cheaters

[oliveyue]

is anyone aware of the stigma associated with being bi? That you will be a cheater because at some point you're going to want to try the other side? Or that in essence the person you are with will be left for the opposite sex?

[shameless agitator]

All too aware unfortunately.

[Girlfriendto1]

My boyfriend recently told me he is bisexual (not willingly, he was exposed) but I have to admit that this is a fear of mine. We are trying to move forward but what you posted enters my mind and I wish it did not. I think some of mine does stem from the fact that he did cheat on me to explore the other same sex attraction. While he does admit now that it was cheating on me, at the time he said that it didn't feel like he was cheating on me, that he would have felt like if he were sleeping with another woman he would have been cheating.WRONG! Cheating is cheating, I don't care what sexual orientation you are or you are trying to figure out you are. I do think my situation happens a lot and it is a cause for the issue you are raising. Some people want the security of the partner they are with, but still give in to the urge to their same sex attractions. I know it is not fair for all people to be judged by a few peoples choices. I do have to say though that I feel that my fears are based soley on his past choices, I don't have the fears because he is Bisexual.

[diB4u]

Nope that as of yet hasn't happened to me, and it wont happen to me. Simply being that I am not a cheater, after being cheated on, I'd rather have a faithful lover and be one. Although saying that, I want to have three people in my long term relationship, but that is accepted by all parties. I dont do things behind anyones back.

[welickit]

We are both bi, so we don't worry about it. We were honest with each other from the start so being bi isn't an issue, nor is cheating because we only play together and are quite comfortable with it. :flag3:

[the mage]

Well, I don't know about the stigma bit, but the high percentage of people (men) who are indeed playing outside the house while attached is real.

It is your life to live honestly, mostly to yourself, but to others you need to be real and open too.

[NYCcoolsista]

Why would I cheat? In my experiences I have kept my sexuality upfront. They have had the option to accept or reject it. Although I am Bi, I would not cheat. I am mature enough to discuss it with my partner, in the event that I met a woman I was interested in. In some relationships, they accepted my sexuality, until I expressed the desire to be with a woman. Rather than cheat I ended the relationship, I am who I am! In my current relationship I have the option to be with a woman if I so choose, altho I havent exercised that option as yet. (hint hint lol). :flag2:

[DiamondDog]

Well, I don't know about the stigma bit, but the high percentage of people (men) who are indeed playing outside the house while attached is real.

It is your life to live honestly, mostly to yourself, but to others you need to be real and open too.

That's a myth and a stereotype.

All types of people of all genders/orientations cheat or are capable of cheating on a partner, and it has nothing to do if someone is a bisexual male or not.

[ghytifrdnr]

All types of people of all genders/orientations cheat or are capable of cheating on a partner, and it has nothing to do if someone is a bisexual male or not.

Not only is that true, but MOST do, and with amazing regularity. It seems to be human nature to want more than one sexual partner. I think people will be happier when they stop trying to insist that it isn't true and turn their attention to coping with it.

:2cents:

[jem_is_bi]

I have no agreements or verbal understandings of exclusivity with my present partner and have had 4 opportunities to have sex with others over the last year and a half. However, strange as it may seem, I am just so very comfortable having sex with only one partner that I do not have any desire for more. Maybe, because he has what I want, he gets what he wants and gives me what I want and need. However, I do still fantasize about more sexual partners. But, unlike former president, Jimmy Carter, fantasy sex does not make me feel guilty.

JEM

[Bluebiyou]

Although monogamous, I am bi.

I entered my present relationship (with a woman) with an understanding and agreement of monogamy.

My last relationship, with a man, with a clear assertion of openness (I wanted both).

I cheated once... years ago... I was with a girl I loved more than myself... but my lust and desire for dick/a man resulted in one night of fun/betrayal/cheating... I regret that one episode to this very day. The only instance of 'cheating' in my life.

Did your hubby tell you/point out his desire for men? Did he do it at a point where he showed you the door with his hand? If he did, you'd be a fool not to hit the door, and doubly a fool for complaining.

Sorry for being harsh.

[the mage]

That's a myth and a stereotype.

