to let their wives and significant others aware of their feelings and desires. Of course if we all do this it makes all of our lives a whole lot easier!!!

[davelaz]

I can relate to what you are saying here. I've kept my bisexuality hidden from my wife for 15 years (long story!) and myself for a long time, but did act a few times on my bisexual urges when I was single, but mostly ignored it, while single and married, because of the way I was raised. As I get older, though, I realize I'm not the only one in the same boat. I still hold back telling people that I'm bisexual because I feel embarassed and might I say, ashamed(?). I have to find an outlet for my urges somewhere, as sex w/ my wife is virtually nonexsistant, so I find it somewhere else (dating sites) and I know alot of people consider this cheating. I've noticed lately that my urges to be with a man grow stonger every day, but I hesitate to act on it, except via fantasizing. I guess I'm stuck somewhere between a rock and a hard place
with nowhere to go. By the way, this is the first time I've ever opened myself up like this and expressed my feelings, but after reading the forums here, I feel a bit more comfortable do so. Should have joined this site a long time ago!

[dick8823]

I would venture a guess that most bisexual men are deep in the closet; at least the one's I know are.

[thesea]

Polyamory is the biggest sham, lie, and buzzword since 'weapons of mass destruction in Iraq'.

I know lots of people who say that they're poly and it's about LMAO "love" and 3 people living together when it's just about them having sex with people besides the person they're in a relationship with and I fail to see the difference between what's described as polyamory and an open relationship.
Who said it was about 3 people living together?



I think that people should concentrate on working out their relationship with their partner first, or even leave their partner first before they have an open relationship since it won't solve all of their problems and many times it creates new ones.
Poly is not about solving problems for many people, my bf new I would not be monogamous when we got together, it was really a given as we both new lots about each other.




I think it's funny that there are people who act like they need and simply must have an open relationship with their partner or else they black mail them and say that their partner doesn't really love them or want them to be their "true" self.

This just shows me that the person doesn't actually care about their relationship with their partner and doesn't care how their partner feels, they don't take any relationship seriously at all, and they're putting their own needs ahead of actually communicating with their partner about the relationship that they both have together.

Whats wrong with being honest about how you feel? I would not have got into the relationship I am in with bf if it was to be monogamous cus I know it would not make me happy. I think the fact that I encourage him to pursue anyone that might make him happy is caring for him, this will take lots of communication. The fact I want him to be happy with whoever-me, men, woman-whatever combination shows I love him for who he is and am willing to adjust to changing circumstances.




3 way relationships don't work out for the most part and let's face it, it's hard enough finding just ONE person for a relationship let alone two that are attracted to you, or a relationship with 3 or even 4 people who are all attracted to each other and there's no jealousy or cheating at all.

Not all poly relationships are triads, not all partners are in romantic relationships-some are just friends with their partners partner(s).




People will say that open relationships are just as easy to maintain as closed ones between two people, and that's simply not true because in most cases the people who are already together who have a relationship and ask someone else to join them will just wind up backing out of the whole thing eventually, or they'll ALWAYS pick each other over the other new person/people who they have opened their relationship to.

Again, where is this information coming for? Where have you read what happens to "most" poly relationships?




Sex is one thing, but 99% of people are geared towards having one partner who they build their life around and who they have a relationship with be it closed, or an open relationship so they can have sex with other people.

Interesting stat :rolleyes:



I know I put that before in another thread but that's how I feel.

As far as I'm concerned married men and women who cheat on their husbands/wives can all go dress in black and play in traffic on the freeway at night.

Or some are just really stupid and will bring the people who they're having affairs with around their partner and kids!

WTF are you really that dumb? Do you think that your husband/wife/kids don't see what's in front of them? Do you think that your husband/wife doesn't cheat on you?

Have you been cheated on? Or burned in a poly relationship? You seem kinda bitter!


I accept that relationships develop in many directions for people, I don't want to confine partners by invisible boundaries when they could prevent someone I love finding happiness. I don't want to be confined either.

Yes sex is involved and as in monogamous relationships sex without love happens, i do sleep with people without loving them *shrug* that's dating for me, if it goes somewhere special great, if it doesn't no problems.

[jack6two]

i never could say my wife from my desires, and that im amazed from cocks and tight mens asses, im beeing more gay, or atleast bi. the wouldnt understand this - i believe. the risk is to great for further problems in the relation..
I never had an alternative in my liefe i mean.
today i can look in the net and chat aso. thats a great advantage...:rolleyes:

[*pan*]

everything i do is in the open with both my woman and they understand my needs and desires, they seem to support me fully and i love them all the more for it. secrets and lies will destroy a relationship quicker then anything. and i would rather not be with anyone and start a new with someone knowing all about me then to live in a lie hiding what i truly am.

