You get along until they see a pic...

[vittoria]

Funny how a person can type to someone for lengthy periods of time, and as soon as you send them a picture of yourself, they VANISH!!! Now, for those who have seen pictures of me, its not like I resemble 'Stay-Puf' and its not as if I look like I need to eat everyone's Thanksgiving turkey for lack of 'meat' on my bones either...

And I'm not trying to play any card games like "Spades" (if people know what I mean--'race cards' can come in different suits--whatever suits one's taste...) , but could it be that a picture makes things personal for people and that is something that they arent ready for yet? Is it possible that people 'get off' on imagining what you look like, or is it something else? I mean, I was once in a 'straight' relationship where the parents thought I was really nice and polite on the phone and they didnt have one single problem with me dating their son... until they looked at me one day and 'found out' that I was not as Caucasian as I sounded on the phone....

So what gives? And no hostile responses please... lets keep this 21st century civil :)

[TaylorMade]

I know it's happened to me as well as other people on the forum, for all sorts of reasons. I usually think color is the most common reason, followed by my build as it stands now.

I admit I try to stave that off by saying - - "Um, I'm black; Is that gonna be a problem?" or "I'm a touch thick. . .will that be a problem?"

Usually those that do are too embarrassed to admit it, but slink away. But then you have people who fetishize color. . .or weight.

*Taylor*

[redheadhoneycat]

I am sorry you have had to experience that....I think it is ignorance. People don't stop and think or use common sense. Behind the face or the body is a brain and a heart. Maybe they get caught up in fantasy who knows sweetie. I think maybe it is best that way let them show their true colors in the beginning so you can find out what a real jerk they are before your heart gets involved. I wish you all the best. :bipride:

[darkeyes]

Now me knows wotya luks like V... an findsya ratha yummie gal 2 look at.. Taylor 2... wtf cola of skin 2 do wiv owt?? Or cola of eyes or owt else.... its wots inside of ya that shud matta nowt else... an if peeps r that shitty they eff off onya cos of ya cola... aintcha betta off???

[MarieDelta]

I know where you are coming from.

I too try to let people know that I may not be what they expect before we get really intimate.

But still some guys, they just want the pictures to fantasize about or maybe they aren't ready for a realtionship with a real person. This is the internet and you do get some strange types here and there.

I'm sorry you have had that experience here.

[Bluefrankenstein]

There are people who like all the colors of the rainbow. I guess I am just ecclectic because Black, White, Brown, Small tits, Big Tits, Older, Younger (to a point, lets not be ridiculous now), heavy set, skinny, as long as the person is fun, open minded, intelligent and of course hygenic I like it all. Its the person inside that counts.

And yes, I speak from actual experiences. :three:

[Skater Boy]

In my experience, there are very few Brad Pitts or Angelina Jolies using this website. Admittedly, there are one or two members who are rather attractive physically. But my guess is that these are a small minority, and most of us here are just "normal" people, if such a thing exists. Evereyone's after something, and some people are more picky about who they waste time on than others. But don't let it get to ya... a few knock-backs are inevitable, and those with enough sense will be able to see beyond the physical plain.

[Azrael]

In the case of me all's well til they see me take a pill and the word 'bipolar' gets uttered, however innocuously.

[Sarasvati]

No comment Vittoria except "I agree with you", as you consider no other.

Skater, don't understand your Pitt/Jolie celebrity bent (although you are quite entitled to think that way) - I'm certain plenty of people on this site can compete with them, easily. For my money, on a visual basis, both TM and Miss Alexis take them both to the cleaners.

[Skater Boy]

No comment Vittoria except "I agree with you", as you consider no other.

Skater, don't understand your Pitt/Jolie celebrity bent (although you are quite entitled to think that way) - I'm certain plenty of people on this site can compete with them, easily. For my money, on a visual basis, both TM and Miss Alexis take them both to the cleaners.

Fair enough... although what Miss Alexis makes up for in looks, she lacks in personality! :tong:

I just meant that by society's stereotypical and highest standards, most of us here are somewhat lacking in looks. But that doesn't mean that beauty doesn't exist elsewehere, away from the lense of the paparazzi. and there are plenty of members here who I, personally, would gladly give my seal of approval to.

