convincing the wife? [Archive]

kburges12

Nov 8, 2007, 5:59 PM

darkeyes

Nov 8, 2007, 6:04 PM

Don pressurise er hun..mire push er ova edge ok..but mayb not way hoped for.. an ya mite jus not hava a wife... things shud happen natural or not at all.. u pressurise er an ya mite jus find ya world fall down round ya ears like a decka cards!

Now me don mind a nice gal cein the lite..but ahsta b er that wants it for erself..not 2 please sum 1 else... therein lies disaster for both of yas..

SPBiGuy

Nov 8, 2007, 7:28 PM

Pay close attention to darkeyes. She is quite correct in the advise she gives here. If it is meant to happen, it will happen but in its own time and for its own reasons. Don't force it or you just might loose everything.

kburges12

Nov 8, 2007, 9:58 PM

DeleteAccount1234

Nov 8, 2007, 10:11 PM

While its fun to have fantasies and we ALL have one or more fantasies.....
You DO have to remember that just cause its fun in your head, doesn't mean it will be fun when you actually do it.

DO NOT pressure or force your wife.... she might be playing along cause personally, we all play along with each others fantasies sometimes, simply cause its fun.

If you force or pressure your wife, you may be facing a divorce.
You have told her how you feel, you want that to happen... thats all she needs to know. Just let it happen in its own time. It may not happen, it may happen.

Things you should talk to your wife about:
Ask her if she wants to be with another woman, AND please let her choose whoever she wants.
If she doesn't really want to be with another woman then there. She doesn't want to do it. Don't change her mind cause it'll just lend to fights. She COULD change her mind but let her do that herself.

So far she has said she doesn't want another man touching her... thats fine... you all could have a 4 some in a big room (like the living room) and the guys are on one side, and the girls are on the other. then the males can't touch the girls.
Course whoever you pick MUST understand hes off limits to your wife...

The most important rule is COMMUNICATION.
Before you guys even do anything... if you have the 2 people, the 4 of you should sit down and talk.
Will you all stop at any time if someone gets uncomfortable and doesn't want to go any further??
Whats ok and not ok to do on each other ??
Things like that.

While it may look easy and simple and fun in your head..... its not that easy in person..... People can get hurt, lifes could get ruined.... so its something you really need to think about.

If your wife doesn't even want to do a 4 some then don't just leave it as a fantasy.

DeleteAccount1234

Nov 8, 2007, 10:14 PM

Not trying to push her. Just wanted some ideas on how to maybe get her to want to do more than just fantasize about it. She has said that maybe she would be with a woman and I want ideas on how to further get her excited about it.

Encourage her then....
Would she feel better if she had her first time with a woman ALONE ?? (assuming this is her first)
If so, then allow her..... maybe shes just not comfortable having sex with a woman with men in the room if shes never been with a woman before.

Don't push her or force her.... try to find out why shes uncomfortable?
Is she scared? if so, of what??
Stuff like that to think about.

Butterfly Dancer

Nov 8, 2007, 11:14 PM

yeah you should really listen to what everyones said... they seem to be on the ball.

Just basically avoid making her feel like she HAS to do it and drop it if she doesnt want to.

Hope it all goes well:)

Bluebiyou

Nov 9, 2007, 12:17 AM

kburges12 whoa, dude. Take one question from a guy in Summerville.
Why do you want to see your wife with anyone else?
It's one thing to see hot f on f action, I agree. Man, when I see two women passionately kissing in a gay bar I want to scream a primal scream!
But methinks ye be missing on a few cylinders of your V8. I honestly don't mean this as an insult. Please don't take it that way... but you're... either missing a couple vital points or including a couple that don't quite belong.
If you want to bring an guy to your nuptial bed and your wife is cool, then do it. The only down is if you think she wants to blackmail you down the road (this does happen both ways)... if you don't trust her (and want her to do f on f to create a mutually libelous situation)... then you've got another issue and you probably shouldn't play where you're intending. If you've got a bit of a control issue and you want to see her do something for your entertainment, then... that's the situation. Finally, (and hopefully) if you're skiddish to dive in the deep end unless she dives in the deep end... Ahhh, that is normal/healthy... but it would be a good idea to discuss that as much as you can here at bisexual.com with... whomever you trust... this goes a wee bit deeper than ye think! Good luck!

DiamondDog

Nov 9, 2007, 12:35 AM

My wife knows my fantasy to have a bi 4way. So far she has only said that she doesn't want another man to touch her, just me. She thinks it is only a fantasy but I really want to do this. My fantasy is for me to be with another man and for her to be with another woman at the same time. She has gone along with my fantasy but I am not sure she really wants to be with another woman or not. Any Ideas how I can convince her or push her over the edge?

