If anyone here is into BDSM/Fetish- D/s, I have a question...

[TaylorMade]

What makes a dom(me) or a Submissive? Is it inborn, or just the dynamic in the relationship you're in. . .can you be a Domme in one relationship, the submissive in the next?

I ask because last week, I found myself whipping my ex-boyfriends ass with a riding crop while he licked my boots, begging me for more. I'd never done anything like that before... it caused me to really pursue this question.

Would appreciate the help. Thx.

*Taylor*

[DiamondDog]

Some people are born into their prefered role, some become or discover it, and yes it's possible to be a switch and be dominant with some people and submissive with others for different activities.

[TaylorMade]

Some people are born into their prefered role, some become or discover it, and yes it's possible to be a switch and be dominant with some people and submissive with others for different activities.

Thank you, DD. That's all the answer I needed. :)

*Taylor*

[mistymockingbird]

I agree 100% with what DD said. It's like anything else involving sexuality, there's always a potential for fluidity.

I had always thought of myself as a dom. Never considered subbing at all till I met someone who brought that side out of me. Even so I figured it was a dynamic unique to my relationship with him. Until I met another person very recently who also brings that side out of me. I fought it for a while but have decided that I'm just more switchy than I'd given myself credit for. I still prefer to be the dominant one but I can't ignore my sub side any longer.

My best friend is a psychiatrist and also involved in the leather scene. We've had many long talks about the psychology behind bdsm. If you wanna talk further in private, let me know.

[TaylorMade]

I agree 100% with what DD said. It's like anything else involving sexuality, there's always a potential for fluidity.

I had always thought of myself as a dom. Never considered subbing at all till I met someone who brought that side out of me. Even so I figured it was a dynamic unique to my relationship with him. Until I met another person very recently who also brings that side out of me. I fought it for a while but have decided that I'm just more switchy than I'd given myself credit for. I still prefer to be the dominant one but I can't ignore my sub side any longer.

My best friend is a psychiatrist and also involved in the leather scene. We've had many long talks about the psychology behind bdsm. If you wanna talk further in private, let me know.

Thanks also for the help... I'll probably discuss this in depth with you sometime soon, Misty. :)

*Taylor*

[phoenix11664]

In BDSM circles, some people debate the nature vs. nurture thing. Are you born as dom, sub, or switch? Or is it something that you develop or choose based on your life experiences? Or a combination of the two? I think a lot of people contain both dominant and submissive inside of themselves. I consider myself primarily submissive. I see this in the role I take in relationships too. I learned to be "the good boy" growing up, so to some degree this relates to my desire to sexually please my partner and be dominated by them. But in my relationship, the girl I was with brought out dominant tendencies in me sometimes that I didn't even know I had. A few times, she had to stop me and tell me she wasn't comfortable with how far I was taking things (my language, voice tone, being a little rough, etc.).

Some cities have BDSM social groups. And some of them are on yahoo groups. I know the one for my area has a nice, active email list where people can ask whatever questions they have about BDSM. My experiences with the group have been very friendly, accepting, and supportive. So you might seek out something like that where you live. And remember to keep things Safe, Sane, and Consensual. :)

[pasco_lol_cpl]

I dont know if I can clarify what DD said. Some folks seem to be inclined towards one or the other. My wife is a sub and cant dom. Im a dom/ swithc. I will say that we have observed this: A lot of them women we have played with who were subs were also in their professional lives very type A personality, go getters, successful at what they did. So why have these women tended to be subs? Could be that they are seeking a safe release, an area where they dont have to be powerful and making decisions. Keep in mind that this is just a personal observation and guess. I have nothing to support what I just said. Im only expressing an opinion based on observations form an untrained eye.

[darkeyes]

I will say that we have observed this: A lot of them women we have played with who were subs were also in their professional lives very type A personality, go getters, successful at what they did. So why have these women tended to be subs? Could be that they are seeking a safe release, an area where they dont have to be powerful and making decisions. Keep in mind that this is just a personal observation and guess. I have nothing to support what I just said. Im only expressing an opinion based on observations form an untrained eye.
Not quite sure of the psychology of it pasco hun, but do think ther summat in wotya say.... me a pretty strong, sum wud say go getter, ambitious kinda gal, sum overbearin an gobby.. wiv strong opinions an beliefs.. an yet wen it cums 2 sex wivout doubt me prefers 2 b the submissive partner. Am not Taylor, for ur info inta full blown BDSM, but dus like a lil element of it in me sex life...

