voicewithin
Nov 7, 2007, 9:35 AM
I'm new here and I need help. I have been a bisexual all my life.
I think I've fought it most of my life. I just didn't WANT to be. I hid for many years.
During my first marriage I was able to experiment a little which is when I REALLY knew and came to terms with it. My 1st husband was understanding and supportive.
We broke up after 13 years (totally unrelated to my sexual preference)
During my "single" time I was able to explore my bisexuality. I felt very comfortable with it. I've never "dated" a woman only men but have had sexual encounters with women friends.
To make a very long story short I met my now husband. Upon our meeting I was VERY upfront with him about my sexual nature. Told him it was not something that could be changed and in order for us to date there would have to be a very clear understanding of this. Like most men he was "all about it" until reality set in.
Funny all they can think is "woohoo threesome"
While we were dating we had one encounter upon his insistance, with a woman and he freaked. We were all drunk and he "pushed us together (in his words to see what it would be like) Had I not been drunk it would have never happened. He was fine when all started and he was the "center" of attention but when she denied him "access" and she and I started kissing within 30 seconds he freaked out and became VERY nasty towards me. At this point he had been very intimate with her already and all I did was kiss her. I stopped everything instantly and took myself out of the situation.
We never again went there- as he apologized and later stated he was/is a jealous man and could/can not handle this. He could/can never share me with another person. Pandoras box opened that night tho' I'm afraid because after a small moment of being with a woman again I forgot how much I missed it and the urges started all over again. Even tho' it turned into a very dramatic event. One of which I did not push for, he did.
After 4 years we married and here we are. He is not fine with it and now we are married.
I have a girl-friend that I've known for many years. I had slept with before him and during a "breakup" from him a couple of years ago. (We've been off and on over my sexuality) She is married and her husband is totally supportive of her and has full knowledge.
My husband is telling me now in order for our relationship to go forward I must end this friendship with her. He has said this many times before about not only her but a few other friends and I've always done it. Only to have him see how sad I get and say "please call _____ or lets go _______" It's like he pushes it and then gets mad at me! He even had me invite these same people to our wedding which they graciously declined because of his erratic behavior of "be friends- no- don't be friends"
I'm heartbroken and confused. Her and I have not been together sexually in a long time. We would like to be neither of us lie about it when asked. I believe in honesty.
He asks me and I tell him my feelings and he knows how we both feel but I have respected my marriage and not gone outside of it and she and her husband respect our marriage and offer nothing but their friendship. They keep their distance and NEVER even go there. They are very careful with him.
I feel like I should be able to discuss these urges and he see's this all as insult. I've tried to explain to him that people are attracted to other people everyday- but he says that married people don't yearn. That once you get married that's it! You are never supposed to think or want of anyones else but your spouse.
In a perfect world I suppose thats true but I've never believed that. People are people and feelings are feelings. You can not act on urges but you should still be able to talk about them.
I ask him over and over why did he want to marry me and he always says the same thing "because I love you" to which my answer is you love the "straight" me.
Can anyone help me out here?
I love my husband - when things are right I've never felt so much closeness or anything more perfect or right in my life. But this is tearing us apart. I've been reading things that say straight/bi relationships don't work. Like 85% end in divorce.
I don't want to lose my friends, myself or my husband but there doesn't seem to be any balance.
I think I've fought it most of my life. I just didn't WANT to be. I hid for many years.
During my first marriage I was able to experiment a little which is when I REALLY knew and came to terms with it. My 1st husband was understanding and supportive.
We broke up after 13 years (totally unrelated to my sexual preference)
During my "single" time I was able to explore my bisexuality. I felt very comfortable with it. I've never "dated" a woman only men but have had sexual encounters with women friends.
To make a very long story short I met my now husband. Upon our meeting I was VERY upfront with him about my sexual nature. Told him it was not something that could be changed and in order for us to date there would have to be a very clear understanding of this. Like most men he was "all about it" until reality set in.
Funny all they can think is "woohoo threesome"
While we were dating we had one encounter upon his insistance, with a woman and he freaked. We were all drunk and he "pushed us together (in his words to see what it would be like) Had I not been drunk it would have never happened. He was fine when all started and he was the "center" of attention but when she denied him "access" and she and I started kissing within 30 seconds he freaked out and became VERY nasty towards me. At this point he had been very intimate with her already and all I did was kiss her. I stopped everything instantly and took myself out of the situation.
We never again went there- as he apologized and later stated he was/is a jealous man and could/can not handle this. He could/can never share me with another person. Pandoras box opened that night tho' I'm afraid because after a small moment of being with a woman again I forgot how much I missed it and the urges started all over again. Even tho' it turned into a very dramatic event. One of which I did not push for, he did.
After 4 years we married and here we are. He is not fine with it and now we are married.
I have a girl-friend that I've known for many years. I had slept with before him and during a "breakup" from him a couple of years ago. (We've been off and on over my sexuality) She is married and her husband is totally supportive of her and has full knowledge.
My husband is telling me now in order for our relationship to go forward I must end this friendship with her. He has said this many times before about not only her but a few other friends and I've always done it. Only to have him see how sad I get and say "please call _____ or lets go _______" It's like he pushes it and then gets mad at me! He even had me invite these same people to our wedding which they graciously declined because of his erratic behavior of "be friends- no- don't be friends"
I'm heartbroken and confused. Her and I have not been together sexually in a long time. We would like to be neither of us lie about it when asked. I believe in honesty.
He asks me and I tell him my feelings and he knows how we both feel but I have respected my marriage and not gone outside of it and she and her husband respect our marriage and offer nothing but their friendship. They keep their distance and NEVER even go there. They are very careful with him.
I feel like I should be able to discuss these urges and he see's this all as insult. I've tried to explain to him that people are attracted to other people everyday- but he says that married people don't yearn. That once you get married that's it! You are never supposed to think or want of anyones else but your spouse.
In a perfect world I suppose thats true but I've never believed that. People are people and feelings are feelings. You can not act on urges but you should still be able to talk about them.
I ask him over and over why did he want to marry me and he always says the same thing "because I love you" to which my answer is you love the "straight" me.
Can anyone help me out here?
I love my husband - when things are right I've never felt so much closeness or anything more perfect or right in my life. But this is tearing us apart. I've been reading things that say straight/bi relationships don't work. Like 85% end in divorce.
I don't want to lose my friends, myself or my husband but there doesn't seem to be any balance.