the mage
Nov 13, 2007, 9:04 AM
The vast majority of Americans are monogamous and happy about it, expressing satisfaction with their sex lives and a broad preference for emotional commitment in sexual relationships. Most by far prefer marriage to the single life.
Among the results: Fifty-seven percent of Americans have had sex outdoors or in a public place. Half talk with their partners about their sexual fantasies. Forty-two percent call themselves sexually adventurous. Twenty-nine percent have had sex on a first date, and about as many have had an "unexpected sexual encounter with someone new." Fifteen percent of men -- and three in 10 single men age 30 and older -- have paid for sex. About half of women say they've faked an orgasm.
Americans' Sexual Behavior
Sex outdoors 57%
Discuss fantasies 51
Faked orgasm (women) 48
Sexually adventurous 42
First-date sex 29
Paid for sex (men) 15
Paid for sex (single men, 30+) 30
In some cases, where activity is less common, fantasy takes over. Among people who are married or living in a committed relationship (or formerly married), 16 percent have cheated on their partner (nearly twice as many men as women) -- while more, 30 percent, have fantasized about it. Fourteen percent of adults (and twice as many single men) have had sex in a threesome, while an additional 21 percent have fantasized about that. Twelve percent have had sex at their workplace, and it's been a fantasy for one in 10 more.
Fantasy and Activity
Did it Fantasized about it
Cheated 16% 30
Threesome 14 21
Sex at work 12 10
There are other signs of yearning: Among the 55 percent who describe their sexual activity as "traditional," about three in 10 would like to be more adventurous. And more -- four in 10, especially men -- would like more adventurousness in their partners.
The survey also finds huge differences in sexual attitudes between men and women. It underscores the wages of sin: Divorced or separated men are twice as likely to have been unfaithful in their marriage. And it demolishes the notion that singles are swinging: Even among young singles (under 30), nearly half aren't dating at all, and among those who are dating, eight in 10 are dating one person exclusively. Monogamy, again, rules the roost.
Moreover, the survey finds that satisfaction with sex does matter. A statistical analysis identifies some of the factors independently related to satisfaction with sex, marriage and life more broadly. Among other findings, it shows that activities such as discussing fantasies with a partner contribute to an exciting sex life, that an exciting sex life contributes to a happy marriage and that a happy marriage contributes to life satisfaction.
If women are from Venus, men are -- well -- men. Seventy percent of men think about sex every day -- double the rate among women. Indeed, 43 percent of men think about sex several times a day; just 13 percent of women do that. Eighty-three percent of men enjoy sex "a great deal"; that falls to 59 percent of women. Women, though, are equally likely to express satisfaction with their sex lives.
Sex and the Gender Gap
Men Women
Think about sex every day 70% 34
Enjoy sex a "great deal" 83 59
Overall, women report an average of six sex partners in their lifetimes; men, 20. But a better gauge of sexual activity for most people is the median, the midpoint between the high and low: Women report a median of three sex partners; men, a median of eight.
Total Number of Sex Partners
Average Median
All 13 5
Men 20 8
Women 6 3
While there are differences between the sexes, the data are internally coherent; for example, people who report more sex partners, men and women alike, are more apt to describe themselves as adventurous sexually and to say they enjoy sex a great deal.
Total Number of Sex Partners
All Men Women
One 19% 12 25
2-4 25 16 33
5-10 28 26 29
11-20 12 18 6
21+ 12 20 4
In another difference between the sexes, 42 percent of men report having had had sex on a first date; that drops to 17 percent of women. Again the data are coherent; women who report having had first-date sex also are much more likely to call themselves sexually adventurous, and they report many more sex partners across their lives -- an average of 19, compared with an average of four for other women.
A third of adults would like to have more sex than they do now -- but more men, about four in 10, than women, 28 percent. Men, as noted, are more apt to have cheated, much more apt to fantasize about it, and more than twice as likely as women to say it's acceptable to have casual sex without an emotional relationship -- "just doing it for the sex." (That's OK with 35 percent of men, compared with 15 percent of women.)
Women also are about half as likely as men to say they've had sex in a threesome, unexpectedly with someone new, or at work; and they're less likely to fantasize about these. A third of men have fantasized about a threesome and 20 percent have fantasized about an unexpected encounter; it's nine and 10 percent of women, respectively.
In the online realm, men are more than three times as likely as women to have looked at a sexually explicit Web site, and doing so spikes among men under 30. Relatively few -- but 11 percent of young men -- have participated in sex chat rooms. Women are much more likely to regard either of these activities as "being unfaithful."
Sex and the Web
Men < 30 Men Women
Have visited sex Web site 52 % 34 10
Have participated in sex chat room 11 5 2
Think visiting sex Web site is cheating 25 42
Think participating in sex chat room is cheating 54 72
The 'O' Word
Three-quarters of sexually active men say they "always" have an orgasm, while just 30 percent of women say the same. An additional 45 percent of women say they have an orgasm "most of the time," but not always.
