kcunderwhere
Oct 28, 2005, 11:25 AM
Hello all! I saw a "transexuality" thread back in June, but since I am new (and hopefully there are other new people with experience) I wanted to ask some more questions...
I am a bisexual transgendered guy (male-to-female)...or at least I could be, should be, would be... Here is a highly abbreviated history so you know where I am coming from:
(Warning - cliche coming!) Since I was 3-4, I knew I was different... :bigrin: In 1977, at age 7, I had a Star Wars Play-Doh set, with molds of Leia, Luke, Darth, and someone else. I loved to make a Luke figure, then put him in the Leia mold and make him into a princess. :girl: In 1982 when the movie "Annie" came out, I used to walk to school singing "Tomorrow, Tomorrow" and cry because I wanted to be Annie. By 12-13, I was crossdressing. I used to spend countless hours daydreaming of magically transforming into a girl. Nobody ever suspected anything - I was your typical "boy".
By 18, I was going out by myself dressed. At 20, I went to the somewhat famous "Walk on the Wild Side" boutique in Toronto for a makeover...the owner asked if I was transitioning (which I was not), because she thought I was very convincing. My bisexuality actually did not manifest until later in my 20's. I didn't have my first m-m experience until my mid-20's, and they were all with me in my "female persona".
So, now I am in my 30's - married for several years, have a child, house, and living as a "manly man". My wife knows about the transgenderism, but I have assured her I can ignore it (for the most part) and we don't talk about it. OK - this is probably not the healthiest situation for me to be in... Although I know social pressures influenced my decisions over the years, I never set out to deliberately deny my transgenderism. I didn't get married to "prove I was a man" or anything like that. I have always wanted children. Fortunately (or unfortunately), I have always been very strong willed, and don't entirely hate my "male" self.
I love my wife and child more than anything in the world. I can be very happy as a man. But, those feelings and thoughts never go away...I think about it daily. While I am definitely not at a critical exploding point, I have to wonder if I will start losing the battle with my transgenderism as the years go on? It is the same story you hear over and over...30-40 something guy, married with kids, decides he is gay/trans/whatever and loses his family to be whatever he wanted to be.
I know this isn't a transgendered forum, but much of this applys to bisexuals as well. Are there other transgendered bisexual people here, or are there others here in a similar situation? How do you deal with it?
Thanks for indulging my long post and letting some stuff off my chest! :)
I am a bisexual transgendered guy (male-to-female)...or at least I could be, should be, would be... Here is a highly abbreviated history so you know where I am coming from:
(Warning - cliche coming!) Since I was 3-4, I knew I was different... :bigrin: In 1977, at age 7, I had a Star Wars Play-Doh set, with molds of Leia, Luke, Darth, and someone else. I loved to make a Luke figure, then put him in the Leia mold and make him into a princess. :girl: In 1982 when the movie "Annie" came out, I used to walk to school singing "Tomorrow, Tomorrow" and cry because I wanted to be Annie. By 12-13, I was crossdressing. I used to spend countless hours daydreaming of magically transforming into a girl. Nobody ever suspected anything - I was your typical "boy".
By 18, I was going out by myself dressed. At 20, I went to the somewhat famous "Walk on the Wild Side" boutique in Toronto for a makeover...the owner asked if I was transitioning (which I was not), because she thought I was very convincing. My bisexuality actually did not manifest until later in my 20's. I didn't have my first m-m experience until my mid-20's, and they were all with me in my "female persona".
So, now I am in my 30's - married for several years, have a child, house, and living as a "manly man". My wife knows about the transgenderism, but I have assured her I can ignore it (for the most part) and we don't talk about it. OK - this is probably not the healthiest situation for me to be in... Although I know social pressures influenced my decisions over the years, I never set out to deliberately deny my transgenderism. I didn't get married to "prove I was a man" or anything like that. I have always wanted children. Fortunately (or unfortunately), I have always been very strong willed, and don't entirely hate my "male" self.
I love my wife and child more than anything in the world. I can be very happy as a man. But, those feelings and thoughts never go away...I think about it daily. While I am definitely not at a critical exploding point, I have to wonder if I will start losing the battle with my transgenderism as the years go on? It is the same story you hear over and over...30-40 something guy, married with kids, decides he is gay/trans/whatever and loses his family to be whatever he wanted to be.
I know this isn't a transgendered forum, but much of this applys to bisexuals as well. Are there other transgendered bisexual people here, or are there others here in a similar situation? How do you deal with it?
Thanks for indulging my long post and letting some stuff off my chest! :)