Negativity/Sensitivity

[lashalane]

I'm seeing the word "Negativity" being thrown around alot lately. What is negative about someone voicing an adverse opinion?

What is with all the hyper sensitivity? All these advice threads and opinion threads are things being requested by other members, so if you ask for advice, opinions or just put yourself out there, please expect a response. Please expect that that response may not always be what you WANT to hear. If you are asking for advice, then you may even get , not what you want to hear, but what you NEED to hear.

Forums are for viewpoints and if interested in the topic, we are going to give ours. No one is getting relentlessly blasted or treated in a degrading, disrespectful or humiliating manner.

So why is this being labeled as Negativity? I'll leave it as this for now.. lets see where it goes.

[CuddlyKate]

Being negative is sometimes as positive as the positive. The positive is often wrong after all. Its a matter of perspective from each persons point of view. It can be equally as valid as the positive and sometimes there is no immediate solution to that.

[vittoria]

IMHO and my :2cents:

To answer the question of "What is negative about someone voicing an adverse opinion"


Well, maybe one needs to look at the definition of the word "adverse" for starters ( the definition is negative enough :) )gleaned fromhttp://encarta.msn.com/dictionary_1861583846/adverse.html...

- unfavorable: creating unfavorable, undesirable, or harmful results
- antagonistic: acting with or characterized by opposition or antagonism
- contrary: creating momentum in a direction away from that desired


with words like "undesirable", "harmful results", even "antagonistic", who would want to pal around with someone like that, or be willing to take that kind of opinion or advice. Being a negative person doesnt really show a high self esteem. It's one thing to be "real" and another to be hateful, spiteful, and bitter. (Makes me wonder what happened to the bitchy-assed person in a past life and say ""whatEVER it is, I DIDNT DO IT so stop getting pissy at ME!!" but I digress)

Personally, I feel sorry for people who have a penchant for symptoms of "irritable life syndrome" (not exactly bowel-like in nature..but it takes on a personal connotation). I dont sugar coat the truth, but at least I dont have to be an asshole about it.

But if I WERE to be an asshole, and take sh*t personally, maybe it would be better said, "Probably no one wants to be bothered with your moody ass". But like I said, IF I were to be an asshole, and take sh*t personally :)

As Harlan Ellison ALSO said, “I don't mind you thinking I'm stupid, but don't talk to me like I'm stupid”

Ex plures , unus sententia(Out of many, one opinion). I'm certain there are more :)

[Bluebiyou]

Well, it's simple. A great example would be the old Monty Python 'argument' skit. Negativity would be simple contradiction. "An argument is a connected series of statements intended to establish a proposition."
So if people see you coming into threads and mostly just contradicting and scolding, that would give the impression of negativity (usually grown in a nice bed of anger). An argument would be less judgmental, stressing points of proof rather than repetitious delivery of judgments and abuse.


"That's five compartments! She can stay afloat with the first four compartments breached but not five; not five."

[12voltman59]

I think that when one person attacks another directly---that can be a negative thing--but being critical and having a contrary opinon or view on some subject is not a bad thing---we do need to not personally attack one another---
I do think a good spirited debate is a good thing---not something we should shy from.
I do find it interesting though--I do tend to make negative comments about some of the things I find most disagreeable that comes from the right wing-but generally I frame my arguments not against any specific person unless its some public figure like Rush Limbaugh or Ann Coulter-those people need all of the critical barbs sent against them as possible and I don't think they would have any problem in being "attacked" -that is the bread and butter of people of their ilk---

It does seem people have much thinner skins these days--and that is not only true here--but in society in general---I do think that since 9/11--that tendency has grown---

[FalconAngel]

As a society we have grown extremely thin-skinned. I blame political correctness because that has caused all of us to watch what we say and how we say things because someone might get offended.

To political correctness I say "bugger off". I was always raised to speak my mind and to be honest about things. If someone wants to take what I say out of context, then that is their issue, not mine and they need to grow up and deal with the real world for a change.
Not that I go around trying to offend people, but too many people think that if you say something using a common term, then you are being racist or anti-Semetic or something like that. That is not the case for most people. Why can blacks, here in the states use the word "nigga", which all agree is derogatory but if you're white you can't? Why can we not use that word to them without being accused of racism, but they can call whites "cracker" all day without being accused of racism?
It's because of political correctness.

