I'm new...and feeling very confused

[Alwayssearching1985]

I can honestly say that I'm not sure what I am, than I found this site. When I was younger I would find myself looking at girls in my class the same way I would look at guys I had crushes on. I'd always let my mind stray than I would shake it off and push it back because I thought it was "wrong". I would always tell myself, "I'm not gay, I like guys." And for a while the thoughts wouldn't even cross my mind, than "out of nowhere" they'd reserge again. I found myself wondering what it'd be like to kiss my bestfriend (a girl). That freaked me out even more, because I wasn't just thinking girls were cute...I was thinking of actually doing "physical" touching. That'd come and go much like my thoughts of girls...than in high school I found myself beginning to fantasize about what it'd be like with a guy...and a girl...at the same time...at first it'd be just a guy than the girl was added. I'd find myself getting off to this. Afterwards, I'd feel some bit of shame...why? I could never say. I hated feeling like that. I've had crushes on girls and guys a like...and I've always been able to connect easier with girls for some reason. I've only been kissed once, and it was a guy. That left me confused as well, I was expecting something great when I was kissed...I didn't feel anything, except for an over welming desire to get away from him. He kissed me two more times in a row, and I pretty much "ran" (not literally) from him. It left me confused and I found myself very dissatisfied with it all. I've never been on any kind of date, I'm only in my early twenties. I've also been "one of the guys" in and throughout school...I was always the "female friend" of the bunch.
If any of you can help me figure myself out? Or offer advice...Or what do I sound like to you? I'm sick of feeling this way...Anything would be great.

[shameless agitator]

Welcome aboard. I think you'll find this to be a comfortable little family to hang out with & we have lots of great people on here. Unfortunately (or maybe not), none of us can answer your question. Only you can figure out your sexuality is you. What you've described sounds like bisexual attractions, but is it possible you're actually a lesbian and the attraction to guys is just social conditioning? I'm not saying that's the case, but it's something you may want to consider. I say just accept whatever attractions you feel, act on the ones you want to & don't worry too much about labeling yourself.

[onewhocares]

Welcome to the wonderful world of Bisexual . Com. Hubby and I have been here two years and as SA stated above, there are lots of others who are in your shoes. I guess I would take it one day at a time and try the best you can. The best place you can be is here where people are open, friendly, welcoming and most importantly been in your shoes. I have been blessed with so many great people I have met here, on line and in person.


Belle

[darkeyes]

Gay str8 or bi or owt else...don matta 2 us.. but wot mattas is that ya goes through the journey of discovery that every human bein goes through an finds who an wotya r... if we can help in jus the littlest way then we glad 2 do so hun. We not such a bad lot.. a few tarts, pervs an arseholes but we all been ther eitha strugglin 2 find ourselves or strugglin 2 help those we luff.. welcum 2 insanity.com

[the mage]

You are staying very quiet about your self. The hidden profile etc., so i dont know your exact age, but I'll say this....
Please do not be afraid of your self. Your sexuality is clearly not drawn down the neat line of heterosexual and "normal".
There is no need to fear that or hide from it.
Different is not "dirty" or "sick". It is you.
As it is me, and all "THEM" too.
Explore your sex in safety, do not hide from it.

[Alwayssearching1985]

Thanks to everyone who's replied...I appreciate all of your kind words. I just discovered this place so I'm trying to get a feel for it. You've made me feel welcome.


You are staying very quiet about your self. The hidden profile etc., so i dont know your exact age, but I'll say this....
Please do not be afraid of your self. Your sexuality is clearly not drawn down the neat line of heterosexual and "normal".
There is no need to fear that or hide from it.
Different is not "dirty" or "sick". It is you.
As it is me, and all "THEM" too.
Explore your sex in safety, do not hide from it.

