Bi since '99 and questioning it

[misstri]

Ok, this will be really long winded, my apologies for that.

I've been admittedly bi since 1999. I had a man (I'm female) in my life for three years at that time. The only way I was able to explore my bi side was if he was involved with female sexual partners that we could both share. So in essence, we lived as swingers for a number of years. We have been separated for three years now. I have been questioning myself ever since as to whether I should continue living a swingers lifestyle, and whether I am truly a bi who cannot live without women in her life for sexual purposes only. I have never sought or desired a relationship on an emotional level with a woman, only men.

I went four years without being with a woman and just this past summer had an experience with one, and it felt wrong. I didn't want it.

I have revisited a club I used to attend a number of times in the swinging community. I never have good experiences there any more.

I desparately want a monogamous relationship with one man. I don't want to share my potential partner with anyone. I always felt like there was a part of my exhusband that I would never be able to have because of the swinging.

What has made me question this even more is that for the first time in my entire life, I have met a man who completes me sexually, emotionally, and mentally. I feel like the sexual encounters we have are all I want. I have never experienced that with another man since delcaring my bi side in 1999. I feel like as long as I can communicate what things I need sexually from him (which he is open to hearing) that I will have enough in my sexual life to prevent me from wanting the sexual encounters with women.

Here's what I have received from encounters with women in the past: a sense of closeness, a different sense of touch.

This man has given me both of those in a way I actually didn't think was possible to get from a man. That might sound silly, but seriously, I've never met any man like that before.

So, to all other "posters" on the site.....I'd love to hear your personal stories if you would be willing to share things about being bi and struggles you've had with being monogamous. I would value input from both people who choose to live in non-monogamous relationships and ones who also live in them.

Thanks for all of your help, and time to read my lengthy story.

;) :)

[vittoria]

Interesting. I'm not a professional, but it seems as if you only enjoyed it with your mate of the time and it doesnt feel right with you anymore. Is it that your bisexuality reminds you of the times you shared with your ex? Visiting "old haunts" is exactly that... HAUNTING. Old memories of how things used to be can creep in and make you feel quite icky.

Like I said, not a professional... however its an interesting thought. Mightily awesome of you to ask people for points of view as well. Never go alone :)

[DiamondDog]

If you've met the right guy for you (it sounds like you have) just stick with him.

There are bisexuals who are fine with a monogamous/closed relationship and some who need an open relationship.

Some people just fantasize or just read erotic/watch porn since they're only with one gender or in a monogamous/closed relationship.

Like for example while I like sex with both men and women, and I'd love and crave/need both at the same time in a 3 way (I also love/crave 3 ways with men too), I prefer relationships with men since men do things emotionally and in other ways that women don't do for me.

I can fall in love with women but I connect on more levels with men than I do with women.

[buck-rogers]

I dated a girl a couple years ago who was also bi. We always talked about having threesomes and who we might ask to join us but it never went beyond talking. I don't know if we really wanted someone to join us or if we we're just fantasizing to get eachother turned on. I'm sure if we stayed together longer that we eventually would have asked someone to join us because she loved experimenting :). But I never felt like I needed to try a threesome and I still haven't, mabye someday though. :compuser:

[the mage]

You were introduced to the play by a man in a male dominated situation.
Now that you get to be YOU it is for you to decide how to live.
If you felt bad and uncomfortable with the play the day after it is not for you, do not let labels make you go on with something you do not enjoy.

If your current love makes you feel satisfied it is all you need.