The Big 'O': Men vs Women
Men Women
Always have orgasms 74% 30
Usually 23 45
Less often 3 24
As noted, nearly half of women report having faked an orgasm, but they aren't the only thespians: Eleven percent of men say they've done so too. Asked why they faked it, men and women alike speak mainly about either pleasing their partner or getting done.
Faking orgasms suggests dissatisfaction for some women; it's higher among women who've cheated on a spouse, are dissatisfied with their sex lives and are less than very satisfied with their marriages. But for others that doesn't necessarily hold: Sexually adventurous women are among the most likely always to have orgasms, yet also among the most likely to have faked them.
Women who are more likely always to have an orgasm are more apt to enjoy sex a great deal, think about it often, be satisfied with their sex lives and say their sex lives are very exciting. Always having an orgasm is least common among women age 40 and older, longtime marrieds, those who are less than very satisfied with their sex lives and with their marriage, and those who don't enjoy sex a great deal.
The orgasm gap between the sexes likely explains why men are more apt than women to enjoy sex a great deal. Among people who always have orgasms -- disproportionately men -- nearly nine in 10 enjoy sex a great deal. Among those who don't always or usually have orgasms -- mainly women -- top-level enjoyment drops to 46 percent.
Sexual Enjoyment
Have orgasms: Enjoy sex 'a great deal'
Always 87%
Usually 74
Less often 46
Accord
Men and women are more in sync in other areas. Eight in 10 sexually active men and women alike say they have about "the right amount" of sexual foreplay. And they offer identical median estimates of the amount of time they spend having sex, including foreplay: 45 minutes.
Three-quarters of men and women alike are unworried about contracting AIDS or another sexually transmitted disease; widespread monogamy is the likely reason.
In another area of accord, three-quarters of men and women alike say it's more enjoyable to be married than dating. Sexual activity is a likely reason: Just 35 percent of singles are currently involved in a sexual relationship (rising to 51 percent of young singles), compared with 83 percent of couples (and 91 percent of couples excluding seniors).
There is room for improvement. Among people who've had sex in the last year, nearly nine in 10 describe their sex lives as exciting -- but far fewer, just over a third, call it "very exciting." Similarly, while more than seven in 10 women and men alike say they're satisfied with their sex lives, fewer -- about half -- say they're "very" satisfied. Still, that's greater than high-level satisfaction with jobs or finances, and about equal to the satisfaction people express with their health and social lives.
Americans give higher satisfaction ratings to their family lives (68 percent "very" satisfied), but the highest of all to their marriages or committed relationships. Indeed nearly everyone in a married or committed relationship is satisfied with it -- 97 percent -- including eight in 10 who are "very satisfied," men and women alike.
Big Picture
The big picture, sexually speaking, is as follows: Ninety-seven percent of adult Americans have ever had sexual intercourse; three percent are virgins. Seventy-eight percent have had sex in the last year (86 percent of men and 70 percent of women). And 64 percent are currently involved in a sexual relationship. (Excluding senior citizens, it's 72 percent.)
Among those who've had sex in the last year, the vast majority -- 86 percent -- have had a single sex partner in that time period. Far fewer adults, however, have had a single sex partner in their entire lifetime -- a quarter of women, and 12 percent of men. Coupling is the norm: More than eight in 10 Americans are either married (52 percent), living with a partner in a committed relationship (eight percent), widowed (eight percent), or gave wedlock a whirl but are now separated or divorced (15 percent). Seventeen percent -- mainly younger adults -- never have married.
The Sex Lives of Americans
Enjoy sex a great deal 70%
Very satisfied with sex life 50
Sex life very exciting 36
Sexually traditional 55
Sexually adventurous 42
Americans say they first had sex at an average age of 18 (17 for men, 18 for women). Seniors report an average first-time age of 19; for adults under 25, it's 16. In a difference between the sexes, half of women, compared with 37 percent of men, say that in retrospect that was too young to start. One percent say they first had sex at age 30 or later; one female respondent said it was at age 50, another at 42 and a man at 39.
First-time sex was too young:
Men 37%
Women 50
Those who have sex do so with some regularity: Among those currently in a sexual relationship, 85 percent have sex about once a week or more, including 41 percent several times weekly and eight percent have sex daily. And people like it: Eighty-four percent of all women and 95 percent of men enjoy sex, although, as noted, men are much (24 points) more apt to enjoy it "a great deal."
The times clearly have changed in terms of sexual mores. Fifty-five percent of adults say homosexuality is "OK for some people"; in a 1982 Gallup poll, by contrast, just 34 percent called it an acceptable lifestyle. Sixty-one percent say premarital sex is OK -- compared with just 21 percent in a Gallup poll in 1969. Seniors are the only group in which a majority still says premarital sex is not acceptable; among young singles, by contrast, 76 percent say it's OK.
The Young and the Single
Young singles (under age 30) are less inhibited in some ways, but it isn't quite "Sex and the City" out there. Indeed, young singles have sex less frequently than people in a committed relationship (naturally -- they lack a ready partner). As noted, they're less likely to be in a sexual relationship.
Young singles are no more satisfied than couples sexually and no more likely to call their sex lives very exciting. Instead it's married (or living-together) young adults who are most apt to call their sex lives very satisfying and very exciting.