You can't force someone to do anything that they don't want to do, or make them excited and want to do something that they have no interest in doing.

Keep this as a fantasy that won't happen, we all have those.

If you want to watch two women have sex, which I don't really get the appeal of at all since it doesn't arouse me one bit at all, go rent/buy/download a lesbian porn made by hetero men or just keep it as a fantasy.

TaylorMade

Nov 9, 2007, 2:21 AM

You can't force someone to do anything that they don't want to do, or make them excited and want to do something that they have no interest in doing.

Keep this as a fantasy that won't happen, we all have those.

If you want to watch two women have sex, which I don't really get the appeal of at all since it doesn't arouse me one bit at all, go rent/buy/download a lesbian porn made by hetero men or just keep it as a fantasy.

She hasn't said no yet. All he can do is sit down and discuss it with her.

And being that it seems you don't really like lesbian porn. . . maybe you're not in the best position to be giving advice here.

Just saying.

*Taylor*

the mage

Nov 9, 2007, 7:42 AM

Not trying to push her. Just wanted some ideas on how to maybe get her to want to do more than just fantasize about it. She has said that maybe she would be with a woman and I want ideas on how to further get her excited about it.

................ how about leave her the fuck alone to decide what she wants to do with HER body and you go fulfill YOUR fantasies with your body.

darkeyes

Nov 9, 2007, 10:20 AM

................ how about leave her the fuck alone to decide what she wants to do with HER body and you go fulfill YOUR fantasies with your body.

Even if she says no Magie??

Germanicus

Nov 9, 2007, 12:29 PM

Dude, if there is anything that will guarantee heartache for both parties, it will trying to get your wife to do something she is not interested in. If someone is not interested, they are not interested, and if you continue to push, they will be fully entitled to either push back or push off.

DiamondDog

Nov 9, 2007, 12:33 PM

She hasn't said no yet. All he can do is sit down and discuss it with her.

And being that it seems you don't really like lesbian porn. . . maybe you're not in the best position to be giving advice here.

Just saying.

*Taylor*

Why not?

Discussing things is one thing but if the person says no, or makes it clear that they have no interest in doing something that you do, just drop the subject and don't bring it up again, and like I said before it's NOT a good idea to push or force someone into doing something that they don't have an interest in doing.

I agree with this:

Dude, if there is anything that will guarantee heartache for both parties, it will trying to get your wife to do something she is not interested in. If someone is not interested, they are not interested, and if you continue to push, they will be fully entitled to either push back or push off.

TaylorMade

Nov 9, 2007, 5:17 PM

Why not?

Discussing things is one thing but if the person says no, or makes it clear that they have no interest in doing something that you do, just drop the subject and don't bring it up again, and like I said before it's NOT a good idea to push or force someone into doing something that they don't have an interest in doing.

I agree with this:

You barely like women sexually...and have said you prefer a relationship with a guy. Let's put it like this- - I would be in VERY DIRE STRAITS to go to you for advice about a woman. Nothing personal.

I'm reading this post again. It's ambiguous as to whether she fully said no to the entire proposition. Nice Quiet Gal seems to be on track with this.

*Taylor*

MarieDelta

Nov 9, 2007, 7:15 PM

Encourage her then....
Would she feel better if she had her first time with a woman ALONE ?? (assuming this is her first)
If so, then allow her..... maybe shes just not comfortable having sex with a woman with men in the room if shes never been with a woman before.

Don't push her or force her.... try to find out why shes uncomfortable?
Is she scared? if so, of what??
Stuff like that to think about.

One peice of advice if I may. Don't nag at her about it. I'm not saying you are or aren't, but don't.

If she says she wants time to think about it, let her think about it. Bringing it up a whole bunch isn't gonna make her want to do it anymore than she does now(it might even push her towards not doing it).

Ask her questions about what she would like to do, what are her fantasies?

Also talk to each other a bunch. About her boundaries and about yours, especially if she agrees to do this.

just my opinion.

kburges12

Nov 9, 2007, 8:05 PM

TaylorMade

Nov 9, 2007, 10:03 PM

OK to clarify things a bit. I am not trying to push my wife into anything she doesn't want to do!! She has had fantasies about sleeping with women and has said she might want to try it. What I want to know is: Without pushing or forcing her or nagging her like"come on, do it for me!!" (Which I would never do!!) Can anyone give me ideas on how to make this more of a fantasy or better yet reality without being pushy? And please don't reply with don't do it or don't push her or you will lose her, just with the answers i seek if any please.

Talk about it openly... don't connive, don't deceive. Maybe have a nice dinner as a back drop. Be willing to make compromises...if she insists on having her first time with a woman solo, then so be it. She's already been clear about what she wants (no other men touching her) ... then be clear about what you would like and see if there is any common ground.

It's not a guarantee, but it's all the advice I can give.