[lovetojizz]

after 17 years of marriage, my wife and i opened up to each other about experiences we had before we met. those conversation led us to swinging. we now go to a monthly bi orgy. she loves to watch me play with men and will join in most of the time.

still fantasizing about watching her play with a woman.

[thesea]

TheSea-
If you need a special label to feel snowflake unique/special, and call yourself poly to pretend and deny that you're not in an open relationship LOL be my guest and call yourself poly but you're only fooling yourself and everyone else who actually knows that you're in an open relationship but you just don't call it that.

It's odd that the only person who (openly) says I'm not poly is someone not in the community, I did consider that I was in an open relationship rather than poly and it was discussions with people in a relationship that you call poly (3 in a marriage) that made me decide to continue to identify this way. So long as I belong to a community that understands how I feel I'm quite happy, I feel comfortable with them and them with me, what more can I ask for :) It works for me/ us.

[vittoria]

Who said it was about 3 people living together?


Poly is not about solving problems for many people, my bf new I would not be monogamous when we got together, it was really a given as we both new lots about each other.




Whats wrong with being honest about how you feel? I would not have got into the relationship I am in with bf if it was to be monogamous cus I know it would not make me happy. I think the fact that I encourage him to pursue anyone that might make him happy is caring for him, this will take lots of communication. The fact I want him to be happy with whoever-me, men, woman-whatever combination shows I love him for who he is and am willing to adjust to changing circumstances.




Not all poly relationships are triads, not all partners are in romantic relationships-some are just friends with their partners partner(s).




Again, where is this information coming for? Where have you read what happens to "most" poly relationships?




Interesting stat :rolleyes:



Have you been cheated on? Or burned in a poly relationship? You seem kinda bitter!


I accept that relationships develop in many directions for people, I don't want to confine partners by invisible boundaries when they could prevent someone I love finding happiness. I don't want to be confined either.

Yes sex is involved and as in monogamous relationships sex without love happens, i do sleep with people without loving them *shrug* that's dating for me, if it goes somewhere special great, if it doesn't no problems.

Wow. Astonishing.

[timepga50]

It is a constant soucre of frustation for me.My wife is about as conversitive as their come.She was raised a baptist,so coming out to her is not an option.I don't want to cheat,but can't imagine never having sex with a man ever again. I guess that's why I come to this site.I know there will be people here who understand what I'm going though.

[ncman]

After being in denial about my sexuality for so many years and longing to be with a man, I decided that I had to tell my wife. We separated prior to me telling her about my bisexuality and she always suspected that I was. When I finally did tell her, this made our relationship stronger than it has been in years and we reconciled. Although she is not willing to allow me to explore my sexuality with men, the sex between us has become amazing. I do have to admit that I did experiment with one guy while we were separated because for me to truly know that I wanted to be with her or I wanted to explore other relationships and end our marriage was apart of my growth that took place. I have tried to find someone that I can talk with as a friend and possibly in the future with the approval of my wife, explore my sexuality further. Until then oh well. I never thought I could ever share this about my life with another human being let alone my wife. She is truly amazing person to be accepting and love me unconditionally! And she knows that I will not cheat on her. This does not work for everyone and each guy in this situation must decide for himself and not just due it purely for selfish reasons, but be understanding of her feelings and beliefs.

[PolyLoveTriad]

how do you deal with it? Im honest with myself.
totally open and share your bisexuality with the wife? Yes, I told my wife back when we were dating and on the first night we moved in together. I wanted it out in the open to her so I didnt have to hide anything.
fulfill your desires with her approval?Absolutely! She particpates and enjoys it just as much as I do. Its a huge turn on for both of us!
fulfill your desires behind her back?I would NEVER go behind her back. Theres no excuse for cheating, besides I love her, she is my world and I just would never hurt her like that.
fantasize away and be content with that?Im lucky I dont have to 'just' fantasize, but a little bit of fantasy is fun too!

me?
i have tried to include her in my desire for the same sex, but she wont go for it...

i wont go behind her back, so that leaves me fantasizing alone; both by myself and when we have sex!
not perfect, but...

Im taking it youve talked to her about your desires. If it were me, I wouldnt be with anyone who wasnt accepting of who I am and supportive of my sexuality in every way. But thats me. I wish you all the best of luck man!