All types of people of all genders/orientations cheat or are capable of cheating on a partner, and it has nothing to do if someone is a bisexual male or not.

...................ummm yes and no...............
The comparisons are not the same.
The "usual" cheater is fucking the opposite sex.
The Closeted bisexual cheater is fucking the same sex while professing to love the other.
The closeted Bisexual is far more likely to engage in unsafe sex also far less likely to get STI tested often.

The closeted Bisexual is FAR less likely to fess up.

The closeted cheater if caught causes even more emotional damage to his partner than if he were fucking women on the side.

The closeted bisexual cheater is every where in huge numbers.
He is damaging love and lives and health.

[allbimyself]

...................ummm yes and no...............
The comparisons are not the same.
1)The "usual" cheater is fucking the opposite sex.
2)The Closeted bisexual cheater is fucking the same sex while professing to love the other.
3)The closeted Bisexual is far more likely to engage in unsafe sex also far less likely to get STI tested often.

4)The closeted Bisexual is FAR less likely to fess up.

5)The closeted cheater if caught causes even more emotional damage to his partner than if he were fucking women on the side.

6)The closeted bisexual cheater is every where in huge numbers.
He is damaging love and lives and health.

1) So?
2) The str8 cheater is fucking the same gender as spouse while professing love to spouse. Point?
3) Hmmm. I presume you can site a reference to support that claim.
4) Again, let's see some studies that support your claim.
5) It depends on the situation. Everyone is different. It's interesting how you believe that your response to a situation applies to everyone.
6) So is the str8 cheater.

Cheating is cheating, period. It doesn't matter if the cheater was engaging in str8 or gay sex, he or she is wrong!

The only difference between a str8 cheater and a bi cheater is that too often the bi cheater uses his/her orientation as an excuse. That is complete BS.

[brunette]

I think the point is is that monogamy is a choice. You really can choose whether to have sex with someone other than your partner. It doesn't "just happen."

The reason it would be harder for someone who is bisexual is that if they are monogamous, then they also desire something that their partner might not be able to fulfill fully. A strap-on on your girlfriend is different from having a boyfriend, ya know?

You just need to find someone who is willing to meet your needs, and someone you can be completely honest with, because honesty is the key.

[allbimyself]

I think the point is is that monogamy is a choice. You really can choose whether to have sex with someone other than your partner. It doesn't "just happen."

The reason it would be harder for someone who is bisexual is that if they are monogamous, then they also desire something that their partner might not be able to fulfill fully. A strap-on on your girlfriend is different from having a boyfriend, ya know?

You just need to find someone who is willing to meet your needs, and someone you can be completely honest with, because honesty is the key.

I agree with your comments on honesty whole heartedly.

That is why I always tell someone before I sleep with them I am bi and before committing to that person whether the relationship will be open or monogamous. If monogamy is required then I have to decide if that person is worth that commitment. However, once you have agreed to the boundaries, you must honor them!

The issue I have with your post is about a bisexual not getting what they desire from one person. The reason I take issue with this is that it is really no different than a relationship between monosexuals. Often one partner will have a lower, sometimes much lower libido, frustrating the other partner. Cheating in that case is no different than a bisexual cheating, both are wrong.

BTW, just want to make sure everyone understands that I am talking about cheating, NOT an open/poly/wtf you wanna call it, relationship.

[Dagni]

I think my life story is known on this site, but i cheated my wife with (same sex marriedge) with one male, and i didn't have any thoughts in my head in that moment. And i only felt terrible when i reliased that i'm pregnant. Then all became so clear, yes, i'm fucking cheater and i'm not proud if it no matter that i got the daughter.

[Germanicus]

That's a myth and a stereotype.

All types of people of all genders/orientations cheat or are capable of cheating on a partner, and it has nothing to do if someone is a bisexual male or not.

I agree. Someone's sexual orientation/gender, etc., etc., doesn't mean they will "cheat" - however one defines "cheating".

And I agree that


I think the point is is that monogamy is a choice. You really can choose whether to have sex with someone other than your partner. It doesn't "just happen."