Sex Lives
Very satisfied Very exciting
Married/ committed under 30 77% 55
Singles under 30 53 36
All 30 and older 46 33
Less often 3 24
Young singles also are no more likely than anyone else to have had sex on a first date, or to watch sex movies. Compared to all adults, more young singles are virgins (16 percent), particularly young single women.
Sexually active young singles don't have more lifetime sex partners (they're still young); they report a median of two partners in the last year, compared with a median of one for other adults. Forty-seven percent of young singles are concerned about contracting AIDS or some other sexually transmitted disease, twice the level of concern among other adults. (Concern about AIDS and other STDs peaks, at 59 percent, among anyone who's had two or more sex partners in the last year.)
Young adults more broadly, whether single or in a relationship, are more progressive sexually. They're more apt to talk with partners about their sexual fantasies; 71 percent do, compared with 45 percent of their elders. They're more likely to describe themselves and their partners as sexually adventurous. They're more apt to look at sexually explicit Web sites (particularly young men -- 53 percent have done so, compared with 26 percent of young women).
Attitudinally, 65 percent of young adults say homosexuality is OK for some people, and 71 percent of young adults condone premarital sex (peaking, as noted, at 76 percent of young singles). Seniors are least likely, by far, to agree.
By Age
Discuss fantasies "Adventurous" Premarital Sex OK Homosexuality OK
18-29 71% 55 71 65
30-39 55 46 66 55
40-49 49 41 69 55
50-64 37 29 60 56
65+ 22 19 30 40
Discussing Fantasies: A Thing of Youth
Age Discussed fantasies
18-29 71%
30-39 55
40-49 49
50-64 37
65+ 22
Young adults (again, single and committed alike) also are more apt to have had rebound sex (33 percent, compared with 19 percent of their elders). And 16 percent have had "revenge sex," that is, "just to get back at someone else" -- double the rate among older adults.
One thing young adults surely have is stamina: Adults 30 and older have a median estimate of 45 minutes spent having sex, including foreplay; among those under age 30, it's a median of 60 minutes.
Older singles (age 30 and up), for their part, are much less likely to be involved in a sexual relationship (29 percent) and much less satisfied with their sex lives. As noted above, older single men are more likely to have cheated on a spouse or partner; and three in 10 of them have paid for sex. Older single men report a lifetime median of 12 sex partners (and an average of 34), the highest for any group; older single women, by contrast, report a median of four partners (and an average of eight).
There's one other notable finding about single men: Regardless of age, 28 percent of them say they've had sex in a threesome, double the rate for all adults.
There also are some ways in which late middle-agers stand out: Among adults age 50 to 64, 22 percent have cheated on their partner, more than in any other age group. Twenty-six percent of men in this age group have paid for sex. And most of the small group of men who report very large numbers of sex partners fall into this age category.
The Spark
There is clear evidence in this survey that sex loses its spark over time. Among couples who've been together less than three years, 58 percent call their sex lives very exciting. At more than 10 years, only half as many, 29 percent, say so.
Similarly, 79 percent of new couples are "very" satisfied with their sex lives, compared with 52 percent of long-term couples. And 87 percent of new couples enjoy sex "a great deal"; among long-term couples it's 17 points lower.
Not surprisingly, frequency of sex drops as well -- at least several times a week for 72 percent of new couples, but just for 32 percent of long-term couples.
The Spark: Sex Lives of Marrieds
Married < 3 years Married > 10 years
Have sex at least several times a week 72% 32
Sex life very exciting 58 29
Enjoy sex a great deal 87 70
Adventurousness can be a firestarter. People who call themselves adventurous sexually are 10 points more apt to be very satisfied with their sex lives, 20 points more apt to enjoy sex a great deal and nearly 30 points more apt to call their sex lives very exciting. They're also much more likely to have sex at least several times a week -- 62 percent of the adventurous do so, compared with 36 percent of sexual traditionalists.
Similarly, couples who sometimes "wear something sexy" are more likely, by 12 to 16 points, to enjoy sex a great deal, to be very satisfied with it and to call it very exciting. Talking about fantasies and watching explicit videos are related to more excitement in sexual relationships, but less so to satisfaction or enjoyment.
Satisfaction, in particular, matters: People who are satisfied with their sex lives are considerably more likely in turn to be satisfied with their overall relationship.
Specifically, among those who are very satisfied with the sex, 90 percent are also very satisfied with their marriage or committed relationship overall. Among those who are just somewhat satisfied with their sex lives, fewer, 71 percent, are very satisfied with their relationship. And among those who aren't satisfied with the sex, fewer still -- 53 percent -- are very satisfied with their marriage or partnership.
Moreover, people who aren't satisfied with their sexual relationship are by far the most likely to cheat on their spouse or partner. Thirty-six percent have done so.
Cheaters
All told, 16 percent of adults say they've strayed from a committed relationship, including 14 percent who've had sex outside of that relationship, and two percent who've had sexual activity but not intercourse. Twenty-one percent of men say they've cheated, as have 11 percent of women.
