Introvert / Extrovert

[void()]

Recently opportunity has knocked. It has done so in the guise of extroverted folks, though. Being an introvert it is difficult to keep pace with a person going a million miles a second.

Of course opportunity hasn't supplied the flesh, yet. So far, it is merely chatting. And while I enjoy a good chat it is rough.

The other person involved keeps rattling on. I feel lost, isolated and even more so than had we not spoken at all. Any suggestions?

No desire to be rude, but I feel like tossing these sort of folks an anchor. "Hey, take your time and slow down a bit. I'll cherish our conversation and try giving you some to cherish too." But, it's not 'acceptable' to do that, or so the expression goes. Beggars can't be choosers.

[MarieDelta]

If you are chating with me , i chat in bursts. but i am fairly introverted.

Also if you are toalking tome , I can & will slow down when asked.

Cheers,

marie

[void()]

Not you specifically, Marie. Thank you though for letting me know I can ask.

Was talking more in general terms. There are quite a few extroverts here and they seem to rocket along when you talk to them.

Dweller inches back into the void.

[DiamondDog]

Learn to be more extroverted, or force yourself to if you have to.

Even if it's just chatting online, on the phone, or talking in person over a drink or food.

[ambi53mm]

Extrovert by nature....Introvert by choice!

Ambi:)

[deeTM]

I grew up a very introverted person myself Void. It's taken me years to get to the point I'm at today. Although I still try to tell people I'm shy, the general response is "Yeah right", lol. Anyway, I suppose my point is that while people will talk to those of that are introverted I've found that more people talk to me if I approach them first.

Not that I think that this is the reason you're introverted either but for myself I finally realized that if somebody didn't like me. Then I didn't really lose anything by finding that to be the truth than worrying that it might be the truth.

Oh, and I'll talk to ya anytime. :)

[ziggybabie]

Well, I just want to add one thing. One thing, and I don't mean to generalize all extroverts. But, rather than being an extreme extrovert, I would rather be a BIT more outgoing but still remain an introvert, somewhat. Not because I am shy or have social anxiety (though I do). But for the following reasons.

Extreme extroverts often tend to like social events, partying, sports or other activities and often times strive for group think, it seems like, or sometimes even feel like they must try to please everybody. They may know a lot about their boring 9-5 job.

While introverts may enjoy reading, writing, and things of the nature and are usually more introspective and likelier to think outside the box, so to speak. Now, I know both of those are generalizations that have many exceptions, but they do come from somewhere, irregardless. Like most stereotypes. A lot of the extremely outgoing people, I've noticed, can go through almost an entire week on mindless small talk, or boring work-related crap, with no care for things like the art of conversation. While moving 80mph, they do not know how to slow down. It's how our society is conditioned. Creates a LOT of stuck up people and assholes.

In dealing with the dumber out of the "social people", many social people often deal with a lot of drama/jealousy/games/retarded shit (which many "social" people have in groves, and...never stop to think about, analyze or challenge).

There are plenty of extroverts (and introverts) who don't fit those molds (so dont take any of the above personal), but i would rather not strive for either extreme. I want to be more outgoing, but i dont care to be mister popular, and would be much happier with 1-2 close friends than 50 fake acquaintances. So, you could say i enjoy parts of being "introverted" because it helped form who i am. Being too "social", for me, anyway, the pressure for groupthink and changing myself to conform to others would be too great. Call me weak-willed. Whatever. I prefer to be thought of as slightly selective of my company. Maybe i didn't word that all right, but hopefully someone gets where i was attempting to go, anyway.

[void()]

Well, forcing myself to be more extroverted could seem like a good idea. And I'm usually here and try to 'jump' into things at times. Often the conversation is lively and everyone can enjoy it.

More likely though, I get lost. Folks move the conversation around away from one subject to the next. And it's a blinding unicorn dashing at light speed.

But, ask me to reach back ten to fifteen minutes ago in conversational continuity and you'll find an aces on elephant. There's the being into literal, writing and reading of the introvert. And I pick up on the mood of folks, not whole groups, although groups can be 'felt' out too, quick.

There's the perceptiveness. Then from the mood and continuity I find bits of humor scattered in thoughts others might not have thought. And we have the architect, creating new bits of ideas, concepts.

I fill out the INTP type well. Perhaps, too well. Some think at times, I'm being snobbish or not attentive, absent minded. Sometimes I am honestly absent minded and that's easily admitted. Lots of times when lost, I get bored with the conversations. So the mind wanders.

Force myself to be more extroverted?

It may seem a good idea, and may have some merit. There is an inverse and equally well merited argument, though. I'm happy with being myself, I like me.
So I can like others. I love me, so can love others.

Besides if folks want pretty wrappings they can buy them elsewhere. I'm more into what lies inside the package, and often when I chat I see few packages containing much more than shallow trinkets. There are some though who are ornately wrapped and contain enigmas within riddles, within mysterious new worlds. Then you have mundanely wrapped ones who can bring entire universes.

I'll stay introverted.

[Annika L]

So void would like to ask extraverts to slow down, and DD recommends that introverts become more extraverted? Can't we all just get along?? :tong:

Let's recognize instead that introversion and extraversion are not choices, but rather part of our nature (much like sexuality). Some people gain energy from interacting with others...they get jazzed, and find themselves running a mile a minute; others become energy-depleted in such situations, and find it increasingly difficult to keep up with the conversation.

Suggesting you can change this (in either direction) is just plain ego-centric...whether you are introverted or extraverted, not everyone is like you. Like any other difference, we need to acknowledge it, and be ok with it, rather than trying to change the world and make everyone more like us.