There will be always people who "cheat" and I think that little can be done about this. I don't mean this in a fatalistic way, but trying to make someone less of a cheater would be like trying to make someone else "less monogamous". Its an innate urge, and like all innate urges, they refuse to be tamed and those who seek to control them will only come unstuck. You can't control someone else's desires and urges, and if you are trying to do that, you're probably not meant to be in that relationship to begin with.

Yes, honesty does come into this, but what is honesty? People have discussed "cheating" without really defining it, and the same goes for honesty too. Being honest in a relationship probably causes as much pain as being dishonest.

My own view on honesty is much along the lines of Martin's Luther's: "Here I stand, I can do no more". And in this discussion of bisexuality, it translates to:

"I am bisexual, and I am here with you. Perhaps, just perhaps, one day, I may want/need to be with a man, but not today".

For me that's honest about my desires in the present, and acknowledges the unwritten nature of the future. I'd argue simple honesty is more effective than the morbid urge to dissect and analyse "honest and real relationships" every other moment in a relationship - it just sows disharmony and distrust, and begs the question that if there is no urge to cheat, why is it being dragged into the light at every opportunity?

[DiamondDog]

1) So?
2) The str8 cheater is fucking the same gender as spouse while professing love to spouse. Point?
3) Hmmm. I presume you can site a reference to support that claim.
4) Again, let's see some studies that support your claim.
5) It depends on the situation. Everyone is different. It's interesting how you believe that your response to a situation applies to everyone.
6) So is the str8 cheater.

Cheating is cheating, period. It doesn't matter if the cheater was engaging in str8 or gay sex, he or she is wrong!

The only difference between a str8 cheater and a bi cheater is that too often the bi cheater uses his/her orientation as an excuse. That is complete BS.

Very well said.

Also lots of men who are married to women who cheat on them aren't bisexual at all but are really gay.

[welickit]

Interesting how the cheats try to justify. Talk about exposing yourself.

[ghytifrdnr]

This might be tangent to the topic, but it's an interesting read.

http://counterpunch.org/rosen11172007.html

It goes to my earlier post about the prevalence of cheating.

[<<GOD>>]

Interesting how the cheats try to justify. Talk about exposing yourself.

Aye, but not nearly as interesting as the ones who expose themselves as being "holier than thou".in their judgements of others. Who do you suppose they cheat?

your friend
<<God>>

[Germanicus]

Interesting how the cheats try to justify. Talk about exposing yourself.

Yes, despite the claims to "honesty" of many cheaters, its surprising how many are NOT honest at all, especially after the fact. Its quite amusing to see/hear the pseudo-justifications that many of them come up with to justify their behaviour. I used to think that this was just them lying to others, but now I see that it has a lot of do with them trying to convince *themselves* that they have done nothing wrong and that they are not responsible for their actions. Its quite sad really.

[TequilaSun79]

I am going through that right now...I am in a relationship with a man, however this urge to be with a woman again just pulls at me so strongly that its becoming physically and emotionally draining!
I love my fiance, but how do you shut out the other side of you?? do you shut it out?
He knows I am Bi, but I also knows that if I sleep with a woman its cheating to him. It hurts some times because I have o idea what to do, I desire for both....so how do you do it?:three:

[allbimyself]

I am going through that right now...I am in a relationship with a man, however this urge to be with a woman again just pulls at me so strongly that its becoming physically and emotionally draining!
I love my fiance, but how do you shut out the other side of you?? do you shut it out?
He knows I am Bi, but I also knows that if I sleep with a woman its cheating to him. It hurts some times because I have o idea what to do, I desire for both....so how do you do it?:three:

Communication, communication, communication.

Talk to your fiance. Tell him exactly what you told us. If he still will not allow you to have the occasional fling then you have three choices:
1) Tell him you love him but can't stay with him under those rules and move on
2) Learn to live without FF sex
3) Cheat

None of those is much fun, but at least the first two are honest.

[diB4u]

Communication, communication, communication.

Talk to your fiance. Tell him exactly what you told us. If he still will not allow you to have the occasional fling then you have three choices:
1) Tell him you love him but can't stay with him under those rules and move on
2) Learn to live without FF sex
3) Cheat

None of those is much fun, but at least the first two are honest.