As noted, people who are not satisfied with their sex lives are most likely to have strayed, as are single men over 30 (that includes divorced, separated and widowed men, as well as never-marrieds). People 50 and older in general are more likely than younger adults to have cheated.
Cheaters by Age
Age Cheated
18-29 8%
30-39 11
40-49 15
50+ 21
There's a division in motivation among cheaters: Forty-five percent (mostly men) say it was mainly to fulfill a physical desire, while 33 percent (more apt to be women) say it was mainly to fulfill an emotional need.
Nearly seven in 10 cheaters say they stepped out with a friend; 39 percent with someone they just met, 37 percent with a co-worker and 15 percent with a neighbor (multiple answers were accepted). Men and women have cheated with a friend about equally; men are more apt to have cheated with a co-worker or someone they'd just met.
Cheaters are busy: They've had an average of 29 sex partners in their lifetimes (and a median of 12). They're more uninhibited and more permissive -- more likely to have watched sexually explicit videos, to have paid for sex, and to have had revenge or rebound sex; and more apt to approve of premarital sex and to say it's OK to have sex without an emotional relationship (45 percent of cheaters say so, compared with 19 percent of others).
Cheating: Who's Done It
All 16%
Men 21
Women 11
No children under 18 19
Dissatisfied w/ sex life 34
Single men 30+ 42
In terms of their sexual adventurousness, more than two-thirds of cheaters have had sex outdoors, three in 10 have had sex at work (more than double the overall rate), three in 10 report having had sex in a threesome (twice the rate for all adults) and another quarter have fantasized about it. Also, half of cheaters say they've had "an unexpected sexual encounter with someone new," double the rate among all adults -- suggesting that some cheating may be spontaneous rather than planned.
Fantasy Time
As the results suggest, fantasy plays a role in many Americans' sex lives. Among sexually active adults, 51 percent (men and women alike) say they talk with their partner about their fantasies in order to enhance their sex lives. And as noted, men are more likely to fantasize about threesomes, an unexpected sexual encounter with someone new, or cheating on their spouses.
Looking at pornographic Web sites likewise attracts more men. Fewer men or women fantasize about sex outdoors (likely because so many have done it), or sex at work.
Fantasized About...
All Men Women
A threesome 21% 33 9
Unexpected sex 15 20 10
Workplace sex 10 12 7
The role of fantasy in a happy sex life is not clear-cut. Discussing fantasies does lend itself to excitement: Forty-four percent of couples who talk about their fantasies call their sex lives very exciting, compared with 28 percent of those who don't. People who discuss their fantasies with their partner are also 10 points more apt to enjoy sex a great deal. But they're just six points more apt to be very satisfied with their sex life, and no more likely to be satisfied with their marriage or committed relationship.
Interplay
A regression analysis (measuring the effect of one factor by controlling for the influence of others) finds that factors related to Americans' satisfaction with their sex lives include how exciting they rate their sex lives, their frequency of sex (especially for married men), how regularly they experience orgasms, whether they're married or in a committed relationship and, only for people in a relationship, their lifetime number of sex partners (more partners is related to less satisfaction).
Positive contributors to an "exciting" sex life include wearing something sexy, discussing fantasies, age (excitement diminishes with age), being married or in a committed relationship, and frequency of orgasms.
On the negative side, sexual excitement declines with the duration of a marriage or committed relationship -- losing the spark. Nonetheless, people who are married or in a committed relationship still are more likely to be satisfied with their sex lives than those who are not in such a relationship, controlling for other factors such as age and frequency of sex.
Items missing from the list of contributors to a satisfying (rather than exciting) sex life also are notable; age, for example, is not a significant predictor. (That's limited of course to people who are active sexually, which excludes most senior citizens.)
Another regression analysis finds that Americans' satisfaction with their sex lives is a significant predictor of their satisfaction with their marriages or committed relationships. Satisfaction with family lives, and to a lesser degree with finances and social lives, also predict satisfaction with marriage, while satisfaction with health and work do not.
While directionality is hard to establish, it seems more plausible that satisfaction with sex fuels satisfaction with marriage than the reverse. That's because more people are very satisfied with their marriages than are very satisfied with their sex lives. If satisfaction with marriage drove satisfaction with sex, this gap would not exist.
A third regression finds that satisfaction with marriage is a predictor of satisfaction with life overall, along with satisfaction with finances (the strongest predictor) and with health, family life and social life and work. Satisfaction with sex does not directly predict satisfaction with life overall, but it does so indirectly through its positive influence on satisfaction with marriage.
Churchgoers
Religiosity guides sexual attitudes and behavior, with stark contrasts particularly between weekly churchgoers (a third of adults) and those who attend church infrequently or not at all (the "unchurched," about half).
Attitudinally, most weekly churchgoers say premarital sex and homosexuality are not acceptable; most infrequent attenders hold the opposite view. Ten percent of weekly churchgoers say sex without an emotional attachment is acceptable; it's 36 percent among the unchurched.
Asked their sexual orientation, five percent describe themselves as either homosexual or bisexual. As noted, there's a broad difference among groups on whether homosexuality is "OK for some people." Overall 55 percent say it is, including 65 percent of young adults (and 70 percent of young singles), compared with 40 percent of seniors.