Oh, and Tom, I can totally relate to that pill-popping example you mentioned. :bigrin:

[Lateralus]

I know it's happened to me as well as other people on the forum, for all sorts of reasons. I usually think color is the most common reason, followed by my build as it stands now.

I admit I try to stave that off by saying - - "Um, I'm black; Is that gonna be a problem?" or "I'm a touch thick. . .will that be a problem?"

Usually those that do are too embarrassed to admit it, but slink away. But then you have people who fetishize color. . .or weight.

*Taylor*

Forget them, TaylorMade. You're hot. If I left our conversation after seeing your pic it'll be because i'm on my way over ;) (with your permission ofcourse....I'm not a stalker..ahem..)

But yeah, it's happened to me before. I send them a pic and next thing you know they leave the IM convo....lol...ah well. can't win em all:cool:

[the mage]

[QUOTE=vittoria;84470]Funny how a person can type to someone for lengthy periods of time, and as soon as you send them a picture of yourself, they VANISH!!! Now, for those who have seen pictures of me, its not like I resemble 'Stay-Puf' and its not as if I look like I need to eat everyone's Thanksgiving turkey for lack of 'meat' on my bones either...

And I'm not trying to play any card games like "Spades" (if people know what I mean--'race cards' can come in different suits--whatever suits one's taste...) , but could it be that a picture makes things personal for people and that is something that they arent ready for yet? Is it possible that people 'get off' on imagining what you look like, or is it something else? I mean, I was once in a 'straight' relationship where the parents thought I was really nice and polite on the phone and they didnt have one single problem with me dating their son... until they looked at me one day and 'found out' that I was not as Caucasian as I sounded on the phone....


.......................well there are 2 issues at play, one is prejudice, the other sexual appetite and the imagary that goes with it. I hope that the people who do this, and it is a common thing, do not do it out of malice but one sometimes wonders. I hope its more a numbers game with the anonymity of the web allowing their ignorance to go unresponded to.
Being rude or just disappearing after a pic exchange is impolite at best. A simple note saying "You're not my type " would help.

[Germanicus]

Perhaps they're the ones who are pretty rank ...

But seriously, perhaps seeing your face puts their activites into "reality" and they find this as intimidating as the prospect of meeting someone in realtime.

Or perhaps they are just time wasters

I wouldnt take it personally - its their issue, not yours

[billy_campbell]

I know it's happened to me as well as other people on the forum, for all sorts of reasons. I usually think color is the most common reason, followed by my build as it stands now.

I admit I try to stave that off by saying - - "Um, I'm black; Is that gonna be a problem?" or "I'm a touch thick. . .will that be a problem?"

Usually those that do are too embarrassed to admit it, but slink away. But then you have people who fetishize color. . .or weight.

*Taylor*

Very interesting discussion here, I find it that way also being 54 with people who only want younger people.

Now as to what you said TaylorMade about yourself well here is the impresion I had when I saw your profile. WOW! She is so lovely and sexy. But I bet I am not even in her league she is so hot!.

[biwords]

Fair enough... although what Miss Alexis makes up for in looks, she lacks in personality! totally relate to that pill-popping example you mentioned. :bigrin:

Mean, but funny!.....reminds of that old line, "This is the sort of book that once you put it down, you just can't pick it up!"

[biwords]

My gay cousin says that this is why the pix should be traded right up front, no later than the second exchange of email, so that if either party wants to bail, they can do so before anyone's invested too much time.

Sometimes I get the impression that most people, at bottom, really do regard good looks as the supremely important quality...but that they're ashamed to admit it. Any thoughts? Don't know if the following is true, but I recall reading that for the ancient Greeks, good looks were classed with intelligence and character, as virtues...and that it was only with Christianity that physical beauty was (officially) downgraded ("beauty is only skin deep", etc.).

[onewhocares]

Well, I personally happen to think that those who base a relationship on sheer looks alone will in the end be the loser. How trite are they.