I'm actually 21. And it's not that I think different is "dirty", but it does scare me. Why? I'm not sure. In terms of sexuality I've always felt to his or her own. But...with me...I don't know. My father, whom I'm no longer close to, was always bigoted towards gay people, especially gay men. He used the "f" word quite a bit. Not sure if that had an effect on me, and my mother has even said off handedly...things like "So is there a guy you like, or girl I'm open to that." Than she laughed. She's also said, last time I spoke to her something like, "I know what attracts you to guys and girls..." She didn't even laugh. I almost spit out my soda I was drinking. Maybe it was a slip on her part. I've never mentioned any of my confusion to her. Overall I desire to make connections with people who are kind and who I find myself drawn too. I hate feeling this confusion...I'm just glad I know now I'm not alone. I've felt alone for a while.

[the mage]

There is an element of singularity, or aloneness in all of us.
We cannot stop that feeling when it hits but there is a human comfort in knowing its not a solitary experience.
You're not alone in feeling alone...how Catch 22 is that..
Do your best to seek out people who are able to be open and honest about themselves to you as you are to them.
When you're bisexual, or gay, it is difficult sometimes to find trustworthy people who share your values, but don't stop trying.
At your age you have a lot of flexibility. Its a big world, relocation is physically easy if it comes to that.

[quietbi]

Hello always... I can understand the point with your Dad. Mine used to say 'no poofters' and when I was about your age said 'i know you don't fancy girls'. Actually though I was very shy and self conscious and didn't think I was fanciable...which of course is a self esteem issue. I'm 43 now and grappling with all sorts having only ever had relationships lasting about 3 months with only a handful of women. And I've had a few fun times with men in person and online which has confused the hell out of me too. I know I want to be with a woman longterm but with the bisexuality in the background it does confuse me and when I opened up to an ex, she was rather surprised to say the least...she still stood by me though but ultimately I felt I had compromised myself and it fell apart. Having just discussed this all with a counsellor she told me 'i think you probably are gay.' Thing is I would not want a long term male partner...much rather have a female but as my female counsellor said to me there is this other stuff 'in the mix'. I accept it's there but is does trouble me a lot..and I will be working that through with her over the next few weeks. I hope that helps do bear in mind you might need counselling just so you can overload you thoughts..I have avoided it for years because I guess I didn't want to be told certain things. All the best.

[fortyniner1]

Welcome friend. . .We here at Bisexual.com are here to find something. It may be answers or friends or both. Some like to find sex, as you will see when you browse around a bit. Some want to reach out tell their story. We are ranging in age from 18 to infinity. It seems that each person's acceptance of themselves varies, as our immediate culture does leave its imprint on us. It is trying new things, thinking new thoughts, reading, writing things out, talking to others that enhances our lives. You will find somewhere that someone has lived your experience, however hard that is to believe. Love yourself, live fully each day and we are all here for you, with hope, support and acceptance. We don't always agree, but at least we are damn funny!!:2cents:

[darkeyes]

[QUOTE=fortyniner1;80037]Welcome friend. . .We here at Bisexual.com are here to find something. It may be answers or friends or both. Some like to find sex, as you will see when you browse around a bit. Some want to reach out tell their story. We are ranging in age from 18 to infinity. QUOTE]

An as ya will soon find out 49er is age infinite...tee hee:tong:

[AdamKadmon43]

We not such a bad lot.. a few tarts, pervs an arseholes .....

That would be me ! :tongue: :)

But welcome aboard.

Adam

[tracie18]

Hello and Welcome aboard.
i am only new too but i have found this site to be a comfortable little place hang out. meeting people who accept who you are is really good. i have been in a smiller spot as you, i all always cheack out girls b4 guys and have more girl friends then guys, but i went with wat i felt comfortable with and that was girls for me, but Only you can really figure out your sexuality is you. What you've described above sounds like bisexual attractions, but it could also possible you're actually a lesbian. but dont change your feelings or who you are just to make other people happy.

love ya

[darkeyes]

....my mother has even said off handedly...things like "So is there a guy you like, or girl I'm open to that." Than she laughed. She's also said, last time I spoke to her something like, "I know what attracts you to guys and girls..." She didn't even laugh. I almost spit out my soda I was drinking. Maybe it was a slip on her part. I've never mentioned any of my confusion to her.

