Coming out

[nodahs90]

So I've told my parents I was bi and they took it a lot better than what I expected. But I have a problem with telling my friends. I dont know why because we all have gay/bi friends. I guess its because I don't want them to think I'm a fake bisexual that is just trying to follow the crowd because this is really who I am. I realized this around the age of 11.

I also want to tell my close cousins but I've learned that my family can't keep their mouth shut and plus I have a few homophobe cousins and I'm sure being bi isnt going to make a difference.

I guess, my main problem is I don't want to be judged. I can't stand when people judge people for stupid reasons. I guess I'll just have to suck it up and not care what people think.

Is there anyone out here that is going through the same thing? Or is there anyone who already came out and it made a difference in their lives?

[biupstateny]

You have a lot on your plate. Most of all you need to do what is right for you when the time is right.
My bf told me he was bi back in Jan. I was shocked, dumbfounded, hurt, and emotionally crushed. It made our realtionship rocky for a while. But because gay sex (m on m) does turn me on, I learned to accept him for who he is. He has known for some time now, since his teenage years, but never told anyone in his life but me.
People will be judgemental, or they won't. My feelings, the people that are maybe aren't worth your time! You need to be comfortable with you, your not living for the next person.
Im so greatful my bf came out to me. There is so much now we can experiance with each other, but most of all it made me love him that much more!!
When the time is right you'll know when to tell people. Actually it is so accepted today that it may not be a problem....

[shameless agitator]

To my mind, coming out gives you this wonderful litmus test, to figure out who is worth keeping in your life & who isn't. Whatever they may think of homo/bi/sexuality, if they can't accept you for who you are, then fuck 'em. As Dr. Seuss said "Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who matter don't mind and those who mind, don't matter".

[ChsnyNLelandsBsh]

I have came out to my parents a couple of months ago total denial and lots of fighting....they told me dont be going to this site dont watch those shows dont do this dont do that....well I didnt for a while but It kept itching at me.....I really believe Im a bisexual....and feel it....I came out to my friends and none of them have a problem with it...but my family does....its hard to live a double life but its what I have to do....

[KrazyKat]

I'm still working on it!

I'll probably wait until I come back from London (this summer) before I come out fully.

Not caring what other people think is hard, and you can't just completely dismiss people for being intolerant, or perhaps just misinformed, as they might be very important to you for other reasons. And perhaps they'll come around eventually. That said, I think being your own person is really, really important.

[the mage]

So I've told my parents I was bi and they took it a lot better than what I expected. But I have a problem with telling my friends. I dont know why because we all have gay/bi friends. I guess its because I don't want them to think I'm a fake bisexual that is just trying to follow the crowd because this is really who I am. I realized this around the age of 11.

I also want to tell my close cousins but I've learned that my family can't keep their mouth shut and plus I have a few homophobe cousins and I'm sure being bi isnt going to make a difference.

I guess, my main problem is I don't want to be judged. I can't stand when people judge people for stupid reasons. I guess I'll just have to suck it up and not care what people think.

Is there anyone out here that is going through the same thing? Or is there anyone who already came out and it made a difference in their lives?

Accept judgment as a reality of life. Its politically correct foolishness to think you are not judged every day.
If outing yourself serves a greater good, like you plan to marry in the same sex, then go for it, but I honestly don't see why all and sundry need (or want) to know about your sex life. Really, most people that you don't plan to fuck don't want to know. All well and good to not be in the closet while living your life but a wise friend said. "your actions bespeak your intentions."

Meaning same sex people you "out" to may think your hitting on them and it may not be welcome. Use caution in all things sexual.

[buck-rogers]

Coming out to my friends was easy, I was a bit nervous to talk about it but in the long run it was easy. My family is a different matter though. My mother has a very narrow view of the LBGT community and thinks the worst of us. She is content on thinking we are disease carriers and/or mentally ill. And my grandmother is even worse. I can't imagine them finding out unless it was by accident. But as for telling your friends, I found none of my friends have a stigma about bi guys :male: but the were usually suspicious if a girl in school said they were bi (if it was just to be popular or something). Since I told my friends I have been the go to guy on homosexual attraction in our group, and anytime someone has some questions about me or themselves I'm glad to help them out best I can :). But it really boils down to who you want to tell to help yourself feel more comfortable about you in the long run I think. :compuser:

[AmeMahoney]

I have mixed feelings on "coming out." I mean, people don't walk up to each other and say, "Hi, I'm so and so, and I'm straight." Why do we have to say, "Hi, I'm Ame. Oh, and by the way, I like men and women."?

Normally I end up saying things in conversation and let people figure it out. I never edit my comments. If a hot girl walks in I don't mind saying, "Wow, that chick is HOT." It's happened that I've said something that obviously sounds "lesbian-ish." And everyone knows I'm married (to a man. I'm a woman). Most of the time people will ask if I'm kidding or not - that's when I nonchalently "drop the B-bomb". Because for me it really isn't that big of a deal.

I don't get all wrapped up in being Bi as my whole identity. I don't care who knows, but it's just not the first topic of conversation. I talk about the weather, mutual friends, GeoCaching, the war, my husband, our dogs, that little horror movie I just filmed, the other person's family...and oh, yeah, I'm Bi. Whatever.