For me, I do not have a photo on here mainly because I want people to get to know me..the whole person. I DO tell people what I look like....I often describe myself as a tall blonde linebacker for the Jets who just happens to live in Boston. It has never been an issue but once, when seeing a photo of me was not interested as I was not a woman of color. I am,however a woman of substance and have ever so much to offer.

I am one of the lucky ones from this site that has had the privlege to have met over thirty people in person, mostly men and several women...and to tell you the truth we stay friends not because of my looks (or lack thereof) but rather because I am a true and genuine person and am upfront and honest to a fault. I am not anything special, I am just ME.

Thanks for listening to my :2cents:

Belle

[jem_is_bi]

A photo of me has never been impressive and now that I am older it may even be depressive. On this site and others, I take no offense if you need someone more handsome than me. But, I only feel bad if you dismiss me because of all else that I am which is important to me. So feel free to ignore me as soon as you see my face is not as beautiful as the rest of me.

JEM

[DiamondDog]

Life's too short to worry about other people's standards.

If they don't like you, it's their loss.

Just move on.

The only thing that matters is how you see yourself.

[Cesca]

Life's too short to worry about other people's standards.

If they don't like you, it's their loss.

Just move on.

The only thing that matters is how you see yourself.

I understand and sympathise with your view Diamond Dog, but am of the opinion that how I look and the face I present to the world is important to me. The world should see us as we are and not as something else. Too many put on facades that is not them, for what they present to others is very different from how they see themselves. If I have discovered anything about people in the last two or three years I have certainly discovered that.

[vittoria]

I understand and sympathise with your view Diamond Dog, but am of the opinion that how I look and the face I present to the world is important to me. The world should see us as we are and not as something else. Too many put on facades that is not them, for what they present to others is very different from how they see themselves. If I have discovered anything about people in the last two or three years I have certainly discovered that.

Pretty much true, though I do see a lot of people's points of view. Very interesting.

I think of it this way...

Its all fun and games til someone pees in the pool.

[Sarasvati]

Mr Biwords, nice to have your wit and wisdom back on this site. However I thought your comment regarding Miss Alexis was a bit too strong.

She keeps her own counsel and that doesn't make her dull or lacking in personality. I think we should be careful to leap to judgements about people when we know so little about them.

Some people, especially when young, can be shy and reticent as they are only just beginning to discover themselves - that doesn't make them uninteresting.

[Skater Boy]

Mr Biwords, nice to have your wit and wisdom back on this site. However I thought your comment regarding Miss Alexis was a bit too strong.

She keeps her own counsel and that doesn't make her dull or lacking in personality. I think we should be careful to leap to judgements about people when we know so little about them.

Some people, especially when young, can be shy and reticent as they are only just beginning to discover themselves - that doesn't make them uninteresting.

I think Biwords was just elaborating on the "humour" I originally posted regarding Miss Alexis. But fair enough... consider my original comments retracted. I wouldn't want to judge her whole character based on the few posts I have seen on this forum so far. I'm sure she's a swell gal in real life.

[diB4u]

Well to be honest with you all that’s has happened to me, its either because I’m a big woman or because I’m mixed race, and sometimes its because of other reasons…

Life sucks that way, so that’s why I always point out that I’m mixed race and a large woman, so if they cant deal then bye bye… If they can deal then that’s all well and good. I agree the only way Brad and Angelina can look that good is because they have personnel trainers… Even stars looked messed up at times.

I am just me, I dare not say normal for I don’t want to be normal. It is my life’s ambition, crazy as it is to be the individual, to be broad minded, to be something other than ordinary.

Who wants to be ordinary… Hands up?… I like being weird, being abstract, I am a thinker, I procrastinate for too long, I am a logical realist who believes in love beyond boarders. If however the person only wants a person of a certain colour and weight and looks, then I say fair play to you and hope you find it.. For life is too short to be lonely. Everyone needs love.

[Skater Boy]

Who wants to be ordinary… Hands up?… I like being weird, being abstract, I am a thinker, I procrastinate for too long, I am a logical realist who believes in love beyond boarders.

I dunno... Individuality is the key to living a fulfilled life, according to Nietzsche. But true individuality does come at a price, IMO. I guess I aspire to be an "integrated individual". That is to say, unique, yet still part of the greater whole.

