Grouches

[Stargazer1417]

I've just gotta ask here...

I've been on the site for, oh, maybe two weeks now. I read the forums a lot, but don't post most of the time. Just a moment ago, I read one in particular, and I had a thought to share, but something strange happened. You see, while the thread started out about about one particular topic, it gradually lost its focus and instead, the person who started it just got all defensive and "yelled" at almost everybody who posted a reply. Now, I found that when I started to write my response, I second guessed and eventually erased everything I had written because even though I felt that I had good insight for this guy, I didn't want to help him out and give advice only to be chewed out for god knows what.

Thats not the first thread on which I've read this type of behavior. Whats the deal, guys? Do you want to get someone's opinion or not? Do you want to have grown-up conversations about relevant issues, or do you just want to bicker? Because I've gotta tell you, if the bitching is "scaring" me off of posting, its got to be hindering the dialogue, and keeping anything productive from being said.

I guess I just wanted to know if this is the norm, or if it has just been since I came on the scene.

And, ah, lets try to keep it polite, ok? ;)

[gfofbiguy]

I think it has been a more recent thing.....maybe the stress of the season? I don't know, but I hope it doesn't scare you away! People are going to be people everywhere, getting along, arguing, whatever. I just "take what I want and leave the rest".

BTW, WELCOME to the site!!!!

[HighEnergy]

If it were a mostly female site, someone would have commented on folks being on the rag of late. I'm not even reading a number of the threads because it's gotten too hateful for my tastes. Stick around, it's not always this bitchy. But I am glad you posted something as I was tempted earlier today, but couldn't be bothered!

[arana]

Welcome to the site, Stargazer. Hope you won't be scared off and can enjoy your stay here.

[shameless agitator]

Welcome aboard stargazer. They're right, it's not usually like this. Every now & then we get people who join, pull the crap you're talking about, piss a bunch of us off and then decide they don't like the site after all (If you're referring to the thread I think you are, he was a newbie & I don't think we'll be hearing from him again). That's not to say that us regulars don't get pissy with each other from time to time, but it's generally pretty tame and doesn't really involve hard feelings.

[GreenEyedLady(GEL)]

There are more threads than bad. Most of us that reply to these threads are here everyday, sometimes several times a day. We do bicker on occassion, and then it goes away. There have been some hurt feelings here lately among several people, and I hope that can change your first impression of us. People say things that we don't agree with that have touched home in a harsh way. Things happen. However, overall we are a very close community of adults who do on occassion challenge eachothers views and ideas.

I hope you would stay a little longer, give it a better chance. A week isn't very long at all. Good Luck

[GreenEyedLady(GEL)]

By the way, I don't think calling any one Grouches is polite, and that what you want right ? Like you said you've not been here long.

[biwm08]

I think there are people out there that only want to hear a person's opinion if the one posting is in agreement with their way of thinking. I belong to other forum sites ranging from mountain biking to cars and I have noticed the same thing in these forums - if you have a different opinion you get shut out or criticized. That gets the ball rolling for even more barbs and arrows toward those who post.
If you get shut down for voicing an opinion it's not worth your time, as you won't convince him anyway.
Some people just hate critics, especially when they KNOW they are right.
To paraphrase, opinions are like elbows, everybody has one. :2cents:

[DiamondDog]

I think there are people out there that only want to hear a person's opinion if the one posting is in agreement with their way of thinking. I belong to other forum sites ranging from mountain biking to cars and I have noticed the same thing in these forums - if you have a different opinion you get shut out or criticized. That gets the ball rolling for even more barbs and arrows toward those who post.
If you get shut down for voicing an opinion it's not worth your time, as you won't convince him anyway.
Some people just hate critics, especially when they KNOW they are right.
To paraphrase, opinions are like elbows, everybody has one. :2cents:

Very well said.

People will ask for personal advice or ask other people their opinion about something, and then they get very angry when people write in reply the exact advice or opinion that they don't want to hear when they're asking people for advice or what their opinion is.

Some people do flame here or just post the same nonsense stuff where they're wondering about sex with the same gender but are too afraid or have some excuse not to go out and do it week after week, topics where people ask others about sex/their sex life/genitalia but don't actually tell anyone about their own sex life/genitals, shock value posts about HIV/AIDS that aren't that shocking and aren't helpful, biphobic information about the spread of HIV (like how all/most het women who get HIV wind up getting it from bisexual husbands who are of course cheating on them), information about HIV/AIDS/other STDs that one should ask a doctor or other professional about instead of a stranger on the internet, or they don't use the search engine when writing new threads/topics and the topics that they're writing about have been written about countless times before on here (i.e. people's genitals, eating cum, the merits of swallowing semen and felching cum out of an ass/cunt, tits/cock/cunt, etc.)

ALL internet forums are like this and I post on various ones ranging from music to other subjects of interest.

[Stargazer1417]

Thanks for the responses. I guess I was just over it last night.