Why are there shows touting women as perfect and men as all evil filling up the airwaves?
You guessed it. Political correctness.
Oprah, Sally Jessy Rafeal, Montel Williams all have their huge careers because of catering to that anti-(insert group here) political correctness in this country.
Not that they haven't done good, but focusing on helping any one group, because it is politically correct to do so, at the exclusion of other, deserving groups is a greater evil because it is prejudice disguised as "doing the right thing".

But it's not limited to that, either. They are just the most obvious ones. We, as a species, are being systematically programmed to be over sensitive and it's our own fault for going along with it.

Now I don't go around derogating blacks or women or any other group because of their race or religion or anything else.
I will derogate the INDIVIDUALS who deserve it.
I treat it like the cops see it; there are blacks, but the ones in jail are niggers. There are women, but the ones that disrespect men because they can are bitches and ho's.

For example; I've worked with women, both as coworkers and as supervisors. One particular job that I had, I was the only man in a department of 35 people. None of those ladies would ever hear me refer to them as bitches or Ho's. None of them deserved it, yet another job that I had, the supervisor was female and she constantly put men down (At least once an hour).
She, on the other hand, was a real bitch.

Now I'll admit that there are too many people that use those terms as a generality against others and they do mean it to derogate others, but that doesn't mean that everyone does, and those people are dwindling. Slowly to be sure, but they are dwindling.
But when we automatically assume that everyone who uses those words is using them to derogate an entire group, then we need to look at ourselves.
We can also look at how and when they use those words. Did they just call that person a raghead because he/she is from the Middle East, or did he refer to them in that way because that individual intentionally offended them? What was the context.

It is human nature to respect people until such time as they demonstrate that they no longer deserve it.

I can easily refer to some guy/gal, who clearly has no respect for others, with the appropriate derogation (nigger, dumbass redneck, jewish princess, raghead, etc.), but until they prove that they deserve to be treated with disrespect, I treat them to the same courtesy that I would want from them.

Political correctness has turned all those words that we use into such a major taboo, that we no longer can use them on the ones who deserve it, which fills the wrong people with an overblown sense of their own importance, which is also a matter of being oversensitive.
After all, we can't offend the deserving, can we?

As a people, we need to lighten up and stop taking so much so seriously. aren't there enough tings in the world to worry about? Do we really need to add this to them?

The excessively politically correct live in this fantasy world where everything is offensive and must be changed to suit their oversensitivity.

They need to lighten up and deal with the world instead of expecting the world to change to suit them.

Being oversensitive is like being allergic to everything. It is more work than fun. How can you enjoy the good things in life if you are worried about being offended at the slightest little thing? I know that I can't. Life is too short to worry about every little whip-stitch thing that comes along. Worry about the big things and the little ones take care of themselves.

Guess what, kids; the world is not full of sunshine, daisies and kittens. It is full of many things, some good and some not so good. Like the rest of us grown ups, the PC police need to grow up, deal with it and stop trying to make the rest of us as miserable as they are.

Just some things to consider.

[FalconAngel]

In response to my previous post it was, privately, asked of me why I don't use more common generic insults when some asshole deserves it.
That is a very fair question, so after starting to write back to the person, I thought "perhaps this needs public clarification before it becomes a flame war or something worse"

When I use those words it is when the usual "asshole, dumbass, jackass", etc. which I normally use, just are not enough.

When I use the more offensive terms, it depends entirely on the situation.

Usually the racial epithets stay in storage. I tend to use them in cases where I have to go extreme (the step before going nuclear) on some deserving asshole. Normally, I do refrain from using them, unless the other person uses them on me first. Then the gloves come off.

Example;
I had an instance where I was trying to fix a broken down van in a parking lot. Some homeless guy, who I had seen around before, walked up and asked if I needed help. I was polite and told him that I didn't need any help since it was a one-man job. He called me "dumbass cracker" and walked away, so I called him a dumbass nigger.

