Sex after destructive break up.

[bloodbeatboy]

hey,

this is just me tryig to vent some feelings i have.

about 2 and a half years ago i had a relationship in which i was very very much i love. i lost my virginity with her ad after a messy break up we became fuck buddies for about a month. since then i havent truly gotten over her. and i havent been able to have a relationship since. i tried about twice but they always fucked up. i feel like i cant trust women now and that sounds terrible but its true its like when i think about sex i always feel inadequate to peoples previous lovers etc... (this is because when we broke up 5 days after she was fucking this other guy and telling me about how great he was ad also how masie his cock was).

also ever since we broke up thinking about sex with girls is arousing but slightly "THEY ARE HaTiG mE IM SHIT IM OT GOOD ENOUGit does work out i get really sad. where as guys i can fid them slightly attractiveH!" and as i havent had any experiece with a guy it feels like it would be fine. i duno i suppose im writing this to vent my feelings. also do you think i should try ad find a girl i like and hopefully have good relationship before trying stuff with a guy or just do stuff with a guy? i suppoose i am worried about never getting over her.

also i want to know your thoughts on this. i cant go out with a girl now unless i really find them attractive and trust them. so i have to know them. but as soon as i do if it doesnt work out i get quite sad and effected by it. whereas guys i can be slightly attracted to them and want to do atuff with them but if it doesnt work out i dont really care. basically i want to know whether this is because of my depression or whether its normal to be kida paraoid about relatioships aftr a bad break up which was ow about 2 years ago. i am trying to tackle the depression by myself. and its kind of working but maybe i should get counselling to sort out my head. i dot know

to be honest i feel tjat all i need is to get through the barrier and go out with a girl who doest fuck me over. its just now the only problem is finding that girl i like enough and trust. i will know by monday whether i have a girl. i am asking her out but i have heard from her friends that shes ot iterested :/

anyway thankyou if u have read through all this. i hop it hast bored you to much. just wanted your thoughts. thanks x

[GreenEyedLady(GEL)]

Here is a big hug to you sweet man.
I hope your not still sleeping with this ex gf anymore. When your in love with someone, being fuck buddies doesn't work. Its more like still trying to be connected to them, even though all they want is a good time. Been there. Her lack of consideration for your feelings reguarding the other guy she slept with kind of bugs me. However, maybe she was under the impression it was ok. Still tacky in my opinion thought.

Ive seen a therapist several times throughout my life for different reasons, but all depression based. Of course I take medication, something I always will have to do, but the therapists can really come in handy. I think anyone who realizes they might need to talk to someone is already heading in the right direction. There is nothing worse than feeling so shitty, day after day after day. Again, Ive been there. So I think you should look into it hun. Do some screeening first. There are alot of therapists out there that have websites and state very clearly that they are LGBT friendly.

I wish you well sweetheart, and I know that your hurting really bad right now, but it will pass. :)

[bloodbeatboy]

thankyou :hug: that was lovely of you. i do think i need help i suppose its just the first step. thankyou again x

[HennaHunny]

well how amazing...for the second time in two days...a post i try to post is rejected because I am told that I am not logged in.......do we get logged off after a certain amount of time? I mean, one does have to type the post!

I won't be able to recapture all that I said......but this is basically it.

I believe that sex without love is ultimately destructive. That is my view! To me you sound more like a confused young man, and I don't believe that you said how old you are. Just because you have thoughts about what it would be like to be with the same sex, it doesn't make you bisexual, or gay. Most straight people have thoughts like this, but have no desire to act upon them. If they did not have those thoughts...they would not be normal. If a beautiful body of the same sex insn't going to turn one on, then a beautiful body of the opposite sex probably won't. A beautiful is a beautiful body, a good looking person is a good looking person. Don't be too eager to be told that you are biserxual...or even gay! There are people here from all communities and some will give you good advice, some bad, some indifferent. Try to talk to those closest to you, or a therapist. You need to find that help, and also help yourself. Nobody here will ever know you, so any advice is being given to a person who is a line of type. Please do seek help. I think that you are just a hurt, confused young man, but whether or not you are bisexual is questionable. I saw someone told that the fact that they had come on to this site must be a good indication of their sexuality. Nonsense. This is just a site, and as I said, straight, bisexual and gay people visit it. Get the help you need.... and I hope you will be happy.

[bloodbeatboy]

thanks i understand what you are saying about not being bi as a posibility but i know i am. i have been hung up on a guy and a girl for a while now. but the rest makes a lot of sense. i am 18 which makes me fel sad about lettig 1 destructive relationship fuck me up for the rest of my teenage life. it sucks. i wish i could get over it but its harder the i thought. thankyou for what you said :hug:

[Bluebiyou]

BloodBeatBoy,
There are a few times in my life I was 'falling down the bottomless pit of love - in love'. It took me three years to 'get over' my ex wife when she left me in 1991. It took me nearly 7 years to get over the deepest love of my life in 2000. You can do therapy, it will help. You can drink, that'll make it take longer. I'm very sorry to say:
"It takes as long as it takes"

There are no short cuts.

[fffff]

BloodBeatBoy,
There are a few times in my life I was 'falling down the bottomless pit of love - in love'. It took me three years to 'get over' my ex wife when she left me in 1991. It took me nearly 7 years to get over the deepest love of my life in 2000. You can do therapy, it will help. You can drink, that'll make it take longer. I'm very sorry to say:
"It takes as long as it takes"

There are no short cuts.

Wow, that's a long time to get over someone...