I really couldn't say it any better myself. I agree totally with what Allbi said. Communication is the most important tool we have as human beings. Its not about speaking, its about listening and actuarly hearing what a person is saying. That is a hard tool to master, some never achieve the goal.

Good luck

[the mage]

1) So?
2) The str8 cheater is fucking the same gender as spouse while professing love to spouse. Point?
3) Hmmm. I presume you can site a reference to support that claim.
4) Again, let's see some studies that support your claim.
5) It depends on the situation. Everyone is different. It's interesting how you believe that your response to a situation applies to everyone.
6) So is the str8 cheater.

Cheating is cheating, period. It doesn't matter if the cheater was engaging in str8 or gay sex, he or she is wrong!

The only difference between a str8 cheater and a bi cheater is that too often the bi cheater uses his/her orientation as an excuse. That is complete BS.

.............................its interesting that you think I'd ever be in the situation you describe. Also interesting that you read what is not there.

Why are you defending a lifestyle of lies and deceit?

As to the studies, I will not quote them as you will not read them, proven time and again with prior informative postings. Suffice to say that my educational experience including ongoing updates just last week assure me I'm correct in my assertions.
HIV and STI rates across the board are again on the increase in N.A.
It is WOMEN being infected at an alarming rate.
Men infect women at a rate of 10 to 1 (approx) do the very simple math.
If you're able to get off your high horse and stop disputing redundantry you'll get the picture that cheating is physically and emotionally damaging.
It is known that the psychological damage to a family is greater when the cheating is gay. Do your own research if you can understand the concepts and words.

[allbimyself]

If you understood words as you claim I do not, you'd know that I was far from defending cheating.

Your excuse to not linking studies supporting your conclusion is simply a thinly veiled personal attack to hide the fact that they do not exist.

The HIV/AIDS and STD information you provide do nothing to support your position. You stated that married men cheating with other men were more likely to engage in unsafe sex then married men cheating with women. You are raising the ugly specter of disease without adequately connecting the dots. BTW, you mention nothing of married women engaging in heterosexual affairs (most studies show the likelihood of a female spouse cheating as nearly the same as that of their husbands) so it would seem just as likely that a woman would get infected that way.

I'm not on a high horse, you are. I'm simply asking you to back up your blanket statements about bisexual married men. AND, if you bothered to actually read what I wrote, you'd see that I am far from defending cheaters.

Yet again, with your last sentence, you state something as fact that you are unwilling or unable to support. You fall back on the childish strategy of attacking the reader's ignorance when you state something is "well known." An arrogant dismissal of all argument against the point, much like a parent might do with a child when not actually wanting to explain their real motivations.

You continue your arrogant ranting by saying your "educational experience" assures YOU of your the correctness of your assertions. That may be, I'm glad you feel so confident, but being arrogant does nothing to convince me or anyone else with a brain of the "correctness" of your assertions. That only works with sheeple.

[darkeyes]

ooo Allbi...yas miffed wiv sum 1 otha than me...tee hee... me likes..ya looks so luffly wenyas in a seethe....:tong:

[onewhocares]

I guess this is the place where I can add my two cents.

I think that my perception of this thread is different from others. My husband is bisexual and I am straight. We are just now entering the third year of us actively as bisexual couple. I wish that I could say that all of that time was spent in happy and enjoyable moments with hubby and another man.....but alas that was only an ignorant fantasy....the hard reality has set in. Very early on, I was told somewhat in passing from a man whom I first pm'ed a few times. He warned me of the potential emotional stresses that were to come, how right he was.

That being said I shall give you my take. For the longest time, although on the surface I was fine with the fact that my husband was attracted to men, I was insecure inside. It ate away at me at times, when he would spend time with a man, or when we as a couple shared a lover. I am not pleased to admit that I was envious of what hubby did with a man that he would not actively do with me. I won't waste the time here to say how long, for I can not get those moments back. In the recent past, I have come to realize that no, I should not be envious, but it is a fact a man can give another man things that a female partner can not...but also I can give things that a man could not even come close to. It took me a while to realize this, but one I accepted the fact that I too have things to offer, I am at peace with the situation. I have never ever thought that hubby would leave me, our family our lives for another man. He has fallen in love with our shared lover who is going through rough family times, illness in his family and our time together has been very limtied. But he is a part of our lives and I am not jealous or envious at all. Rather I share the joy of his being our lives.