Like I said. it depends on the situation. I rarely, if ever, take the first shot when it comes to racial/gender/religion slurs.
For me to do so requires a major effort, on the part of the person who I use it against, to harm or insult me.

I actually try to avoid most confrontational situations because I know where they will end up.

I prefer to have debates on a subject rather than creating a situation where there will be an argument, so I felt that this point needed proper clarification.

[darkeyes]

Think me knows wotya mean bout arguments Falcon hun..but correct me if me wrong..is a debate wer ther is moren 1 view..an arguent?? Canya have a debate wivout an argument?

oo yea ya can..the Tory Party Conference every year... soz flippant...:tong:

[DiamondDog]

I'm seeing the word "Negativity" being thrown around alot lately. What is negative about someone voicing an adverse opinion?

What is with all the hyper sensitivity? All these advice threads and opinion threads are things being requested by other members, so if you ask for advice, opinions or just put yourself out there, please expect a response. Please expect that that response may not always be what you WANT to hear. If you are asking for advice, then you may even get , not what you want to hear, but what you NEED to hear.

Forums are for viewpoints and if interested in the topic, we are going to give ours. No one is getting relentlessly blasted or treated in a degrading, disrespectful or humiliating manner.

So why is this being labeled as Negativity? I'll leave it as this for now.. lets see where it goes.

Very well said.

People are also WAY too PC nowadays and get offended at things that aren't even real bigotry when someone's just offering an alternative opinion or they're asking for advice and someone tells them something that they don't want to hear or accept.

[Germanicus]

Hmm, I wonder ...

First, I think because the internet is essentially a faceless medium it can allow people to get carried away in their reactions in a manner in which they might not do in a face to face conversation.

Second, some people are just touchy about their "pet" topics. I've noticed that, to cite just one example, when anything remotely "critical" or not 100% enthusiatic has been said about polyamory, many polyamorous people get defensive. (Put your answers on a postcard or SAE as to why this might be ... )

Last, several people have said in this thread that if they say something and another person is upset by these comments, "its the other person's problem". Well, I disagree. I believe that people have to take the consequences of not only their actions, but also their statements. If someone becomes upset, perhaps its not their sensitivity which is the issue, but the manner in which the opinion has been said to them. I've found that those who think they can say what they like or believe in "honest communication" or "frank discussion", are often the first to complain when they are on the receiving end of someone else's "outspoken" opinions.

[FalconAngel]

Think me knows wotya mean bout arguments Falcon hun..but correct me if me wrong..is a debate wer ther is moren 1 view..an arguent?? Canya have a debate wivout an argument?

oo yea ya can..the Tory Party Conference every year... soz flippant...:tong:

Sure you can. It happens all of the time. It becomes an argument when emotion gets in the way of trying to make a point.

Arguments are almost always emotion based while debates are based on fact and logical, convincing statements.

[vittoria]

Sure you can. It happens all of the time. It becomes an argument when emotion gets in the way of trying to make a point.

Arguments are almost always emotion based while debates are based on fact and logical, convincing statements.

Therefore the difference between Kirk and Spock, but thats another conversation :) ( I prefer Spock myself... Kirk was 'in the vernacular' 'pimpin'')

[TaylorMade]

IMHO and my :2cents:

To answer the question of "What is negative about someone voicing an adverse opinion"


Well, maybe one needs to look at the definition of the word "adverse" for starters ( the definition is negative enough :) )gleaned fromhttp://encarta.msn.com/dictionary_1861583846/adverse.html...

- unfavorable: creating unfavorable, undesirable, or harmful results
- antagonistic: acting with or characterized by opposition or antagonism
- contrary: creating momentum in a direction away from that desired


with words like "undesirable", "harmful results", even "antagonistic", who would want to pal around with someone like that, or be willing to take that kind of opinion or advice. Being a negative person doesnt really show a high self esteem. It's one thing to be "real" and another to be hateful, spiteful, and bitter. (Makes me wonder what happened to the bitchy-assed person in a past life and say ""whatEVER it is, I DIDNT DO IT so stop getting pissy at ME!!" but I digress)

Personally, I feel sorry for people who have a penchant for symptoms of "irritable life syndrome" (not exactly bowel-like in nature..but it takes on a personal connotation). I dont sugar coat the truth, but at least I dont have to be an asshole about it.