Don get me rong me can switch..an luff it... can, an dus take control of the sesh an use it 2 make both of us hav the time of our lives..but deep down much prefer it the otha way... have often tried 2 think wy this is..bein quite the opposite of the way I am in life, and only thing me can cum up wiv is more or less wot u say pasco... ther is, mus b an element of selfishness in this...cos at times me jus luffs it all cummin my way...

[MarieDelta]

I have read that the submissive person is , in actuallity the one in control in a D/s relationship.

The submissive usually chooses from a menu of choices provided by the Domme and then sits back and enjoys the ride.

I think that is why the more controlling ("type A") personality tends to be the submissive one.

[darkeyes]

I have read that the submissive person is , in actuallity the one in control in a D/s relationship.

The submissive usually chooses from a menu of choices provided by the Domme and then sits back and enjoys the ride.

I think that is why the more controlling ("type A") personality tends to be the submissive one.

God on 1 side me gets called Lil Ms Vanity an on otha now me Lil Ms Bossy Boots..... me jus cant win

[MarieDelta]

God on 1 side me gets called Lil Ms Vanity an on otha now me Lil Ms Bossy Boots..... me jus cant win

Pooor baby ;)

we luffs ya anyhow, you know that...

[the mage]

I have read that the submissive person is , in actuallity the one in control in a D/s relationship.

The submissive usually chooses from a menu of choices provided by the Domme and then sits back and enjoys the ride.

I think that is why the more controlling ("type A") personality tends to be the submissive one.

.....................this is called topping from the bottom and a couple engaging in it is usually inexperienced in lifestyle D/s. There are ALWAYS rules to play by, specially at a party, but beyond calling "red" a true sub has given up the control most eagerly. THAT IS the whole point. Tied and blindfolded is just that...
The TRUST my good gawd, the trust needed for serious play is huge..
........... the pain is quite real and quite luscious...a good Dom/me can take a willing sub to sexual bliss as no other experience....

[darkeyes]

[QUOTE=the mage;80797 a good Dom/me can take a willing sub to sexual bliss as no other experience....[/QUOTE]
:bigrin:

[Sarasvati]

A person kneeling down and receiving can very easily be in the dominant role.

I love to be submissive to sexual pleasure itself.

Sexual experience for me is supping at the lips of an intoxicant.

It is beguilingly potent, it takes you over and consumes you, it tears you apart and binds you together too. It lifts you to a higher state or at least, leaves you naked staring into the mirror wondering who you've become, who you thought you were. It can be metamorphic, it reveals. But does it make you wise....? I'll ask a drunkard.

Dom and sub are two sides of the same coin to my mind. You can see either role from differing angles of perspective.

I have played both roles at the same time myself but to anybody who entices me I am at their mercy - even if they are on their knees in front of me.

I don't believe in viagra. If the magic of the natural intoxicant called sexual pleasure is not there then give up and do something else.

Many people approach sex in a functional, mechanical manner....such people will have no idea what I am talking about.

Sexual experience is a mental/emotional event rather than a purely physical one.

[izzfan]

Although unfortunately I have not been able to practise any BDSM activities with anyone (except for some experimentation with self-bondage) due to the fact that I don't know anyone in/don't know where to find the BDSM community. I would have to say that I am a strange combination of dominant and submissive and that BDSM forms a reasonably large part of my sexuality.

At times I would like to be dominant in a bondage situation but at the same time I would also like to be the submissive one. I guess I would ideally like to experience both roles simultaneoulsy but it depends on set and setting.

If I am in a 'normal' everyday state of appearence and mind then my instict tends to be towards wanting to be dominant if I ended up in a bondage situation. However, if I am 'en femme' (cross-dressing) then I tend to find myself a lot more on the submissive side of the spectrum [ this only really applies to bondage/self-bondage] although that's not to say that my crossdressing is only about BDSM- there are some BDSM elements to it but it is not entirely to do with BDSM...there are many complex reasons some of which I don't really understand [like why I'm sometimes more confident when 'en femme'].

As for anything like whipping etc... I'm not really THAT interested in it but I am open minded, chances are, in terms of whipping,caning etc... I'd probably want to be submissive [regardless of whether I was cross-dressing or not]. Just a preference I guess.

