Am I Bi?

[Lestat]

Hi-

I recently signed up to this site and this is my first post. This will probably seem like a very stupid question to you guys, but I'm hoping someone will take the time to answer some of my questions. Also, I hope I don't write something offensive because I'm very new to this stuff. I aplogize in advance if I offend anyone. Also, if this subject is out of place here I'd appreciate if someone could please direct me to the proper place where this post belongs. Thanks.

For the longest time, nothing has turned me on more than any scenario involving two or more guys with a single girl. It never even crossed my mind that this was a gay or even a bi fetish. My interest seemed to be mainly from the female's perspective. The thought of a single girl being ravished my multiple men is extremely exciting to me. To this day I can't exactly explain what it is about this that appeals to me so.

However lately, I've become disenchanted with most gangbang or group sites that feature MMF. Mainly, because they lack any form of intimacy. Most, simply feature guys selfishly using the woman for their own pleasure and that's it.

Again, what I crave is knowing that ALL three are sharing in an intimate moment. Actually, what I crave is seeing a girl in a state of sexual ecstasy as the guys work her over as a team.

It finally dawned on me that this might require a bit of bi-ness on the part of the guys. Maybe the reason I couldn't get my fulfill of intimacy is because it is unreasonable to expect a straight guy to be willing to lick a girl's pussy while another guy fucks her. I would think this would put most women in heaven, but what straight guy would be willing to THAT for a girl? The same thing for getting close enough to one another to trade intimate kisses with a girl one after the other, or get close enough to simultaneously lick her pussy and/or ass, etc.

So all of the above is what got me to sign up at this site. I realized that HERE I would find some of the things I was looking for and I did! Although I'm still not sure I'm comfortable with everything.

I then started asking myself what I would be willing to do with another guy? Well, I would certainly have no problem with anything I've listed so far. I also wouldn't have any problem with incidental contact, etc. But would I be willing to perform Bi acts?!!

I realized that the shocking answer is that I would AS LONG AS... The focus remained on her and/or it was for more for HER pleasure. Like I said... I am so into turning a girl on that I'd be willing to do anything if it would exicte her or increase her pleasure in any way. I also wouldn't mind touching (or sucking?) on another man's hard erect penis just to see and feel what SHE is experiencing when she touches it, sucks it, or has it inside her. Is that nuts or what?!! If it turned her on to see us perform gay acts, I would do it.

So am I bi? It sure seems what I'm describing certainly is. Yet I don't feel that I am. For instance, I don't think I could ever kiss another man on the mouth no matter what. And I would never want to be with another man alone. Ever. Again, I don't think I'm bi because my main interest would always be in the girl.

What do you guys think? Is there any hope for me? Or am I just one screwed up individual? I'd really appreciate sincere comments. Thanks.

L

[arana]

Please don't say, think or ask if you're screwed up because of what you like. From what you've described, enjoyment in group sex being for everyone's pleasure and not just self gratification, makes me believe you are far from screwed up. Doing the other would be screwed up.

You might have a hint of bi, but I'm more inclined to think you are an open-minded, straight, lover. You're desire to please and be pleased outweighs the restrictions that most homophobic males tend to have. A man that is afraid to brush up against another for fear of being gay during sex with a woman is silly and confuses me because they're already naked in a room with another man. Why is jacking off, having sex, doing anything of a sexual nature while naked with another man ok and keeps both straight as long as they don't touch the other???? Can't you still be bi or gay from watching?

I think you're fine human being, Lestat...do you really need a label? If you do, let me know and I'll get my label maker out. :tong:

[Lestat]

Thanks for responding arana -

Of course, you're right. I shouldn't be looking for a label. But I would like to understand how my own mind works. If I saw a woman I was attracted to, I could instantly tell you exactly what it is about her that attracts me. But when you add another good looking/naked guy to the picture, I have no idea why my desire increases ten-fold!?? But I can see how you're right. Maybe I'm just looking for a label.

I'm also glad to learn that I'm not a "screwed up" individual. But at the very least, I'm a very "unusual" individual.. Certainly no straight guy would understand where I'm coming from. And if I'm not bi, I don't fit in there... Now what?

I've searched the internet far and wide to find a group or people who would understand this. Polymory, cfnm, gangbang, femdom, and even cuckold! They all had aspects I found very appealing, but none of them totally fit the bill. I'm between kinks. I'm a man without a home. Or maybe I'm just too picky? Anyway, thanks again arana. I really appreciate your comments!

[arana]

Oh Sweetie, please don't feel you don't belong. You do belong with us because you are a very unique individual among other unique individuals. People who love, care and respect one another for who they are. And I did say you probably had a hint of Bi-ness....more so if you really thought about all the things you really like. I didn't want to scare you right off the bat by saying I thought you had more bi to you then you were admitting to since you seemed reluctant in your first post. I hope you'll chat with us and maybe learn something about yourself talking to others. I know that it's been very helpful for me. Best of luck to you Lestat! :tong:

[rayosytruenos]

Hi-

[...]

Like I said... I am so into turning a girl on that I'd be willing to do anything if it would exicte her or increase her pleasure in any way. I also wouldn't mind touching (or sucking?) on another man's hard erect penis just to see and feel what SHE is experiencing when she touches it, sucks it, or has it inside her. Is that nuts or what?!! If it turned her on to see us perform gay acts, I would do it.

So am I bi? It sure seems what I'm describing certainly is. Yet I don't feel that I am. For instance, I don't think I could ever kiss another man on the mouth no matter what. And I would never want to be with another man alone. Ever. Again, I don't think I'm bi because my main interest would always be in the girl. [...]