Among the results: Fifty-seven percent of Americans have had sex outdoors or in a public place. Half talk with their partners about their sexual fantasies. Forty-two percent call themselves sexually adventurous. Twenty-nine percent have had sex on a first date, and about as many have had an "unexpected sexual encounter with someone new." Fifteen percent of men -- and three in 10 single men age 30 and older -- have paid for sex. About half of women say they've faked an orgasm.
Americans' Sexual Behavior
Sex outdoors 57%
Discuss fantasies 51
Faked orgasm (women) 48
Sexually adventurous 42
First-date sex 29
Paid for sex (men) 15
Paid for sex (single men, 30+) 30
In some cases, where activity is less common, fantasy takes over. Among people who are married or living in a committed relationship (or formerly married), 16 percent have cheated on their partner (nearly twice as many men as women) -- while more, 30 percent, have fantasized about it. Fourteen percent of adults (and twice as many single men) have had sex in a threesome, while an additional 21 percent have fantasized about that. Twelve percent have had sex at their workplace, and it's been a fantasy for one in 10 more.
Fantasy and Activity
Did it Fantasized about it
Cheated 16% 30
Threesome 14 21
Sex at work 12 10
There are other signs of yearning: Among the 55 percent who describe their sexual activity as "traditional," about three in 10 would like to be more adventurous. And more -- four in 10, especially men -- would like more adventurousness in their partners.
The survey also finds huge differences in sexual attitudes between men and women. It underscores the wages of sin: Divorced or separated men are twice as likely to have been unfaithful in their marriage. And it demolishes the notion that singles are swinging: Even among young singles (under 30), nearly half aren't dating at all, and among those who are dating, eight in 10 are dating one person exclusively. Monogamy, again, rules the roost.
Moreover, the survey finds that satisfaction with sex does matter. A statistical analysis identifies some of the factors independently related to satisfaction with sex, marriage and life more broadly. Among other findings, it shows that activities such as discussing fantasies with a partner contribute to an exciting sex life, that an exciting sex life contributes to a happy marriage and that a happy marriage contributes to life satisfaction.
If women are from Venus, men are -- well -- men. Seventy percent of men think about sex every day -- double the rate among women. Indeed, 43 percent of men think about sex several times a day; just 13 percent of women do that. Eighty-three percent of men enjoy sex "a great deal"; that falls to 59 percent of women. Women, though, are equally likely to express satisfaction with their sex lives.
Sex and the Gender Gap
Men Women
Think about sex every day 70% 34
Enjoy sex a "great deal" 83 59
Overall, women report an average of six sex partners in their lifetimes; men, 20. But a better gauge of sexual activity for most people is the median, the midpoint between the high and low: Women report a median of three sex partners; men, a median of eight.
Total Number of Sex Partners
Average Median
All 13 5
Men 20 8
Women 6 3
While there are differences between the sexes, the data are internally coherent; for example, people who report more sex partners, men and women alike, are more apt to describe themselves as adventurous sexually and to say they enjoy sex a great deal.
Total Number of Sex Partners
All Men Women
One 19% 12 25
2-4 25 16 33
5-10 28 26 29
11-20 12 18 6
21+ 12 20 4
In another difference between the sexes, 42 percent of men report having had had sex on a first date; that drops to 17 percent of women. Again the data are coherent; women who report having had first-date sex also are much more likely to call themselves sexually adventurous, and they report many more sex partners across their lives -- an average of 19, compared with an average of four for other women.
A third of adults would like to have more sex than they do now -- but more men, about four in 10, than women, 28 percent. Men, as noted, are more apt to have cheated, much more apt to fantasize about it, and more than twice as likely as women to say it's acceptable to have casual sex without an emotional relationship -- "just doing it for the sex." (That's OK with 35 percent of men, compared with 15 percent of women.)
Women also are about half as likely as men to say they've had sex in a threesome, unexpectedly with someone new, or at work; and they're less likely to fantasize about these. A third of men have fantasized about a threesome and 20 percent have fantasized about an unexpected encounter; it's nine and 10 percent of women, respectively.
In the online realm, men are more than three times as likely as women to have looked at a sexually explicit Web site, and doing so spikes among men under 30. Relatively few -- but 11 percent of young men -- have participated in sex chat rooms. Women are much more likely to regard either of these activities as "being unfaithful."
Sex and the Web
Men < 30 Men Women
Have visited sex Web site 52 % 34 10
Have participated in sex chat room 11 5 2
Think visiting sex Web site is cheating 25 42
Think participating in sex chat room is cheating 54 72
The 'O' Word
Three-quarters of sexually active men say they "always" have an orgasm, while just 30 percent of women say the same. An additional 45 percent of women say they have an orgasm "most of the time," but not always.
The Big 'O': Men vs Women
Men Women
Always have orgasms 74% 30
Usually 23 45
Less often 3 24
As noted, nearly half of women report having faked an orgasm, but they aren't the only thespians: Eleven percent of men say they've done so too. Asked why they faked it, men and women alike speak mainly about either pleasing their partner or getting done.