*Taylor*

raistkit

Nov 10, 2007, 2:12 AM

communication is the key. have you ever considered writing your fantasies to one and other? it's kinda like love letters, only more erotic. it can be done on paper, trust me she'll love reading it, tell her what you want to see. ask for a letter back, about what she wants to see. she just might surprise you. a couple of roses with the letter won't hurt:2cents:

kit

Germanicus

Nov 10, 2007, 4:06 AM

I wonder how many of us would feel if we were in the position of kburges12's wife?

Sure, she has said that she *may* be interested in experiencing another woman, but this has to come from her in her own time. Suggesting scenarios, etc., in which this could be addressed in not the way to go about it. After all, she has laid down the boundaries of what she considers "acceptable", but by continually going-on about it you will only arouse her suspicion and make her wonder if you have an ulterior motive.

The simplest way to address the issue is to say to her that she can talk to you when she wants to or feels ready. If she talks to you about it, good; if she doesn't, its her decision, and if you love her and respect her, then you have to accept her decision. Its that simple - its up to her.

the mage

Nov 10, 2007, 9:46 AM

Even if she says no Magie??

yes thats pretty much the point................

the mage

Nov 10, 2007, 9:50 AM

OK to clarify things a bit. I am not trying to push my wife into anything she doesn't want to do!! She has had fantasies about sleeping with women and has said she might want to try it. What I want to know is: Without pushing or forcing her or nagging her like"come on, do it for me!!" (Which I would never do!!) Can anyone give me ideas on how to make this more of a fantasy or better yet reality without being pushy? And please don't reply with don't do it or don't push her or you will lose her, just with the answers i seek if any please.

...............tell her shes free to go out and fall in love with a women if she finds one she wants. You then take your chances that she leaves you. She might go out and fall in love with another man ..

If she does not separate love and sex in her mind and you are not seing that. you are simply being an annoying man.

**Peg**

Nov 10, 2007, 1:49 PM

...Can anyone give me ideas on how to make this more of a fantasy or better yet reality without being pushy? And please don't reply with don't do it or don't push her or you will lose her, just with the answers i seek if any please.

The way I see it is that she knows now what YOU want.... leave her alone to decide if she wants the same thing. You can't convince her, with subtle manipulation nor suggestion nor guilt nor pressure.. she has to come to it herself, and willingly... in other words be patient.

Germanicus

Nov 10, 2007, 9:34 PM

DiamondDog

Nov 14, 2007, 8:09 PM

You barely like women sexually...and have said you prefer a relationship with a guy. Let's put it like this- - I would be in VERY DIRE STRAITS to go to you for advice about a woman. Nothing personal.

I'm reading this post again. It's ambiguous as to whether she fully said no to the entire proposition. Nice Quiet Gal seems to be on track with this.

*Taylor*

Please don't assume things about me that you don't know. :)

I do like some women (I'm just VERY picky) and I am attracted to the female gender/the feminine but just not as much as men who are more on the het side, which seems to be most men here.

I just go through periods where I'm simply not attracted to women at all and I'll also become pretty equal and attracted to them then.

Anyway, this topic isn't about me and it's about manipulation and when one person wants to do something and their partner does not.

I know the OP asked for advice and we did give it to him but none of us are in a relationship with this person and it's common sense that it's not a good idea to manipulate, force, guilt, or blackmail someone into doing ANYTHING that they don't want to do and this doesn't have to do with only sex or making a fantasy come true.

In other words, there's the old saying: "You can attract more flies with honey than vinegar.

Why would someone want to attract flies?

Perhaps their venus flytrap plant is hungry? :)

scubaman

Nov 15, 2007, 6:44 AM

The way I see it is that she knows now what YOU want.... leave her alone to decide if she wants the same thing. You can't convince her, with subtle manipulation nor suggestion nor guilt nor pressure.. she has to come to it herself, and willingly... in other words be patient.

Agree! In forcing her you will only be doing permanant damage if you "force" her into doing something she really does not want to do and that could come back and haunt you later. As stated above, be patient! :2cents:

CMack

Dec 7, 2007, 11:11 PM

Fantasy and reality are two VERY different things. Repercussions abound.

masterdsygn

Dec 7, 2007, 11:57 PM

The fact of the matter is she may not like the idea at first, but you would be supprised about how people will act. I think that coming from someone that has had experince in not wanting any other person than my husband I do agree with how she feels, but my husband and i sat down and established rules and the fact is is that i being the woman that (had) no desire to be with anyone else, still most of the time feel that way, but when I get to be free and establish relationships and friendships, well that turns my husbands fantasy into reality! In a sense it turns me on also, so don't push her , but let her discover how it makes her feel on her own. My Question to you is that does she know that you go onto this site?:shades::bounce: