Bi Parents?

[OcalaCouple683]

I'm sure some of you have kids so I thought this would be a nice topic for us :)

Are you "out" to your children ? If you are- How do you go about meeting friends and staying appropriate around your children? If not- How do you meet people to have "fun" without them knowing what you're up to?

Also- How do you plan to explain bisexuality to them? Do you plan to raise them with open minds or would you rather try to instill hetero values into them for some reason or fears?




We aren't "out" but ours aren't old enough to really understand yet. I'm not quite sure how we'll handle that yet- thats sort of why I'm really interested in hearing from others :)

I plan to try not to persuade them in one direction or the other. I hope that they will follow their hearts. I would not care if they turned out to be hetero, bi, or homosexual...as long as they are happy. I truely feel that way. I will always answer any questions they ask and never show that one lifestyle is better or worse than the other. I really hope that when they get to that point in their lives, the social expectations won't be so judgemental. (if that makes sense :eek:)

This is my first topic starter so go easy on me! ;)

[shameless agitator]

I'm a proud papa & out to my kids. The kids were aware of my questioning to a certain extent & when I finally came to terms with my sexuality, I came out to them very casually. They were, I believe, 12 17 & 18 at the time. None of them were particularly surprised & their only real reaction was to hope the relationship I was about to enter with a man would work out for me better than my previous relationships with women had. Since y'all are still together, the kids may have the additional concern of what this could mean to your marriage. Just make sure that they understand neither of you is going to leave the other for someone else. If they're not old enough to understand about sex yet, then they won't think anything of overnight guests sleeping in your room. As far as that goes, if you started that now, they wouldn't really think anything of it when they did figure things out.

[HighEnergy]

I'm straight, but my sometimes sweetheart is bi. He makes comments in front of my girls about how handsome a man is, or that he likes the Durmstrang (sp) boys in the Harry Potter movies, just as he does about Claire Dane on a horse. We've never sat down and talked about his sexual history with the girls anymore than I would with anyone else I've dated. My girls have been surrounded by my gay and straight friends and understand that you can "marry" anyone you want. They are 10 & 12 so I suppose more questions are coming up, and we'll treat them openly and honestly as they do.

[pasco_lol_cpl]

We arent out to our kids and like 99% of the other parents out there, we just dont share our sex lives with our kids. What goes on in the bedroom is between my wife and I (and the occasional guest(s)) and thats it. We have however raised our kids to be open minded and accepting. Now when they get a bit older, we plan on telling them, but right now our two youngest are just that. Too young to handle it in our opinion.

[welickit]

Sounds like you need to do some growing up and get comfortable with who you are before you try explaining it to someone else. If you were comfortable being bisexual you wouldn't need to ask this question. How do heterosexuals explain sex? How do gays explain sex? You can either be open and honest when the time comes or you can lie or you can put the subject off or just ignore it. Obviously you don't know much about being bisexual except the sexual side of it.

[TaylorMade]

Sounds like you need to do some growing up and get comfortable with who you are before you try explaining it to someone else. If you were comfortable being bisexual you wouldn't need to ask this question. How do heterosexuals explain sex? How do gays explain sex? You can either be open and honest when the time comes or you can lie or you can put the subject off or just ignore it. Obviously you don't know much about being bisexual except the sexual side of it.

Judgemental much?

It seems they're trying to strike a balance- - while teaching the basic thing that we want all kids to learn -- acceptance of others. Each parent raises their child differently and to insult their style by insulting them...Yes, what I bolded IS an insult...and shows how much it seems you need to learn.

*Taylor*

[OcalaCouple683]

Are you talking to me??? Because if you KNEW me then you would know i am FAR from wanting just SEX and I'm actually seeking something more along the lines of Polyamory.....right now we are seeking out friends and will see where it develops...if it develops into a more long term relationship then my kids will obviously see that their mom and dad have a friend or couple around and see closer than normal "friends" would be- in all ways- NOT JUST SEX!


and when I said all that about the future I was referring to being happy and in love- not just getting sex.

Before you read too much into my posts and jump to conclusions you should get to know us first!! BTW_ I've always been bisexual- it didn't just "come" to me as I got older...and my mother is also bisexual but she never discussed it with me- she just always had girlfriends over and a few times had "roomates" living with us. It wasn't something I realized until I got into my teens and since she never actually talked to me about it point blank- It would of felt awkward for me to be the one to bring it up. Kids are alot smarter than we realize so I think I'd rather bring it up when they get to the age of understanding instead of them feeling awkwardness.

[Eileen]

I'm sure some of you have kids so I thought this would be a nice topic for us :)

Are you "out" to your children ? If you are- How do you go about meeting friends and staying appropriate around your children? If not- How do you meet people to have "fun" without them knowing what you're up to?

Also- How do you plan to explain bisexuality to them? Do you plan to raise them with open minds or would you rather try to instill hetero values into them for some reason or fears?




We aren't "out" but ours aren't old enough to really understand yet. I'm not quite sure how we'll handle that yet- thats sort of why I'm really interested in hearing from others :)

I plan to try not to persuade them in one direction or the other. I hope that they will follow their hearts. I would not care if they turned out to be hetero, bi, or homosexual...as long as they are happy. I truely feel that way. I will always answer any questions they ask and never show that one lifestyle is better or worse than the other. I really hope that when they get to that point in their lives, the social expectations won't be so judgemental. (if that makes sense :eek:)

This is my first topic starter so go easy on me! ;)
Great topic.

No. I'm not *necessarily* "out" to my children although they have overheard many conversations between my husband and I, my best (gay) friend, etc. enough to get an understanding that sexuality, in my eyes, can be fluid, for some.