[diB4u]

I dunno... Individuality is the key to living a fulfilled life, according to Nietzsche. But true individuality does come at a price, IMO. I guess I aspire to be an "integrated individual". That is to say, unique, yet still part of the greater whole.

LOL that is also true, well yeah who wants to be a sheep when I'd rather be the shepperd. A person needs to be individual otherwise we would become yet another version of a yes man/woman...

Not everyone gets me, that i can deal with... When people do get me then that makes me a very happy alien.

[Skater Boy]

Not everyone gets me, that i can deal with... When people do get me then that makes me a very happy alien.

Ah well, you seem like a fairly cool "alien" to me. :)

I've just been an alien for so long that its lost its appeal, to some extent. But I do understand what you mean.

[GreenEyedLady(GEL)]

I'll see first and foremost , since I've know you Vit you have had a picture up on this site, sexy biaaatch.

For those that continue to chat with someone day after day without knowing what someone looks like , you have met the person , the person they are inside. In my book , If you chat with someone for a long period of time without knowing what they look like, and one day you get a picture and find they do not meet your phydical standards , then your a shallow SOB. Debate the topic all you like , but its true. If people were not so caught up with ones looks it wouldnt be such a problem. The only real exception to the rule is the other person not being honest with who they are. If you dont have a picture then do the best you can to discribe who you are. Not everyone has a camera, but you do know what you look like..So be detailed.

[diB4u]

Ah well, you seem like a fairly cool "alien" to me. :)

I've just been an alien for so long that its lost its appeal, to some extent. But I do understand what you mean.



LOL thanks for that... Your cool as well... Sometimes im invisable too boot. Funny that how a big woman can be invisable... I have perfected that over the years... But then you know Skater Boy like every good alien they must come down to earth to research the people called Humans... (put of a ferenge voice)


Well regarding photo's Green Eyed Lady- most ppl these days do have a cell phone with a camera capabilities, I do agree with you on one point its when a person lies about themselves, I too can't stand that either...

If two ppl do talk for years without revealing their identity, it does put a dampner on their friendship, so its best all around if photos are exchanged at the start.

[anytimenow]

are you saying that someone saw your photo and then ignored you? i for one know how beautiful you are and race has nothing to do with it for me. i was attracted to you before i saw you but then once i was able to admire your outer beauty along with your inner beauty, i was hooked. too bad you left the area. only time would have told if we were to be compatible...i still wish you were here. have a great day!! anyone who has had the chance to see and know this amazing woman will no doubt agree.

[FerSureMaybe]

1. It shouldn't matter what you look like.
2. Even if it did, you're fucking gorgeous Vitt. So, you should refer them to an eye doctor or something..

[Cogent]

Maybe you need a better picture that reflects the "you" you want others to see.

When it's just words, they connect with your personality and your thoughts.

They create their own mental picture of you... then when you send them a real pic, it won't match the image they've built up in their minds. Disappointment

My recommendation:

1) Start out with a pic on your bio... so people attached what you say to your pic

2) Get a pic projects the right image/personality

If that doesn;t work, maybe these people aren't right for you

[DiamondDog]

I find it funny that people who don't have pics of their face in their profiles are complaining about how they're seen by others when they don't have a picture of their face, they don't have a vivid description of themselves written, and it's funny that people who don't have pics in their profiles on this site are telling other people who don't have pictures of their face in their profiles that they should put a picture of themselves up in their profile on here and other hook up sites like this one.

[vittoria]

I find it funny that people who don't have pics of their face in their profiles are complaining about how they're seen by others when they don't have a picture of their face, they don't have a vivid description of themselves written, and it's funny that people who don't have pics in their profiles on this site are telling other people who don't have pictures of their face in their profiles that they should put a picture of themselves up in their profile on here and other hook up sites like this one.

what 'Vitty' SAID was....



Funny how a person can type to someone for lengthy periods of time, and as soon as you send them a picture of yourself, they VANISH!!! Now, for those who have seen pictures of me, its not like I resemble 'Stay-Puf' and its not as if I look like I need to eat everyone's Thanksgiving turkey for lack of 'meat' on my bones either...