Faking orgasms suggests dissatisfaction for some women; it's higher among women who've cheated on a spouse, are dissatisfied with their sex lives and are less than very satisfied with their marriages. But for others that doesn't necessarily hold: Sexually adventurous women are among the most likely always to have orgasms, yet also among the most likely to have faked them.
Women who are more likely always to have an orgasm are more apt to enjoy sex a great deal, think about it often, be satisfied with their sex lives and say their sex lives are very exciting. Always having an orgasm is least common among women age 40 and older, longtime marrieds, those who are less than very satisfied with their sex lives and with their marriage, and those who don't enjoy sex a great deal.
The orgasm gap between the sexes likely explains why men are more apt than women to enjoy sex a great deal. Among people who always have orgasms -- disproportionately men -- nearly nine in 10 enjoy sex a great deal. Among those who don't always or usually have orgasms -- mainly women -- top-level enjoyment drops to 46 percent.
Sexual Enjoyment
Have orgasms: Enjoy sex 'a great deal'
Always 87%
Usually 74
Less often 46
Accord
Men and women are more in sync in other areas. Eight in 10 sexually active men and women alike say they have about "the right amount" of sexual foreplay. And they offer identical median estimates of the amount of time they spend having sex, including foreplay: 45 minutes.
Three-quarters of men and women alike are unworried about contracting AIDS or another sexually transmitted disease; widespread monogamy is the likely reason.
In another area of accord, three-quarters of men and women alike say it's more enjoyable to be married than dating. Sexual activity is a likely reason: Just 35 percent of singles are currently involved in a sexual relationship (rising to 51 percent of young singles), compared with 83 percent of couples (and 91 percent of couples excluding seniors).
There is room for improvement. Among people who've had sex in the last year, nearly nine in 10 describe their sex lives as exciting -- but far fewer, just over a third, call it "very exciting." Similarly, while more than seven in 10 women and men alike say they're satisfied with their sex lives, fewer -- about half -- say they're "very" satisfied. Still, that's greater than high-level satisfaction with jobs or finances, and about equal to the satisfaction people express with their health and social lives.
Americans give higher satisfaction ratings to their family lives (68 percent "very" satisfied), but the highest of all to their marriages or committed relationships. Indeed nearly everyone in a married or committed relationship is satisfied with it -- 97 percent -- including eight in 10 who are "very satisfied," men and women alike.
Big Picture
The big picture, sexually speaking, is as follows: Ninety-seven percent of adult Americans have ever had sexual intercourse; three percent are virgins. Seventy-eight percent have had sex in the last year (86 percent of men and 70 percent of women). And 64 percent are currently involved in a sexual relationship. (Excluding senior citizens, it's 72 percent.)
Among those who've had sex in the last year, the vast majority -- 86 percent -- have had a single sex partner in that time period. Far fewer adults, however, have had a single sex partner in their entire lifetime -- a quarter of women, and 12 percent of men. Coupling is the norm: More than eight in 10 Americans are either married (52 percent), living with a partner in a committed relationship (eight percent), widowed (eight percent), or gave wedlock a whirl but are now separated or divorced (15 percent). Seventeen percent -- mainly younger adults -- never have married.
The Sex Lives of Americans
Enjoy sex a great deal 70%
Very satisfied with sex life 50
Sex life very exciting 36
Sexually traditional 55
Sexually adventurous 42
Americans say they first had sex at an average age of 18 (17 for men, 18 for women). Seniors report an average first-time age of 19; for adults under 25, it's 16. In a difference between the sexes, half of women, compared with 37 percent of men, say that in retrospect that was too young to start. One percent say they first had sex at age 30 or later; one female respondent said it was at age 50, another at 42 and a man at 39.
First-time sex was too young:
Men 37%
Women 50
Those who have sex do so with some regularity: Among those currently in a sexual relationship, 85 percent have sex about once a week or more, including 41 percent several times weekly and eight percent have sex daily. And people like it: Eighty-four percent of all women and 95 percent of men enjoy sex, although, as noted, men are much (24 points) more apt to enjoy it "a great deal."
The times clearly have changed in terms of sexual mores. Fifty-five percent of adults say homosexuality is "OK for some people"; in a 1982 Gallup poll, by contrast, just 34 percent called it an acceptable lifestyle. Sixty-one percent say premarital sex is OK -- compared with just 21 percent in a Gallup poll in 1969. Seniors are the only group in which a majority still says premarital sex is not acceptable; among young singles, by contrast, 76 percent say it's OK.
The Young and the Single
Young singles (under age 30) are less inhibited in some ways, but it isn't quite "Sex and the City" out there. Indeed, young singles have sex less frequently than people in a committed relationship (naturally -- they lack a ready partner). As noted, they're less likely to be in a sexual relationship.
Young singles are no more satisfied than couples sexually and no more likely to call their sex lives very exciting. Instead it's married (or living-together) young adults who are most apt to call their sex lives very satisfying and very exciting.