[fffff]

hey,

this is just me tryig to vent some feelings i have.

about 2 and a half years ago i had a relationship in which i was very very much i love. i lost my virginity with her ad after a messy break up we became fuck buddies for about a month. since then i havent truly gotten over her. and i havent been able to have a relationship since. i tried about twice but they always fucked up. i feel like i cant trust women now and that sounds terrible but its true its like when i think about sex i always feel inadequate to peoples previous lovers etc... (this is because when we broke up 5 days after she was fucking this other guy and telling me about how great he was ad also how masie his cock was).

also ever since we broke up thinking about sex with girls is arousing but slightly "THEY ARE HaTiG mE IM SHIT IM OT GOOD ENOUGit does work out i get really sad. where as guys i can fid them slightly attractiveH!" and as i havent had any experiece with a guy it feels like it would be fine. i duno i suppose im writing this to vent my feelings. also do you think i should try ad find a girl i like and hopefully have good relationship before trying stuff with a guy or just do stuff with a guy? i suppoose i am worried about never getting over her.

also i want to know your thoughts on this. i cant go out with a girl now unless i really find them attractive and trust them. so i have to know them. but as soon as i do if it doesnt work out i get quite sad and effected by it. whereas guys i can be slightly attracted to them and want to do atuff with them but if it doesnt work out i dont really care. basically i want to know whether this is because of my depression or whether its normal to be kida paraoid about relatioships aftr a bad break up which was ow about 2 years ago. i am trying to tackle the depression by myself. and its kind of working but maybe i should get counselling to sort out my head. i dot know

to be honest i feel tjat all i need is to get through the barrier and go out with a girl who doest fuck me over. its just now the only problem is finding that girl i like enough and trust. i will know by monday whether i have a girl. i am asking her out but i have heard from her friends that shes ot iterested :/

anyway thankyou if u have read through all this. i hop it hast bored you to much. just wanted your thoughts. thanks x

I had sex after a breakup with my ex, it was a very bad move... It makes you all the more jealous when they leave you again for someone else.

[bloodbeatboy]

thanks to you all :) *cuddles*

[tigerlily110]

I had the same first impulse that Green Eyed Lady and some others had..to give you a big warm healing hug.
Honey I want you to get this and get this right now..there is nothing wrong with you! Sometimes in our lives we meet people (and honey I am talking from experience!) whom are not really good for us emotionally but we wind up getting emotionally attached and eventually hurt badly by them. What she did to you was wrong however you have to realize that no matter what anyone says, you feel good about you! You would never do that yourself to another person so just try and consider the source. This girl was pouring salt into your wounds and did not care about you otherwise she would not have gone for the heart and your ego like she did.
Maybe you need to take a break and just do things for yourself. I am finding myself that the more you want love and a relationship, the further and further away it seems to go. Enjoy spending time with friends, family or alone..I have found that I am a truly amazing person with a lot to offer in a relationship and something tells me you will eventually find that to be true about yourself also. You deserve better!
If you need to talk to someone, that could be helpful too..just talking here in a forum like this is helpful too...done that too! hehee
It will take you some time to heal so give yourself that time..find things that make you happy.
If it helps I think that your are a hottie from Hottingham! LOL Oh baby hot hot hot!
I myself have been nursing a broken heart for a couple of months but thank God I can see the light at the end of the tunnel and am feeling sooo much better! I talked to friends and family and did things that were nurturing to me. Do not let others get you down...ok? Chin up! Things will get brighter I promise!

Many warm healing hugs you way,

Teresa

[bloodbeatboy]

thankyou this has made me smile all of you ^_^

[jennessex]

Honey, I wish you well. I myself went through a relationship like this when I was young, lost my virginity to him, and after the breakup was celebate for at least 3 years!!!! I blamed myself for everything, and had depression issues.

I dont want to sound harsh hun, but people can sense insecurity, and when they sense that, two things may happen. One, they will shy away from you...or two, take advantage of you. You need to find the charm in yourself in order for someone else to see it!!!

Eventually, it will happen. Give it time. Besides, your still young, you have to crack alot of eggs before you can eventually make that perfect omelette...

Good luck!

Jennessex

[fairchild]

it is perfectly normal to be "paranoid " after a messy breakup , especially with someone you lost your virginity to. you mentioned trying other relationships "but they fucked up" how exactly was that ? I know it's been two years but it sounds like you were so deeply hurt that you may need an understanding counselor -
if you haven't had any bisexual experience yet -go slowly and make sure it is because you are truly attracted to men -don't act on this if you are just mistrustful of woman.
The very first thing you need to do is stop the exchange of information of comparing old lovers when your in a new relationship-i used to do that and found that it only made me feel inadequate.
what is going to happen if your trust issue also effects a bi relationship ? i feel that no matter how badly we've been hurt it's wrong to punish the new partner for the old partners sins.
my first love ended that way too. i never got over him . he died very young and it broke my heart all over again.
my philosophy is to enter a relationship expecting nothing so then you might be pleasantly surprised .
don't be so hard on yourself or on others.
take care of you

[bloodbeatboy]

yeh the fucked up bit was i went out with a girl who liked me and it felt weird cus of how i felt about a girl who it turned out really liked me and i ended it after one day and neither of the girls liked me much and ll of the people in that friendship group hated me for a year i then liked a few people nd all said no. i met a guy who led me on and said no and yeah since then i havent been able to try for a realtionship and recently i tried with a girl and it felt wrong :(

[Ammigoth]

cheer up hun ^^ ya got me :D and frankly (very very very modestly) im the most awesome person ever ^^

[bloodbeatboy]

haha lol yes yes your ammi