Looking at the cheating aspect, I guess I am coming from the perspective that if a partner is not giving a mate what he or she needs, then I am ok with it that the partner looks beyond the relationship to fulfill a need. Were it me, and YES I have been in this position, I would not want to keep my husband from another man knowing it is what he wants and desires. But the same holds true to me also. I guess that we love each other enough to let the other find something or someone go and find it. I am wise enough to know that very few, particularly women of Bi Men, have such an open viewpoint. For me, it is ok as I have often found myself alone in my opinions. I guess I am secure in myself to know that it is similar to the old adage..if you love them set them free. In our relationship we each are open to seek another who can fill those areas which our spouse can not.

What I can not speak to is the viewpoint of the spouse of the man that we spend time with. The way that I approach it is....there must be something in their relationship that is lacking( from the same sex versus opposite sex viewpoint) that that void needs to be filled. From the same sex approach the opposite sex, no matter how hard they try will never be able to be what their spouse needs.

Sorry if my thoughts are not clear or concise. I tend to ramble and it has been said that I am a tad naive, if so forgive me. Just me being me.

Belle

[DiamondDog]

If you understood words as you claim I do not, you'd know that I was far from defending cheating.

Your excuse to not linking studies supporting your conclusion is simply a thinly veiled personal attack to hide the fact that they do not exist.

The HIV/AIDS and STD information you provide do nothing to support your position. You stated that married men cheating with other men were more likely to engage in unsafe sex then married men cheating with women. You are raising the ugly specter of disease without adequately connecting the dots. BTW, you mention nothing of married women engaging in heterosexual affairs (most studies show the likelihood of a female spouse cheating as nearly the same as that of their husbands) so it would seem just as likely that a woman would get infected that way.

I'm not on a high horse, you are. I'm simply asking you to back up your blanket statements about bisexual married men. AND, if you bothered to actually read what I wrote, you'd see that I am far from defending cheaters.

Yet again, with your last sentence, you state something as fact that you are unwilling or unable to support. You fall back on the childish strategy of attacking the reader's ignorance when you state something is "well known." An arrogant dismissal of all argument against the point, much like a parent might do with a child when not actually wanting to explain their real motivations.

You continue your arrogant ranting by saying your "educational experience" assures YOU of your the correctness of your assertions. That may be, I'm glad you feel so confident, but being arrogant does nothing to convince me or anyone else with a brain of the "correctness" of your assertions. That only works with sheeple.

Agreed, anyone who takes the Mage's posts on these or any other subjects he posts about seriously or factual needs a frontal lobotomy.

He's just a troll who likes to flame people, shoot his mouth off (on yahoo profile his are listed as Hobbies: Getting a rise out of people.), tell people they're wrong to compensate for his very low self esteem, and ramble on about things he has no idea about all for his own need to cause unneeded drama.

He's no more "educated" on the subjects he writes about than the people who write/edit articles on wikipedia are.

The whole theory about "Bi men cheating on women gives women HIV" theory is so 20 years ago, there's no proven link at all, and it is rooted in biphobia since it's based on myths/stereotypes about bisexuals.

His writing and arguments say that heterosexuals don't need to worry about HIV and that hetero men and women who cheat on each other with other heterosexuals won't get or spread HIV to their partners/spouses.

This is the typical response and viewpoint that middle/upper middle class hets in north america and europe have about HIV in that they think that it won't happen to them or that it's just a disease that bi/gay men and junkies get.

[jedinudist]

He is damaging love and lives and health.

Yeah, we all know that a female could NEVER do this.

Even here, the stereotypes are running in full force.

[jedinudist]

I guess this is the place where I can add my two cents.