I have had a friend, but she was in a situation such as my own (married, children, etc) and we both decided not to clutter up our children's lives with explanations that they need not be concerned with, simply because they were too young to even have that 'first sexual talk'. We planned amusement park get togethers and bbq's for the entire (and extended) family & friends... as friends. Which is what the both of us wanted and agreed upon.

How do I plan to explain bisexuality to them? As one of the many sexualities that exist in humankind. I don't teach bigotry nor intolerance to them in other ways so I don't plan to teach them to be prejudiced in the matter of sexuality either.

Love and fear are the only two emotions that much of life seem to be based on. I choose love, and truth and allowing the chips to fall as they may. By your description of your circumstances, I believe that you two do the same. Good on you. :-)

[Lorcan]

It's not what you do in the bedroom; its who you are.

I am bi, and i not going to hide that from kids.... kids who may wind up struggling with the same thing. We are out to our child. All it takes is everyday normal conversation that you don't edit because you're kids are there. (except for the sex toy talk; that's for the bedroom;))

welickit was a little harsh, but he has a point: if we weren't ashamed of what we do, we wouldn't hide from the kids. Het's don't hide the fact that they love eachother in front of the kids (hugs, kisses)

You'ld be surprized about how young a child can understand. 9 year olds know what sex is. 12 year olds are wondering when they'll lose thier virginity.

[OcalaCouple683]

Great topic.

No. I'm not *necessarily* "out" to my children although they have overheard many conversations between my husband and I, my best (gay) friend, etc. enough to get an understanding that sexuality, in my eyes, can be fluid, for some.

I have had a friend, but she was in a situation such as my own (married, children, etc) and we both decided not to clutter up our children's lives with explanations that they need not be concerned with, simply because they were too young to even have that 'first sexual talk'. We planned amusement park get togethers and bbq's for the entire (and extended) family & friends... as friends. Which is what the both of us wanted and agreed upon.

How do I plan to explain bisexuality to them? As one of the many sexualities that exist in humankind. I don't teach bigotry nor intolerance to them in other ways so I don't plan to teach them to be prejudiced in the matter of sexuality either.

Love and fear are the only two emotions that much of life seem to be based on. I choose love, and truth and allowing the chips to fall as they may. By your description of your circumstances, I believe that you two do the same. Good on you. :-)

Thank you so much for the encouraging response! The way you plan things with your special friend and her family is pretty much what we're looking for at this moment while the kids are young....I do have a 9.5 yr old stepdaughter who until recently lived with us fulltime and even still she's not ready for any type of "talk". I guess when they are older the type of discussion I envision is more so of "Mommy has special feelings for so and so and daddy has special feelings for so and so- but we still love eachother too and yada yada"......its the yada yada part that I'm trying to prepare myself to get right for an explanation. Its definitely not goin to be a talk of well mommy and daddy have sex with other people! thats just something they will have to figure out for themselves when they become adults b/c we certainly wouldnt' talk to them about me and him having sex...

[ambi53mm]

Judgemental much?

It seems they're trying to strike a balance- - while teaching the basic thing that we want all kids to learn -- acceptance of others. Each parent raises their child differently and to insult their style by insulting them...Yes, what I bolded IS an insult...and shows how much it seems you need to learn.

*Taylor*

We agree about the not only insulting but, out and out rude commentary to this poster’s question. No one can judge another’s development nor what’s appropriate or, inappropriate in a discussion between “children and their parents” on sexual matters. Sometimes the blatant ignorance typified by such a response would suggest that growth is needed in many more areas that sexual identity for some of us.

Ambi

[Eileen]

Thank you so much for the encouraging response! The way you plan things with your special friend and her family is pretty much what we're looking for at this moment while the kids are young....I do have a 9.5 yr old stepdaughter who until recently lived with us fulltime and even still she's not ready for any type of "talk". I guess when they are older the type of discussion I envision is more so of "Mommy has special feelings for so and so and daddy has special feelings for so and so- but we still love eachother too and yada yada"......its the yada yada part that I'm trying to prepare myself to get right for an explanation. Its definitely not goin to be a talk of well mommy and daddy have sex with other people! thats just something they will have to figure out for themselves when they become adults b/c we certainly wouldnt' talk to them about me and him having sex...
You are very welcome! :-)
My eldest is *gasp* 11, and he's just recently asked of me to have that 'special talk' with him. I mean, he's long past the time when it was uncomfortable to bathe with his younger brothers because he's a, um... big boy and wants his own space, lol, but the topic of feelings in those special parts, lol, has JUST recently come about. I just take it as it comes, yanno? Don't stress too much about how you guys will react in situations in the future and focus more on how you are acting (reacting, possibly) in the present. You have the WHOLE future to worry about the rest of that stuff. :-) Take it slow and follow your heart. Parenting has no guidebook (that is as personal and subjective as you yourself can be about your own) and just trust in yourself to know what to say when the time is right. Yes, kids pick up on a lot, but sometimes the subtext is alien to them (The Simpsons double entendre jokes for example) and that's the way I raise mine... to know, but not to know until they are ready to, yanno? Just relax. Just by posing the questions at all means that you care. You are doing all that you can and all should be well. Kids come into the understanding of adult ways but all they really want, in the meantime, is your love along the way.... and acceptance by those who mean the most. I am still on that path and I know that it's sometimes rough... I really do. Even if they have an idea about the specifics of your sexuality, the idea plants a seed that it's ok... even if that's not what they choose to do. They'll learn acceptance... by your example.