More importantly regardless of whether I was dominant or submissive I'd have to be with people who I could really trust in such situations and who could really trust me. In many ways I would like to be in a loving relationship before I practised any BDSM (although visiting a mistress/dominatrix does seem like an appealing albeit expensive idea) but I reckon that one of the many things that has kept me single is my worry of how people/partners would react if I said I was into BDSM [I'm still mostly in the closet about my interests in BDSM].

I guess, with me at the moment, it is probably more BDSM fantasies than anything else.

Izzfan :flag2:

[anne27]

I tend to be Domme with men and submissive with women. I am at the point in my life now where I would find it extremely hard to be submissive with a man. I won't even attempt it.
On the other hand, I have a friend visiting soon who wants me to Top her in a full scene. It should be fun, but I've never done it before.

My suggestion is to try everything that you think may interest you, Taylor. See what fits you best. Life is after all a buffet. Ya gotta sample to see what you like.:2cents:

[darkeyes]

I tend to be Domme with men and submissive with women. I am at the point in my life now where I would find it extremely hard to be submissive with a man. I won't even attempt it.
On the other hand, I have a friend visiting soon who wants me to Top her in a full scene. It should be fun, but I've never done it before.

My suggestion is to try everything that you think may interest you, Taylor. See what fits you best. Life is after all a buffet. Ya gotta sample to see what you like.:2cents:

So it is ok for me 2 nip ova ur place then Anne???? tee hee:bigrin::tong::female:
:female:

[anne27]

So it is ok for me 2 nip ova ur place then Anne???? tee hee:bigrin::tong::female:
:female:

Absolutely!:tong:

I have some new fun toys I've been dying to try out :bigrin:. You game? ;)

[darkeyes]

Absolutely!:tong:

I have some new fun toys I've been dying to try out :bigrin:. You game? ;)


:bigrin::bigrin::bigrin::bigrin::bigrin::bigrin::b igrin::bigrin::bigrin::bigrin::bigrin::bigrin::big rin::bigrin::bigrin::bigrin::bigrin::bigrin::bigri n::bigrin::bigrin::bigrin:

[swans]

One of mine

[darkeyes]

One of mine

Sod that for a gama soldiers!

[Sarasvati]

Maybe I am over sensitive but I found swans "attached thumbnail" utterly disgusting.

I will not listen to any justification of it - it is ghastly.

I ask that his thread be removed.

Sensitivity isn't weakness and i am pissed off that there is a screen between me and swans and anyone else like him.

[swans]

Sorry if I offended you but the thead was about bdsm/ fetish and I, like many others, share fantasies of being wrapped in plastic/ latex etc or having SAFE fun with our partners with vacuum beds. The picture is just an example of someone using, what is described as, breath control. This is not as weird as it may first appear to those with less kinky bdsm/fetish fantasies and is, when done with the strictest safety, very erotic. I am lucky to have two like minded bi friends who all enjoy acting out this type of bdsm fantasy with me when we get together but it is always done VERY carefully. I admit it is not to every ones taste. Sorry again if I upset you.

[darkeyes]

Sorry if I offended you but the thead was about bdsm/ fetish and I, like many others, share fantasies of being wrapped in plastic/ latex etc or having SAFE fun with our partners with vacuum beds. The picture is just an example of someone using, what is described as, breath control. This is not as weird as it may first appear to those with less kinky bdsm/fetish fantasies and is, when done with the strictest safety, very erotic. I am lucky to have two like minded bi friends who all enjoy acting out this type of bdsm fantasy with me when we get together but it is always done VERY carefully. I admit it is not to every ones taste. Sorry again if I upset you.

Cant say ya offended me Swans hun.. tho S seems sumwot put out... jus its not summat me wud eva dreama doin.. Knows wy peeps do it..apparently heightens the experience an the power of orgasm as ya get a shortage of air 2 the ole brain... it can b a VERY dangerous thing 2 try, an wile me pretty well inta havin a lil danger in me life...placcie bags ova me head stoppin me from breathin aint 1 of em... peeps hav died from this particular lil adventure... an it shud neva b attempted alone, tho for Chrissakes peeps do... bit hard ta rip a placcie bag ofya nut wenyas unconscious..an peeps 2 pass out duriin the experience...

Am not an wos not condemnin ya..only expressin me own opinion that it aint summat me wud do... u jus make sure ya do it wile ya m8s r ther or at least sum 1 ya trust very very much...:)