Me mum is often the butt of the Fran jokes.. as if yas eva in chat or got 2 know me betta ya wud find out. She can b fussy, overbearin. very domanatin an luffs nowt more than tellin ya ya house is mucky an 2 get out the hoover! She 1a them that luffs 2 point out every lil smudge on ya coffee table...

But she is also a warm hearted, funny an luffly ole bag me eva so glad 2 hav as me mum... ur comment bout ur mums throw way remark may or may not say summat bout how smart urs is.. mums tend 2 b that.. smart.. pains in the arse they r for it 2..mine is ne way... wy o wy is the ole cow always rite???? Wen me finally plucked up the courage 2 tell me mum an dad... she jus smiled knowingly an sed 2 me dad.. "told u.. no grandchildren will ever come out of her!"

The old bat still 2 this day harbours hopes... not that me goes str8..God she cudn give a sod bout that..jus that sum day me drops on er lap a lil babba wich is mine... me partner an me hav a babba, er child not mine... an she fusses bout that lil girl like ya wudn believe.. but deep down she wants er own grandchildren.. an tho me not er fave child... me a daddy's girl... its me she wants 2 deliver er of a grandchild most... she will hav a long long wait..tee hee

[Cantaloupe Island]

I also used to feel very dirty after thinking about gay things. What's odd for me, is that my parents aren't homophobic at all, yet I was quite homophobic. I guess I was terrified of myself. I guess I just stopped being such an ass to myself, and realized that I loved being Bi. So really, you have to first be comfortable with yourself.

Cheers

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

Hon, you arent sick. You are merely uncertain about love and sex. Its nothing to feel shame over, or to be embarressed about, either. Most of us are raised with the notion that same sex relations are "wrong, immoral, twisted and sick" Not so.
At one time or another a great many people have, and do, feel an attraction towards the other sex, and its perfectly alright to experiment with sex and emotions. It doesnt mean you are a sicko, or a deviated pervert, tho.
What you need to do is to find someone that you feel comfortable with, and who is attractive to you and expand your experiances. But dont just jump off into the Bi-pool, so to speak. Start off slowly, then build up to actually having sex. Keep a totally open mind, and enjoy the experiance. Sometimes playing with a couple can be a wonderful thing, too. That way you can discover the diversity of having both, and can discover the pleasures of giving and Having. :}
Good luck on your search and enjoy.
Cat.

[bluehorse]

Hello everyone. Thanks for the company. It's nice to be able to relate to someone about these things. I was never interested in guys before my current partner. We've been monogamous for a little over a year. My attraction to men has grown and I've become more comfortable with it, but I really miss having relationships with women. My partner and I only saw each other a couple of times a month (long distance) until the last six months. Lately, though, I'm really struggling to feel comfortable in an exclusive homosexual relationship. I think I would like to have an open relationship but I'm worried about destroying my current one. Part of the issue is that I'm young (26), inexperienced (with men, anyway), and not ready to settle down. When I talk to my partner about wanting to act on my attraction to women, he generalizes all interests outside the relationship, as though I'm simply not managing sexual distractions very well. My partner was previously married and still identifies as bi but is no longer interested in women. Has anyone else had trouble being open with a bi partner? Why can't I seem to feel okay with where I am at the moment?

[ErosUrge]

A lot of what I add to this has already been covered by others but can't help being repeated as I indulge in giving you what 'wisdom' I can. I myself have been bi all my life, but it took me 30 years to actually come to terms with it and completely accept it. This was through a multitude of experiences. I was afraid to admit to myself that I truly enjoyed both sexes. For me it was confusing because I knew in my heart of hearts, I wanted a woman for a long term and in depth relationship, but I couldn't shake my desire sexually for men either and that's all I needed or wanted from men. It's still the case today. That's not to say I'm not close to men....I have certain males that are like brothers to me, but we're not sexual. And those men I have sex with, though friends our relationship is primarily sexual. The difficulty for me even today is making a connection or finding a woman who is willing to accept this about me in a devoted on going relationship without the fear that I will leave for a male....but of course, if she understood me she would know this would not happen. Anyhow, this is my situation and not yours.
My advice would be to take things slowly and experience things as they are presented to you. And yes, you're the only one who can determine for yourself what your sexuality is and what your own parameters are. Being bisexual, if that is your case, can be very confusing. But in another sense, it is extremely rewarding. Above all, love yourself and be good to yourself. The answers will come.