L

Hi!

I know that a lot of people are worried about labels, but as I've always said, labels are more to make things easier for others, but usually not for ourselves. I would say "go with the flow" without worrying too much what this or that would be called or what the others would think if they knew... If you like to do stuff just with girls, do it, if you want to do stuff with guys, do it, if you want to do stuff with both, do it. Sex is part of our lives and also makes us to feel good and keeps us from going insane... lol.

Any sex is good, if it is consensual and among adults. Don't do anything you don't want to, and don't make anyone do things they don't want to...

I think there is also a lot of fear of what others can think of us... For instance, I found this ad in a site where only men go there to have sex with other blokes:

"Pure Horn. Horny lad, I aint gay i have a bird, but i like wanking n the odd suck off a bloke."

If you are looking for a label, I would say that this guy maybe is not gay, but certainly he is involved in homosexual activities, so I wouldn't say that he is straight either. I rather think of him as bisexual.

Not all gays or bisexuals do everything with other men. I started, due to my high sex drive to let them give me a hand job, and later a blow job, but as I didn't give them anything in return, I went on to play a bit with their dicks when they asked for a wank.

I was asked a lot of times to fuck them up the ass, what I found gross at the time, but finally I gave up to their requests, and I have to admit that I enjoyed it when they have had a douche. Any ass not throughly clean is still really gross for me.

I find still very awkward to kiss another guy, although I have done it a couple of times. I haven't given head to another guy yet, not being fucked up my ass, but I don't discard it. I think that maybe with the right person, I could do it...

I think that sexuality is not something fixed, but changeable with time. I had nothing to do with men before, then I started, and now, even not doing everything, I'm doing more than when I started.

I don't care what people can think, and for the first time in many years, I feel much more confident and happy with my sexuality and myself than ever before. If I want a woman, I go for it, if I want a man, I go for it, if I want both, I go for it. I'm not worried about labels anymore, I am who I am, and my sexuality is just a part of who and what I am.

Be happy with yourself, don't bother about labels, and do what you feel it's right for you.

All the best,

ray

[wild1nla]

Hey man, We have alot in common. I am not gay. I have had 1 on 1 oral sex with another man afew times. The only time I enjoyed it alone was when it was with one of my boys. I have had many threesomes, both MMF and FFM. I love threesomes. They are all I can really think about to get off on when I am alone. The best setup I have ever had was with my best friend and his wife. We were all comfortable with one another and have had some awesome sex. It was something she wanted but he was not against it. The first time me and him hooked up was because he wanted to try it and figured I was Bi. He was right. I dont mind considering myself Bi but I dont really like the whole gay community thing. I kinda feel out there too but I have found out there are more people out there who are uninhibited than I ever thought at first. It seems people under 25 are the most open minded about sex but alot of people over 30 who are comfortable with themselves are more willing to try things now. If socity would quite labeling everyone it would be great. I hate the whole gay or straight and nothing else crap that seems to be out there. Just have fun and enjoy yourself and everything will be great.

[binbi42]

Hi Lestat,

“What do you guys think? Is there any hope for me? Or am I just one screwed up individual? I'd really appreciate sincere comments”.

I would say that if the thoughts, and fantasies, described in your post qualify you as being screwed up….then you’re in good company and by no means alone. Based on your likes and dislikes I think you fit in well.
My wife and I are both bi and we have also explored and have been active in the “lifestyle” (the term that those who swap also use) for a couple of years. Most of our play has been with other couples which has offered almost an endless degree of multiple combinations, a few of which you have described in your post. The majority of couples we have played have straight males and bi females, at least on the surface it appears that way. In some cases, the male will list himself as straight but over a period of time may express the desire to explore his bi side. Others avoid it like the plague. We haven’t had what we would deem multiple partners when compared to some of the “veterans” that have been in the lifestyle for many years. We prefer the more intimate encounters as well. There are a few that we’ve become close to because of repeated times together where the interests and sharing goes beyond just sex. Those are the best encounters. We discovered early on that there is a big difference between group sex and sex between three or four people. There’s also a big difference in the intimacy shared in the privacy of a single bed versus the club scene.
With the couples that we’ve explored with, the “center of attention” shifts and everybody has a turn at being satisfied. It truly is in the giving as well as the receiving. I enjoy oral play with a male almost as much as I do with a woman and have no problem with either the receiving or giving in that area. We do have our limitations whether straight or bi though and I think that is important to establish early on. If those we meet cannot be respectful of our limitations, or in some cases can’t respect that “no means no”, then they won’t be spending anytime with us anyway.
Those have posted thus far are right about the labels. Sometimes I think they cause almost more confusion than clarity. Somewhere in my readings (and it may have been on this site) someone coined the term “hetro-flexible” and I’ve added the term “bi-adaptable”. So I guess we’re” hetro-flexible bi-adaptable”. Are we bi? Yep and loving every minuet of it LOL…… Good luck in your quest!

A&J :2cents:

[Lestat]

Thanks to everyone for the thoughtful responses and encouragement! I'm sure a lot of my hang ups are due to the lifestyle I've grown accustomed to. I'm recently divorced and have only had 1 on 1 hetero relationships with girls. Although, before I was married I was lucky enough to have a 3'some with two girls a few times and as a teenager was involved in MM+F sex a few times (I think this is what started it for me?).

I agree with all of you that I don't really have anything to be ashamed of, although I'm sure this will remain an insatiable fantasy of mine that will never come to fruition. To quote George from Seinfeld:

I just don't see how it could ever happen. I mean really. How could that situation ever come up? I just don't see how. :bigrin:

Again, thanks everyone!

-L