Sex Lives
Very satisfied Very exciting
Married/ committed under 30 77% 55
Singles under 30 53 36
All 30 and older 46 33
Less often 3 24
Young singles also are no more likely than anyone else to have had sex on a first date, or to watch sex movies. Compared to all adults, more young singles are virgins (16 percent), particularly young single women.
Sexually active young singles don't have more lifetime sex partners (they're still young); they report a median of two partners in the last year, compared with a median of one for other adults. Forty-seven percent of young singles are concerned about contracting AIDS or some other sexually transmitted disease, twice the level of concern among other adults. (Concern about AIDS and other STDs peaks, at 59 percent, among anyone who's had two or more sex partners in the last year.)
Young adults more broadly, whether single or in a relationship, are more progressive sexually. They're more apt to talk with partners about their sexual fantasies; 71 percent do, compared with 45 percent of their elders. They're more likely to describe themselves and their partners as sexually adventurous. They're more apt to look at sexually explicit Web sites (particularly young men -- 53 percent have done so, compared with 26 percent of young women).
Attitudinally, 65 percent of young adults say homosexuality is OK for some people, and 71 percent of young adults condone premarital sex (peaking, as noted, at 76 percent of young singles). Seniors are least likely, by far, to agree.
By Age
Discuss fantasies "Adventurous" Premarital Sex OK Homosexuality OK
18-29 71% 55 71 65
30-39 55 46 66 55
40-49 49 41 69 55
50-64 37 29 60 56
65+ 22 19 30 40
Discussing Fantasies: A Thing of Youth
Age Discussed fantasies
18-29 71%
30-39 55
40-49 49
50-64 37
65+ 22
Young adults (again, single and committed alike) also are more apt to have had rebound sex (33 percent, compared with 19 percent of their elders). And 16 percent have had "revenge sex," that is, "just to get back at someone else" -- double the rate among older adults.
One thing young adults surely have is stamina: Adults 30 and older have a median estimate of 45 minutes spent having sex, including foreplay; among those under age 30, it's a median of 60 minutes.
Older singles (age 30 and up), for their part, are much less likely to be involved in a sexual relationship (29 percent) and much less satisfied with their sex lives. As noted above, older single men are more likely to have cheated on a spouse or partner; and three in 10 of them have paid for sex. Older single men report a lifetime median of 12 sex partners (and an average of 34), the highest for any group; older single women, by contrast, report a median of four partners (and an average of eight).
There's one other notable finding about single men: Regardless of age, 28 percent of them say they've had sex in a threesome, double the rate for all adults.
There also are some ways in which late middle-agers stand out: Among adults age 50 to 64, 22 percent have cheated on their partner, more than in any other age group. Twenty-six percent of men in this age group have paid for sex. And most of the small group of men who report very large numbers of sex partners fall into this age category.
The Spark
There is clear evidence in this survey that sex loses its spark over time. Among couples who've been together less than three years, 58 percent call their sex lives very exciting. At more than 10 years, only half as many, 29 percent, say so.
Similarly, 79 percent of new couples are "very" satisfied with their sex lives, compared with 52 percent of long-term couples. And 87 percent of new couples enjoy sex "a great deal"; among long-term couples it's 17 points lower.
Not surprisingly, frequency of sex drops as well -- at least several times a week for 72 percent of new couples, but just for 32 percent of long-term couples.
The Spark: Sex Lives of Marrieds
Married < 3 years Married > 10 years
Have sex at least several times a week 72% 32
Sex life very exciting 58 29
Enjoy sex a great deal 87 70
Adventurousness can be a firestarter. People who call themselves adventurous sexually are 10 points more apt to be very satisfied with their sex lives, 20 points more apt to enjoy sex a great deal and nearly 30 points more apt to call their sex lives very exciting. They're also much more likely to have sex at least several times a week -- 62 percent of the adventurous do so, compared with 36 percent of sexual traditionalists.
Similarly, couples who sometimes "wear something sexy" are more likely, by 12 to 16 points, to enjoy sex a great deal, to be very satisfied with it and to call it very exciting. Talking about fantasies and watching explicit videos are related to more excitement in sexual relationships, but less so to satisfaction or enjoyment.
Satisfaction, in particular, matters: People who are satisfied with their sex lives are considerably more likely in turn to be satisfied with their overall relationship.
Specifically, among those who are very satisfied with the sex, 90 percent are also very satisfied with their marriage or committed relationship overall. Among those who are just somewhat satisfied with their sex lives, fewer, 71 percent, are very satisfied with their relationship. And among those who aren't satisfied with the sex, fewer still -- 53 percent -- are very satisfied with their marriage or partnership.
Moreover, people who aren't satisfied with their sexual relationship are by far the most likely to cheat on their spouse or partner. Thirty-six percent have done so.
Cheaters
All told, 16 percent of adults say they've strayed from a committed relationship, including 14 percent who've had sex outside of that relationship, and two percent who've had sexual activity but not intercourse. Twenty-one percent of men say they've cheated, as have 11 percent of women.
As noted, people who are not satisfied with their sex lives are most likely to have strayed, as are single men over 30 (that includes divorced, separated and widowed men, as well as never-marrieds). People 50 and older in general are more likely than younger adults to have cheated.