The biggest problems I've had: once, someone told me they felt "betrayed" by my not telling them first. Then I pointed out that they had never told me they were straight. That really actually got them thinking. Along with basically what I just wrote above, they were pretty okay with it. They understood that while I don't hide my sexuality, I also don't go around flaunting it like a $3 hooker on Broadway.

The other problem: girls, especially at work or who are already friends, thinking I'm going to hit on them. I usually say, "Don't worry, I'm not going to hit on you." Now, from experience, let me say that if you are going to say this, and I think you should to reassure them, please add that it is because, "I don't date people from work," "I value our friendship and want to remain friends," or somthing like that. DON'T say, "don't worry - you aren't my type." I've said this a couple of times, and inevitably the woman has sulked, started wearing short skirts, done her hair and make-up, etc. in order to get my attention! I'm not kidding. Big egos, here, even though the four people I'm thinking of (over the years) were all straight! They will be hurt and possibly then go out of their way to attract you - just to prove they could "get" you if they wanted to. Now it all worked out in all my cases and finally I just said, "yes, if you were gay I would totally go for you" or something like that. And we have all stayed friends. But do yourself a favor and just don't go there! Trust me, you don't need the drama.

That being said, I still haven't told my husband's parents. I know we've said some things in conversation about it, but they either haven't picked up on it or the conversation moved on. I don't care if they know or not. My mother-in-law's sister is gay - we just spent Thanksgiving down with her and her girlfriend. So I know they're open-minded. Does it really matter if they know? I'm certainly not going to tell them, "oh, I'm bi, and by the way, your son and I have gone to a swingers club..." do you really think it would be appropriate to start that conversation? :) In my opinion, it just doesn't matter if some people know or not. Some people don't need to know. Others would rather not know. At least they don't want all the details!

At any rate, Good luck to you. Whether you decide to "come out" flag flying or just let it come naturally at an opportune time like I do, good luck. :cool:

[nodahs90]

I just want to say thank you all for your advice! I will take it into consideration! :)

[burningangels]

I never came out to my family since they disowned my uncle for being gay,only my brother know. As for my friends, they were great about it

[Mrs.F]

I have came out to my parents a couple of months ago total denial and lots of fighting....they told me dont be going to this site dont watch those shows dont do this dont do that....well I didnt for a while but It kept itching at me.....I really believe Im a bisexual....and feel it....I came out to my friends and none of them have a problem with it...but my family does....its hard to live a double life but its what I have to do....

I feel for you. That's really a shame that your parents have to be that way. I've always had a real problem with people who feel that watching gay/lesbian porn, having friends that are gay/lesbian cause you to be the way you to be gay/lesbian. I'm sorry, but no one could ever talk me into having sex with a woman or falling in love with a woman and having an intimate relationship. When will the people in this world realize that we are born the way we are and that is why we are all unique. We are our own individual.

Don't let your parents make you feel bad for who you are. Your a very special person inside and out and if your bisexual, then that's who you are. I wish you didn't have to live a double life to please your parents. Be YOU, Be Happy!

Good luck to you!

[jedinudist]

First of all - congratulations. It takes courage to come out and address what you feel out in the open.

Don't worry about being judged... you will be. If it's not because of your bisexuality, it will be about something else. Just be you, live YOUR life, and let those who would judge you look stupid in the long run.

[Lorcan]

I never came out to my family since they disowned my uncle for being gay,only my brother know. As for my friends, they were great about it

Yeah, i don't think it's really what people think of you that's the problem. It how they treat you because of what they think of you.

[jem_is_bi]

If you are going to be open about your sexuality, then do it when young before you have woven the major fabric of your life. However, being out will not necessarily mean that you will have a happier life or a more rewarding life. Rather, your life will be different from what it otherwise would have been and likely the lives of other family members will be altered in totally unforeseen ways.
My opinion is based on personal experience. I am not “out” and sometimes muse on how my life would have been different if I had come out when I was young. While I will never know exactly how life would have been different, I do know parts of my life and family members lives, that I treasure very much, would never have happened.

What ever you decide to do, I hope you life has more rewards than sorrows.

JEM

[Stargazer1417]

I guess I don't feel like its something I have to share. My husband knows, some of my closest friends know, but I guess I just feel like if it doesn't directly affect you, I don't think you need to know. If anybody asked, I'd tell them honestly, and I don't try to hide it. But I don't go up to my parents and say "hey dad... I like to suck dick" or "hey, aunt Sue, I love my vibrator" so I don't see why I'd need to go up to them and tell them I like to have sex with women. None of their damned business. But thats just me...

Its always easier said than done, to be honest with the people you care about, and not give a damn if they judge you or not. It hurts when loved ones aren't supportive of the person you really are... if they want to mold you into something you aren't. But keep in mind that these people just have views that are different than yours. Right or wrong...

I don't know... perhaps I shouldn't have posted for this one... I'm not sure I'm making sense (as usual) or helping. But hopefully somebody took something useful out of all this rambling. :)

[Bluebiyou]

I DON'T KNO-OOOO-OOOOW!
I just might have the biggest coming out party in America 2008!
And I am not exaggerating!
If this happens you will see my pic on the cover of 'OUT'.
AND, I'll still be in a loving, monogamous, hetero relationship with my girlfriend.
...just waiting for a couple events to happen... if people just continue to act as corruptly as people do...