I guess I just feel that if you can't handle what people have to say, don't ask for their advice or thoughts. People in general are just so intollerant of other view points... it drives me nuts. Certainly the truth is not always polite, but if you make an effort to stick to the topic and understand that people express themselves differently, and often in ways that might be different from what you are used to, there is no reason that I can see for direct attacks. But I digress...

Anyway, thanks again. I'll be sticking around for a while, and I'll just try to ignore all the sore heads. :)

P.S. I wasn't calling everybody on the site grouches. That is just the subject line... the post was about grouches. Forgive me, but I can't recall who mentioned that as being impolite. :bigrin:

[darkeyes]

As mos will know...argy bargy an gud ole barney is food an drink 2 Fran... wot is point of a forum if we all sit bak noddin in agreement an jus pursure a life of sycophancy? Naaa.. not for me... me thinks...me has opinions an passions an beliefs wich r me life.. an no 1 gonna shut me up... an no 1 shud shut ne 1 up... how else we learn owt unless we hav differences an air em? HTF dus humanity move on an progress... sure sumtimes sum peeps gets a lil outa order an act like rite arseholes.. says things wich reely shudn b sed an mayb gets a lil personal an mayb even downrite offensive.. but thats how life is. Threads r jus a reflection of life.. an so wudn like it 2 much if luff an peace an all things nice broke out in em.. Jeez.. Naggy an me m8s wudn like it 2 much eitha..cos they wud havta cop it more than they dus as it is...

We r human beins wiv minds of our own.. we hav the rite 2 express our fears an feelins an innermost desires on ere, an many do... they r wot makes us us... so don b afraid of lil kickback 2 ya posts or 2 hav a go at ne ya don like... it makes us who we r... an shows that we aint mindless morons...

[texasman6172003]

What ?We can be PISSY sometimes?? NAWWWWW!! Not US!!!!LOL:tong:

[darkeyes]

We r luffly Tex..aint we??? Well me is.. u jus a cuddly ole texas gennelman...:bigrin:

[wanderingrichard]

I think there are people out there that only want to hear a person's opinion if the one posting is in agreement with their way of thinking. I belong to other forum sites ranging from mountain biking to cars and I have noticed the same thing in these forums - if you have a different opinion you get shut out or criticized. That gets the ball rolling for even more barbs and arrows toward those who post.
If you get shut down for voicing an opinion it's not worth your time, as you won't convince him anyway.
Some people just hate critics, especially when they KNOW they are right.
To paraphrase, opinions are like elbows, everybody has one. :2cents:

Yep you hit that one on the head

[elian]

Yes, I have had a similar experience - it helps when you don't take it personally I guess - but I actually usually try to invest some amount of THOUGHT into what I post so sometimes it is a let down. In this particular case I think the gentleman was partially right in my case because I have a tendency to not read the ENTIRE question before responding.

Like I said before, I believe that LGBT folks have some of the most tortured souls I've seen so I have to remember that the reason folks act that way may be that they are coming to terms with themselves as well.

I also have a tendency to be too arrogant with responses sometimes, I dunno - Sagittarius are like that - we're all for truth and justice, as long as it's OUR version of the truth.

[12voltman59]

We do have times when people seem to be pissier than most-it could be right now that instead of feeling "peace, love and goodwill towards men" (I only use "men" since the is the way the original phrase goes) that is supposed to be the norm this time of year--it is actually a very stressful time---wait till the credit card bills come due next month and then it moves on to tax time!!

[bi42guy1958]

:2cents::2cents::2cents::2cents::2cents::2cents::2 cents::2cents::2cents:


Putting my say in here, as I feel like part of this might be from one of my posts.

Some people cant read, they wanna throw thier opinion in and not give advice. Learn to read people and offer advice on what is asked of you. If youve all read the thread, you know what Im talking bout. Or maybe youd like to word it different, like maybe "have you thought of it this way?" But Im here, and here to stay, so you "STUPID" people wont run me off. And before you take that the wrong way, think about it......... Are YOU the one I call STUPID?:bigrin::bigrin::bigrin:

[GreenEyedLady(GEL)]

Dont flatter yourself , it wasnt your thread

[shameless agitator]

Yes, I have had a similar experience - it helps when you don't take it personally I guess - but I actually usually try to invest some amount of THOUGHT into what I post so sometimes it is a let down. In this particular case I think the gentleman was partially right in my case because I have a tendency to not read the ENTIRE question before responding.

Like I said before, I believe that LGBT folks have some of the most tortured souls I've seen so I have to remember that the reason folks act that way may be that they are coming to terms with themselves as well.

I also have a tendency to be too arrogant with responses sometimes, I dunno - Sagittarius are like that - we're all for truth and justice, as long as it's OUR version of the truth.Ya holding up a mirror for me there Elian?

[Stargazer1417]

:2cents::2cents::2cents::2cents::2cents::2cents::2 cents::2cents::2cents:


Putting my say in here, as I feel like part of this might be from one of my posts.