Is it possible that people 'get off' on imagining what you look like, or is it something else? I mean, I was once in a 'straight' relationship where the parents thought I was really nice and polite on the phone and they didnt have one single problem with me dating their son... until they looked at me one day and 'found out' that I was not as Caucasian as I sounded on the phone....

So what gives? And no hostile responses please... lets keep this 21st century civil



wha....?

I'm not too certain who those "people" are that DD is referring to...personally I would suggest keeping that tirade betwixt 'y'all'...it threw me off.

TO CLARIFY BEFORE MORE FLAMAGE...(flames give crispy edges)

I used to have my pic on here... I have since removed it because ( not like its anyone's business) I am annoyed with the morons and nincompoops who decide to bypass the profile stating that I dont cyber and want to cyber anyway, be a general annoyance and BS and other bits of buffoonery.

Having a conversation usually begins with the usual "what do you look like" even if there is a description on the profile ( anyone that has ever been in a , atroom or anywhere else knows that), and usually entails age,sex, location, height, weight, color of hair and eyes, etc, etc. Hell even when I DID have all of that info in my profile people would still ask. [they were too busy jackin or something ( and even when I had a pic...so who knows what people are on)..]

This thread began as a gripe about how after LENGTHY conversation... after stats and all of that sh*t,even where race(s) were mentioned THEN after getting a pic they get bent out of shape.

In other words...

I just "think it's funny".

[12voltman59]

Vi and Taylor---

I have had people on here who I chatted with--once I said--I am beefy-not beefcake--poof--they were gone too----so we have shallow, narrow minded folks everywhere and I figure that if someone won't even talk to you because you don't fit into their mold of what is "perfect"-then FUCK EM!!! (and I don't mean in the fun way)

FUCK is such a great word!!!! LOL

There are lots of other reasons people seem to go "POOF" too and I think that in many cases-it has nothing to do with I did or what you guys may have or may not have done--it has to to with the shit that people carry around with them that makes 'em bug out.

I would not lose any sleep over it if I were you--don't take it personal-----as Tony Soprano might said if he were a real person: "FOGGEDDABOUT IT!!!

[NYCcoolsista]

When you hear someones voice on the phone, they get an image of what *THEY* think you look like, or they ask you to describe yourself. My description does not tell you how I look, it gives you a general idea. People who shy away from you once they see your picture, are superficial. They only see the outside and never take time to get to the essence of a person. Those type of people dont matter.

[The Barefoot Contess]

Ok, I'll play devil's advocate here. I think we need to make a distinction between looking for friendship and looking for a relationship. In the first place, looks for most people don't matter. In the second, they do. I don't think that is being superficial. Granted, physical attraction is not the only important thing in a relationship, but it has to exist.
When I talk to someone online, a picture is not the first thing I ask for, but if there is some sort of romantic interest, then I do ask for pics, simply because I need to know if there is the potential for a relationship. Is that superficial? No. I find certain physical features attractive, and others not so much. I don't see the point in dragging a conversation with someone with whom I feel no chemistry, or the potential for it. Again, I am talking about romantic relationships here (not friendships). Another thing is how you break things off. I think people deserve at least a "farewell" note or something, and just ignoring the other person is called being a jerk.
On a different note, people have preferences. In the same way that someone may not be attracted to brown-eyed people, another person may find people of a certain race not attractive, and it does not have to be a question of racism. There might be cases, of course, but oftentimes it is a question of attraction, not of prejudice. I think we sometimes we misunderstand the meaning of "discrimination": one thing is not hiring someone because of the color of their skin, which is discrimination because skin color has nothing to do with the working capability of that person, and another thing is not dating someone because of the color of their skin, which is not discrimination because skin color, for the other person, might be an important part of physical attraction. We cannot make the mistake of thinking that people have "rights" over other people's tastes in dating. I cannot demand that someone date me or else he or she is discriminating against me. Dating is not a public contest, and people have the right to choose who they want to be with.