But if I WERE to be an asshole, and take sh*t personally, maybe it would be better said, "Probably no one wants to be bothered with your moody ass". But like I said, IF I were to be an asshole, and take sh*t personally :)

As Harlan Ellison ALSO said, “I don't mind you thinking I'm stupid, but don't talk to me like I'm stupid”

Ex plures , unus sententia(Out of many, one opinion). I'm certain there are more :)

Maybe adverse isn't the right word here... After looking at the thread that may have kick started this one (http://main.bisexual.com/forum/showthread.php?t=4544).... I disagreed with the tone you took with v2h. He DID have some very relevant things to say. He didn't wrap his iron fist in a velvet glove, true... but does it make it any less valid?

I submit it doesn't. It's like a spanking. Damn that shit hurts, but eventually, it's good for you. Like CuddlyKate said, sometimes negative can be positive. We find our triumphs and our growth through adversity. If you can't get through life w/o a spanking, you(General "you" here) have some thin skin indeed.

*Taylor*

[31cho]

I have noticed there's a lot of personal stuff going on lately.
I have read the "thread that may have started this one" (I wonder how you came across such knowledge), and I noticed that the one to start "spanking" any one was this "v2h" person. Quite frankly I thought it was uncalled for. Telling someone how to talk and type and treating them like shit is no excuse. (See posting rule number two.. flame the IDEA not the PERSON. How to type properly wasnt the IDEA. So, v2h attacked the person)

If it was off topic, then it was off topic. So what. Big deal. Everyone said what needed to be said as far as they were concerned and went about their business.

It seems that someone(or someones perhaps) want to stir up a beesnest that is better left alone...

And thats my opinion . Dont care if you like it or not.

[31cho]

And by the way... I KNOW winter is here... people get grumpy because it's cold... can't anyone find something better to do than sit around picking fights with people on the internet? Go skiing or something --go to the library. Get in a semester of college for Christ sake. Jeez.

[31cho]

Maybe adverse isn't the right word here... After looking at the thread that may have kick started this one (http://main.bisexual.com/forum/showthread.php?t=4544).... I disagreed with the tone you took with v2h. He DID have some very relevant things to say. He didn't wrap his iron fist in a velvet glove, true... but does it make it any less valid?

I submit it doesn't. It's like a spanking. Damn that shit hurts, but eventually, it's good for you. Like CuddlyKate said, sometimes negative can be positive. We find our triumphs and our growth through adversity. If you can't get through life w/o a spanking, you(General "you" here) have some thin skin indeed.

*Taylor*

It's the thin skinned ones that are pitching such a bitch, and trying to get at people through the forums. I thought these things were for something other than grandstanding. The ones with sense leave the crap alone.

And that's my final thought, for I'm leaving the crap alone.

[TaylorMade]

I have noticed there's a lot of personal stuff going on lately.
I have read the "thread that may have started this one" (I wonder how you came across such knowledge), and I noticed that the one to start "spanking" any one was this "v2h" person. Quite frankly I thought it was uncalled for. Telling someone how to talk and type and treating them like shit is no excuse. (See posting rule number two.. flame the IDEA not the PERSON. How to type properly wasnt the IDEA. So, v2h attacked the person)

If it was off topic, then it was off topic. So what. Big deal. Everyone said what needed to be said as far as they were concerned and went about their business.

It seems that someone(or someones perhaps) want to stir up a beesnest that is better left alone...

And thats my opinion . Dont care if you like it or not.

"May have", does not indicate absolute knowledge... it's a supposition that shows that you're giving me too much credit.;)

CC asked WHY he wasn't getting any responses. V2H gave a possible reason why that happened... CC responded with F-bombs and a later accusation of racism which he has YET to back up. If ANYONE flamed anyone- if anyone acted thin skinned and negative, it was CC with his baseless personal attack of racism.

It's your opinion, but you know what they say about opinions. . .they're like assholes. Everyone has one.

