Both my Ex Girlfriends cheated on me because I was Bisexual

[Promising Galahad]

Okay, so as some here know I am a bisexual male and I take pride in the fact that I have never once cheated on a lover. Having said that,I thought I would tell a brief story of my past 2 girlfriends.

Both cheated on me and when confronted they both said it was because I was bisexual.

The first was about 4 years ago. We had been going out for almost a year. She was also bisexual so I thought she would understand me and she did.The problem was as I later discovered she was okay being bisexual (liking other women) but she discovered she didn;t like men to be bisexual and I guess I helped her discover this. Anyway, she cheated on me with another guy. When I confronted her she was very casual and didn't lie about it. She felt of all people I would understand and assumed because I was bi I would have been cool with it. Of course, I asked her how she would have reacted if I cheated on her with another girl and she said she would have been very angry (double standards!)

The second was about a year and a half ago. This girl was 100% heterosexual and was the first girl who accepted me as a bisexual. She had no problem and I was so happy. Then,I discover she cheated on me. When I confronted her, like my previous GF she didn't lie.She said it was with a friend she knew for years and he needed someone and she assumed I of all people would understand. She said she was gonna tell me and I should not worry because it was just sex and not love.

Both girls assumed because I was bisexual I was cool with them cheating. Is this normal with you guys who have girlfriends? Is this just something that I have to be crystal clear with before starting a relationship? I feel its insulting to remind someone NOT TO CHEAT when starting a new relationship.

[Tingly_Tickles]

Sad to hear but some people think that bisexual just means hey I sleep with
who I want when I want but that's just not true at all.

My wife and I have been together almost six years we had a mutual relationship
with another female but it was not cheating nor have either of us had the need
or felt like we wanted to cheat because we know the difference being bi not
cheaters.

I had one girlfriend years ago that said I could find someone if I needed to but
then once I did she got pissed saying that it would have been cheating if she
was not involved but hey to each their own I suppose.

[GalacticiaActual]

In my opinion, hetero/homo/bi/trans... really doesn't matter.

It's the individuals’ personal life values and beliefs that play in to them being able to justify in their mind that cheating in a relationship is right or wrong; and the groundwork for all of that is laid based on situations and examples encountered while growing up.
What's perfectly normal in one persons eyes can be totally wrong to the next. Good or bad, it's what defines our humanity.
:2cents:

[Skater Boy]

Both girls assumed because I was bisexual I was cool with them cheating. Is this normal with you guys who have girlfriends? Is this just something that I have to be crystal clear with before starting a relationship? I feel its insulting to remind someone NOT TO CHEAT when starting a new relationship.

Insulting? There's nothing wrong with laying down the ground rules of a relationship before proceeding. In fact its perfectly normal and sensible. The girls were wrong to ASSUME that just because you're bisexual, you would be tolerant of them cheating on you. But it IS the responsibility of BOTH parties to establish what kind of relationship they're looking for- monogamous or open. If, once that has been established at the start, they then CONTINUE with their infidelity, then just end it and find someone who is adult enough to be honest with you. :2cents:

[DiamondDog]

Insulting? There's nothing wrong with laying down the ground rules of a relationship before proceeding. In fact its perfectly normal and sensible. The girls were wrong to ASSUME that just because you're bisexual, you would be tolerant of them cheating on you. But it IS the responsibility of BOTH parties to establish what kind of relationship they're looking for- monogamous or open. If, once that has been established at the start, they then CONTINUE with their infidelity, then just end it and find someone who is adult enough to be honest with you. :2cents:

Very well said.

This is why whenever I date or get into a relationship with a man or anyone I make it perfectly clear that I'm looking for a closed/monogamous relationship.

That being said if I were in a closed/exclusive relationship and my partner cheated on me I'd break up with them.

I wouldn't get jealous but I'd just say, well go have your fun without me but we're not in a relationship together anymore since you cheated.

I would not get into a relationship with someone who cheats on me only to have them do it years later, or always have it in the back of my mind that they were going to cheat on me again sometime.

Also if I were in an open relationship I would not stay with someone who cheated or overstepped the boundaries of what we'd agreed on, like if we have a relationship where we only have sex with other people when my partner and I are together, and then they go off and have sex with other people without me.

PG-You're getting with the wrong women if they don't accept you or if they cheat on you.

[diB4u]

I'm sorry but what has cheating got to do with a person's sexuality...

My ex cheated on me big time, he left a huge hole on me, he lied to me from day one... For a person with low self estem that didn't do any the world of good. When two people enter into a relationship they must MUST agree to certain things, what each person can and can not do...

Promising Galahad- there excuses for cheating on you are crap. My ex he cheated with a woman and a man, but that was just him... Instead of being honest with me, my ex boyfriend lied all the way through... Even though I was honest with him....

Promising Galahad- it sounds like you just went with the wrong sort of people... Its been for me nearly 2 years and I have given men a wild birth.... It is only now that the little faith I have in Men is being restored...

Tingly_Tickles- I totally agree with you there, its done with respect and with the wishes of your wife...

I want at least 2 other people in my long term relationship, and I am honest with anyone that comes close enough (that I think could stand it) I discuss this option to them, and if they cant deal... then they cant deal...

Cheating is such a bad thing in my book, because i was the other woman with the said ex boyfriend... Trust me I have been there and done that... Been there and been hurt, and been cheated on..

[darkeyes]

yas rite diB.. cheatin is cheatin no matta by who or for wy... but peeps do cheat for many reasons..an cheatin cosya scared or kate an disapprove asum 1 bein bi is but 1.. no excuse..but a reason...

[diB4u]

yas rite diB.. cheatin is cheatin no matta by who or for wy... but peeps do cheat for many reasons..an cheatin cosya scared or kate an disapprove asum 1 bein bi is but 1.. no excuse..but a reason...