[vittoria]

On a different note, people have preferences. In the same way that someone may not be attracted to brown-eyed people, another person may find people of a certain race not attractive, and it does not have to be a question of racism. There might be cases, of course, but oftentimes it is a question of attraction, not of prejudice. I think we sometimes we misunderstand the meaning of "discrimination": one thing is not hiring someone because of the color of their skin, which is discrimination because skin color has nothing to do with the working capability of that person, and another thing is not dating someone because of the color of their skin, which is not discrimination because skin color, for the other person, might be an important part of physical attraction. We cannot make the mistake of thinking that people have "rights" over other people's tastes in dating. I cannot demand that someone date me or else he or she is discriminating against me. Dating is not a public contest, and people have the right to choose who they want to be with.



Thanks for the viewpoint, but what I stated was quite clear (from a personal standpoint)...the 'straight' relationship I was in, the other person involved didnt have a problem with me, the parents did, and it WAS because of race...

As for speaking for the general thought ( may have gotten lost in the shuffle), never was it mentioned whether the situation that I was typing of at the beginning of the thread was a relationship or not. There was no relationship involved, or even a potential one. Just friendship entailing friendly conversation---and even as friends with someone sight unseen, its still a bit disturbing that as soon as a picture is presented folks disappear. Friendships are a form of relationship, and its still sh*tty how people are superficial bastages. Nowhere did the suggestion to 'force' someone to be friends or to date so as to not seem discriminatory come into play either....not my problem, maybe someone else's tho :)

If one doesnt like my skin fine, just dont be a rude ass and stop going to tanning salons to look like me then :-P

[CHOCOLATECITY32]

i think it's a personal thing with people because if someone see a better image of themselves some get affended and some don't..in this case as well as others people do not like to post pics until they find someone they can trust and chat with and when they finally see a pic they just poof...personally vittoria u r a attractive girl and so are other bisexual male or female ..i always keep in mind that straight and other people are offensive around us ...and they think that when we are present that we are here to take something precious from them......personally if that's not the vibe i give off then don't bother thinking

[Fresia]

Bump it up!

[pole_smoker]

Funny how a person can type to someone for lengthy periods of time, and as soon as you send them a picture of yourself, they VANISH!!! Now, for those who have seen pictures of me, its not like I resemble 'Stay-Puf' and its not as if I look like I need to eat everyone's Thanksgiving turkey for lack of 'meat' on my bones either...

And I'm not trying to play any card games like "Spades" (if people know what I mean--'race cards' can come in different suits--whatever suits one's taste...) , but could it be that a picture makes things personal for people and that is something that they arent ready for yet? Is it possible that people 'get off' on imagining what you look like, or is it something else? I mean, I was once in a 'straight' relationship where the parents thought I was really nice and polite on the phone and they didnt have one single problem with me dating their son... until they looked at me one day and 'found out' that I was not as Caucasian as I sounded on the phone....

So what gives? And no hostile responses please... lets keep this 21st century civil :)
Typical professional victim response from someone who is way too sensitive.

[Melody Dean]

In general, no reflection on the original poster: If a friendly conversation turns romantic, I honestly don't have a genuine romantic interest until I've both seen a picture and talked to a person. I'm not interested in someone that I've only seen pictures of either. But, even if the picture isn't what I was imagining at first, I don't just stop talking to them. For one, there's no reason we can't still be friends. But also, there's been many times where a their face has grown on me, that I just needed to readjust from what I expected them to look like. I'm not talking about general attractiveness, just if things... fit.

But I've had the opposite happen too. I was talking to someone who was admittedly more interested in me. I just considered him a friend (and he knew that). And then I saw a picture of him, and my attraction grew. And then I met him in person, and now I think he's absolutely gorgeous. Would I have thought that if I had seen him without talking to him first? Although he is a good looking guy, I don't think I would've been attracted to him on sight alone.

[Hoosier]

Typical professional victim response from someone who is way too sensitive.

Aaand , right on cue comes Pole with his "Holier Than Thou" pontification ....

[pole_smoker]

Aaand , right on cue comes Pole with his "Holier Than Thou" pontification ....
Wrong. I'm not "holier than thou" I'm a regular guy; but I can be blunt and I don't sugar coat things.

[tenni]

I have found that the longer you communicate with a person without a photo, the greater you are going to see a photo of the person in your mind. We begin to fantasize.