And Bluehorse, it seems to me that your partner is trying to limit you to his own agenda and what he expects...if your attractions for women are still alive, don't deny this or it could get more complicated and cause more problems. I would offer this and perhaps it's inaccurate, but while your partner was married it seems to me that he himself was 'not managing his attractions' very well if he ended up dissolving his relationship with his wife to be with those of the same sex. It seems like a bit of a double standard is happening here. It's difficult to say though since I don't know all the inner workings of what you two share. Ultimately, like all of us who are bi, you will be the one to determine for yourself what it is that YOU need and not what others dictate. I wish you well in your journey.

[laylaman]

I can honestly say that I'm not sure what I am, than I found this site. When I was younger I would find myself looking at girls in my class the same way I would look at guys I had crushes on. I'd always let my mind stray than I would shake it off and push it back because I thought it was "wrong". I would always tell myself, "I'm not gay, I like guys." And for a while the thoughts wouldn't even cross my mind, than "out of nowhere" they'd reserge again. I found myself wondering what it'd be like to kiss my bestfriend (a girl). That freaked me out even more, because I wasn't just thinking girls were cute...I was thinking of actually doing "physical" touching. That'd come and go much like my thoughts of girls...than in high school I found myself beginning to fantasize about what it'd be like with a guy...and a girl...at the same time...at first it'd be just a guy than the girl was added. I'd find myself getting off to this. Afterwards, I'd feel some bit of shame...why? I could never say. I hated feeling like that. I've had crushes on girls and guys a like...and I've always been able to connect easier with girls for some reason. I've only been kissed once, and it was a guy. That left me confused as well, I was expecting something great when I was kissed...I didn't feel anything, except for an over welming desire to get away from him. He kissed me two more times in a row, and I pretty much "ran" (not literally) from him. It left me confused and I found myself very dissatisfied with it all. I've never been on any kind of date, I'm only in my early twenties. I've also been "one of the guys" in and throughout school...I was always the "female friend" of the bunch.
If any of you can help me figure myself out? Or offer advice...Or what do I sound like to you? I'm sick of feeling this way...Anything would be great.

It is not only confusing for young people but older ones as well.

[MarieDelta]

The first step is to accept yourself.

All else follows after that.

The first step can be the hardest most treacherous place. Often we find ourselves wanting to please others and in doing so give up pieces of ourselves. That doesn't work, eventually you will come to find that those pieces meant more to you than you thought.

Anyways , http://i194.photobucket.com/albums/z84/mariesophia66/welcomeW.gif to the site.

Hope to see you around.

Marie

[popchic]

I'm new too and I've been really confused about this for a while. I feel the same way, and when I have done things like make out with a guy, it didn't feel like I had expected. It was just some physical motion for me... I think I had to mentally make myself enjoy it.

I have numerous friends who have asked me if I am bi, or told me they wouldn't be surprised if I was. They say things like "if you were though, we would support you." And I don't even know what to say.

My mom feels that any type of behavior other than heterosexual is wrong. If she sees or hears something referring to say two girls or two guys she is appalled and wants it turned off like it's some sort of a disgusting crime. And not only am I for equal rights, but I also feel a bit personally offended when she says these things. I think she is one of the main reasons for me not exploring this at all. Because I'm afraid that even If I was to find out I was a lesbian or bisexual, I wouldn't be able to tell anyone. My entire life and friendships are based around my church, and I just have this feeling like I would be looked at differently.

I know you can't really help me, but it's just nice to know other people feel the same way.