Cheaters by Age
Age Cheated
18-29 8%
30-39 11
40-49 15
50+ 21
There's a division in motivation among cheaters: Forty-five percent (mostly men) say it was mainly to fulfill a physical desire, while 33 percent (more apt to be women) say it was mainly to fulfill an emotional need.
Nearly seven in 10 cheaters say they stepped out with a friend; 39 percent with someone they just met, 37 percent with a co-worker and 15 percent with a neighbor (multiple answers were accepted). Men and women have cheated with a friend about equally; men are more apt to have cheated with a co-worker or someone they'd just met.
Cheaters are busy: They've had an average of 29 sex partners in their lifetimes (and a median of 12). They're more uninhibited and more permissive -- more likely to have watched sexually explicit videos, to have paid for sex, and to have had revenge or rebound sex; and more apt to approve of premarital sex and to say it's OK to have sex without an emotional relationship (45 percent of cheaters say so, compared with 19 percent of others).
Cheating: Who's Done It
All 16%
Men 21
Women 11
No children under 18 19
Dissatisfied w/ sex life 34
Single men 30+ 42
In terms of their sexual adventurousness, more than two-thirds of cheaters have had sex outdoors, three in 10 have had sex at work (more than double the overall rate), three in 10 report having had sex in a threesome (twice the rate for all adults) and another quarter have fantasized about it. Also, half of cheaters say they've had "an unexpected sexual encounter with someone new," double the rate among all adults -- suggesting that some cheating may be spontaneous rather than planned.
Fantasy Time
As the results suggest, fantasy plays a role in many Americans' sex lives. Among sexually active adults, 51 percent (men and women alike) say they talk with their partner about their fantasies in order to enhance their sex lives. And as noted, men are more likely to fantasize about threesomes, an unexpected sexual encounter with someone new, or cheating on their spouses.
Looking at pornographic Web sites likewise attracts more men. Fewer men or women fantasize about sex outdoors (likely because so many have done it), or sex at work.
Fantasized About...
All Men Women
A threesome 21% 33 9
Unexpected sex 15 20 10
Workplace sex 10 12 7
The role of fantasy in a happy sex life is not clear-cut. Discussing fantasies does lend itself to excitement: Forty-four percent of couples who talk about their fantasies call their sex lives very exciting, compared with 28 percent of those who don't. People who discuss their fantasies with their partner are also 10 points more apt to enjoy sex a great deal. But they're just six points more apt to be very satisfied with their sex life, and no more likely to be satisfied with their marriage or committed relationship.
Interplay
A regression analysis (measuring the effect of one factor by controlling for the influence of others) finds that factors related to Americans' satisfaction with their sex lives include how exciting they rate their sex lives, their frequency of sex (especially for married men), how regularly they experience orgasms, whether they're married or in a committed relationship and, only for people in a relationship, their lifetime number of sex partners (more partners is related to less satisfaction).
Positive contributors to an "exciting" sex life include wearing something sexy, discussing fantasies, age (excitement diminishes with age), being married or in a committed relationship, and frequency of orgasms.
On the negative side, sexual excitement declines with the duration of a marriage or committed relationship -- losing the spark. Nonetheless, people who are married or in a committed relationship still are more likely to be satisfied with their sex lives than those who are not in such a relationship, controlling for other factors such as age and frequency of sex.
Items missing from the list of contributors to a satisfying (rather than exciting) sex life also are notable; age, for example, is not a significant predictor. (That's limited of course to people who are active sexually, which excludes most senior citizens.)
Another regression analysis finds that Americans' satisfaction with their sex lives is a significant predictor of their satisfaction with their marriages or committed relationships. Satisfaction with family lives, and to a lesser degree with finances and social lives, also predict satisfaction with marriage, while satisfaction with health and work do not.
While directionality is hard to establish, it seems more plausible that satisfaction with sex fuels satisfaction with marriage than the reverse. That's because more people are very satisfied with their marriages than are very satisfied with their sex lives. If satisfaction with marriage drove satisfaction with sex, this gap would not exist.
A third regression finds that satisfaction with marriage is a predictor of satisfaction with life overall, along with satisfaction with finances (the strongest predictor) and with health, family life and social life and work. Satisfaction with sex does not directly predict satisfaction with life overall, but it does so indirectly through its positive influence on satisfaction with marriage.
Churchgoers
Religiosity guides sexual attitudes and behavior, with stark contrasts particularly between weekly churchgoers (a third of adults) and those who attend church infrequently or not at all (the "unchurched," about half).
Attitudinally, most weekly churchgoers say premarital sex and homosexuality are not acceptable; most infrequent attenders hold the opposite view. Ten percent of weekly churchgoers say sex without an emotional attachment is acceptable; it's 36 percent among the unchurched.
Asked their sexual orientation, five percent describe themselves as either homosexual or bisexual. As noted, there's a broad difference among groups on whether homosexuality is "OK for some people." Overall 55 percent say it is, including 65 percent of young adults (and 70 percent of young singles), compared with 40 percent of seniors.