I think that my perception of this thread is different from others. My husband is bisexual and I am straight. We are just now entering the third year of us actively as bisexual couple. I wish that I could say that all of that time was spent in happy and enjoyable moments with hubby and another man.....but alas that was only an ignorant fantasy....the hard reality has set in. Very early on, I was told somewhat in passing from a man whom I first pm'ed a few times. He warned me of the potential emotional stresses that were to come, how right he was.

That being said I shall give you my take. For the longest time, although on the surface I was fine with the fact that my husband was attracted to men, I was insecure inside. It ate away at me at times, when he would spend time with a man, or when we as a couple shared a lover. I am not pleased to admit that I was envious of what hubby did with a man that he would not actively do with me. I won't waste the time here to say how long, for I can not get those moments back. In the recent past, I have come to realize that no, I should not be envious, but it is a fact a man can give another man things that a female partner can not...but also I can give things that a man could not even come close to. It took me a while to realize this, but one I accepted the fact that I too have things to offer, I am at peace with the situation. I have never ever thought that hubby would leave me, our family our lives for another man. He has fallen in love with our shared lover who is going through rough family times, illness in his family and our time together has been very limtied. But he is a part of our lives and I am not jealous or envious at all. Rather I share the joy of his being our lives.

Looking at the cheating aspect, I guess I am coming from the perspective that if a partner is not giving a mate what he or she needs, then I am ok with it that the partner looks beyond the relationship to fulfill a need. Were it me, and YES I have been in this position, I would not want to keep my husband from another man knowing it is what he wants and desires. But the same holds true to me also. I guess that we love each other enough to let the other find something or someone go and find it. I am wise enough to know that very few, particularly women of Bi Men, have such an open viewpoint. For me, it is ok as I have often found myself alone in my opinions. I guess I am secure in myself to know that it is similar to the old adage..if you love them set them free. In our relationship we each are open to seek another who can fill those areas which our spouse can not.

What I can not speak to is the viewpoint of the spouse of the man that we spend time with. The way that I approach it is....there must be something in their relationship that is lacking( from the same sex versus opposite sex viewpoint) that that void needs to be filled. From the same sex approach the opposite sex, no matter how hard they try will never be able to be what their spouse needs.

Sorry if my thoughts are not clear or concise. I tend to ramble and it has been said that I am a tad naive, if so forgive me. Just me being me.

Belle

Ramble on... ramble on.

I'll take your ramblings over 99% of everyone else's any day.

[the mage]

Ok Now I'm pissed off you fucking pig.................
Its ASSHOLES like YOU who cause human strife and misery.

You are a total fuck nuts. If you were next to me I would be smashing your fucking pig face in.

There .. happyy now?? you got a rise out of me too...


Here fuck brain read this.


However, for women living with HIV, unsafe heterosexual intercourse is the main mode of transmission—an estimated 73% acquired the virus in that manner in 2003. Having increased in the late 1990s, the proportion of women among new annual infections has stabilized, at approximately 25% (US Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, 2004a). For many women with HIV, the main risk factor for acquiring the virus remains the often-undisclosed risk behaviour of male partners, such as injecting drug use and sex with other men (McMahon et al., 2004; Valleroy et al., 2004; Montgomery et al., 2003).


this info is OLD the seminar I attended stated clearly that in the last 2 yeras rates are going up again..

the report is here

http://www.unaids.org/epi/2005/doc/EPIupdate2005_html_en/epi05_10_en.htm


There lots more.. I have read them go ahead do the same... PIG!

[the mage]

Agreed, anyone who takes the Mage's posts on these or any other subjects he posts about seriously or factual needs a frontal lobotomy.

He's just a troll who likes to flame people, shoot his mouth off (on yahoo profile his are listed as Hobbies: Getting a rise out of people.), tell people they're wrong to compensate for his very low self esteem, and ramble on about things he has no idea about all for his own need to cause unneeded drama.

He's no more "educated" on the subjects he writes about than the people who write/edit articles on wikipedia are.

The whole theory about "Bi men cheating on women gives women HIV" theory is so 20 years ago, there's no proven link at all, and it is rooted in biphobia since it's based on myths/stereotypes about bisexuals.

His writing and arguments say that heterosexuals don't need to worry about HIV and that hetero men and women who cheat on each other with other heterosexuals won't get or spread HIV to their partners/spouses.

