Dumped...

[Bella12]

Hi guys, just looking for another point of view and some advice on the happenings of last Saturday night...

I have recently admitted to myself and my fiance that I am bisexual. So I go out with one of my good friends... we have kissed before but nothing more... we get quite drunk on wine, kiss some more and she asks me to come home with her and another guy friend of hers. I get my fiances ok and clearly explain that i only want to be with her and if we can have a two-and-a-half-some then i'm in! So we head home, she telling me that she thinks she's bisexual too and that she knows there has been something between us for a long time. So I'm thinking this is great, I'm just enjoying the ride, because I am really conscious of not wanting to push my sexuality on other girls and freak them out... So we get to the guy's house, we kiss, i kiss her neck and her breasts and to me this is just wonderful. The guy goes to buy condoms (kicking himself at his disorganisation!) and my friend changes her mind about sleeping with him. We go, i wait in the gutter for my fiance to pick me up, thinking this is not such a great ending but oh, well, from what she has said and done there will be other opportunities...

She text messages me the next morning: "What happened between us last night is not going to happen again. Its just not right. I feel really bad and I am never getting that drunk again"

So I am dumped. And I'm not angry, i know that she has got to do what's right for her. I guess I just don't understand because to me, with her, it did feel so right. Has this sort of thing happened to many of you? How did you handle it? Because I felt like I really let her call the shots and i still ended up burnt... I really want to be with a woman but at the moment it's difficult to have these feelings. Thanks for reading this, hope to hear from you...

[codybear3]

A very good friend of mine from this site just asked me that same question more or less because on Friday 11.04.05, a friend from work and I went to a bar for a drink. We have kinda flirted back and forth before and I thought/knew that his "curiousity button" had been pressed somehow. Well, we were into our second beer when he leaned towards me and did his "french kiss" gesture at me. I reached up and pulled him a few more inches forward and kissed him. He went totally rigid and looked like he would pass out. He got this "cornered animal" look on his face and I had to firmly guide him outside. I did the old "sorry, I sould not have taken advantage" routine on him to keep him from freaking out but he had to "get going" and left. I have not gotten a call from him all weekend and will have to wait until Monday to see what will happen. My good friend asked me why people play or lead you on only to have them bail out at the end. My answer? Who knows. Curiosity killed the cat but some just get scared away for a while or just scares them straight (no pun intended). Too much drink also impairs a persons ability to make better judgement calls especially when it involves a sexual encounter. Maybe your friend turned out "not to be bisexual" and decided not to go through with it. Whatever the case, chalk it up to an experience for future reference and make any future encounters when nobodys curiosity is "liquid induced"....Hope this helps... :) :paw: :paw:

[binbi42]

Hi Bella,

The more time that passes from the experiences of that night the clearer things will probably become." Hindsight is 20/20" as the old saying goes. We do things while under the influence of alcohol that we sometimes regret the next morning. A shot or two of liquid courage can loosen those inhibitions that might otherwise lie dormant. It appears that your friend's remorse the next morning could be a case where the feelings of her own bisexual inclinations run deeper than she's ready deal with at this point in time.
No real harm done for either of you and although disappointing in it's outcome, it's just a step on a sometimes very long path that I'm sure others on this site have have experienced as well.Whether with this person or not you're right about one thing...the opportunities will come again...and when the time and synchronicity of the moment are right...what you desire..will present itself..and things will be as they should. :yinyang:

[Bella12]

Thanks for your replies guys, you're both exactly right. Timing and less alcohol! I'm not upset about it anymore and happy that at least that experience signifies the beginning of this part of my life. I really want to remain friends her, I hope things won't be awkward because I have always been attracted to her and I doubt if I can actually turn that off- I'll just have to concentrate on not acting on it... Have you guys had any experience with trying to stay friends with someone after an encounter like that? Because we have been friends for about five years and I don't want to lose her over this...

And you're right, there will be other opportunities with other people. I do want my first full experience with a woman to be right. Thanks for your replies, hope to talk to you some more...

Bella

[jo69guy]

Sorry to hear things didn't go as well as you had hoped. Hang in there, there is someone out there for you! :flag3: :flag2:

[itsbilife]

I am soooo sorry to hear about this! Honestly, that's my biggest fear about being with another girl is just this. Her regretting it. I've only been with two women, and I've lucked out so far. I'm so sorry! *hugs*

[Ansil III]

i think you should forget about her. she clearly has issues that she must deal with. you must never let anyone else dictate how you feel. enjoy your sexuality and enjoy other people. life is too much to ponder over something so trivial. pick up the pieces and move on. :cool: :bipride:

[wellred]

Have you guys had any experience with trying to stay friends with someone after an encounter like that? Because we have been friends for about five years and I don't want to lose her over this...

Hello Bella,

I agree with you; friendships are rare treasures that should be savored.

Your situation likely happens, in varying degrees of complexity, far more often than any of us care to imagine. You are dealing with a breech in boundaries. Each of us have our own set of unexpressed limits that define our comfort zones as they are called upon in various situations of our daily lives. When you and your friend entered into this frontier (could have said "virgin", but that may have just seemed mean, lol) territory, the comfort zones were apparently sent into disarray.

May I suggest that you and your friend should talk, not about the evening's events, but rather about what each of you are willing to do to reinstate and secure the safety (comfort level) of each other?

Best wishes in securing your friendship.

Hugs,
Red

[Bella12]

Hey, thanks for thinking of me everyone, I really appreciate your advice and support :) Makes me feel all warm and fuzzy!

Hope you all have a fantastic day...

Luv Bella