Some people cant read, they wanna throw thier opinion in and not give advice. Learn to read people and offer advice on what is asked of you. If youve all read the thread, you know what Im talking bout. Or maybe youd like to word it different, like maybe "have you thought of it this way?" But Im here, and here to stay, so you "STUPID" people wont run me off. And before you take that the wrong way, think about it......... Are YOU the one I call STUPID?:bigrin::bigrin::bigrin:

Not sure how somebody's going to take that the wrong way, but this is kind of what I was talking about. I made no reference to anyone in particular, but I feel some aggression coming off this response. For what?

Again, not trying to be mean, or use you as an example, but why do you want to come off that way? Do you think you might accomplish more without sounding angry or accusatory? When you sound aggitated or aggressive, people are much more likely to dismiss what you are actually saying and respond only to the tone. If you want to be heard, or specifically, if you want to be understood with regard to when you are seeking advice or what advice you are seeking, perhaps asking or responding more calmly would generate the responses you seek. Certainly it would be more likely to get an actual response instead of defensiveness or bickering.

Just a thought... :)

[Doggie_Wood]

Not sure how somebody's going to take that the wrong way, but this is kind of what I was talking about. I made no reference to anyone in particular, but I feel some aggression coming off this response. For what?

Again, not trying to be mean, or use you as an example, but why do you want to come off that way? Do you think you might accomplish more without sounding angry or accusatory? When you sound aggitated or aggressive, people are much more likely to dismiss what you are actually saying and respond only to the tone. If you want to be heard, or specifically, if you want to be understood with regard to when you are seeking advice or what advice you are seeking, perhaps asking or responding more calmly would generate the responses you seek. Certainly it would be more likely to get an actual response instead of defensiveness or bickering.

Just a thought... :)

And a good one too S-Gazer. Some peeps just blow up, spout off because they think it's all about THEM. When in all actuality, it's not - hmmm, could it be they are that self-centered. And note that I have referenced not one name or incident. Only making a general observation. Yet somebody will probably flame me for it - and I couldn't really give a rats patoot,(trying to be civil and not say ass) OOOOOPPS! :eek:

:doggie:

[bi42guy1958]

Not sure how somebody's going to take that the wrong way, but this is kind of what I was talking about. I made no reference to anyone in particular, but I feel some aggression coming off this response. For what?

Again, not trying to be mean, or use you as an example, but why do you want to come off that way?

:)

Sorry if you felt this was diredted towards you, it wasnt meant to be that way. It all stems from a thread i started........ http://main.bisexual.com/forum/showthread.php?t=4751

I asked for ideas of how to go about this subject, not advice as to weather or not I should persue it, but as it seemed I got more advice on the latter rather than what I asked for. Afterall I am a grown man, and know how to think for myself in making such decisions.
Again, sorry if I got on my :soapbox: I guess i have a tendancy to do that when people dont either take the time to read the complete post or thread. I hope this will mend some of the ill feelings toward me, but if it doesnt, OH WELL!

And BTW, I havent acted upon that yet, and its not because of any advice that someone gave on the thread, but because I want to make a well thought out decision before I act upon it.:bigrin:

[Stargazer1417]

Sorry if you felt this was diredted towards you, it wasnt meant to be that way. It all stems from a thread i started........ http://main.bisexual.com/forum/showthread.php?t=4751

I didn't think it was directed toward me. I was responding in general. But I did read that thread, and would politely suggest that you may have taken what people wrote with the best of intentions and taken it as an insult or a suggestion that you were not capable of making a very personal decision. I did not see the responses that way, though you are certainly entitled to your opinion.

You may have noticed on your thread that after you became angry with the first responses, you received fewer responses containing any useful advice, and more and more angry or defensive responses. I can only assume this was not your intention in starting the thread. My point is simply that if you are not aggressive in your posts, you are more likely to get a meaningful response. You catch more flies with honey than vinegar, so to speak.

[elian]

For some people, the word "advice" is mostly synonymous with "experience" - so the way they relate the advice is to tell you about past experience.

[anne27]

This place has been a major pissing match lately between rather large, bruised egos. I, for one, don't care for all the bickering, so I've backed away and haven't posted in a while. I don't post that much here anyway, so it's not a big deal. But I suspect from this thread and it's replies that I'm hardly the only one avoiding the tension.

[shameless agitator]

For what it's worth, I realize I've been a bit of a dick myself lately & want to apologize to anybody I may have offended. I'm not a huge fan of the holidays at the best of times & this year is especially tough. No excuse, but an explanation at least. I'll try to keep it in check, & if I find I can't, I'll bow out for a while.

[elian]

Yeah SA, I've been kinda moody lately too. Lots of times I like being solitary but every once in a while I crave companionship/affection/attention - that sort of thing. Had a lot of changes lately, not necessarily bad things but a lot of things happening all at once.

I should go get a massage - that might help.

-E

[shameless agitator]

I should go get a massage - that might help.

-EDamn good idea. Think I may do that too. Early Christmas gift to myself.

[Fresia]

Bump, bump, bump