This is the typical response and viewpoint that middle/upper middle class hets in north america and europe have about HIV in that they think that it won't happen to them or that it's just a disease that bi/gay men and junkies get.

......................interesting that you take the time to hunt up MY REALLY OLD YAHOO PROFILE as opposed to taking time to actually educate yourself on the FACTS about the spread of STI's and HIV.

[leizy]

Cheating and discussion of it sure does get the blood flowing, hunh guys?

This is a controversial and challenging topic. As with many things, you can twist the research to say a lot of things. By and large, the smart folks that look at lots of research and do meta-analysis say that bisexuals do tend to be less monogamous than others. Heteros aren't doing so great though, arounf 50%, and females are catching up to males in infidelity rates (in the US, other cultures have different mores around infidelity). The most monogamous group? Lesbians, with less than 10% infidelity rates.

A couple of important points though - first, the group of males engaging in unprotected male to male sex who also have sex with women do not identify as bisexual. They explicitly identify as hetero. This appears to be one reason they resist safe sex education - "that's for fags, and I'm not a fag." Those who identify as bisexual are in fact far more likely to practice safe sex than either heteros or homosexuals.

Second, bisexuals, while less monomogamous, are the most likely group to have identified this in their relationship, and be living a negotiated nonmonogamous relationship - open marriage, polyamory, or what have you.

I agree - the stigma against bisexuals, as cheaters, is damaging to us. But, I think that the anger and outrage in this thread has more to do with each of our feelings and fears about ourselves. You can't convince other people what they are or aren't, you really can only convince yourself to live the life you're proud of.

peace!
david

[allbimyself]

Ok Now I'm pissed off you fucking pig.................
Its ASSHOLES like YOU who cause human strife and misery.

You are a total fuck nuts. If you were next to me I would be smashing your fucking pig face in.

There .. happyy now?? you got a rise out of me too...


Here fuck brain read this.


However, for women living with HIV, unsafe heterosexual intercourse is the main mode of transmission—an estimated 73% acquired the virus in that manner in 2003. Having increased in the late 1990s, the proportion of women among new annual infections has stabilized, at approximately 25% (US Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, 2004a). For many women with HIV, the main risk factor for acquiring the virus remains the often-undisclosed risk behaviour of male partners, such as injecting drug use and sex with other men (McMahon et al., 2004; Valleroy et al., 2004; Montgomery et al., 2003).


this info is OLD the seminar I attended stated clearly that in the last 2 yeras rates are going up again..

the report is here

http://www.unaids.org/epi/2005/doc/EPIupdate2005_html_en/epi05_10_en.htm


There lots more.. I have read them go ahead do the same... PIG!

Took you long enough to find a paper that supports (dubiously) your position. How many of those women got it from their spouse/SO who had cheated, rather than through casual sex? Not as many as you seem to think, I'd wager. At any rate, you still fail to support the majority of your statements.

That said we may have a miscommunication as leizy pointed out. When you say "closeted bisexual" I imagine that you mean someone that is closeted from themselves, i.e. identifies completely as straight, yet has gay sex on the "down low". I'll agree with you on points as applies to them, however, please be clear that you are not dumping other bisexuals with them.

BTW, you may want to try decaff. Your venom laced, ad hominem attacks only make you look like a hate monger that doesn't like having his unsupportable views questioned. You will never convert anyone to your way of thinking by acting an ass.

[Bluebiyou]

WOW!
And I thought I was being abusive - ranting against circumcision... (see thread "discrimintation").
But to kind of return to the original idea of this thread, as I perceived it, yes, there is a stigma of cheating attached with being bi. There is a stigma attached to anything other than male-orgasm-oriented heterosexual behavior.
A heterosexual female who enjoys her orgasm/healthy sexuality is branded a "slut".
All who take part in homosexual activity whatsoever are stigmatized as 'deviate'... only a small distance of 'deviate' sexuality between them and child molesters (as perceived by mainstream stigma).
As far as whether bisexuals really 'cheat' more, I doubt it. I'm bi and I don't cheat, I did once years ago, once in all my many years of dating, and I look on that one instance with regret. Those folks who are actively 'bi'... I suspect there usually is no secret to their partner and thus you can't be 'cheating' with knowledge of the partner. The partner decides for him/her self whether to continue relationship with the principle 'bi' person in question.
Regardless, whether bi or not, if I told my girlfriend "I'm going to have sex with others." then it would not be cheating. Her deciding to stay or go would be up to her, but it would only be cheating if I claimed monogamy and did not deliver.