Dark and you know what it was when it was happening to me, that I vowed then never ever ever go with another taken or married man or women ( not that i have been with a married woman) it is as simple as that...

[the mage]

Any excuse will do when a cheater gets in in their head to wander....

[biupstateny]

im happier then all hell that my man came out to me! But if he were to go out and just pick someone up, id have to hurt him. And just because hes bi dosen't give me permission to sleep around...even with his permission. Sometimes it needs to be stated that there is no cheating, REGARDLESS the situation or people. Anyway, if they cared for you and who YOU were, maybe they would of stuck around. Sounds like they were out for themselves!!!;):bipride:

[gfofbiguy]

im happier then all hell that my man came out to me! But if he were to go out and just pick someone up, id have to hurt him. And just because hes bi dosen't give me permission to sleep around...even with his permission. Sometimes it needs to be stated that there is no cheating, REGARDLESS the situation or people. Anyway, if they cared for you and who YOU were, maybe they would of stuck around. Sounds like they were out for themselves!!!;):bipride:

I couldn't have said this better!!!

[FalconAngel]

Maybe it's the girls you are picking to date.
There are a lot of wrong assumptions about bisexuals, among which is the old saw of "it's not cheating because it's someone of the same sex as me", which we all know is bullshit.

Fact is, that cheating is cheating, no matter the genders involved or their sexualities.
You are better off with those cheaters out of your life. The next time you develop a relationship, be very clear that you believe that cheating is cheating and the gender or orientation of the person is no excuse and makes no difference.

[Mrs.F]

Maybe it's the girls you are picking to date.
There are a lot of wrong assumptions about bisexuals, among which is the old saw of "it's not cheating because it's someone of the same sex as me", which we all know is bullshit.

Fact is, that cheating is cheating, no matter the genders involved or their sexualities.
You are better off with those cheaters out of your life. The next time you develop a relationship, be very clear that you believe that cheating is cheating and the gender or orientation of the person is no excuse and makes no difference.

Well said! I guess when you tell whoever your dating your bisexual you better say that you are not into cheating and because your bisexual does not mean you will or it's ok for them either. You shouldn't, in my opinion even have to say that but apparently some people just don't understand....:rolleyes:

[CMack]

My wife truly wants me to have a secondary (male) person. Like a friend with benefits. She is adamant that she wouldn't cheat because she doesn't want to be with anyone else and she has had ample opportunities, believe me. I think that it really has a lot to do with the level of maturity that all involved have and that things are completely open and discussed. She loves what I am and loves that it makes me more "unique".
She would only consider it cheating if there was another woman. With a man, she says, there is no comptetition for her and it's really the competition angle that can make us fearful or angry. She says that a man can give me what she can't and that if I'm happy, she's happy.

[Mrs.F]

My wife truly wants me to have a secondary (male) person. Like a friend with benefits. She is adamant that she wouldn't cheat because she doesn't want to be with anyone else and she has had ample opportunities, believe me. I think that it really has a lot to do with the level of maturity that all involved have and that things are completely open and discussed. She loves what I am and loves that it makes me more "unique".
She would only consider it cheating if there was another woman. With a man, she says, there is no comptetition for her and it's really the competition angle that can make us fearful or angry. She says that a man can give me what she can't and that if I'm happy, she's happy.

That's true to an extent! It's still cheating though IF the significant other doesn't know.....whether it same sex or not!

I know I cannot give my husband what he needs from a man and I'm over the fear and jealousy of that now......It does take alot of maturity, honesty and love to understand that. But some people just can't be that way and will never understand that. Some of us are just very lucky that we are open enough to deal with such a situation. I know if I were younger, back in my twenties, I would not be dealing with this as well as I am now. But doing anything behind your partner's back is just as immature and hurtful! :2cents:

[FalconAngel]

That's true.
If the spouse or s/o knows that you are going out to play on the Bi side, then it isn't cheating.
Cheating entails going around behind the other person's back without their knowledge or approval.

In your case, CMack, it isn't cheating.

[FerociousFeline]

I have been with quite a few women, both bi and het. I've been cheated on by both of them. I think when it comes down to it, a person either has integrity or they do not. Unfortunately, i have not yet discovered a decent litmus test for this. My most recent ex not only cheated on me with men, but also women. Then she wanted her "space". After giving her six months of space, she told me she was getting married. My only consolation is that the poor sucker who jumped the broom with her apparently is dumber than a box of rocks. Overall, I'd have to say that my experience with women is that if they up and decide to cheat, there is nothing you can do to prevent it, know it, and really all you can do is deal with the fallout afterwards. I know that there must be women out there who are open-minded in the bedroom, yet still maintain good values, but i haven't found one yet.

[softfruit]

Yup. The short of it all is - Galahad's exes didn't cheat on him cos he was bi; they cheated on him cos they were cheaters.

[CMack]

That's true to an extent! It's still cheating though IF the significant other doesn't know.....whether it same sex or not!

I know I cannot give my husband what he needs from a man and I'm over the fear and jealousy of that now......It does take alot of maturity, honesty and love to understand that. But some people just can't be that way and will never understand that. Some of us are just very lucky that we are open enough to deal with such a situation. I know if I were younger, back in my twenties, I would not be dealing with this as well as I am now. But doing anything behind your partner's back is just as immature and hurtful! :2cents:

Thanks, Mrs F. I should have mentioned that we are both very open and discuss everything. It took a long time for me to do so, mind you and I regret that, with hindsight at 20/20. She would never be out of the know. You and my wife both are images of women whom are very strong, wise and confident in themselves. It is tough to be in a situation where maturity is so necessary for understanding but I suppose it is indeed a situation where the wisdom of life experience is what counts.