Of course, that doesn't mean that void needs to just deal with someone who moves at too fast a pace for him. We make choices about whom to chat with based on all kinds of qualities of a person...this is one more of those. If a person is flooding you with information, but you otherwise really like talking with them, there's no real problem with asking them to tone it down a bit...they either can and will respect your preference, or they either can't or won't...and hence aren't the best person for you to be chatting with, after all.

On the other hand, if someone types at a snail's pace, to the point where their occasional messages become distracting, rather than feeling like a real-time conversation (or realtime whatever :tongue: ), you can ask...but they probably can't speed up (or won't be comfortable if they force themself to). Again, decide whether you can deal with their style; if you can't, then just recognize that they aren't the best chat partner for you, and find somebody more compatible with your style.

Bottom line: in any relationship, it is unrealistic to expect to change another person...either deal with them as they are, or move on. (Of course, if a person genuinely *wants* to change, helping them to do so is not unrealistic.)

DISCLAIMER: I have never been put off by anybody's typing speed. I am an introvert by nature, but for whom the act of typing itself slows the conversation down naturally to an extent that I can usually keep up with the extraverts in a chat setting. But I recognize not everyone is like this, and so slower or quicker typing does not put me off.

[Bluebiyou]

Holy shit, Annika...
:bowdown:
if I'm ever single again, I'd like to meet you.

[diB4u]

I'm me... Can be either depends on the situation at hand....

[elian]

I tend to be introverted - part of it is just the way I am, part of it was learned from past environment. I can interact with people but it takes a lot more effort and energy. It gets easier the more I feel that I have an understanding/friendship with a person.

I think it's like "Leadership" - some people have a natural talent for it and those people will excel at it, but it is a skill that can be learned as well.

[void()]

Apologies if it appears I'd ask others to change. I enjoy extroverts to a degree. Folks are folks and there's no real point expecting anything.

It is nice though when someone takes time to get to know you. They let you contribute to a meaningful conversation, where both feel they were needed and, or wanted. I work around and in large bodies of people.

My work presents little room for not responding to folks. Might be busy with another aspect of work, yet visible to customers. "Hey, you know where scallops are hidden?" So then, you have to stop and ^think who might know, or just where they are hidden.

The store is constantly changing around, so it gets ^fun doing scavenger hunts. One comment I always appreciate is "you mean you work here but don't know where you keep extra virgin olive oil?" When all else fails I usually point toward my grocer manager, "she'll know, go ask her." Of course she has to hunt the products down, too.

In doing this you need to be quick and keep moving, and polite, present a calm neutral persona. When I come home, there shouldn't be any need to have to search for anything. At least that's my general feeling / thought. And oh no, more extroverted folks in the chat!

Please don't flood me with private messages asking if I'm horny. Don't suppose just because I'm a bisexual guy on a bisexual site that any of the following apply.

1. I'm constantly horny.
2. I'll immediately leap to sucking your cock / eating your pussy over the internet.
3. I'll care about you becoming sexually active at an earlier age than I.
4. I'm interested in a total stranger's embraces.
5. I sacrifice babies to the devil or some really sick guy called Bob.
6. That I appreciate mass orgies sprung for no reason at all. (Although orgies might interest me at times, depending on my mood at the moment.)
7. That I'm Charles Manson or John Gacy, Edward Gien.
8. That my intellect is eternal and limitless. There's plenty I'm ignorant about, like for example you the total stranger expecting me to be completely at ease with taking your cock up my ass over the internet.
9. That I'm stupid. We all have moments like Homer Simpson and go "d'oh."
10. That I won't respond to a simple, "hey, how you doing there? Need some loving?"
11. I travel great distances at the drop of a hat. Too many reasons for not doing so, and most are good solid reasons.
12. I'm interested in sleeping around, from bed to bed.
13. Cybersex is something I consider highly erotic and engaging. I like it once in a while, but with those who've gotten to know me, those who can do it well. And those folks know who they are without needing to ask in the middle of a really intense session to ask if I'm aroused. Does it matter? I'm giving you enjoyment and pleasures. I do so because it pleases me to provide for you, even if I'm not getting anything from it. Let me preface that with a disclaimer. I will not just hand out erotic chat to anyone so total strangers need not apply.

The point has been made about a few close friends. Have very few here. I can count them one hand, if really pressed it'd only take two fingers.
I'd like it to eventually take at least three, but that's another horse.

But, I'm not seeking to change anyone. <sigh> Knew I should have just kept my yap shut. But, "no" people said "go post something and let folks get to know you Ben." "You need to come out of your void once in a while. you're not like Koontz after all. Oh, wait sorry." (Sounds of an axe being viciously used as a means to surgically eviscerate a former friend, screams that fade into muffled whimpers, then silence)

Leadership can be taught. Been there. I prefer not being a leader, but if I must so mote it. And if I'm a leader, rather use example to teach the how to, what for, why comes. And that method requires knowing and understanding, trust. It's a very personal and intimate type of arrangement. One that I'm gradually working toward finding.

"Hey Buddy!" "You mean my uncle?" "No, you Buddy, where's the flaming grapes?" "Over by the flaming apples of course."

And Buddy is one of those things I'm used to folks calling me. My uncle is called Buddy. My grandmother due to 'Old Timer's" and a general sense of my grandfather, my uncle, and I all sharing damn near the same face, would often call any of the three of us Buddy. And out in public here, back home, it's not rare that family and close friends call me Buddy. It gets funny when all three of us are present and someone yells Buddy, all three of us answer and go and do exactly alike. It scares folks. We just grin and chuckle, keep going.

The dweller peeking back outside a bit to see what a typhoon does to the void.