[DiamondDog]

interesting that you take the time to hunt up MY REALLY OLD YAHOO PROFILE as opposed to taking time to actually educate yourself on the FACTS about the spread of STI's and HIV.

*yawn* the drama queen is at it again. :rolleyes:

Way to generalize about me and think that I'm a pig just because I don't agree with your biased rambilings and posts that don't make any sense at all.

You're threataning violence against me and Allbi based on posts we've made. That's scary.

I'd hate to see how you erupt and have a tantrum in person when things don't go your way or people don't agree with you but that will never happen.

Go take a Xanax suppository before writing on here.

It just takes a few seconds to look up info on a yahoo profile.

I know all about HIV/AIDS and the spread of STDs.

Factual information is available on the internet on various health sites, from doctors, and from the CDC.

[brunette]

The issue I have with your post is about a bisexual not getting what they desire from one person. The reason I take issue with this is that it is really no different than a relationship between monosexuals. Often one partner will have a lower, sometimes much lower libido, frustrating the other partner. Cheating in that case is no different than a bisexual cheating, both are wrong.

I didn't mean to imply that they were different in any way except for the gender of the people involved.

[jem_is_bi]

I guess this is the place where I can add my two cents.

I think that my perception of this thread is different from others. My husband is bisexual and I am straight. We are just now entering the third year of us actively as bisexual couple. I wish that I could say that all of that time was spent in happy and enjoyable moments with hubby and another man.....but alas that was only an ignorant fantasy....the hard reality has set in. Very early on, I was told somewhat in passing from a man whom I first pm'ed a few times. He warned me of the potential emotional stresses that were to come, how right he was.

That being said I shall give you my take. For the longest time, although on the surface I was fine with the fact that my husband was attracted to men, I was insecure inside. It ate away at me at times, when he would spend time with a man, or when we as a couple shared a lover. I am not pleased to admit that I was envious of what hubby did with a man that he would not actively do with me. I won't waste the time here to say how long, for I can not get those moments back. In the recent past, I have come to realize that no, I should not be envious, but it is a fact a man can give another man things that a female partner can not...but also I can give things that a man could not even come close to. It took me a while to realize this, but one I accepted the fact that I too have things to offer, I am at peace with the situation. I have never ever thought that hubby would leave me, our family our lives for another man. He has fallen in love with our shared lover who is going through rough family times, illness in his family and our time together has been very limtied. But he is a part of our lives and I am not jealous or envious at all. Rather I share the joy of his being our lives.

Looking at the cheating aspect, I guess I am coming from the perspective that if a partner is not giving a mate what he or she needs, then I am ok with it that the partner looks beyond the relationship to fulfill a need. Were it me, and YES I have been in this position, I would not want to keep my husband from another man knowing it is what he wants and desires. But the same holds true to me also. I guess that we love each other enough to let the other find something or someone go and find it. I am wise enough to know that very few, particularly women of Bi Men, have such an open viewpoint. For me, it is ok as I have often found myself alone in my opinions. I guess I am secure in myself to know that it is similar to the old adage..if you love them set them free. In our relationship we each are open to seek another who can fill those areas which our spouse can not.

What I can not speak to is the viewpoint of the spouse of the man that we spend time with. The way that I approach it is....there must be something in their relationship that is lacking( from the same sex versus opposite sex viewpoint) that that void needs to be filled. From the same sex approach the opposite sex, no matter how hard they try will never be able to be what their spouse needs.

Sorry if my thoughts are not clear or concise. I tend to ramble and it has been said that I am a tad naive, if so forgive me. Just me being me.

Belle

Sometimes background information is needed to fully convey your view point. Thanks.

JEM