*Taylor*

[TaylorMade]

It's the thin skinned ones that are pitching such a bitch. The ones with sense leave the crap alone.

And that's my final thought, for I'm leaving the crap alone.

Looks like your sense kicked in late. ;)

*Taylor*

[Bluebiyou]

Although sometimes negativity is appreciated, lashalane! You're comment in reaction to the trouble I've had at work (poisoning and vehicle tampering) helped me in my decision to do something about it. Your comment was definitely negative. AND your comment hastened my action/decision. I work for a huge company and just ....pant pant pant... submitted a 6 page complaint form directly to the home office. The offending party probably has a week of employment left! It may backfire and Cleopatra may kill the messenger, but... I did the proper thing... and I'm certainly not going to take any more crap.

[lashalane]

Although sometimes negativity is appreciated, lashalane! You're comment in reaction to the trouble I've had at work (poisoning and vehicle tampering) helped me in my decision to do something about it. Your comment was definitely negative. AND your comment hastened my action/decision. I work for a huge company and just ....pant pant pant... submitted a 6 page complaint form directly to the home office. The offending party probably has a week of employment left! It may backfire and Cleopatra may kill the messenger, but... I did the proper thing... and I'm certainly not going to take any more crap.

Um.. who are you?

[lashalane]

Just so ya'll know this thread wasn't created to refer to any particular thread. It was a general question raised from things that I have been reading here.

I appreciate the different viewpoints, but I definitely see the division. I look forward to us continuing to be ourselves. I was hoping that someone wouldn't decide that they were evil and start begging for forgiveness. I am very pleased to see that we are all comfortable with whom we are.

Even if I don't agree with some, I really just wanted to see a thread with a bit more depth.. thanks to all that have participated thus far.

[lashalane]

Just so ya'll know this thread wasn't created to refer to any particular thread. It was a general question raised from things that I have been reading here.

I appreciate the different viewpoints, but I definitely see the division. I look forward to us continuing to be ourselves. I was hoping that someone wouldn't decide that they were evil and start begging for forgiveness. I am very pleased to see that we are all comfortable with whom we are.

Even if I don't agree with some, I really just wanted to see a thread with a bit more depth.. thanks to all that have participated thus far.

[darkeyes]

Sure you can. It happens all of the time. It becomes an argument when emotion gets in the way of trying to make a point.

Arguments are almost always emotion based while debates are based on fact and logical, convincing statements.
Naaaa... Ya don get me wiv that 1 Falcon... an argument is a simple difference of opinion wiv tween parties...

Oxford English Dictionary: Reason Advanced (for,against proposition or course of action).

Maybe Websters say different.

Been in enuff arguments 2 know difference tween an argument an a rite gud ole barney, believe me.. been in enuff of late!!!

Soz hun only playin.. am not reely a rite pedantic cow.. jus a bloody daft 1...jus bein niggly..mood me in.. soz gain.. muah...

[31cho]

Looks like your sense kicked in late. ;)

*Taylor*

No time for flame warriors like you thanks :) Iggy on ;);)

[phaedrus]

Isn't it really just a matter of respect? If someone says "I disagree with you", that's one thing, but if someone says "You are stupid for saying that", then it becomes more of a personal attack and the gloves come off.

Along the same lines, I have seen posts where someone implies that someone isn't [patriotic|American|Christian|insert your own words] if they don't take a certain stand on a subject. This again is disrespectful. This originator of those comments is stating that they are somehow better than you. You have a right to be offended when someone directs those kinds of comments toward you or your group.

I think it's fine to voice disagreement, but just don't make it insulting.

I think we have a new situation in the Internet Age that I call Anonymous Familiarity. That's a situation where you become familiar with another online person and lower your normal inhibitions of interaction, but there is also a degree of anonymity that tempts you to say things that you normally wouldn't say if you were meeting that person face to face.

Of course, there are some people who just don't care what they say, and don't care who they offend, but I think the majority of people do care.

[lashalane]

Just so ya'll know this thread wasn't created to refer to any particular thread. It was a general question raised from things that I have been reading here.

I appreciate the different viewpoints, but I definitely see the division. I look forward to us continuing to be ourselves. I was hoping that someone wouldn't decide that they were evil and start begging for forgiveness. I am very pleased to see that we are all comfortable with whom we are.

Even if I don't agree with some, I really just wanted to see a thread with a bit more depth.. thanks to all that have participated thus far.

[darkeyes]

Even if I don't agree with some, I really just wanted to see a thread with a bit more depth.. thanks to all that have participated thus far.

This part of ya post def caught me eye Lasha hun...for a quite wile me been thinkin bout jus how few issues of ne substance wiv ne depth weve had 2 hav a gud ole barney about..an mayb learn summat wich mite enlighten us..

Now ne who knows me knows me is a fun luffin lil tart who laffs a lot an adores banter wiv me m8s..rude an ne otha kind.. but as peeps also know me has a serious side wiv strong opinions an beliefs on a lotsa more important issues than wot songs in me head, or wer me go me hols, or how often dus me go 2 loo.. trivia wich is fun..but not reely of gr8 import in gr8er schema things.. its not jus sexual passion wich stirs me but passions for many otha issues wich affect us as sexual beins or simply as human beins. As me types on openin forums page ther r jus 2 or possibly 3 serious topics for us 2 reely try an gauge opinion on...

Now me not sayin that liter more trivial things aint valid...far from it...we get 2 serious..an peeps will soon get fed up an eff off... but surely ther r betta things 2 discuss than wot cola knickers we have on or wot musical artists we like...

Have neva been that proactive in startin serious threads..am a much more reactive kinda person..but am gonna havta try an do summat 2 at least give those of us who can b of a more serious bent summat 2 get our teeth inta...

[Skater Boy]

As me types on openin forums page ther r jus 2 or possibly 3 serious topics for us 2 reely try an gauge opinion on...

Now me not sayin that liter more trivial things aint valid...far from it...we get 2 serious..an peeps will soon get fed up an eff off... but surely ther r betta things 2 discuss than wot cola knickers we have on or wot musical artists we like...

Have neva been that proactive in startin serious threads..am a much more reactive kinda person..but am gonna havta try an do summat 2 at least give those of us who can b of a more serious bent summat 2 get our teeth inta...

Frances, my advice would be for YOU to start a more serious thread or two every now and again. After all, you're one of the more intelligent and socially aware members on this site, and we wouldn't want you to get bored of our daily routine of discussing how big a particular penis is, or whether its more fun to be a "top" or a "bottom". I have to admit, that whilst I do find some of the more trivial threads vaguely interesting, its always good to provoke serious thought, and we do need to remember that this site is not JUST about sexual matters, but rather life itself. And life itself is probably THE most important and complex thing, which truly deserves thinking about. So... if you feel the need... act on it, and start some more interesting threads. I'm sure those who have an opinion on what you say will be quick to share it.

[darkeyes]

Frances, my advice would be for YOU to start a more serious thread or two every now and again. After all, you're one of the more intelligent and socially aware members on this site, and we wouldn't want you to get bored of our daily routine of discussing how big a particular penis is, or whether its more fun to be a "top" or a "bottom". I have to admit, that whilst I do find some of the more trivial threads vaguely interesting, its always good to provoke serious thought, and we do need to remember that this site is not JUST about sexual matters, but rather life itself. And life itself is probably THE most important and complex thing, which truly deserves thinking about. So... if you feel the need... act on it, and start some more interesting threads. I'm sure those who have an opinion on what you say will be quick to share it.

Not so long ago Skater ther wer always a few reely gud barneys..me jus thot it wos silly season cosa summa..summa ova..silly season keeps goin.... am thinkin hun...don u worry...

[chook]

Think me knows wotya mean bout arguments Falcon hun..but correct me if me wrong..is a debate wer ther is moren 1 view..an arguent?? Canya have a debate wivout an argument?

oo yea ya can..the Tory Party Conference every year... soz flippant...:tong:

I would love to get into a massdebate with ya :tong:


Cheers Chook :bigrin:

[Fresia]

The good old days.
i like Skater Boys way of thinking.