Can Open....Worms Everywhere....OPENING UP THE RELATIONSHIP

[truelove201]

Last weekend my wife went out of town to meet up with a guy she met online. They've developed a supportive friendship, but sex was definately on the table and although she indicated it might not happen, I knew it was done deal. I can't be there for her sexually as I'm coming to terms with my own sexuality, but understand she has needs.

I struggled with the whole trip, but tried to be supportive of her by letting her go and now find myself feeling very upset. I have trouble looking at her and don't know what to do next. I don't know how to get past this feeling.

[the mage]

Remember, sex is a physical NEED in normal people.
It is part of love but it is not the foundation.
If you are bi then you are also dealing with the fact that she had a man and you did not so there is jealousy involved too.
Do not let your own struggles (your words) prevent your Lady from having a full and experiential life or she will resent you just when you need her support in your own searches.

Love her mind because you can indeed possess a part of it, but it is HER body, let her love it as only she can....

[kk-n-tk]

Sounds like your wanting a monogomous relationship to us. You need to either let her do her thing when she is away and do your thing when she's gone. You might want to try to do something together. Might bring your relationship closer you never know. Good Luck with your travels were ever they take you.

[ambi53mm]

One thing is for certain TrueLove..."This too shall pass"...We Live to Learn, as we Learn to Live.

Safe journey to you both
Ambi:)

[Aravanww]

I know exactly where you are comming from True. My wife and I went through those same feelings and I can only tell you this.
Do not let this tear you apart. Work through the feelings and remember that she is having them too when you are with a "friend".
What my wife and I eventually realized is, Sex is just sex. Nothing more, nothing less. The love you have for each other is based on the friendship that you have built. We are partners for life, even if WE never have sex with each other ever again. But sex, eh it is mostly a physical need, but not neccessarily an emotional one. The emotions are nice to have so you are not spending your time in pointless one night stands, but it does not effect the way you feel about each other. Remember it was love and trust that lead you to allow this to begin with.. move on with that basis.
thats my :2cents:

[someotherguy]

Before you open the can of worms, you should discuss what you will do with the worms. If you open it without having a plan then the worms will take over and you will need to be de-wormed. Too late now, it sounds like. I suggest you buy a bag of gummy worms and take turns eating them until things sort themselves out. Never be afraid to introduce an element of absurdity anytime taking yourself seriously causes you problems.

[DiamondDog]

I suggest you buy a bag of gummy worms and take turns eating them until things sort themselves out.

Regular gummy worms or sour? :bigrin:

[truelove201]

I just wanted to put in an update on this...since my weekend away things have really improved between us. We/I learned alot from my experience. It was so different from what i thought it would be. The person I was with has become a great friend to me and i will always have a place in my heart for him as a friend. Being with him reminded me that i was still desirable and that any issues my husband was having were not my fault. (I know that should have been obvious but hey i'm learning here).

It also squashed my fears that you can't be with another person without falling for them. Although i care for him I'm so in love with my hubby. Even more so after the experience. I couldn't wait to come home to him.

It reminded me that sex can be fun and exciting but it isn't love and that you can go home to your loved one and love them the same.

It opened my eyes to the fact that he can explore his sexuality and still love me and come home to me and share a life with me. That was so very important. I know opening up the relationship is always a risk and of course i wish we could play together. Perhaps some day we can/will. For now I see this is something he has to do for himself, by himself and i have to love him and respect him and trust him enough to let him do it. Just as he did with me. I'd be lieing if I said it wouldn't hurt to know that I had to be excluded however...the sacrifice in the end will only bring us closer. Of that I am sure.

[innaminka]

What a lovely reply - the first letter was full of uncertainties, doubts and even a little self pity.
The follow up is positive and understandings of each other's needs as a person and a partner have obviously been explored.
To mutual benefit.
The problems bisexuality can cause in a relationship can be not only overcome, but add to the relationship if both partners are able to communicate in an atmosphere without negative overtones.
You did it, my husband and I did. How each couple goes about it is almost certainly unique - I doubt if there's a manual, but you're on your way a loving couple with one partner being bi.
Well done.

[Doggie_Wood]

Regular gummy worms or sour? :bigrin:

Buy 1 small bag of each and mix 'em up good - That way you can laugh at each other (and yourselves) when ya get a sour one and yer face gets all skrunched up. :bigrin:

[truelove201]

Damn I feel like gummy worms today.

[BreeIsMe]

Wow, what a great learning experience for you two. Such a positive thing is rare these days but it sounds like the basic thing is that you two love each other and true love will overcome all else..


Bree

[truelove201]

That's what i am hoping. That true love...will be the glue that holds us together on our bumpy journey. Having people such as those on this site to support us and help us through helps so much as well.

[Doggie_Wood]

Truelove201 - although my one reply was an extention of humor began by one who extended the humor of another. I, like 'someotherguy' it seems, take events in my life seriously. However, I do attempt to not take myself or other things too seriously that it causes difficulties. And when I feel things going to a negitive imbalance, I attempts to through a bit of humor in, and look on the lighter side of things.

Back to you, I agree that the two of you are headed in a positive direction in your lives. I truely hope that you have a mutually enjoyable journey. And always have fun in whatever you do.

:doggie: