living in 2 worlds [Archive]

buffy619

Oct 12, 2007, 8:58 AM

DiamondDog

Oct 12, 2007, 9:21 AM

I don't compartmentalize myself that way or think of things in a dichotomy like that.

Like the idea of thinking of myself in terms of gay or hetero or the idea that I'm somehow separated from others because of my sexuality.

Did your ex girlfriend know that you're married? Did your wife/husband know that you have a girlfriend?

I'm not flaming you or anything but I can see why your ex girlfriend did this.

I personally would not want to get involved romantically or have a relationship with someone who is married to another person and has a stronger relationship with that person and always will than with me, I'd feel like I was never really a part of their relationship or that I had a real relationship at all with one of them, and in some cases they'd have more legal rights with that person who they are married to than they would with me.

Lisa (va)

Oct 12, 2007, 11:57 AM

Please don't flame me as this is just my opinion. I am bi and married and faithful. For those that can make it work, I'm happy, but for me I just can't have the same degree of emotions for more than one person: and this I don't believe is fair to the outside party. Thus I can understand your friends frustrations as we all have emotions and most of us can hide them, but we can not control them.

Lisa

hugs n kisses

void()

Oct 12, 2007, 1:15 PM

I understand how some may view it as unfair to an outside party. It may well be unfair. Life itself exists in a state of unfairness.

Let's explore an opposing view though. It's unfair to those capable of genuinely loving more than one person, that many do not risk involvement due to unfairness to themselves. The situation presented as such reminds me of a Spanish proverb.

Look for the perfect ass and you are it.

They were speaking of burrows. Suppose you needed to cross a vast plain using a pack animal, would you spend your life seeking the perfect one? Now place a bit of desperation, you need to cut the correct wire to disable a bomb.

Froze up? Unable to decide? Would it help to know you've only three seconds before it blows up taking out the orphanage? Is that unfair?

Bisexuality and loving more than one person is similar. Some of us decide to not decide and choose a simple way. "Cut all the damn wires at once!" At least you're bound to get the correct one by default.

Yes, it's unfair to everyone. Who said anything in life worth having was easily attained? Love, true and pure without conditions, honestly does take a great deal of work. Is it worth that? Yes and it's a price gladly paid.

So try not being a perfect ass and denying the obvious. Nature, Providence or Whatever Powers That May Be see fit to make life so for a reason, because even in life's imperfections, unfairness it is still perfected life. You just need to get from point A to point B after all, any ass will do. Apologies for the sexually inferred pun there, but eloquence and diplomacy escape me this morning.

The short version; Life and love are unfair, live and love anyway because honey, it's all you got. And remember, it's not ever easy unless it's worthless.

Excuse me now, my penny is spent. Off to enjoy living, loving, laughing, suggest everyone try a bit for themselves, you might like it.

onewhocares

Oct 12, 2007, 5:07 PM

Buffy, this is a most interesting question. For me, personally, it has been a struggle. By nature I am a very caring and open person. I am not one to play games or say something that I do not mean.

Hubby and I have been on this site now for just over two years. Our initial intent was to try and find a man who would be interested in a long term relationship with hubby. What I did not expect was my attraction to men who have come into our lives. Several men over the last two years have in one way or another come into our lives, be they attracted to me or hubby. A relationship developes and we begin to care about the other person. Then for one reason or another-mostly we have determined that the other man has not come to terms with what he himself wants and when he does we are left feeling empty. There have been times when I look to myself and ask what I have done to push him away, in the end I have been told it is not me but rather their own insecurities. Part of the problem is that most if not all of the men that we have met have been married and this is a side of themselves which they choose to keep secret. Hubby and I have the distinct advantage of being able to communicate with each other. Express our dreams, frustrations, insecurities, desires with each other, the other man does not have some one he can talk to.

The first man whom I became involved with is a wonderful man whom I credit for opening my eyes to a world outside of my own. He, hubby and I shared many special times but he and I developed a deep and lasting friendship that has grown over the last year and a half and he is an important part of my life. Hubby let me be me and share times alone with my dear friend as a romantic couple. Things changed about a year ago when our friend trusted me enough to share the fact that he wanted to be a woman. To say that I was surprised is natural. I did feel sad at the loss of a sexual relationship with a man but saw my feelings for my friend intensify as I share his journey to womanhood with him. His (now HER) road ahead is long and uncertain and filled with obstacles. But he knows that he not alone. For in the end it was the person inside that I fell in love with and whom I am honored to call friend.

The current man that hubby and I share is at the moment going through some rather difficult times personally. Even though we have known him for well over a year, he has yet to confide in us...to lean on us for support, comfort or just a shoulder to cry upon. Does this hurt us, yes. For we are in the dark and we are thinking only the worst. To say to someone we are involved with...we will play with you but not have feelings for you.....that is NOT something that we do, or represents the people we are. At this point, we have done all that we can possibly do to help and now have to sit back and hope that the situation changes and he will return to us. That is uncertain for sure. Hubby is in love with him which makes it harder still.

I have been most fortunate to have a genuine true friends on this site whom I have no physical relationship with who are a very intricate part of my life. Some people assume that we do, but that is ok. My very best friend is here and I would be sad if he were not part of my life.

I guess when I look at myself, the kind of woman I am I guess I see someone who has and enourmous heart which has many places for people to be in. Just when I do not think that my heart can hold more love, in walks a Jester who lightens my soul, has my heart and is a vision for the future. I cherish each and every moment I spend with him, in person, on the water, on line and in words. I truely am a blessed woman.

Sorry for the long ramble, but those are my thoughts. Not eloquent or contrived, just of the heart.

Belle

the mage

Oct 13, 2007, 6:05 PM

just a question for everyone who is married and bi? do u feel sometimes like u live 2 different lives. im wondering cuz my girlfriend just broke it off with me cuz she said she cant handle the way i live 2 different lives. she says its to frusterating for her. and im curious y is it so hard for us to try and make things work out when the other doesnt want to try. any comments would be very helpfu.
thanks buffy619

.................I am in an open Relationship and neither of us feel torn.
But you know your last sentence covered it ....
If its not a nothing hidden honest to the core friendship from the start its tough to work it when you're BI. Its a rare bird that knows its play. Intense, and craved, but its physical, not love. That is different...
Most do place love and sex in the same plane.

buffy619

Oct 18, 2007, 11:57 AM

thanks to all who left me advise it was helpful. and i have another ? for u all i talked to my ex again and aked her what happened and ehat changed and all she could tell me was im sorry i didnt want to hurt u but i was just pretending and i asked y and she said i didnt want to hurt u. any comments would help me out

Kuragxo

Oct 18, 2007, 12:20 PM

I don't because my partner knows I'm bi... She knows about the people I am attracted to and I know those she is. We are very loyal to each other and love each other deeply without a bit of jealously or possessiveness. Yet, paradoxically, we have been monogamous.

Does this make any sense?